Li Yifeng's Autobiography and Essay Collection: 1987

Chapter 1 Invisible Boundaries
To: Hot Girl

Knowing that you are illiterate, that's why I am sensational here once.

You have an angelic face (I heard that when you were young), a good figure (no picture to testify), and a fiery temper (you have grown up since you were a child), but these have become history.Now you have a kind face, like a child who loves to eat and is forgetful.This is good, forget about those troubles and sadness that have haunted you for a long time!I just want to say, thank you, thank God for making me your grandson.

I want to ask God to make you ten years younger again, and give you back your tough body, loud voice, and "hot" temper.I don't know how much time you have left to be with us, I just hope you can see me more.If I could go back to the past and do one thing, I just want to go back to primary school, let you pick me up after school and buy me bubble gum.

I love you, mother!You must always remember me!
Again and Again
Before the Spring Festival this year, my mother said that since I bought a new house, I should bring my grandma and the whole family will celebrate the New Year in Beijing together.I know my grandma really wants to come. She is over 80 years old, and we can only see each other once or twice a year at most. The most important thing now is to be able to sit beside her and have a meal with her.Once Chinese New Year comes, Beijing will become an empty city, and there will be no traffic jams wherever she goes, so she can take a look at the city happily.

All the pictures about grandma in my memory are beautiful, and the most impressive thing must be her super loud voice.When I was a child, my grandma would shout at the top of her voice when it was time for dinner: "I'm back for dinner—" Even if it was two buildings away, the voice could be heard clearly.The family stipulates that children should take a nap after lunch, and she couldn't help but growl when she saw that I refused to lie down on the bed.She was impatient and had a violent temper, and it didn't work to act like a baby to her. Fortunately, she was fine after she was anxious.

Grandma didn't study, she was very hard when she was young, and she had a hard life and a good life, so she just got through the ups and downs all the way.It doesn't matter how she lives by herself, she is strict with my grandson, but I'm afraid she doesn't love enough or think carefully enough.She bought my first pair of sneakers, which were actually a pair of counterfeit famous brands. She didn't know it, but she just saw that I like playing football and wanted to add some better equipment to me.When I was in junior high school, the school was some distance away from home, so she bought me a bicycle without saying anything.Often I don't realize the need, and she prepares everything.

She had a small stroke two or three years ago.Although she is in good health and her condition is not serious, she still has some sequelae. Her body is no longer so strong, and her memory is also good and bad.In the past, when she went to the vegetable market, no matter how many things she had, she insisted on carrying them by herself. There were a lot of big and small bags, and she didn't allow others to help her in the slightest.Such a "Fire Woman" has suddenly become like a child, and needs to be reminded and taken care of in everything. I feel a little sad.If forgetting is an essential part of life, I hope grandma can forget her troubles and leave only happy fragments in her heart; if the decline of health is an inevitable stage in life, I hope her healthy days can last longer, and more Have a little fun.

Before she came to Beijing, I felt all sorts of apprehensions.Sometimes at night, I can't help but wonder whether this is my grandma's first visit to Beijing, and whether it will also be her last.Turning over, I began to worry about whether her blood pressure could withstand the high-altitude flight.These practical problems made me sad and annoyed, but I had to face them.I don't know how much time we can spend together, I just want to cherish every minute we spend with each other, and hope that when she reaches the last day of her life, she will have no regrets or troubles.

the meaning of the gift

Everyone in my family loved me very much.When I was young in Chengdu, the Chinese New Year was not a particularly grand event in our family—of course, there must be a family dinner on the New Year’s Eve. Starting in the afternoon, the daughters-in-law and daughters-in-law of each family gathered together to get busy with preparations.For us children, the highlight is of course receiving lucky money.

Every year, my grandma gave me the biggest portion of the New Year’s money, and other elders also gave me a lot, but at that time I couldn’t spend much money, and the adults didn’t ask me to “hand it in”, so how to keep it properly was a headache.I once saved the money together and put it in the book, but when I turned around, I found that it was missing. After asking, I found out that my father took it away "for safety reasons".I have always wondered why he was able to find so many books piled up in the bedroom?Later, I opened a passbook in the bank and deposited all the money.

Therefore, I never have the distress of "not enough pocket money", and I don't need to rack my brains to "compete" for the attention and love of my family.I remember that I went to the shopping mall with some cousins, and when I reached the toy counter on the top floor, they would buy everything as long as I asked, but I would not mess around with my temper.My father once said to me earnestly: "If we agree to anything you want, then in the future you want a sports car, or something we can't afford at all, what should we do?" It became my rule after that, and I subconsciously determined that we should not use methods such as crying to force them to meet my material requirements.There is one thing that is a bit regretful to say so far-I have never owned a desktop computer.Although I was very envious of my classmates who had computers at home when I was in school, but I knew the financial conditions at home at that time, so I would not say that at all.

When I was in middle school, I was wandering on the road one day, and a talent scout asked me if I would like to be a model for a wedding photo studio and shoot a print advertisement.Becoming a "star" has always been the only goal in my life. At that moment, I was a little excited. The plot that is often shown on TV finally fell on me. Although the process is a bit old-fashioned, I have taken the step towards becoming a "superstar". first step!The ideal is full, but the reality is very skinny. From middle school to university, I realized that there is a little distance between being a model and becoming a superstar.But after all, I earned money by my own ability.I remember that my first income was two to three thousand yuan, and I kept some for myself, and I used the rest of the money to buy gifts for each family member.They didn't have an exaggerated reaction either - being moved to tears didn't work in my house.The gift is more like a small declaration: I have grown up, and I have a little bit of filial piety.

I always feel that gifts are more powerful and direct than words.It’s just that every time I choose a gift for my dad, it’s a headache. Sometimes I really hope that he can directly tell me what he thinks.If one day he said, "Oh, I want a car," I'd go and buy it right away.But he won't, never in his life.I've given him "regular" gifts like watches, razors, etc., and he uses them, but he keeps saying he doesn't want anything, and it's best if I don't spend the money.It is much easier to give a gift to mother, "cures all diseases", as soon as the new bag is handed over, she smiles: "Thank you son! Hey...but have you seen that kind of bag with a big opening? ?” The direction is very clear.

It is even easier to give grandma a gift, as long as it is given by me, she is very satisfied.In the past few years, I have stuffed her with big red envelopes every Chinese New Year, but she never uses them, just saves them, and keeps thinking about giving them to me when I get married in the future.

I know my family doesn't care what form or how expensive my gift is, but we remember how much we give to each other.This is not an equal exchange, but a mutual superposition.I am very grateful that my family gave me a safe and warm environment to grow up in all the ways they could, which allowed me to realize the meaning of "love" unconsciously and understand its tenderest and most powerful core.

invisible boundaries
2008 "Come on!After the "Good Boy" competition, I held a concert for the first time.I just came to the fore, and I really hope that my grandma can come to the scene and share that important moment with me.I was wearing a headset on stage, and the ambient sound was so loud that I couldn't hear anything clearly.I found out later that my grandma said to the audience on the stage that day: "You all love Li Yifeng, the idol, but he is my grandson who makes me proud." In fact, it doesn't matter what she said, as long as I see her so happy and excited up.

I'm not a big fan of having my family members out in public outside of this special moment, and I'd be a little uncomfortable if their presence turned out to be something.Every family has its own way of getting along. Under the leadership of my father, our family's style was introverted, and the family relationship was very harmonious. However, if we express our emotions in a particularly direct or explicit way, it will feel unnatural.

I grew up and gradually became the backbone of the family. I think it's time to take the lead in changing the overly reserved atmosphere among the family.Some words will feel nasty when said in person, but written down in words, you can do whatever you want.On my mom's birthday, I'd text her, "I love you so much. You're the most beautiful woman in the world!"

My family is also slowly changing under my influence, only my father remains rigorous, after all he has reached this age, it is impossible to completely become another person.He is a Leo, he is not very good at expressing by nature, but he is more used to keeping everything in his heart.What he said to me was concise and to the point, most of which were instructions such as "be careful when driving", which sounded clichéd, but I understood the concern hidden under those short sentences.When I won the award, my mother would not express anything in particular, but my father would send me a message every time, writing "Congratulations to Captain Chen" solemnly. "Captain Chen" is the character I played in the TV series "Sparrow". This title is my father's little humor, and it is also a euphemism for him to try to hide his excitement.

Since I was a child, my parents have always been more like friends to me, and I can communicate with them about everything.When I was reading the script, they would also come up with ideas together. Before filming "Live Color and Fragrance", I originally wanted to challenge Wen Shiqing, who was later played by William Chan. I thought that role was cooler, but my mother firmly believed that the role of Ning Zhiyuan More suitable for me.It turns out she was right.I will definitely listen to their opinions. After all, they represent the "grassroots audience". Knowing their thoughts is also helpful for creation.Of course, I will also compromise with my own ideas.

As long as the TV series I participated in are on the air, they will definitely watch the TV, set the time and place, and they will never be shaken. They are my most loyal fans.Often I don't have the patience to continue chasing dramas, they are still insisting, watching one round of the first broadcast, and another round of reruns.Dad will also promote it in WeChat Moments and write copywriting himself. When "Qing Yun Zhi" was broadcast, he gave me a general summary of Zhang Xiaofan: "This is a lonely hero."

But my parents can't see my Moments - yes, I blocked them, they must know that, but they never mention it.This is a tacit understanding between us. In this family, everyone knows which line each other can touch and which step should be expressed, and never crosses the line.

My stubborn temper should be inherited from my father.In my impression, although there were not many disputes between us, the scenes were quite intense.I remember when I was young, once it was time for dinner, my father yelled a few times, seeing that I was still lingering and unable to go to the table, just watching the list of new songs on TV, he became popular.After a few words, the two sides twisted, and in the end, I punched the cabinet next to me and smashed it.Dad immediately yelled at me: "Everything in this house is mine, what right do you have to destroy it?" My anger suddenly reached its peak—you and me?So it was so clear?
Everyone sulked for two or three days, and left notes to apologize to each other, and the matter passed.Now my father will communicate with me in a more equal way. The family can sit around and drink some wine. Many things that could not be said before can be chatted happily with that little bit of alcohol.Once, when everyone was a little bit drunk, my father told a past event: he had encountered a serious shortage of funds in his business before, and when it was the most difficult time, he was even threatened with violence.Both my mother and I were taken aback.When I was a child, I never understood why my father rarely had a smile on his face and was always full of thoughts.Only then did I realize that his life experience was so rich, and for the sake of this family, he silently endured such heavy pressure and swallowed countless troubles.

Whether past or present, Dad is one of the people I admire most.He has a sense of responsibility, has his own ideas, has read many books, and has extensive knowledge.I used to think he was omnipotent, a hero who stood up to heaven and earth.Now that he is older, his physical strength cannot be compared with when he was young. He used to have such a strong personality, but now he occasionally admits defeat.But he has never let me down, he has always been my role model, and the highest standard of a "man" in my mind-asking myself, the gap between myself and him is probably not less than three times.I hope that I can be less vulnerable, have more responsibility like him, and have enough courage and ability to protect myself and those around me at critical times.

(End of this chapter)