Xinyiwu: Originally

Chapter 48 My Pain Only You Can Share

When Wu Jiang left, he closed the door gently, but there was no sound inside the door.

"Is it a pity?" Cheng Zheng broke the deadlock first, "It seems that I accidentally ruined your good deed." "Accidentally?" Su Yunjin didn't think about it, unwrapped the instant noodles he just bought and rushed to the kitchen quickly After cooking a bowl, he placed it in front of him with a thump, and the boiling hot noodle soup spilled on the back of his hand. He flinched and didn't wipe it off.

"You eat, and leave after eating." She restrained her anger, put on an emotionless mask, and said coldly, "Eat, if it's not enough, I'll cook you another bowl."

Cheng Zheng didn't move his chopsticks.Looking at the half-eaten bowl of noodles she cooked for Wu Jiang, it contained eggs, vegetables, and even two shrimps.Cheng Zheng ate the instant noodles from her for a month, except for the seasoning packets that were delivered, there was never any embellishment in the noodles, not even oil stars.The two kinds of treatment compete in a bowl of noodles.

"Why don't you eat it? Didn't you die if you missed a bowl of noodles? Do you want to eat it or not?" Su Yunjin picked up a chopstick of noodles and was about to force them into his mouth, her voice was a little unstable.

Cheng Zheng pressed down her hand and threw the table in front of her, "What's so good about him?"

"At least it's better than you." Su Yunjin's words seemed to be squeezed out between her teeth.

"The poor man doesn't understand the style. Aren't you just in a hurry to find a man? Why bother to pretend to be noble, and just say it out?"

"It's rare that you understand me." Su Yunjin sarcastically said.

Cheng Zheng got up and gently put his arms around her waist, put his lips next to her ear and said, "If you just want a man, I can make it."

Su Yunjin laughed back angrily, "You are so free tonight, don't you need to accompany your girlfriend?"

"You don't have to worry about this, it's not like you haven't done the third party." His words were already on her lips, and then he kissed her hard, scalding her with his unique heat.

Su Yunjin panted and moved her lips away from him slightly, "But what if I would rather be a third party than turn back? Do I need to remind you that we broke up long ago. You said it yourself, you don't want me anymore .”

Cheng Zheng put his hand on her face and said half-truthfully, "What if I say I regret it?"

"But I didn't." Su Yunjin said word by word, she slowly took his hand away, and a certain part of her heart was cooling down.

Cheng Zheng's body was tense, his breathing was heavy, but his expression was a little confused, and he was no longer as tough as before. "Su Yunjin, teach me how to fall in love with another person again and again." He lowered his voice, "Really, teach me how to be as heartless as you."

Su Yunjin turned her back to him, and replied softly: "I'll teach you. It's actually very simple, all love can be strangled, as long as you are desperate enough."

"You told me despair? It's been four years, I told myself, I don't want you, without you, I don't have to guess whether you love me or not, I don't have to wonder why you stay by my side, I don't have to be careful I'm afraid of losing you. I won't look for you, I won't contact you, I don't want to hear anything about you... Su Yunjin, I hate you to death, and I hate myself even more because I despise you, but I can't forget you! Has the other party divorced? It doesn't matter to you. It doesn't matter if other people's wives come to your door to make trouble for you. It doesn't matter to you if a man you just met for a few days brings home. You don't deserve to mention despair to me. Have you ever tried to love someone and get nothing? ? Have you ever tried the despair of wanting to wait at the most hopeless time..."

"But you have never tried to lose the feeling of flesh and blood in your body! I have waited for you too, and I have waited all night. I want to tell you when you come back, let's have a good time, because I am pregnant. I just found out When I was a child, I was very scared, but slowly, the more I thought about it, the happier I became, because he is yours, yours and mine. But what did I wait for, I waited until you broke up with me, and you said I didn’t love him you!"

Cheng Zheng sat back on the chair dully, "Child?" He didn't seem to understand her words.

"Yes, I don't love you, but I want to be so cheap. I have already broken up. I know that giving birth to him under such circumstances is the most stupid thing in the world, but I still have to have him. But God thinks that this child It was not at the right time, so the baby was gone. The doctor said it was an ectopic pregnancy. He died in my stomach when he was still an embryo. I had an operation to remove one fallopian tube. There was something wrong during the operation. The doctor said that I might not be able to get another baby. Have a baby."

"Why didn't you say it earlier?" He asked in a daze.

"Why do you say that I am already a woman who can sell herself in order to keep my stepfather's job. Is it necessary to be more cheap and use children to tie people I don't love?"

Why speak out?She was ready to let this past rot in her heart, and rot with her in a few years.There is no need for him to know the existence of this past, no need to know that she was once in the dark and cold sea, watching the light gradually go out.

Her child, her and his child, had only survived in her womb for dozens of days, even though it was still an unformed embryo, even though it was mistakenly implanted in her fallopian tube and caused massive bleeding in her abdominal cavity, But after all, it was the only inseparable bond between her and him in this world.The appearance of the poor child was as much a mistake as the feelings of its parents.But now, without warning, she said it.She was still the Su Yunjin who worked hard to keep the surface calm, but was easily irritated by Cheng Zheng.Cheng Zheng said that she didn't love him.After so many years, she still couldn't let go of this sentence.Su Yunjin couldn't predict Cheng Zheng's reaction, but she knew that this would definitely hurt him, and it hit him right away.This is the poison in her heart.

Lu Lu was right, how uncomfortable it is to bury a secret in your heart.Now she finally has no secrets, but the hole in her heart is infinitely enlarged.

Cheng Zheng still didn't speak. After a long time, Su Yunjin heard a sound similar to sobbing. She turned her head and saw Cheng Zheng buried his face in his palm, with the back of his hand pressed against the table, crying on the table like a child.

He has never cried in front of her, including the time when he broke his tibia when he kicked the ball. He always said that crying is something only women do. He even said the word "breakup" and watched her leave, He didn't cry either.

Cheng Zheng doesn't like children, and most of the time, he himself is like a big boy, and it's hard for a person his age to really feel what it's like to be a father.However, when Su Yunjin said those words, tears welled up from his heart. The child she shared with him is gone. If the feeling of breaking up and waiting for four years is despair If so, now he only has grief in his heart.

Su Yunjin walked two steps away from him and stopped.Lowering her head, for the first time, she looked at Cheng Zheng who was as fragile as a baby from this angle, but she didn't have the desire to cry.How wonderful, when watching him in pain, the hurt in her heart is lessening, it turns out that not only happiness needs to be shared, but also pain.Only he can share her pain, because half of it also belongs to him.

When they met again, what was his intransigence?In fact, she knew in her heart that whether he pretended to be polite and alienated, or spoke harshly, or stalked her, it was all because he still loved her.Cheng Zheng has always been transparent in front of her, every joy and sorrow are clearly visible.The reason why she chose to avoid it was because during these four years, she had gradually discovered the fact that although Cheng Zheng was immature, her low self-esteem and cowardice, being more introverted, might not be the biggest reason for their separation.

Two people like her and Cheng Zheng actually don't know how to love each other. Maybe they met someone else before the first meeting, and they could both find their own happiness, but they were mixed by fate, and the differences in each other's personalities The dark side was clearly catalyzed by the other party.She is afraid of repeating the same mistakes.

Cheng Zheng was tired from crying, but still buried his face in his palms and refused to look up. Su Yunjin walked back to the bedroom, leaving him outside alone.Cheng Zheng felt the sound of her leaving footsteps, stood up behind her, and said with tears all over his face, "Yunjin, why should I go to look for you, and you can't come to me? It's been four years, and I've been looking for you all the time. Here, but where are you?"

Four years ago, after she left, the disheartened Cheng Zheng stayed up all night, resisting not contacting her.By the time he started worrying about her whereabouts, the phone was already dead.She only had one friend, Cheng Zheng contacted Mo Yuhua several days later, when Mo Yuhua was taking care of Zhou Ziyi who had a car accident in Shanghai.Cheng Zheng asked her if she knew where Su Yunjin had gone.When Mo Yuhua heard about their breakup, she didn't criticize Cheng Zheng badly. She admitted that she knew Su Yunjin's current situation, but she told Cheng Zheng that she would not tell him. Since they have separated, why ask more questions? Why?

He called the work unit, and his colleagues said that Su Yunjin hadn't gone to work for a long time, and they didn't know where she had gone.Cheng Zheng gradually believed that she was determined to leave.During those days, he was also in darkness, Zhou Ziyi came to persuade, Meng Xue came to persuade, Zhang Yue also called to persuade, his mother Zhang Jinyin specially asked for a month's leave to accompany her son.Only then did Cheng Zheng realize that everyone thought it was not unusual for him and Su Yunjin to separate.It seemed that he was the only one who felt that they should be together from the beginning to the end, and he was the only one living in the dream.They seem to understand feelings better than him, saying that it will be fine after a long time.Could it be that four years is not long enough, otherwise why is he still not good?

It didn't take long for Su Yunjin to fall asleep on the bed, and she slept very deeply that night.When he woke up the next morning, Cheng Zheng was no longer in the living room.She cleaned up the mess in the house, and found that the unopened instant noodles he brought were crushed to pieces.Childish madness!Su Yunjin cursed secretly.She decided to take back her previous evaluation. She thought he had matured, but in fact he hadn't changed at all.

After speaking, Cheng Zheng disappeared from Su Yunjin's sight. Su Yunjin suspected that he had moved out of this community.In fact, if you think about it deeply, losing a child that you never expected may not be a big deal for a man. Ex-girlfriends can't have children, and some women can replace them. What's more, Zheng Xiaotong has a big belly. I am about to become a father in a legitimate way, and the tears that night may be more of a memory of the past. After crying, it is over.

Su Yunjin's life once returned to calm, and her relationship with Dr. Wu also ended without a problem.Any normal man would retreat after experiencing such an inexplicable turmoil, right?Just like what Mo Yuhua said, that's the way it is between men and women on a blind date. Everyone is very busy, and no one has time to spend too much experience on a relationship. Relationships also have costs. If the costs are too high, the benefits will not be great. Sure, who would do such a worthless thing.

It is said that strong women are afraid of cuddling men, but "fierce women" roam the streets, and "clinging men" who persevere and become more courageous as they get frustrated have long become a rare species.Fortunately, women are used to it now, and anyone can live without them.

A week later, on the weekend afternoon, Su Yunjin washed her hair at home.Just as I wet my hair, I suddenly heard a slight movement in the entrance.After living alone for a long time, she will become more sensitive to abnormal noises in the house. She hastily wiped her hair with a towel and went out to check. It turned out to be Cheng Zheng. Shopping bags rest on top.

"you……"

"Are you home?" he said as he picked things out of the shopping bag.

It's nonsense, her car didn't drive out, so how could he not know if she was there or not.But the key at hand is not this.

"Cheng Zheng, why do you have the key to my house?" Su Yunjin exclaimed angrily.

Cheng Zheng said calmly, "I took it when I left that day. Aren't you always used to put the spare key in the shoe cabinet drawer?"

"If you don't ask, you are a thief! Give me the key back." She ordered.

Cheng Zheng didn't like this, and said with a smile, "Why are you being stingy, what valuable things do you have here? At worst, I can exchange my house key with you." There is no benefit in arguing with him.Su Yunjin looked at the thing in his hand coldly, "What is that?"

"Newly bought instant noodles, change the taste."

The thing she hates the most now is instant noodles, and he stuffed that thing into her house again, and this time he bought the whole thing.

"Didn't you leave, why are you coming back?" Su Yunjin was angry.

"I'm on a business trip." Cheng Zheng's tone couldn't tell whether it was true or not, "Are you blaming me for leaving without saying anything? Then I will greet you in advance wherever I go next time."

Su Yunjin tried to understand the situation in front of her, she thought they had made their words very clear.

"Give me back the key, and take away the things. Also, it doesn't matter to me where you go, as long as you don't show up at my house."

(End of this chapter)