Alice in the Land of Steam

Chapter 156 Would it have been better if I had shed tears at that time?

When the princess of the kingdom was born, she was cursed with an evil curse. The dark world feared her power and tried to put her into an eternal and silent sleep to extinguish a seed of light. So from that day on, no matter where the little girl went, she could not do without the light.

She could only stay in sunny places during the day. If it was cloudy or rainy, she would ask the maid to light a kerosene lamp beside her, and she would curl up in the dim light with her knees hugged, staring at the gloomy sky in a daze. At night, when her peers could snuggle in their parents' arms and enjoy the warmth of family affection, she could only stare at the fluorite and candlelight in the room in a daze.

As the only heir of the Leslie royal family, the honor and favor she received was unique in the entire kingdom. In order to keep the shadow of darkness away from his daughter, the old king even ordered that the princess's palace be lit with shining lights all year round, day and night. This decision increased the annual fluorite consumption of the Kingdom of Bemang by 10%. In other words, the princess alone possessed one-tenth of the kingdom's light.

However, the darkness brought by the curse is not limited to this. The princess has been lonely since she was a child. Although the old king insisted that her fear of darkness was a disease, he found a knowledgeable scholar to be the princess's teacher. He pulled out all the plants in the palace garden and replaced them with fragrant violets, trying to use the mysterious "flower therapy" to cure the princess's illness. However, most people in the kingdom prefer to believe the astrologers' claims, believing that this is not a disease, but a curse.

If it wasn't a curse, who would tremble at the sight of darkness, or even dare not look directly at their own shadow? Even light elves who were born from light and were naturally friendly to light could get along with darkness naturally, and would never go to such an extreme extent.

Therefore, those who believed in the astrologers' words could not help but look at the princess with a little more sympathy and pity, and even a deep-seated fear. No matter how harmless the princess acted, she was always a symbol of curse to them, so they instinctively rejected and alienated her, and were used to caring for her with words, but reluctant to comfort her with actions. Even children of the same age did not dare to communicate and play with her because they were in awe of the princess's identity or afraid of the curse.

At that time, the old king was busy looking for a way to lift the curse or cure the disease, while the queen was troubled by the disease and stayed in her room all day and never went out. Without the care of her parents, the princess still felt lonely despite the company of her teacher, and grew up in a lonely environment. There were many times when she felt inferior and felt that she was insignificant, not loved by her father, not loved by her mother, and perhaps not loved by everyone. If no one in the world loves her, would it be better to leave here?

What changed her mind was an impulsive action and the consequences of the action. Perhaps she heard the palace maids talking about her curse through the corner of the wall, accompanied by some pessimistic speculations; or perhaps the violets she carefully cultivated in the garden withered one after another due to a rainstorm that she could not intervene... In short, at that moment, she suddenly felt very sad and lost, and no longer wanted to love this world. So she quietly locked herself in the room and turned off all the lights.

In that instant of darkness, the little girl was surrounded. She felt very painful, her breath was burning, her heart gradually stopped beating, and her body kept falling down, sinking into the endless abyss. When she was almost suffocated, a gentle voice told her in her ear: If you die here, it will make those who love you deeply sad. Do you want them to be sad, Olivia?
She didn't know who would be sad for her, but she inexplicably listened to the comfort of that voice, and struggled to open her eyes, and found herself lying on the bed, and her father was looking at her with surprise and joy. Even her mother, who was bedridden, dragged her weak body to her room, and hugged her when she saw her daughter wake up, and told her in a hoarse voice how worried and scared she was, and how much she hoped that she could wake up safely... It was in such a warm embrace that the princess suddenly realized that she was indeed loved, perhaps not by this world, but by some people in this world.

She concealed her intention to commit suicide and only mentioned it to her teacher, saying with guilt that she was immature and did such an impulsive thing. The teacher asked her if she would do it again in the future.

"That's courage, Princess." The teacher smiled gently and stroked her cheek. "It's easiest to abandon everything and leave alone, because cowardly thoughts will make you want to run away. Cry, shed tears, and then walk away; but it's difficult to say 'I want to survive'. If you can't still face the cruelty of this world bravely, you can't say such words, right?"

The princess's expression at the time seemed to indicate that she understood but not quite, because she was still a long way from the age where she could comprehend those profound truths.

Later, the princess was about to have her coming-of-age ceremony. During this short but long childhood, she read a lot of books and felt that she might understand the truth of the world. She also gradually got used to the dark curse and knew how to get along with the people around her. She originally thought that life would get better day by day, just like the flowers and plants in the garden. However, misfortune struck again. Her shadow split into countless evil beasts, devouring the light of the kingdom and bringing endless darkness.

……

Of course, she shook her head and said she would never do it again. Why? Because she felt that living in this world was not such a sad thing.

As a result, the possibility of "disease" no longer existed, and the father, who was exhausted from searching for a cure for the disease, had to agree to the astrologers' request and built a closed castle on a remote high cliff to imprison a certain eternally unknown darkness.

However, I also remember this sentence: Facing the cruelty of the world bravely and saying "I want to live" is a kind of courage.

He told his only daughter about this with a guilty and self-blaming heart, but the princess's expression was very calm, as if she had expected such an outcome. She nodded gently and said, "Okay, I understand, father." Just like she had woken up from a coma ten years ago and comforted her parents with a weak smile, "It's okay, I'm fine, father, mother."

Later, after the castle was built, the old king and his daughter stood on its highest point and looked down at their land shrouded in darkness. Due to the rush of time, the castle was not luxurious, or even comfortable: it was built with cold stone walls and airtight corridors. In order to prevent the darkness from leaking out, there were not even windows. The entire castle had only one room with a bed, a lantern, and countless candles.

In the years to come, the princess could only rely on them for light. The old king felt sorry for his daughter, but the princess said, "It doesn't matter, father. I have them to keep me company, so I'm not lonely. I also have my own books, and I can read them when I live alone in this castle. You know, father, there are endless books to read, so loneliness also has a limit."

The old king looked at her with sad eyes: "But this way of life is too tiring for you."

"I don't feel tired, father." The princess said softly, "If you get used to it, you won't feel tired."

"Habit……"

The old king repeated his daughter's words in a low voice, and suddenly felt that habit was the most terrible thing in the world, because it sometimes made people forget what the world should be like.

He was silent for a while, and when he spoke again he asked, "Olvera, do you want to cry?"

"Crying?" The princess looked confused: "Why are you crying?"

"Nothing, but I remember that you seldom cried." The old king sighed, "Sometimes I wonder, is it because you have been a sensible child since childhood and don't want us to worry about you? Or is there any reason why you don't want to cry? Please forgive me, Olvera, I am an immature father and I often forget some important things. I didn't remember to ask you until today."

"I never thought so. In fact, I always thought that you are the best father in the world." Olvera looked at her father seriously and said word by word, "As for why I didn't cry, it's because my teacher once told me that it's easy to abandon everything and leave alone, cry, shed tears, and then walk away. But it's also cowardly. Only by bravely facing the cruelty of the world and saying "I want to live" is courage. I want to become a brave person, father."

"I see……"

The old king turned around, and it was only then that the princess realized that he was not as tall and broad as she had imagined, and that he was not as reassuring as she had imagined. Instead, he looked a little hunched and decadent, as if he had been bent by the years. The death of his beloved had taken away half of his life, and now the remaining half would also leave him and go to a very far place, perhaps one that he would never be able to reach in his lifetime.

He reached out his hand, gently stroked his daughter's soft long hair, and asked in a low voice: "Your teacher is right, but what if I want you to cry?"

The princess asked in bewilderment, "Why, father? Do you wish me to be a coward?"

"No, Olvera."

My father shook his head slowly. His words, along with the wind blowing through the castle's stone bricks that day, gradually dissipated into the unknown depths of memory: "I just want you to know."

“Be sad when you feel sad, be helpless when you feel helpless, cry when you want to cry, and face your tears bravely.”

“It’s also a true act of courage.”

　Give me some meow
　　
　
(End of this chapter)