If you can love like this

Chapter 3

His eyebrows, his eyes, and his lips conveyed a message to me very vaguely and clearly, my life will be rewritten for this man...

It was autumn at that time, October.

The Furong Hotel is still gorgeous, the music in the western restaurant is lingering, and the exquisite lighting decoration is just right, the lighting is not very bright, but it is luxurious.I made an appointment with Milan and Li Yingzhi for dinner. I can’t remember how many times I ate here. Anyway, we are regular customers here. Usually, anyone who has any happy event or unresolved sorrow will come here. Sometimes it’s for dinner, Sometimes it's drinking coffee, and every time, no matter how worried you are before you come, just make a few jokes, and soon it will be laughter.When the three women get together, it's hard not to be lively.

But this time, we haven't seen each other for more than three months. Everyone should have a lot to say, but apart from the silence, there is only the sound of the collision of each other's tableware. To be precise, it is the collision of my tableware, because from the beginning to the end, I was the only one People are eating.Milan and Li Yingzhi looked at each other, watching me wolfing down the knife and fork, not knowing what happened.They think that at this moment, I should lie on the bed sadly and wait for someone to comfort me, or at least I should not eat, and the pain is so heartbreaking.My abnormal estimate made the two of them a little scared.

This day was exactly 93 days away from Qi Shujie's incident.

"Are you okay?" Milan asked cautiously.

"It's okay, what can I do?" I said calmly, chewing my mouthful of food.

"Really all right?" Li Yingzhi also asked.

This made me feel funny. Although I was depressed, I still lived a good life on the outside. I didn’t cry, I didn’t make trouble, and I didn’t hang myself. According to outsiders, I was living a nourishing life.During the National Day holiday, I didn't go out much. I cleaned the house by myself and threw all the things belonging to Qi Shujie into the storage room.Then locked it with a big lock, and the past was locked into a dark corner by me full of hatred.Then I started to change the furniture, including the sheets on the bed, curtains, bonsai, and all kinds of decorations. I changed everything that could be changed, so that when Milan and Li Yingzhi came to find me, they thought they had gone to the wrong room.They looked at me who was so busy that I couldn't breathe. I didn't recover for a long time.I was very happy to see the two old classmates. I immediately dragged them to the hotel and ordered a large table of dishes.

"Don't look at me like that, don't worry, I won't commit suicide, I won't be so stupid as to go to the funeral for the husband who betrayed me, just look at me, I will live better than ever .” I said with a smile.This is the truth.

"It's good that you can think so, and we can rest assured." Li Yingzhi held my hand and said, "If you feel sad, we will often come to accompany you. My husband went to Shanghai to study, and Dandan also sent him Grandma's house, I have time." She got married a year earlier than me, her children are four years old, and she lives happily.Milan is not married, works in a magazine, and has always been very happy. She is very good in everything, but she is too sensitive to money. Qi Shujie left you a large sum of money in his will, do you want it?"

I was taken aback, and looked up at her coldly, "Do you think I will want it?"

"Why not? You deserve it!"

When Milan heard that I didn't ask for the money, he immediately became very emotional.

"No, I don't want his money! If I want it, I will accept his compensation. Can money be used to compensate for the harm he has done to me?" I suddenly raised my voice, screamed with my eyes wide open, and knocked excitedly. The table said, "No, no, I will not let his schemes succeed, I will make him sleepless even in heaven, I want his heart to be troubled by what he has done in the grave, I want him In the next life, you will pay me back like a cow or a horse, and you will pay it back double!"

Milan looked at me in surprise, like looking at a monster.

"Haven't you heard of it? You can't owe a debt when you die. I can't ask him for it, and God will ask him for it. He can't ask for it from him, and he can't ask for it from his relatives. He can pay it back from his relatives." I can't ask for it, hehe..." I sneered, "Don't worry, God will chase after him to ask for it in the next life, he can escape this life, but not the next life!"

After I finished speaking, I stuffed a large piece of steak into my mouth, chewed it hard, and looked determined.

Yeah, at first I thought I wouldn't be able to survive, but I survived.Although I am not reconciled, but I will not be defeated by Qi Shujie, I go to work as usual during the day, and fall asleep when I get home after the show at night, and it is already dawn when I open my eyes, so I pack up and go to work again.This went on and on again and again, day by day, I actually lived very peacefully, doing what I should do, eating, sleeping, shopping and doing beauty treatment.Whenever I bring home a large bag or come out of the beauty salon with a radiant face, the neighbors always look at me with strange eyes and talk a lot, "Look, what kind of couple is this? God, just..." I understand the implication of the words, not only is the wife not sad when her husband dies, but she is more energetic than before, and she seems to be irresponsible.

If Qi Shujie knew about it, he would probably jump out of the urn in anger.But so what, he went to hell with other women to seek pleasure, why should I keep the festival for him?
"Kaoer..."

Milan looked at me worriedly, looking very scared.She knew that at this time, I was like a powder keg full of explosives, untouchable, and would explode as soon as I touched it.The hatred in my heart is enough to destroy the whole world, what I just said is a curse, and it is not only Qi Shujie who is cursed!

"Do you know, Kao'er," Milan tried to change the subject, "Qi Shujie's brother hasn't been contacted yet, and I've started all the relationships but still haven't heard from him, and I don't know if he's still in this world..."

"I have nothing to do with Qi Shujie, I don't want to hear any more about him!" I interrupted her, and put down the knife and fork in my hand heavily, and the metal made a screeching sound immediately when it hit the plate.

Qi Shujie does have an elder brother, but this elder brother ran away from home more than ten years ago and went abroad, and rarely contacted his family. Anyway, I have never met him. Counting that there has been no news for four years, no one knows where he is wandering in the world.

Now that Qi Shujie was dead, some relatives reminded Qi's mother to contact her son abroad as soon as possible, no matter what the previous festivals were, after all, he was the only blood of the Qi family.Mother Qi accepted, even though she had been very reluctant to mention the rebellious and unfilial son for many years.But half a month has passed, and there is no news at all. As Milan said, he doesn't know if he is still in this world (Milan is at the magazine office, and she is responsible for finding someone).I originally had some sympathy for the old lady, but the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has always been very tense. After Qi Shujie's death, instead of thinking that her daughter-in-law was wronged, she thought that it was because her daughter-in-law treated her son badly that caused him to find a new love and finally died. Undoubtedly, the already unsustainable relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is even worse.Even if I finally gave up the right to inherit the inheritance, the old lady did not change her usual coldness, she didn't even call for greetings, as if I should do all this, and I am dead or alive to their Qi family It's irrelevant.

"Forget about the past, don't make yourself too miserable, it won't be worth it." Milan tried his best to persuade me.Yingzhi also helped to speak: "Yes, Kao'er, let the past pass."

"The past is already in the past, but it won't just be forgotten..."

"Kao'er, your appearance makes us very worried!"

"Don't worry about me, Milan, you just need to tell me," I suddenly raised my face, and said cruelly like crazy, "Where is there a cemetery, I will bury him, deeply and forever Under the ground..."

Saying this, it means that everything is over, all vows to hell, people's hearts are so sinister, it is inevitable that Lao Yan will go his own way, and since he chose to leave in this way, I don't think there is any need to complain.Still the same sentence, I swear I will forget him as quickly as possible!
A week later, I found Changqing Cemetery through the introduction of Milan.

The environment is very good, surrounded by mountains and rivers, large green pines and cypresses surround the cemetery, the endless grassland stretches and undulates among the hills, pink and white and golden wild chrysanthemums are scattered among the grasslands, and the mountain wind blows Come on, there is a faint fragrance of chrysanthemums in the air, which seems to evoke some memories of my past...

But it's so strange, I can't remember anything about the past, the past is actually lighter than the mountain wind, and after shaking in the bottom of my heart, I can't find any traces worth remembering, I suddenly found that the ten thousand things I lived in the past The year was a blank.I can’t think of any meaningful things I’ve done in the past ten years: When I was in middle school, I fell in love with a boy. In my memory, he always wore a white shirt, had a shy smile, and had excellent grades. Many girls liked him He, I don’t know why he just looked at me differently. At that time, I was a well-known younger sister in the school, and my grades were poor. Maybe it was a scumbag student like me who made him feel “interesting” and often tutored me in the questions. Boys and girls are in love for the first time, hazy and sweet, we slowly started to have some signs, who knows that the good times will not last long, the boy drowned and died in an outing, watching him being nailed into the coffin at the funeral, I screamed and became Depressed.

My tragic personality came down around that time. On the surface I dismissed everything, but inside I was fragile and sensitive. Later, when I went to university, I was always sick for a while, and became thinner sister Lin. The man who loved me often pitied me Call me "sick cat", that man is my teacher.This teacher-student relationship made both sides miserable, and now that I think about it, it makes no sense. Instead, it made me afraid of being loved from now on, because the people who love me seem to end up badly.

What a pity, my later husband, Qi Shujie, also loved me to death but did not come back to life. He betrayed me, cheated on me, and then died, so my four-year marriage with him was meaningless. I got nothing. But I lost everything, so when I think back to the past, I will be blank, even if I am facing the beautiful scenery of mountains and rivers at this moment, I will be blank...

A gust of wind blew, with a little coolness, I shivered, and my thoughts came back.At this time, I found myself on a secluded hillside full of wild chrysanthemums. The staff pointed to the land under my feet and said, "Miss, this is here. Are you satisfied? If not, I can take you to another place to see it." look."

I looked around, and of course I was very satisfied. This is indeed a good place for people to rest in peace. If possible, I really hope that the person who sleeps here is myself.But the one who will be buried forever is her husband Qi Shujie, and today I am here to find a cemetery for him.It's ironic to think about it. When he was alive, he arranged everything for me and never let me worry about it. Now that it's all right, it's finally my turn to arrange for him, but I help him choose the cemetery. Believe me, it's strange how I didn't feel it before.

Suddenly, my eyes fell on a nearby tomb, and the words on the tombstone made my heart beat faster: the tomb of my beloved wife Yesha.Yesha? !I almost jumped up, and hurried over to look carefully at the small characters on the top of the stele. It was the date of the deceased's birthday and death "July 7th", which was the day Qi Shujie died!Look at the signature again, Fu Geng Mo Chili.

Geng Mochi?Is that the man you saw at the funeral?
I stared at the noble black-and-white photo of Yesha on the tombstone, and a cruel murderous aura burst out from the bottom of my heart, burning violently like a flame. I felt that my mind was unusually sober at this moment, as if I had never been so sober in my life.I walked over, as if walking towards the altar step by step, even if I was smashed to pieces, I would have no scruples.I approached the woman, stared at the cold black and white photo and laughed nervously...

When I got home at night, I was having that dream again.

Many years ago, when I was only a few years old, I always had the same dream. There were no specific characters or scenes in the dream, just a feeling. I always felt that someone was strangling my neck, making me unable to breathe. Struggling, unable to shout or move, no one rescued me, no one paid attention to me, only boundless darkness and fear surrounded me.That kind of suffocation and despair still scares me.

I woke up in a dream again and again, with tears streaming down my face, and a cold sweat all over my body. Many times in my nightmares, I thought I was just suffocating to death.I have been haunted by that nightmare for many years.Coupled with frailty and malnutrition, my childhood was spent constantly seeing a doctor and taking medicine.My mother once thought that I would not be able to support me. She told my fortune, and the fortune teller said that I was haunted by a hanged ghost, and said that I was full of evil spirits, and my life might be doomed.My mother bought me a talisman with money, but the effect didn't seem to be obvious. My nightmares lasted until I was a teenager, maybe 14 years old. In that year, I suddenly stopped having that dream.My family was very happy, thinking that I got rid of that so-called hanged ghost, and I would be safe and sound for the rest of my life.

But why am I having this dream again now?I was strangled by someone again, unable to breathe or move, the surroundings were as silent as a tomb, and no one rescued me...

Qi Shujie, where is my husband?
Ah, there he is, and there's a woman with him, and they're standing by that lake waving at me.I tried my best to see the woman's face clearly, but I couldn't see clearly, there was a lake in the middle, and there was fog on the lake.

Qi Shujie, come here, what are you doing?Why are you with that woman?You only have me in your heart, how can you be with her?I heard myself shouting, shouting desperately... But he couldn't hear, the fog on the lake was getting heavier, and gradually, I couldn't see him, and the woman.

I cried so anxiously on the side of the lake, crying and crying, I woke up and lay on my back on the bed like a collapse. In the confusion, I couldn't figure out whether the darkness I was in was a dream or reality.

I know it's going to be another sleepless night.Since Qi Shujie's incident, I have been plagued by insomnia, and I often see his distant and blurred face in my dreams.He seemed very distressed, looking at me hesitating to speak.

What is he trying to say?Do you want to say that he left me and sank to the bottom of the lake as a helpless act, or do you want to say that his betrayal of me was out of necessity?I have no way of knowing the answer, and never will.

But sometimes I also think about what I want, it seems that there is nothing missing, and it seems that there is nothing.When Qi Shujie was alive, he always said that I was heartless, and I didn't care about things that other people care about.He can't figure out what I care about, because I don't even care about him, I never check his post, never secretly look at his mobile phone, I never ask him when he is on a business trip for ten and a half months, sometimes he socializes late When I came back, I was not interested in asking where the perfume smell on his body came from.

It was only later that I realized that Qi Shujie cared very much about things that I didn't care about. My indifference made him feel neglected.He tried his best to make me happy, but he never saw me really happy. I smiled when I received the expensive jewelry and gifts, and turned around and threw them into the drawer, so he was a little disheartened later. Although the gifts I still give it away, but I don’t bother to think about it anymore. Every time I ask the secretary to choose it and then give it to me.I knew it in my heart and didn't bother to break it, because I didn't care.

So this irritated Qi Shujie even more.Once we didn’t know why there was a cold war. He came back late at night, drank a little too much, looked at me drunk, and asked in a hoarse voice: “Kao’er, you don’t care about me because you don’t love me. You don’t care if I die outside. , isn’t it?” I don’t remember how I replied to him at that time, but I only know that although we reconciled later, he came back later and later, and the number of business trips increased, and even the indispensable relationship between husband and wife The intimacy is also dealt with.

(End of this chapter)