Crossing the Continent in the Eighteenth Century

() In summer, on the vast plain, after a light rain, the ears of rice glisten in the sun, and smoke rises from the villages beside the small mud road.

It was at this noon when the farm work was put down for a nap, and the bells of a church standing on a small slope in the distance rang.

This is the final farewell of a soul leaving this world, and it also pulled me out of my thoughts and back to reality.

On the opposite side, in the shadow cast by the cross, an old man was lying peacefully in a coffin, his mustache still flamboyant.People who came forward to take a last look at him, with the dazzling array of medals on their decent military uniforms, recounted the great achievements of the old man in the past.

The honorary high-ranking warlord, Provadas Cebaras, is not an ordinary old man, let alone a simple soldier.In fact, as early as the first time I saw this old guy, I instinctively felt that he was not simple.

In fact, anyone who sees an old man on a horse with dazzling gold teeth has a similar feeling.It's just that the more tragic scene is yet to come, that is, this old guy with a mouthful of gold teeth, who was flirting with a sheep-herding village girl on the side of the road who was old enough to be his great-granddaughter, and made the little girl blush.I don't quite know what happened to that little girl.Anyway, all I know is that every few months, there will be a new batch of village girls who are harassed by him.

Messy private life, low taste and vulgar language, but it's undeniable that old scumbags are tough.Brave, fearless, and a first-class general, this is the most common evaluation of the old man in the eyes of laymen; an outstanding cavalry commander, in adversity, calm and tenacious, his sense of victory, few people can match him Confrontation, the command of the cavalry is in his hands, which is the last bargaining chip for victory. The above are the impressions of many generals who have worked with the old man for many years.In short, this old scumbag should be a rare general talent.However, sometimes I feel that the old man is more suitable to be a politician than a general if it is not because of his low birth.

Who made this seductive old man so thick-skinned.

I still remember, when I was nine years old, the old guy opened his mouth to say this sentence.

"Women are the scariest creatures in this world!"

The old guy's thinking is like a storm in the open sea, unpredictable, whatever he thinks, but when he came out like this, the people present at that time were all wide-eyed and stunned, there was no way, it was too unexpected!

The old guy who grabbed everyone's attention didn't intend to let go of such an opportunity.

"You also know what I look like now." It seems that the old man is self-aware of his own image in everyone's minds, "I was not like this before. I used to be a fierce general in the battlefield. I haven't seen any big scenes. Even if an iron bullet flies over and smashes all my teeth, I can continue to command the battle without changing my face, even if the hemorrhoids on my butt broke out that day, I can lead the cavalry to charge."

Using the front teeth to fight a shell that flew from the front of the head, and riding a horse to command the cavalry to charge while enduring the pain of hemorrhoids are the two things that the old guy likes to brag about most in his life.But every time the old guy mentions these two things, I can always feel that the veterans standing nearby have black lines on their heads and twitching corners of their eyes just like me.Your sister, you think this is a cat and a mouse, the shell hits the face, can ignore the laws of physics, and only knock out all the teeth?

"But look at me now! This is what happens to women!!!" The old guy blew his beard and stared, with a bitter and vengeful expression on his face.

A group of terrified underage aristocratic boys lamented the horror and lethality of women for a while, but not all of them were idiots.At this time, a brave kid jumped out to expose the old guy's lies!That wasn't me, his name was Constance, and he was specifically targeted for a long time afterwards.

"Since you know the horror of women, why do you still like to approach women so much?"

"This is the most powerful thing about women!" The old guy's appearance at that time was so immoral that he specially chose to tell ghost stories in the middle of the wind and rain. This is especially true for beautiful women, once you fall into it, you will never be able to extricate yourself! So, little devils, don't get close to women, this is an advice from an old man who was raped by a woman!"

In a sense, the old guy is right, but he may have underestimated how bad he is in everyone's impression, so that the impact caused cannot be explained clearly in words.It is said that the next day, a few older teenagers among our unlucky ghosts broke up outside the manor with the peasant girls and sheep-herding girls who were flirting with them. .Since being hooked up by them, I seldom talk to the old guy.

It seems that I roughly understand the whole story.I have to say that the thick skin of the old guy makes me admire like a torrent of water. As for the cleverness and farsighted strategic vision of defending the territory of the Communist Party of China and never wearing a green hat, I feel more or less those The helplessness and trembling of being an opponent of the old guy.

As a good scholar who applies what I have learned, I resolutely kept this astonishing discovery secret, and no one said it.Until now, the unlucky ghost who had been with the old guy has always regarded his words as the truth.Women are scary, don't get close to them, and even if you get close, you must be vigilant at all times, especially beautiful women, they are even more high-risk items.Probably women have been equated with nuclear radiation she in those guys' minds, if they know there is such a thing as nuclear radiation she.

When the bell ended, everything returned to silence. People around me took off the brims of their hats to express their silent condolences.

Regarding the death of the old guy, we were all surprised the moment we received the notice.If we think about it, the scourge will last for at least a few more years. Who would have thought that he would just leave like this.However, in this world where the average life expectancy is only 50 years old, it is a miracle that the old guy can live to almost 80 years old.Sure enough, it is because good people don't live long, and evil is long-lasting?

As for the reason for the old man's death, it is very embarrassing.Because it was an operation that led to his death.The operation could have been entirely avoided.About half a year ago, we visited his house, and someone expressed the hope that he would come out again.The people who said this were more out of compliments. Everyone knew that the old guy was getting worse and worse recently, and the hemorrhoids were so severe that he couldn't ride a horse.But the speaker didn't mean it, and the listener meant it. As soon as the old guy heard it, he immediately said that there is no problem, hemorrhoids or something, just need to have an extirpation operation.

We have heard a little about this operation. A young and strong person is almost dead after the operation, and the recovery process after the event is basically a hell-like torture. More importantly, the recurrence rate is very high, and many people basically die. With all the thoughts, with the old guy's age and physique, I'm afraid there will be no scum left.

"Will a veteran of the empire like me be scared away by an operation?! You underestimate the will of a veteran and the idea of ​​dying for the country! Besides, when I was young, sir, I didn't see any big scenes!! You just Go back, wait, and see that the uncle will teach you little devils a lesson!"

Then, the old guy performed hemorrhoid removal surgery with the consciousness of sacrificing his life for the country.From the end of the operation to the half a year before his death, he has been recuperating in this small town near the sea.However, in this battle of personal will and physical conditions, the old guy lost.After supporting for half a year, he finally died of infection of the postoperative wound.

Thinking about it, the old guy must be very unwilling, you know, his wish has always been to die on a woman's belly.In his own words, the heroic general died on the battlefield, and the successful general died tragically on the belly of a woman, so people like him must die on the belly of a beautiful woman.

It's a tragic ideal, but what is the situation of dying from an infection in a hemorrhoid removal operation?Well, probably, he is not a successful general, but a veteran with a personality.Until he died, the old guy with a high fever was still dreaming of riding a horse across the battlefield and bragging to the recruits about his dream of commanding the cavalry charge with the pain of hemorrhoids.

"Glory to him!"

Hearing this cry, we bowed to the perverted old man who had been with us for five years, from the age of seven to the age of twelve.

Afterwards, several other people and I carried the old guy's coffin to the cemetery outside, where a acupuncture point had already been dug for his coffin.The dust completely sealed the coffin in the priest's final blessing, and the glory of his era was buried with the old man.

Veterans don't die, they just wither slowly, and the words of that American big pipe seem extremely weighty at this time.

A tombstone was placed in front of the old guy's cemetery, and the inscription on it was probably the old guy's last wish. This may be the most serious thing the old guy said in his life.

"I was lucky and unlucky. I was fortunate to participate in the great war decades ago, but unfortunately I couldn't wait for the next one. Yes, I smelled the familiar smell again, but this This time, I am sorry, my motherland, please forgive me for taking a step ahead of the war and leaving you first."