If you can love like this

Chapter 34

On the brightly lit stage, after the curtain falls, there is the loneliness and darkness of the end of the song, and the face without makeup is unconcealable desolation and paleness.Life is like a play, and play is like life. At the end of our performance, we often can't tell who is in the play and who is watching.Entering the play too deeply, leaving the play too slowly, so there is confusion and pain outside the play.

Fortunately, in these years, I have walked through pain all the way. The heart-wrenching pain is not without it, but too much. The exhaustion after the pain is often more uncomfortable than the pain itself. It feels like It's like being hollowed out, the whole person is illusory, ethereal, and dreaming in the middle of the night often can't tell where he is.

But no matter how painful it is, you still have to survive, live, and breathe. Although you wish you couldn't breathe when it hurts the most, you still have the last bit of reason to keep yourself from being swallowed up by despair.

In the darkest few days, I stood on my balcony all day long, looking at the gray sky, I really wanted to jump out of the balcony, not down, but up, there must be another world beyond the boundless sky , a world without sorrow, without resentment, without disputes.I don’t know why, but I often think of the child who died before he or she was born. He (she) should be in that world. He (she) must have turned into an angel, waving white wings, looking at me sweetly laugh.

I later found out that it was Milan and Geng Mochi who lied that I killed the child by myself, and that Geng Mochi decided to take revenge on me by holding a wedding on April Fool's Day, because Milan sent me to the hospital on the day of my accident. I arrived after the operation, I don't know what Milan made up while I was in a coma, even Sakura thought it was the child I killed myself, let alone Geng Mochi!And I thought they all knew the truth, so I never explained it.Unexpectedly, I was tricked by my best friend.

No wonder Milan went to Shanghai to visit Geng Mochi frequently before. It turned out that she had already made up her mind, and Geng Mochi must have noticed Milan's thoughts, so he used Milan at the wedding with every confidence.They kept secrets, but I was kept in the dark, and finally gave me a fatal blow at the wedding, and I didn't even have the energy to hate. It's only been three years since the incident between Qi Shujie and Yesha, and I'm making the same mistakes again!

When I woke up in the middle of the night, I often heard the baby crying for no reason. When I listened closely, it sounded like the wind. So the insomnia came back again. I couldn't sleep all night, so I had to use pills.

That day I stood on the balcony looking at the sky again, when Qi Shuli came, he parked his car downstairs, and when he looked up, he saw me taking root on the balcony. "Kao'er, come down, I'll buy you coffee." He called downstairs.

I looked at him coldly and didn't respond.

"Come down, you're worrying me, come out and get some air and you'll feel better."

I'm still unmoved.Qi Shuli did not give up, ran upstairs to ring the doorbell.It was lunch break time, I was afraid of disturbing the neighbors, so I had to open the door, and went with him to a nearby cafe.

After staying at home for a long time, it would be a little uncomfortable to be suddenly exposed to the sunny and crowded streets, but the coffee shop is very quiet.Qi Shuli chose a seat by the window, and the sunlight shone through the floor-to-ceiling windows beside him on the oak table covered with a green checkered tablecloth. The bright pattern on the coffee cup became more and more lively because of the sunlight, and the small metal spoon stirred the cup The crisp sound is also very pleasant.I ordered a cappuccino, and the aroma of the hot coffee made my cold blood gradually warm up.

"You're much thinner, Kao'er." Qi Shuli looked at me, he ordered the bitterest black coffee without sugar.

"Why are you free to come here today?" I changed the subject, didn't speak for a long time, and found that my voice was hoarse, which shocked me.I stroked my throat instinctively, and I was a little worried about whether I could continue to do radio programs with such a voice. I haven't gone to work in the radio station for several days, and I have been on sick leave at home.

"What's wrong with your voice?" Qi Shuli also noticed the abnormality in my voice.

"It's okay, I've had a bit of a cold these days." I lowered my head in a concealed manner, and carefully stirred the coffee in my cup. The heat instantly covered my eyeballs, and my eyes were blurred, and I couldn't see anything clearly.

Qi Shuli put down his cup and sighed softly, "Kao'er, it's all over, so don't think about it anymore. You still have a long way to go in the future, and you have to look forward."

"I'm fine." I smiled lightly, thoughtfully, "Anyway, things are already like this, what can I do? I can't jump upstairs like Leslie Cheung, whom I liked many years ago, can I?"

Qi Shuli looked confused and pushed his glasses, "Leslie Cheung?"

"Well, on April 2003, 4, he jumped off a building in Hong Kong. I was sad for a long time. These days, I kept thinking, what would happen if I jumped off the building? It's okay if I don't want to, but it's even more sad when I think about it, because I Not Leslie Cheung, even if I fall to pieces, no one will know, except for my relatives, no one will shed a single tear for me."

"Kao'er!" Qi Shuli scolded.

"So I gave up this idea. Those two people didn't die, how could I just die like this?" I chuckled, "He wanted to watch my play, but now I want to watch his. Love Milan, Milan is not his type, let me see how he ends up!"

Qi Shuli looked at me and shook his head, trying to change the subject, "Kao'er, go home, you haven't been home for a long time. Go back and have a good rest, let your aunt give you a boost, look how thin you are Already!"

"Do I still have the face to go home?" I didn't even dare to make a phone call. Although the wedding was held in Star City, Geng Mochi came to propose marriage.Although my dad didn't express his consent from the beginning to the end, he didn't refuse in person either. Presumably he also knew that Geng Mochi was a person of status, so he didn't want the scene to be too embarrassing.It's just that Geng Mochi was polite and humble on the surface, but his airs were still outrageous. He walked away after sitting at my house for less than half an hour that day, and didn't even take a sip of the tea made by my mother. The next sentence is, "You can marry if you want, I can't control it, as long as you don't embarrass me when the time comes!"

In the end, not only did I lose the face of my parents, I also lost the face of eighteen generations of my ancestors.Although my dad didn't attend the wedding, the scandal spread far and wide, and my parents knew about it immediately. My dad was so angry that he threw the table over.

"Kao'er, some things have to be faced, escape is not an option." Qi Shuli observed my expression very carefully, "How about I accompany you home?"

I said angrily, "Why do you want to accompany me?"

"we are not……"

"That's acting, okay? Thank you for helping me down the steps that day. To be honest, I am very grateful to you. But I can't do it with you. You should give up this idea as soon as possible!" I didn't leave any room for it.

Qi Shuli then sighed again, "Kao'er, although I have confessed my love to you, if you interpret my concern for you as taking advantage of the situation, you would think me too small, at least in this situation I am just I want to express my concern to you, you can turn a blind eye, but please don't refuse, I have no malice. Kao'er, what's wrong with having one more person who cares about you?"

"Do I still deserve other people's care?"

"What are you talking about?" Qi Shuli frowned, "Did you do something wrong? You just loved the wrong person, so you were humiliated by him like this. Do you know, I saw him put the ring on戴到米兰手上，我真想上去揍他一顿！我早看出他对你的居心，他不是真心爱你，你们之间有那么多复杂的事情，他怎么可能对你付出真感情！ "

I felt a dull pain in my heart, "Don't mention him, okay?"

"Okay, I won't mention it. Kao'er, I believe you are not a weak person, and you will not be defeated so easily. Living well is the biggest counterattack against him. You have to let him know that you can still live wonderfully without him ,do you understand?"

I saw that he didn't say anything, and I had to admit in my heart that this guy can really comfort people. Although the words are better than the songs, I don't seem to be that sad.I smiled and picked up the coffee, "Thank you, I didn't feel like I couldn't survive, he wasn't important enough to me, I was just sad, my best friend betrayed me with him..."

"Forget about such a friend."

"But she posts her happiness on Weibo every day. The wedding room I personally arranged has become her capital to show off. Do you think I can calm down?" I sipped my glass angrily.

As soon as I mentioned this, I got angry. I thought that Milan was just playing on the spot, so I didn't bother with her. I didn't know that she took it seriously. After the wedding, she moved into Yalanju with shamelessness, and I kept it in the villa. She packed up her personal belongings and asked Yingzhi to hand them over to me. Yingzhi was so angry that she even quarreled with her.But Milan doesn't care at all. Now Mrs. Geng pretends to be ostentatious everywhere, and she doesn't look for a job. She posts Weibo at home when she has nothing to do, from morning to night, and even takes a bubble bath. The sun has to shine, she knows I must see it, she did it on purpose!That's why I'm so angry!

Qi Shuli looked at me for a while, pushed his glasses, and asked modestly, "What is Weibo...?"

I was stunned, looking at him like an alien, I don’t even know Weibo, is he still from Earth?But after thinking about it, the domineering president should rarely have time to surf the Internet, so I don’t know why, so I patiently explained to him, “Oh, it’s similar to your Facebook in the United States. It’s also a social network. We Chinese generally use this."

"Facebook?"

"Yes!" Thankfully, he also knows Facebook.

The gentleman thought for a while, and decisively suggested, "Then if she posts it, you can too."

I stared at him, "What can I post?"

"You post what she posts."

"Ok?"

"I'll also sign up for a Weibo later... Then you add me, and I'll post it for you."

"..."

I thought Qi Shuli was just talking casually, but I didn't expect that when I logged into Weibo at night, I saw a stranger follow me.He might be afraid that I might not recognize him, so he not only put his photo as his profile picture, but also sent me a private message, "Kaoer, add me! I'm Frank!"

Well, I followed him because of his enthusiasm.

The situation started to get out of control after that. This gentleman reposted all my recent Weibo, and then commented a few sentences by the way. His Chinese is not very good, and he mostly uses English when commenting, which is very foreign.

Slowly, he began to use Weibo with ease. He learned how to tweet, how to post photos, and how to finish what he wanted to say within the limited number of words. Later, I heard from him that it was his secretary who taught him of.

What makes my stomach tremble the most is that Geng Mochi is one of the few followers on Qi Shuli's Weibo!Geng Mochi’s Weibo was registered for him when I was in Shanghai. He doesn’t use it very often. It’s rare to post a Weibo in a month, and there are few words. Agent Wei Minglun.

Well, here comes the joke, one day I accidentally clicked on Geng Mochi's Weibo, and found that among the people he followed was Qi Shuli, in other words, the two men followed each other.I was stunned at the time, what happened?
I clicked into Qi Shuli’s Weibo again, good guy, this gentleman posts Weibo every now and then, and Aite goes to Geng Mochi, for example: “I passed by the Kaokao downstairs in the morning and saw a very fresh lily, I bought a bouquet for her. Kao Kao likes it very much, and the way she is holding flowers makes me feel very happy." Let me explain first, "Kao Kao" is a nickname given to me by Qi Shuli on a whim, and I told him not to be like that Nasty, he said it would be convenient for drying...

Geng Mochi did not reply to this. The last update on his Weibo was before the wedding, and there has been no movement since then.I told Qi Shuli that Geng Mochi didn't go on Weibo very much, but he couldn't see it, so I told him not to post it.

Qi Shuli replied to me: "Show it, you have to do it, he must be able to see it, otherwise he won't pay attention to me!"

I lost to him!Not only that, Qi Shuli sometimes commented on Milan's Weibo, but of course there was nothing good to say.Once when Milan showed off her new Tiffany diamond necklace, Qi Shuli commented in English on her Weibo: "The beauty of a woman does not come from diamonds, but from the heart. If the heart is not pure enough, even if the whole body is covered with diamonds, it is still a low-end product. "

My English is not good, I only know the general idea.I have to admit, I was very pleased after watching it!Not long after, Qi Shuli asked me why he couldn't speak on Milan's Weibo, and I laughed, "She blocked you! Hahaha..."

One night, Geng Mochi finally updated Weibo, it was a photo of the hazy moon, without words.I carefully identified the photo, it didn't look like it was taken by Yalanju, but it seemed to be taken in Moyuan, his residence in Shanghai!
Geng Mochi returned to Shanghai?Milan was still posting on Weibo at Yalan Residence in the morning. They didn't live together?
The next morning, I woke up in bed and logged into Weibo with my mobile phone, and found that Qi Shuli had left a comment under the Weibo post by Geng Mochi, "I was walking downstairs at Kao Kao's house last night, and the moon I saw was much brighter than this one." clear!"

I laughed for a long time under the quilt, and immediately replied to Qi Shuli: "Next time you come to my balcony to watch, you can see it more clearly!"

After posting Weibo, I was refreshed and in a great mood. When I washed my face, I looked in the mirror and found that the dark circles under my eyes that had been bothering me for a long time had faded a lot.These days, it is really thanks to Qi Shuli, who often enlightens me, takes me out to eat and play, and spares no effort to help me post on Weibo. Whether it is real happiness or fake happiness, I at least want to open up a lot.

What if you don't want to open it?I have to live.Even if I get to this point and become the laughing stock of the whole city, I still want to live.I am so ordinary and insignificant, even if I jump off the radio and television building now, at most I will occupy a piece of tofu in the entertainment tabloid tomorrow: a certain anchor of a certain radio station fell to his death, the reason is unknown; or post a post on a certain forum , A certain anchor of a certain radio station committed suicide, come and watch Yunyun... Two days, at most three days, as I turn into a wisp of smoke in the crematorium, everything will return to calm, as if I have never died Same.Since I live vigorously, how can I tolerate my silent death?
No, I'm not reconciled, I can't swallow this breath!If I just die like this, it would really underestimate my Bai Kaoer's willpower.I have been infamous until today, I have lived heartlessly to this day, I can’t be drowned in saliva, I can’t be killed by gossip, I can’t be killed by lightning, I can’t be killed by a pool of black ink?Not only do I have to live, but I have to live in disrepute more than ever.Now that I have lost the face of eighteen generations of ancestors, I am not afraid of anything. The brave are fearless, I am not even afraid of death, but I am afraid of living?Go fuck Geng Mochi!
It was the weekend, I had dinner with Li Yingzhi at noon, and after dinner I went to the Pinghetang to go shopping and bought a bunch of clothes and shoes.Sakura watched me swiping the card and sighed, "Sin, isn't this your own money?"

"Of course not. It's the card Geng Mochi gave me. If I don't max it out, I won't understand the hatred in my heart!"

The fact is, this card was indeed given by Geng Mochi. It is a secondary card. The main card is with him. He gave it to me when I was in Shanghai. He sent a large amount of money to it during the wedding preparations. How much is left now I don't know either.

With this card, I applied for a fitness card, a beauty card, and countless membership cards and VIP cards. I insisted on going to the gym to practice yoga every day, and I also signed up for dance classes to learn Latin and belly dance. In addition, flower arrangement classes, Piano class, cloth art class, etc. This class is that class.My notebook is full of memories, and I have a full schedule every day. I also go for beauty treatments on weekends, so I met many ladies who have the same disgraceful life as me and don’t know the source of money.A sister asked me to have a plastic surgery, and I was almost persuaded to get breast augmentation. The money was paid, and the operation time was set. It just happened that a few days ago, there was a media report that a woman from other places died because of breast augmentation. I was on the operating table, I was terrified, I wanted to become a fairy but I didn't want to risk my life, so I refunded the money and let it go.

(End of this chapter)