If you can love like this

Chapter 19

However, some things really seem to be doomed, and there is no escape. When I called the unit to ask for leave, Lao Cui said: "Oh, I was just about to tell you that Taili just happened to send people to Shanghai for training. , It was organized by the radio and television system, since you are in Shanghai now, you don’t need to send anyone else, just you go, about three months, study hard and take care of your health.”

"..."

When Geng Mochi learned that I was going to train in Shanghai for three months, he was in a good mood, and he smiled rarely when he looked at me.The training location is in a university, where there is an accommodation arrangement. I proposed to move there, but Geng Mochi firmly disagreed, "I will arrange a car to take you." He didn't allow me a little chance to leave.

So I can only live in the apartment with him. Every day he sends a driver to take me to training, and then picks me up in the evening. Occasionally, he will pick me up in his own car and have dinner with me outside, but this is rarely the case. , because he wanted me to cook for him, for which he quit his nanny.So I am very busy every day in Shanghai. I have to train and serve this master. He is picky and it is not easy to satisfy him.Don't think that we are really getting back together, in fact we didn't have much communication when we were together, when he was practicing piano, I was mostly doing housework, when I was watching TV, he was usually busy with his own affairs in the study, As long as I don't leave his sight, we don't interfere with each other. If I go out without his permission, he will show me his face.

After really getting along, I feel that he has not had an easy two years. It looks good on the surface, but he has never won a victory with me. Even if he kicked me away at the beginning, it did not show that he won. He never reached out to him or gave him a word, which made his self-esteem very frustrated.What an opportunity now, he must completely control me to restore his frustrated self-esteem.He couldn't allow himself to fail, especially with me.But he has no intimate behavior towards me, he never enters my room, and I have to knock on the door before entering his bedroom.This feeling is very strange. The two of them are like tenants living under the same roof. They are suffocating in their hearts. Neither of them wants to compromise with the other. The seemingly peaceful life is actually secretly competing with each other.

I don't know why I stayed to take care of him. Logically, with my personality, I should turn around and leave, but in fact I not only stayed, but also took care of him with all my heart. Not only told him to take medicine every day, but also I bought cookbooks and devoted myself to cooking. I cook different dishes for him every day. After dinner, I will go for a walk with him, or watch a drama or movie together. On weekends, I will accompany him to the gym or play golf. Or go fishing in the countryside.

Geng Mochi would occasionally take me to some private parties. He didn’t need to introduce him. To outsiders, we looked like a couple. When we were dancing and strolling on the dance floor, his eyes were gentle, like the deep sea, but in private he never Look at me that way.I feel that I am no different from those sculptures and other works of art in his collection. It is enough to be seen in the corner of the room. He will not touch those things. He only wants my "existence".

In the dead of night, I couldn't help asking myself in my heart, why did I "exist" beside him?Is it because of sympathy, because of willingness, or because I am actually nostalgic for his existence?I can't bear to leave him?
Whether I admit it or not, in the past two years, even though I hated him and wanted to forget him, in fact, when I wanted to forget, I was thinking about him.In the past two years, I have been like a poor worm parasitized in the memory, even though the memory entangled myself into a cocoon, I have no regrets, and the longing is like a thread from the bottom of my heart, with a dull pain and endless, yearning for the night in the daytime Darkness, looking forward to the dawn when the night falls, has no end and cannot be terminated.I've had enough of this torture.

Thinking about it this way, I suddenly felt very sad. In fact, I still love him. Because of love, I am humble; because of love, I am cowardly; because of love, I look forward to it.

Because of love, just because of love, I couldn't bear to leave.

But he may not understand.

But there is always good news. During this period, I learned about the news from Star City through Ah Qing. The radio drama we recorded was a great success, but what is surprising is that Feng Ke resigned from the radio station after finishing all this. Now I studied directing at a certain art school in Beijing, saying that I want to be a real director.Lao Cui did not force him to stay. When Lao Cui called me to inquire about my training situation, he said: "I knew that he wanted to leave, and I was very reluctant before, but after thinking about it, he is still young, and I have no reason to hinder his progress." future."

It's nice to have a dream!
Qi Shuli also called me occasionally, he didn't know that I lived with Geng Mochi, he said several times that he would fly to Shanghai to see me.That night when he called again, Geng Mochi happened to be sitting on the sofa next to him reading a contract, and my evasive behavior aroused his suspicion. After hanging up the phone, he asked me, "Who is calling?"

"Oh, a friend from Star City."

"Male and female?"

I originally wanted to say a woman, but seeing his sharp eyes, I honestly said, "Male."

He stared at me, "What else?"

"Just an ordinary friend."

"What are ordinary friends doing calling in the middle of the night?"

"Nothing, just a greeting."

With a snap, he threw the contract on the coffee table and straightened his thick eyebrows, "Who is he?"

I was also in a bad mood that day. When I called my mother in the afternoon, she scolded me. My mother asked me why I stayed in Shanghai and didn’t go back. I said that my unit sent me here for training. My mother didn’t believe me and kept nagging me. I talked a lot; I felt aggrieved in my heart, and now I was scolded by him again, and I suddenly became nervous, "Who is he, what does it matter to you? I have my life, and you have yours. The two of us It has been irrelevant to each other years ago, I am here to take care of you now because, because..."

"Because of what?"

"Because you are a patient."

His brows twitched, and he was on the verge of firing, "Am I a patient?"

"Why are you so fierce? Did I say something wrong? Don't show me a straight face all day long. If Jinyi hadn't told you that you were about to die, I wouldn't have stayed here as your servant." !"

Hunan people are hot-tempered, and I am a typical Hunanese character. When the patience is over, I start to bark my teeth and claws, and I finally find an outlet for my grievances.My voice has inadvertently raised an octave, and because of my occupation, I still speak standard Mandarin, "Employees, please pay back your wages. I will work for you and take care of you. You didn't even say thank you." The gods show me the face, I owed you in my previous life, why do you boss me around?"

"Oh, you have quite a big opinion on me." When I got angry, he watched the show instead, as if he was very happy to see me angry, "Tell me if you have any opinions, why are you bored? I didn't put You should be ordered by others, but I just can't understand you pretending to be servile, because I know your background... Well, you are showing your true colors now, this is the real you, I feel at ease when I see it , otherwise I am always worried that you will stab me in the back, or poison my milk..."

I was so angry, I treated him wholeheartedly, but he suspected that I was going to poison him?

"You really don't know what to do." I gritted my teeth.

The corners of his mouth raised slightly, and he actually smiled, looking at me with interest, "But I know you won't poison me, because you love me very much, just like I still love you very much, because no woman is as good as you." interesting."

If I'm still angry at this time, I'm in his arms, and I suddenly understand that this guy is just idle and looking for fun.I immediately calmed down and teased: "There are many more interesting women than me, isn't Jinyi very interesting?"

He laughed loudly, "So you are jealous."

"Who is jealous, talk nonsense!"

"You still said no, isn't it just because you have been unsure about the relationship between Jinyi and me?" This guy's smile is really beautiful, his whole face is stretched, but what he said is simply not true. People said, "It's very simple, she is my girlfriend." Before my lungs exploded, I added, "Before."

I stared at him, thinking that this man was really worth poisoning, and I wondered if I could give it a try. "Do you want to know how long ago it was?" He got up, sat down beside me leisurely, put his hands on my lap dishonestly, and smiled, "First love, she is my first love, Do you believe it?"

Of course I didn't believe it, "No way, Jinyi is a very pure girl, how could she be your first love?"

"This is what happened between me and her in the past. I don't want to say too much. It's you, please don't face me all day long. It's natural for others to be gentle and virtuous, but you are not such a person at all. "As he said, he pinched my face, "Why do I like you? Isn't it because you are independent, reckless, heartless, and heartless? If you act like Jinyi, why do I still want you? How about Forget it with Jinyi, the problem is that my taste is very strong, and I am used to spicy food, but I am not used to bland food..."

I knocked off his hand, "You're the one who ruined your reputation!" He scolded me in a different way.

"Let's not talk about the word 'fame'."

Geng Mochi's face is close to me, he has a nice smell of plants, I know it's the smell of the lotion he used, an Australian brand, fresh and cold, with a faint scent of grass, reminiscent of the dense fragrance after the rain in the morning The white fog lingers wetly in the forest.I was trapped in such a breath, and I was inexplicably weak.I pushed him away, "Why can't you tell me?"

"Because I'm sorry for the word 'fame'." He has always been mean, and he treats himself the same way.I finally couldn't help laughing, he suddenly pressed my lips, and I realized that I was fooled...

How long has it been since we kissed?How long have we not cuddled together?We used to run away from this relationship for two long years, but in the end we still couldn't help getting closer.There are thousands of roads in the world, from heaven to earth, but none of them lead me to him. In the end, I still couldn’t persuade myself to give up. I persisted because I was not reconciled, and I was desperate because I missed it.One kiss, just one kiss, all our pretense and all our resistance collapsed, and we instantly fell into a stormy intimacy. When he carried me into the bedroom and sank into my body, I felt like I was crying, sobbing, Can't hold on to himself.

It has been suppressed for too long, so it is released more thoroughly, and the extreme happiness makes us tremble. The once-familiar body touch is so strange. Tears intertwined in the intimacy, because the loss is too long, even the pain has integrated into each other's flesh and blood, inseparable.

Maybe the essence of love is hurt, it is so precious that it is fragile, we have all broken the beauty that originally belonged to us so resolutely and without cherishing it, even if there are only fragments left now, we still cannot allow it to be lost.You look at me, I watch over you, time is so frozen in this wine-like intoxicated nostalgia.so happy...

"Tell me, do you love me or not!" He pushed me hard against the head of the bed, clamped my hands, and asked in a vicious voice.

I was in so much pain, my tears poured down wantonly, "You bastard!" I grabbed his shoulders tightly, my nails almost dug into his flesh, and cried loudly, "I hate you, I don't want to love you, you let me I'm in too much pain..."

He bent down and hugged me, sticking to my trembling body with sweat, "I'm sorry, it's all my fault. I will never let you go away again. I can give you happiness, but why wait so long..." He gasped and kissed my tears, "I've waited too long, I can't wait anymore, I can't let you go anymore, you have to stay by my side until I die. Let me remember your Breath, when I sleep on the ground, I can dream of you accurately, and in another world we know each other from scratch, from strange to familiar, and then love each other, never to be separated again."

"The ink pool..."

When life smiles again, the joy of regaining what was lost often makes me feel unreal.We seem to be back in the past, but even in the past, we have never been so harmonious.When the morning sun slowly poured into the glass greenhouse on the roof, I was cultivating soil for orchids, and Geng Mochi was drinking coffee and reading newspapers by the side. The sun has become jumping, twinkling, charming eyes.

I asked Geng Mochi: "Why do you live in such a tall building? I remember that you didn't like living in tall buildings." He casually turned over a page of the newspaper without looking at me, and said after a while, "Because I can see you."

I squatted among the flowers, like a hardworking gardener, and smiled back, "You've never been so provocative before."

"Because I watched "My Fair Princess"."

I laughed, "Impossible!"

"Why are you lying to me? I watched it every day for a while, and I kept watching it when I felt like throwing up." He said it very seriously, and he didn't seem to be making fun of me with a serious look.

"why?"

"Because that little swallow is quite like you."

"You bullshit!"

"Why am I talking nonsense, that girl is crazy, uneducated and uneducated, who is not like you?"

I snorted, "Don't think that you are very cultured. You can use "Two Tigers" as your cell phone ringtone, and you won't be afraid to make people laugh out loud. It's a good thing you're into music."

Geng Mochi put down the newspaper, raised his eyebrows and said, "Aren't you and I two tigers?"

I was stunned for a moment, suddenly realized, and laughed tremblingly, "That's right, we are two tigers, but you have never been afraid of me, I am a tigress."

Geng Mochi didn't answer, stared at me for a moment, and suddenly asked: "By the way, do you have a passport?"

"Passport? Yes, why are you asking this?"

"After a while, I want to take you abroad for vacation, would you like to go?"

"Where to go?"

"Paris." He walked up to me, pulled me up, put his arms around my shoulders and said, "This season is the most beautiful now, let's stay there for a while, what do you think?"

"But what about my job? I can't take such a long vacation."

(End of this chapter)