If you can love like this

Chapter 4

He has a bunch of friends outside, and sometimes he complains to his friends that he bought a box of condoms and put them on the bedside table, but he didn't use them up for more than half a year.This word went round and round to my ears, there must have been some embarrassment, but I also forgot afterwards, anyway, I have no interest in that matter, why should I make trouble if he is not enthusiastic.

At the end of the day, I still don't care.

There is no way, I am a cruel person in my bones, I do things out of line, and there is no cure.Take changing my name as an example. My original name was Bai Ping, which was so vulgar. I hated that name to the extreme. I felt that such a vulgar name was really not worthy of my beautiful and unique face.Once, when I was looking at a movie album, I saw a photo of an American actress named Lauren Bacall. I was immediately attracted by the indifferent and beautiful face in the photo.I couldn't explain why I fell in love with her at first glance, but I felt that her proud and independent appearance was my previous life, so I immediately changed my name to Bai Kao'er, which literally means nothing, but it Unique, that's enough.I was 11 years old.My father beat me up for this matter, saying that I even changed my name myself, and that I must go to heaven when I grow up.

As expected, in those years of growing up, I was against people in everything (I know that I can’t change the people around me, I can only fight back by changing myself), and the result is a vicious circle. He went to heaven, but went to hell, and his bad reputation has been followed to this day.To be honest, sometimes I still miss the days when I was notorious. No one can control me, and I live very recklessly, but after all, I am a girl, and my reputation is bad. It is difficult to get along locally, so I had to go to Beijing to start my career. North drift life.I'm a media student. In addition to working on the radio, I also occasionally dub for film and television dramas. I don't make much money, so I seem to be quite happy.

I was Qi Shujie who I met in Beijing. At that time, he opened a fairly small decoration company in Beijing. He had a little money, and he was considered the owner of a house and a car. There were quite a few girls chasing after him. Only me I never looked at him directly, because I didn't like him at all. I thought he was a contractor if he was overstretched, and I was considered a cultural person anyway.Even if I established a relationship later, I still treat him as if away from him. Anyway, I am idle, and there is no harm in having someone give me gifts and pay rent to make me happy.I thought so at the time.I wanted to kick him several times, but he refused to let go as if he had been possessed by a demon, it's pitiful.I couldn't bear it, so I had to hang out with him again, but I never wanted to marry him. If his mother, who had been widowed for half his life, did not strongly oppose it, there would be no way for me and him to get married.I am a person with such virtues. The more others obstruct me, the more I am motivated. No matter how many losses I have suffered and how many stumbles I have suffered since I was young, I will never change.So in the final analysis, it was Qi Shujie's mother who made our marriage happen. I still remember the expression on his mother's face after we secretly received the book, that joy!

In the few years after marriage, it is not an exaggeration to describe our married life as a battlefield without gunpowder smoke. It is not a battlefield between me and him, but a battlefield between me and his mother. Two women fight for a man , The play was so lively, and now I think about it, if it weren't for this lively energy, I guess our marriage wouldn't last for more than a year.But just to fight for that breath, I insisted on continuing this war for four years, half of the eight-year war of resistance!As for our four years of married life, apart from the tug-of-war between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, there is really nothing worth reminiscing about.

Of course, I still want to thank Qi Shujie for giving me a life without worrying about food and clothing. He is used to all my bad habits. Sometimes when I quarrel with his mother, he apologizes in front of his mother. The shark’s fin was given by Cordyceps sinensis again. After turning around and returning home, I immediately took out my credit card and stuffed it to me, asking me to calm down and buy what I fancy, and don’t be troubled by money.

For credit card sake, I mostly forgive the kid.I always thought he was like a child, and he was a figure who could make the wind and rain outside, but when he got home, he looked tired and helpless, like a poor child who lost something and couldn't find it.I also thought about trying to walk into his heart, but he was very guarded, for fear that I would see what was in his heart. The drawers in the study room were locked all the year round, and I didn't know what secrets were hidden.At that time, we had just returned to Star City to settle down. Of course, I had to behave well in the new unit. I was so busy all day long that I didn't have time to take care of him.What I don't care about has become what he understands as "don't care". The marriage has actually reached a deadlock very early. The surface is harmonious, but in fact there is no communication. Not to mention the same bed and different dreams. Sometimes we don't meet each other for a week. He is busy with his work, and I Busy with me, don't interfere with each other.

In fact, our relationship was not so distant at the beginning. In the final analysis, it still has something to do with that child.It was the second year of marriage, I was pregnant, and secretly had sex with him behind his back. For the first time in his life, he got angry at me, insisted on ignoring me for a month, and stayed in a hotel for a month.I still vividly remember the smell of disinfectant and disgusting air freshener on his body when he moved home from the hotel.In fact, I didn't kill the child for him, but for his mother. The old lady dreamed of holding a grandson. Although she has two sons, the eldest is not to be counted on. She is still alive and dead abroad, so her eyes are staring. She really wants the youngest to give her a hug from her grandson, so as to continue the incense of the Qi family.It was because of this that I refused to have a child. If you say you want to have a child, you have to have one. You really use me as a tool.

Of course, there is another reason. My foundation in the radio station is still not stable. If I go home and have a baby immediately, I will definitely be replaced by someone else.The place like the radio station is full of talents, and on the surface everyone is friendly, but in fact the competition is fierce. I have a strong nature, and I am reluctant to give up the position I finally got. Coupled with the reason of Qi's mother, I willfully killed the child.

But after getting rid of the child, I still felt that I had gone too far. After all, the child was innocent, so I took the initiative to call Qi Shujie to come back, cooked him a meal for the first time, apologized to him, and said that I would definitely want to conceive again in the future.Qi Shujie seemed to have forgiven me, and moved back home that day.I thought we had made up as before, life was going on as usual, he still gave me gifts, and I was too lazy to care about him as usual, and now I know that that incident has created a deep rift between us, and it is impossible to heal.

Qi Shujie never forgave me in his heart, but I didn't realize it.He gave me a knife when I was unprepared, cheating on me behind my back was not counted, and he showed me his death. He countered my insensitivity with death, so that I didn't even have a chance to regret it, that's all , I think he is more ruthless than me.That's why I hate him, not because I hate him for having an affair with others, but because I hate him for winning me, he actually won me!

Qi Shujie's mother was furious when she learned that I buried her son's ashes in Changqing Cemetery. She originally wanted to bury her son in his hometown in Xiangbei, but I refused. It seems that I should listen to her in everything. Her son is dead, and I should listen to her even more. She is the head of the family.

So my axis strength broke again, Qi Shujie is my husband, I have the final say on where to be buried!If my dear husband knows that the war between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has not stopped after his death, I don’t know that he is still reluctant to die.Anyway, I can't figure it out, people are dead, and the old lady is still fighting with me, even a handful of ashes, so let's fight, I don't believe that my black hair can't compete with your white hair.

After Milan learned that I had buried Qi Shujie's ashes next to Yesha, he scolded me severely on the phone, "Bai Kaoer, you're going to take medicine again!" I was somewhat guilty and didn't refute. Milan also said, "Why are you arguing with the old lady at such an old age? It is very miserable to lose a child in old age. It is understandable to want to bury your son's ashes by your side, but you got crazy and did such a thing! You should hurry up and prepare Another cemetery, I guess the old lady can't make it through, she will be mad at you to death!"

"It's buried, and I can't dig it out." I muttered.

"Bai Kao'er, I really don't know what to say about you. I advise you to let it go. The matter is over. It's the best way to get started and save yourself a way out!" Milan said, trying to persuade me Pull back from the wrong path of hatred.

In fact, when I calmed down afterward, I didn’t know why I did this. It was as if someone instructed me somewhere, which made me lose my fundamental self-control. I couldn’t control my burning heart...

I came home lonely after get off work that day. I didn’t have any appetite, and I lay stiffly on the bed, letting the melodious and low-pitched music in the stereo soothe the wound in my heart that was starting to ache again.Ever since I was a girl, whenever I was hurt, I used to use music to heal my wounds, and the effect was surprisingly good, but why didn’t it improve this time? After Qi Shujie’s death, I fell asleep with music on my pillow every day, but the wound still showed no signs of healing.So I have to admit that Qi Shujie has been embedded in my life. I have never tried to love him, but I have been shackled by his love for four years. Now that he is gone, my heart has been hollowed out, leaving only Let me face the reality that everyone is right and wrong.He was so important to me, but I didn't regret it until now!

I cried all night...

I hugged Qi Shujie's portrait and cried hoarsely. Since his death, this is the first time I have cried so happily.Then I thought of many things in the past, his tolerance and accommodating, pampering and pampering, infatuation and infatuation, all came to my mind bit by bit, but I never looked at him.Marry him, or live with him, it's just a choice I don't have a choice.He must hate me, otherwise he would not end his life in such a way. He is fighting me the most fiercely, and the price is his life.In the matter of choosing a cemetery, I feel that I have really gone too far.

However, a few days later it was Qi Shujie's [-]-day ceremony. As soon as I arrived at the cemetery, all the regrets disappeared.Qi Shujie’s grave is next to Ye Sha’s, and the tombstone is connected to the tombstone. Both of them looked at me with smiles on the stele, just like the day the two died in the morgue, mocking my stupidity and indifference with the cruelest indifference. slow.

Immediately, I became furious, threw the flowers away, and did not burn the paper. I paced back and forth in front of the tomb irritably, glaring viciously at the resting dog and man.Only then did I understand why Qi Shujie’s grave was chosen here. I subconsciously wanted to remind myself not to forget this hatred, no matter what, I must not forget this hatred!

"I won't forget, Qi Shujie, you will have to pay back what you owe me in your next life!" I yelled.There was an echo in the valley, "You will have to pay back what you owe me in the next life!" echoed in the valley over and over again, and it turned into the valley's condemnation of me.

The voice was so weird that it became Qi Shujie's voice in the end, and he responded over and over again from the other side of the valley: You will have to pay back what you owe me in the next life!You owe me what you owe me in your next life...

I was terrified, and I was so scared that I was about to run away. As soon as I turned around, I bumped into a person. I screamed, which shocked the other person, "What are you doing?!" The other person asked very rudely.

Only then did I settle down and take a look at the man. It was a man with a familiar face, and I was a little dazed for a moment.

"Did you see a ghost?" The man looked at me slightly mockingly.

"You just saw a ghost!" I was stunned, recovered my senses, looked up at this man, sparks burst into my mind, Yesha's husband!Today is Qi Shujie's Hundred Days Ceremony, of course it should also be Yesha's Hundred Days Ceremony, why didn't I think of that.Geng Mochi?I subconsciously looked back at the lower corner of Yesha's stele, where his name was impressively engraved.

"Bai Kaoer!" This guy also saw my name at the bottom corner of Qi Shujie's stele, and read it out.

"It's very rude of you to do that, sir." I glared at him.

"Reciprocity, don't you read it too?" He glanced at me, threw the flower casually in front of Yesha's monument, and looked at his dead wife without saying a word.

I looked at him quietly, and found that this guy was still in good spirits. He was dressed in a beige dress, his hair was not messed up, and the Earl watch on his wrist was shining brightly. The heartbeat man.And just like the last time I saw him, he didn't look like he was attending his wife's funeral, and today he didn't look like he was here to pay respects to his dead wife. His leisurely demeanor seemed like he was going on an ambiguous date.

A gust of wind blows...

From a distance of two steps, I suddenly smelled a faint scent of cologne on his body.I have always disliked men using perfume, but this man uses it just right. The faint smell of the perfume has completely integrated with his own clean and elegant breath, as if he was born with such a smell, romantic, remote, calm...

"Is this your masterpiece?" He looked at the two identical tombstones standing side by side, and turned his face to stare at me, obviously restraining his anger, "Genius idea, thank you for thinking it out!"

"What's the matter, they can do it, but I can't figure it out?" I sneered.

Geng Mochi was too angry to speak.Look at the way he looks at me, aloof and arrogant, as if the person standing in front of him is not a human, but a goblin, is he here to catch a goblin or something?Of course, I am not a fuel-efficient lamp. I counterattacked with the same gaze, and my eyes met for a while, sparks flew everywhere, which was indescribably thrilling.

Geng Mochi was taken aback by me...

As if in an instant, he suddenly smiled, very strangely.

I asked him coldly, "What are you laughing at?"

"I want to laugh."

"what's so funny!"

"Aren't you laughing or crying?" He crossed his arms and looked at me provocatively, "This is what happened, the two of them are loving each other underground, why do you think we are arguing here?"

"That's right, why are we arguing?"

The man said brazenly: "Think about it, if you don't go to the old one, you won't get the new one."

I stared at him, thinking about the meaning of his words, and suddenly laughed, "That's right, if the old one doesn't go and the new one doesn't come, do you still want me to keep his chastity?"

"Huh?" Geng Mochi seemed very happy that I had enlightened so quickly.

But I smiled on my face, but my heart was torn apart like never before. The pain that I had suppressed for more than three months was completely spread out at this moment.good!very good!I gritted my teeth in my heart.

When I came back, I took his car and sat in the passenger seat. I didn't say a word, just leaning against the car window in a daze.He didn't say a word, just drove the car by himself, but I knew he was looking at me from the corner of the eye, and I could see that this gentleman was full of curiosity about me.Me too, there is a kind of magnetism in this man, which attracts me to see him to the end, but I can't show it too obviously, I have to be a lady no matter what.So I opened the car window and pretended to enjoy the scenery outside as if nothing had happened.

The autumn wind rushed towards me with a bit of coolness, and the air was full of the fragrance of soil and wild chrysanthemums, which made people feel refreshed, but the wind was so strong that it lifted my long hair high and swept it across his face.

I smiled at him apologetically and closed the window.

He didn't look at me, but said in his mouth: "Why do you close it? It's good to blow the air."

"I'm afraid you'll catch a cold."

"But I'm hotheaded now."

"I think you are quite calm, you don't seem like a casually feverish person."

"That's because you sat next to me."

"So what?"

"I want to date you, would you like to?"

"Yes, why not?!" I agreed without thinking.

Geng Mochi glanced at me and laughed.

"What are you laughing at?" I asked the same question again, feeling a little [-].

"It's nothing, I just think you're interesting." Luckily, it's not about my two hundred and five.

"I think you're interesting, too."

"Oh?"

"Dating another woman after worshiping his ex-wife, tsk tsk tsk, it's really heartless."

"It's the same with you. You agreed to date another man after worshiping your deceased husband. What a cruel woman!"

(End of this chapter)