female sexual motivation

Chapter 22 A Woman's Curiosity (1)
Curiosity, novelty, mate choice
In America, chaste women dare not speak,
In America, the holy goddess is afraid to show herself.

—Henry Brooks Adams (1838-1918)

In the past, for women, especially unmarried women, any romantic affair could become a stain on life.Women who lose their virginity before marriage will be condemned by public opinion because they have been "tainted" and are unlikely to find a husband's family unless they can be cleverly bluffed.In contrast, those women who remain virgins before marriage are respected and loved by people, and are considered "pure".For a long time, as long as the word "Chu" or "Chu" is added to anything, people will think of being unsmudged, pure and noble, and spotless, so the wedding dress should be white. etc. Olive oil must be "extra virgin".

A woman's virginity was given social, spiritual and even political value. The Virgin Mary of the New Testament is probably the most revered virgin since the birth of man.When Mary was still a virgin, she was conceived by the Holy Spirit and gave birth to Jesus, the Son of God.Therefore, the Virgin Mary is a model for all Christian women.But even those men who have no religious beliefs place great value on the chastity of their wives, sisters, and daughters.Rich families only marry virgin girls to ensure the purity of the family lineage.From an evolutionary point of view, men want their wives to be chaste before marriage and to behave like wives after marriage. This is to ensure that they can carry on the family line.To this end, people invented a variety of ways to control women's sexual behavior, such as chastity belts or circumcision.So what does being a virgin mean to a woman?Only by keeping chastity before marriage can one "marry well" and obtain the necessities of life such as food, clothing, housing and transportation.In a feudal society where women could not go out to earn a living, the best destination for a woman was to marry a good family.

Now, the notion of virginity before marriage has changed, at least in the Western world.In the United States, the statistics of 18 mate selection criteria show that in 1939, the importance of virginity was ranked 10th; by 1985, the importance of virginity had almost dropped to the bottom one, and no change has been seen until now.One woman interviewed explained this change well:
When I was in college, all the friends around me had sexual experience, so I also wanted to experience sex for myself.At that time, I wondered why people in the world knew about sex, and why some people went to war and even killed each other... I was very curious and felt that I had to find out.

—Heterosexual female, 24 years old

Many interviewed women happily handed over their first time in order to gain the opportunity to experience sex.There are also many women who have sex to try new techniques and new positions, to feel new sexual partners, to seek stimulation, or to improve their sexual skills.Some women have sex just to see "what's going on", and some people have sex just out of curiosity about themselves or their partners-whether I can do it or he can do it, etc.In this chapter, we talk about the causes and consequences of women's sexual curiosity.

virginity complex
People have been exaggerating the importance of chastity, but as early as the 18th century, doctors suggested that long-term lack of sex life is harmful to the human body, which means that spinsters are prone to health problems.Virgins whose body has been "closed" for a long time are prone to chlorosis. The clinical symptom is that the skin turns greenish yellow. Most of the patients are young women.There may also be a condition known as "uterine asphyxia," in which the uterus moves back and forth in the body, causing abnormal urination.In ancient times, if an unmarried woman suffers from such a disease and cannot find a husband for a while, what should she do?Medieval doctors prescribed a trusted midwife to help a sick woman masturbate.However, patients may only be angry when they hear this kind of treatment. Even in today's sexually liberal society, people cannot accept it.

The emergence of the contraceptive pill in 1961 greatly changed women's concept of chastity, and women could enjoy sex without any worries, which led to a sexual revolution in the 20s and 70s.In fact, the rate of premarital sex among women changed dramatically around 1960. The epoch-making "Kinsey Report" published in 1953 interviewed nearly 6000 women, 40% of whom had premarital sex.According to a 1994 survey, among 1600 women born between 1953 and 1974, 80 percent had premarital sex.Several surveys show that the number of women having premarital sex increased significantly in the 20s.The age at which women had sex for the first time also changed dramatically during this period.In 70, the age at which a woman had sex for the first time was 1950; by 20, the average age had become 2000.

American values ​​of chastity changed dramatically in the 20s. It doesn’t need statistics to prove this change. The popular culture of the time can amply show it. In 50, the Everly Brothers had a hit song called "Wake Up, Little Susie," about a couple who fell asleep at the movie theater past their parents' set time to get home: "Accidentally Asleep, make a big mess, and discredit us." It goes to show that premarital sex was considered a big no-no at the time.In stark contrast to this elegy is the single "Just Tonight" released by rock singer Rod Stewart in 1957. In the song, the lover implores the pure girl to sacrifice for love. The song sings: "Spread your wings, let I throw myself into your arms." The theme is not to be ashamed of sex, and to be desperate for sex.

Many of the women interviewed neither considered virginity to be holy nor cherished.On the contrary, someone is eager to get rid of virginity, like a bitter cough medicine:
I wanted to get rid of my virginity sooner, but now I'm not a virgin anymore.

—Heterosexual female, 25 years old

Some people say that they don't want to be a virgin because they don't want to be different from others:
I lost my virginity at 17 because everyone I knew had sex and almost none went to college as virgins.I was a little scared at the time, but I don't regret it one bit.

—Heterosexual female, 21 years old

In middle school at the time, I was the last of my friends to lose their virginity.Most people have their first at 13, I was 16 and far behind them.To prove that I wasn't afraid of sex or intimacy, I had sex with other people - and I was terrified.

—Heterosexual female, 27 years old

Perhaps American women took chastity so lightly that the government moved to promote abstinence.Former President George W. Bush criticized a $10 billion abstinence campaign.While the movement is a national movement, many believe it promotes the idea that sex outside of marriage — no matter how safe or consensual — is bad for women.In order to increase women's sense of shame, the abstinence movement launched such a propaganda slogan: "Would you eat a biscuit that someone else took a bite of?" Young people who participated in abstinence programs wore silver rings to publicly demonstrate their determination to remain pure.But has the abstinence movement changed people's sexual habits? Data published by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services in 2007 showed that the campaign had little to no impact on people's sexual habits.

Of course, not every American woman is eager to shed her virginity or to have premarital sex.There is no doubt that a person's concept of chastity is influenced by both culture and religion.A cross-cultural comparison of sexual behavior found that different cultures have different values ​​of chastity, and the proportion of sexual behavior before marriage is also different.Even if they live in the same country, different ethnic groups have different values ​​of chastity.If you are in the United States, it depends on whether you have been completely assimilated and whether you can accept premarital sex from the bottom of your heart-from the overwhelming reports in the mass media and the actual words and deeds of the women around you.

According to a survey conducted by Maston’s Sexual Psychophysiology Laboratory, among 400 Canadian college girls, 72% of European girls and 43% of Southeast Asian girls had premarital sex, and most of them were Chinese.There were also differences in the age of first sexual intercourse, with European women averaging 17 and Southeast Asian women averaging 18.A recent survey of 700 American college girls, completed by Maston's Sexual Psychophysiology Laboratory, found that there are also racial differences in rates of premarital sex.It was 76 percent for European women, 71 percent for Hispanic women, and 66 percent for Asian women.

The United States is not the only country in the world that is becoming more sexually liberal.Chinese women are also becoming more open now, with a recent survey of 500 single men and women in Shanghai finding that only 60 percent believed virginity was a necessary prerequisite for marriage.Although this survey data is still higher than that of Western countries, it is at least much lower than before. A cross-cultural study published in 1989 showed that Chinese men and women agree that virginity is an indispensable condition for marriage.This is in stark contrast to Sweden, where virginity is considered to be of little or no importance.The root cause of this cultural difference lies in the economic status of women.In 1989, Swedish women were more economically independent than Chinese women, and there was no need to rely on men to live, so they could freely control their sexual behavior.For women, financial independence means sexual freedom.

In addition to economic factors, culture and religion are also factors that affect women's premarital sex.A lawsuit in France can well explain this point. In 2008, when a newlywed Muslim couple in France had their first bridal chamber, the husband found out that his wife was not popular and asked for a divorce angrily. The court ruled in favor of the man.According to Muslim tradition, the newlyweds consummate at the wedding feast, when the groom proudly displays a blood-stained white cloth to prove the bride's innocence.But in fact, virgins and Luohongs should not always be equated.The court's decision was a shock bomb across Europe, with feminists, women's rights activists, the media, civil rights groups and even government officials rallied in opposition.Opponents said it was unacceptable that the legal judgment was based on religious beliefs, while supporters said the case had nothing to do with religion, and that the bride's false claim of her virginity was a "breach of contract."

This kind of cultural difference will cause great difficulties for immigrant women. It is difficult for them to adapt to a foreign culture that is sexually open, and they are struggling in two contradictory cultures.In a society with a "virgin complex", women who lose their virginity before marriage face inevitable doom. Not only will they be abandoned by their husbands, but they will also be cast aside by their families and even the entire community.In a society where chastity is valued, people have invented various methods of "testing virginity", because verbal claims are unfounded, and a body test is required.These methods include measuring the size of the skull, the timing of urination, the size of the breast and the clarity of the urine, as well as measuring the reaction of the female vulva to male earwax.In the Middle Ages, a woman was wrapped in a piece of cloth first, and then she was smoked with the best coal. If she couldn't smell it, it proved that she was still a virgin. (Absurd as this approach is, it at least gives women a voice.)
For at least the past 500 years, the integrity of the hymen has generally been considered proof of a woman's chastity before marriage.The English "hymen" of the hymen is derived from the Greek, meaning "membrane". In the past, the word could refer to any membrane on the body, but later it specifically refers to a layer of membrane-like tissue located at the opening of the female vagina.Some people think that the hymen is a tissue that firmly blocks the vaginal opening, but it is not the case. The hymen generally has small holes. The hymen without holes is called "non-porous hymen", which is a congenital defect. For sexual intercourse or health reasons, it should be removed. See a gynecologist for treatment.

The so-called hymen is actually a layer of mucous membrane that covers part of the vaginal opening, sort of like an overhanging little piece of skin.The hymen comes in many shapes and sizes, and it changes as a woman's body matures, whether she's sexually active or not.Some hymens are thicker, some are thinner, some have blood vessels that bleed when they rupture, and some do not bleed even if they rupture.Thinner hymens are prone to rupture while cycling or horseback riding (a tampon may stretch the hymen, but it's unlikely to cause it to rupture).Some people's hymen ruptures automatically during childhood.After all, our modern methods of "testing virginity" are not necessarily more reliable than ancient methods of measuring skulls.

But in the near term, people are unlikely to abandon the "see red" talk.In the medical field, there has even been a "hymen repair" recently, which can restore the damaged hymen in only 30 minutes.The French Muslim couple's lawsuit has caused quite a stir, causing many Muslim women to flock to the hospital for hymen restoration.The French medical travel campaign even arranged a stop in Tunisia for women, where a hymenoplasty cost half the usual fee (3500 euros).A minor operation is better than a bag of bird's blood (ancient "prosthesis").As mentioned in the Italian movie "Women's Heart", some people think that using medical methods to "write off women's past" will make people more convinced of the saying of "seeing red".Some people retorted that if a minor operation can save a destitute woman from being beaten or humiliated, or from being excluded by society, then why not do it.

Curiosity

After breaking up with my first boyfriend, I often wondered if it felt different to have sex with other men, so I had sex with a guy I knew... Indeed, it felt so different.

—Heterosexual female, 18 years old

Some of the interviewed women have sex out of pure curiosity, some want to know how a certain person is in bed, and some go for a certain person's reputation:

When I was in college, I had a guy friend who was said to be a great sex worker.Once we were drinking together, I brought up this topic with him.He asked me if I wanted to check it out (we've always been flirty), and to his surprise, I was serious.That time was indeed unforgettable!
—Heterosexual female, 27 years old

Some people were disappointed after verification:

When I was in college, I met a boy who was often said to be good in bed.I started dating him mainly because my friends kept complimenting him in my ears.We slept the first week of dating and I was utterly disappointed, but glad I verified the legend and I ended our "romance".

—Heterosexual female, 26 years old

Some of the interviewed women said they were curious about what it would be like to have sex with the same sex:
I split up with my first love after two years.I was 18 years old and had only one sexual partner, my first love.At the time, I thought it was time to explore my sexuality, so I found a couple of people of the same sex.It's not just about feeling different people, it's about feeling different genders as well.

—Heterosexual female, 20 years old

Some wonder what it would be like to have sex with people of different nationalities:
It was about 18 years old... and the thought that went through my head was "wonder how do Arab men or Italian men do in bed?" I thought I might want to try a different race.Thinking about it now, it was indeed a bit naive at the time.I had slept with two Puerto Rican boys and two white boys by then, so I wanted to try it out with boys of other races.

—Heterosexual female, 22 years old

(End of this chapter)