If you can love like this

Chapter 44

"Don't call me teacher, I feel guilty." Gao Peng squinted at me and smiled.His appearance is not ugly, his skin is a little dark, which may be related to the nature of his work. He has been shooting outdoors for many years. Comparable small eyes, very attractive, always squinting, no matter how you look at him, you think he is not serious.In fact, this is also the case. He basically didn't say a few serious words along the way. In the large team of more than 20 people, he was the most active stimulant, always making laughter continuously.

During the next ten days of gathering, we went to many places, first visited the former residence of Mr. Shen Congwen, and then visited the Phoenix City described by Mr. Shen.This is a simple and primitive town, every corner exudes moving humanistic feelings, the stone street in the east gate, the ancient Hongqiao in Shawan, Wanming Tower, Diaojiaolou, and the ancient and majestic Phoenix City Tower, the South Great Wall and Huangsi Bridge The ancient cities all show the unique local culture of Xiangxi.My favorite is to sit on a wupeng boat at the ancient wharf at the north gate to visit the beautiful Tuojiang River. You can have a panoramic view of the green mountains and green waters and the stilted buildings along the bank. Tang, the mood suddenly relaxed, and I can not think about many things that should be thought and should not be thought for the time being. I think this trip to Xiangxi is very meaningful.

But I'm not here to have fun, and neither are the others. Everyone has their own things to do.Painters like to sketch in Shawan.Writers and poets hang out in every corner of the city all day long, visiting people and experiencing life. The writer Luo Luo who shares my room will show us all kinds of gadgets she has collected every night when she returns to the inn, including all kinds of embroidered insoles. Just collected a lot.The two musicians worked very hard. They went to the Demiao village in Jishou to collect folk music materials. All the Miao people, men, women and children, could sing. The music is very distinctive. They took recording equipment there and didn’t come back for several days. , it seems that the harvest is not small.Gao Peng is the only one who is engaged in photography. He is the busiest. He holds up his camera all day long and shoots everywhere, including scenes and people.

There are five or six of us reporters, who claim to be guerrillas. We collect intelligence here today, dig news there tomorrow, and return to the hostel at night to write interviews and send them to our respective newspapers or radio stations. There is competition and cooperation, and everyone gets along happily.I have the most contact with Gao Peng, and there is no other way. He follows me everywhere like a shadow, chats with me, and takes pictures of me.It's hard to describe him in one sentence, he can't say how decent he is, but he's not obscene, and he can't stop joking.I appreciate his straightforwardness, he can say what he wants, he can do whatever he wants, and he doesn't feel pressured with him, because he is so good at being funny.Maybe it's because I've been depressed for too long, and I urgently need to release the pressure and pain in my heart. My heart is defenseless, and it's completely open. It is a noncommittal attitude.

On the afternoon before the return trip, Gao Peng took me to Wangcun, which is the old filming location of the movie "Furong Town", to take pictures, and we had a long talk there.Before that, we often talked and chatted together, and had a general understanding of his living conditions.He is not from Hunan. He has never told me clearly where his hometown is. He is just a person who is not clear about what he does.As for his educational background, how he started his business, how he became famous, and even his current situation and future plans, he spoke very vaguely. Later, I made a piece of work to participate in a national competition, and won a bullshit award by accident, and found two buddies to work alone after I came back, and by accident, I became what I am today."

He didn't mention the hardships of becoming famous, it must be hard, for a wage earner from a foreign country with no relatives, it is not easy to win the recognition of the society.His refusal to speak does not mean that he has not experienced hardships. The real suffering cannot be expressed. This is my understanding, because his seemingly indifferent ridicule always inadvertently reveals the hidden vicissitudes and sadness.

Gao Peng has always lived in a vague way, seeing things vaguely, and doing things vaguely. I have another understanding of his vagueness. I think he is actually using his own vagueness to do the most tenacious resistance to external disturbances.Because he is very honest, he neither flatters others nor elevates himself. He can speak very frankly even on the most sensitive topics, such as women. There are few regular girlfriends. He often spends the night with each other the night before, and when we break up the next day, he forgets their faces and even their names. This cycle repeats itself, a vicious circle, and life becomes muddled like this, with no goals and no direction. , and there is no end.He can't stop, he needs those comforts and stimulations to fill his mind... I have never come into contact with such a person before. When I met him, I didn't feel disgusted, but a little bit of sympathy. I don't know why.

"What kind of person do you think I am?" I asked him deliberately in Wangcun.

"You give me a very special feeling, very simple, but a bit depraved... You make me unable to stop thinking about you and analyzing you. Before that, I seldom think about anything." Gao Peng sat on a rock and watched follow me.

"It's good not to think. Without thinking, there is no pain and trouble."

"But I'm very tired of the way I am now, I want to change, you... gave me the motivation to change suddenly," he looked at me seriously, "and I think you are also very tired and tired, you want to change something, Isn't it?"

I looked at him, just smiled and said nothing.

"We are the same kind, and we all live in a muddle." Gao Peng said affirmatively.

“How come you see?”

"Feeling is just feeling," Gao Peng analyzed me from an artist's keen perspective, "From the very beginning, I thought you were a dawdler, trying to fight for something and trying to escape from it..."

I was secretly surprised, Gao Peng's small eyes are so powerful.

"So I think we are very suitable to be together." Gao Peng finally stopped hinting, but made it clear.In fact, in the past 20 days, he has pointed it out to me many times in half-joking and half-serious ways. I always thought he was joking and talking crazy, and didn't think about it deeply. Artists are a little neurotic.I tolerated his arrogance, and it was my tolerance that created opportunities for him to progress step by step.

"Both of them are confused, wouldn't they be even more confused together?" I said with a smile.

"Wrong, because we both have no goals in life. If we are together, we can find factors that can change each other from each other. In other words, we are all very dark and confused people. We need someone to ignite ourselves. A little light, so I won’t let myself continue to struggle and hesitate.”

Just because of such a sentence, I was suddenly a little moved, "Gao Peng, I always thought you lived a good life."

"Do you think I'm fine?" Gao Peng asked back, "I work numbly every day, live numbly, have no direction, no goals. I have long wanted to find a decent woman to live with, really... I really hope that I can live Be normal..."

"You think I'm serious?" I asked back.

"Aren't you serious?" He squinted his eyes and smiled at me. "Compared to the women I've been in contact with, you are purer than crystal."

I laughed out loud, this is the first time I've heard someone call me pure.

"Try it, I will make you happy, even if you don't like me, at least I can make you happy." Gao Peng looked at me expectantly and said.

"Gao Peng, I don't lack love, and I don't look forward to it." These are my sincere words.I have long passed the age of falling in love with myself, and love is too much work. Now I just want to live a simple life, and I don't want to put myself in a dilemma because of the so-called "love".Gao Peng spread his hands, "But you made me look forward to it, I don't know why."

It started to rain on the day we returned to Star City. When we got off the luxury bus after a long journey of more than ten hours, we suddenly found a brand new billboard erected in a corner of the train station square, which was a huge figure. The portrait shows a long-haired woman in a floral short-sleeved shirt standing in front of a row of stilted buildings and looking up at the sky thoughtfully. It seems that it is raining. I picked it up from the water, and what made me dumbfounded was that the woman in the picture was me!This photo was taken by Gao Peng when I first arrived in Xiangxi. How did I get it at the train station, and the line of white artistic words at the bottom of the picture is more eye-catching: "Do you know that I am waiting for you?" There is also a line next to it Small print, "Xiangxi welcomes you."

Obviously, this is a billboard for tourism. Judging from the clarity of the picture, it is obviously just finished. Where did Gao Peng come from with such great skills? We are still in western Hunan, so he can remotely control the scene in Star City Make such a huge billboard.I immediately looked for Gao Peng in the crowd, and he was smiling at me with narrowed eyes.

Other people in the same industry also saw the billboard and screamed.I later found out that after Gao Peng sent the photos to his friends in the Star City studio through the computer, his buddies worked overtime overnight to make this billboard and replaced the old one at the train station.His good intentions left me speechless in astonishment.

This matter was spread all over the radio station very quickly, so who would not know about the huge billboard standing there?Everyone made fun of me, saying that my trip to Xiangxi was really worth the money, and Gao Peng was always hanging out on the radio station, so he was slaughtered by those guys, eating and playing. Let Gao Peng spend less.But I can feel that he is very excited, not only entertaining my colleagues and friends, but also taking me to show off in front of his gang of friends, because among his friends, only his "girlfriend" is a woman from a good family. It made him feel very proud.

"I finally found a decent woman to live with..." This is what he must say when meeting friends.

Whenever I just smile quietly at this time, I don’t deny or admit our relationship that he declared to the outside world. I can’t explain why, but I feel that Gao Peng looks heartless, but in fact he is very sensitive and inferior, which makes me I can't bear to hit the excitement that he really showed when he was with me.I know the reason for Gao Peng's excitement. He really wants to change and live a normal life.His desire for a normal life is beyond my imagination. In fact, it is not unusual for me to be with him, that is, to eat together, go shopping, watch movies, or go to Nanmenkou to eat a very spicy shrimp. Wait, of course I also drink, and sometimes I talk about my heart when I am drunk, but when I wake up the next day, I forget everything, what to do or what to do, nothing will change.

I knew that I was under anesthesia, and I didn't bother to think about anything, but I felt much more relaxed.I tried my best to forget the longings and pains that made me breathless, and tried to change my life in a new way. Gao Peng was born to be a master of fun, and he could always think of different ways to have fun within a week. Hiking, fishing, ice skating, swimming, weekend trips to the country, and more.By the way, he also has a studio in the countryside. It is a rented farmer's house with earthen walls and mud tiles. Gao Peng likes it very much, and his works are hung in the house.He is indeed very talented in photography, and the things he shoots can always capture the soul of the picture.I like his works, and appreciate his free and easy and casual, sometimes even think he is like a child, so transparent without any impurities.

Gao Peng has a rich nightlife and spends three or four nights a week in bars.I was also pulled away by him occasionally. What interested me was that everyone around him explained him differently. Some said he was bankrupt, some said he had been in a cell, some said he had taken drugs, There are also those who said that he sold pirated books, and some even said that he opened an underground casino... But no one said that he was engaged in art. According to those people's descriptions, Gao Peng is a man who is full of five poisons and commits all kinds of evil. Turn a blind eye and close one eye to be dubious.

There is only one thing that can be confirmed, that is, his flirting skills are indeed well-deserved. It can be concluded that he really crawled from the crowd of women, and the words he told me when he was in Xiangxi did not seem to be exaggerated at all.It also made me understand why he wanted to live a normal life so much, and I was the woman who rescued him from the chaos. .

In other words, the reason why I am so carefree is largely because my "lonely" neighbor is not in China recently. I heard from Yingzhi that he returned to the United States not long after I went to Xiangxi.Without someone staring at her, she really felt much more at ease.But I didn't expect Qi Shuli to come back so soon, and he happened to bump into Gao Peng to send me home.At that time, Gao Peng and I had a great chat on the terrace by the lake. Because we knew each other too well, it was common for us to hold hands and hug each other. It felt like Gao Peng was more like a buddy of mine.He seemed to say something very funny. I kicked him, and he picked me up by the waist as if to throw me into the lake. I was so frightened that I screamed and yelled, which attracted the attention of the passing neighbors.I didn't think there was anything wrong with it, and I didn't even notice that Qi Shuli, who had just returned home from get off work, was watching from the side.

After Gao Peng left, I was about to enter the house. Qi Shuli had already changed out of his suit and put on a comfortable knitted sweater, standing at the door of my house, and greeted me coldly: "Kaoer, long time no see!"

"Hey, when did you come back?" I was so busy playing with Gao Peng just now that I didn't notice him.

"When did I come back, do you care so much?" He stared at me like hooked eyes, "It's so impressive to have moved on so quickly, why didn't you introduce me just now?"

I didn't bother to care about him and went into the house by myself.Qi Shuli followed in, and Xiaosi was busy in the kitchen wearing an apron, and was pleasantly surprised when he heard the sound, "Uncle Qi, are you back?"

If it was normal, Qi Shuli would definitely greet Xiao Si, but today he just nodded, looking very ugly.Xiaosi was very good at observing words and expressions, so he hurried in and poured tea in silence.

I went straight upstairs, thinking that Qi Shuli would stop there, but I didn't expect him to come up with me, and I immediately became a little wary, because he had never gone upstairs with me alone.I turned around and stood at the stairs and stared at him, "What are you doing?"

"What do you think I'm going to do?" He walked up step by step, with a straight face, his eyes behind the lens were stinging like ice, "Kao'er, I haven't seen you for so long, and you still don't welcome me?"

At this time, I also noticed that the atmosphere was a little different from usual, so I tried to squeeze out a smile, "I'm so familiar, do I still need this?" To be honest, I think my smile may be a little fake, and my face is stiff of.

Qi Shuli went upstairs and stood in front of me aggressively, "Really, are we familiar? Then can we have some intimate behaviors, just like you and that kid just now, is that okay?"

I took two steps back when I was asked, obviously he couldn't find the answer he wanted on my face, his eyes flashed like a knife, he suddenly laughed, and the laughter echoed in the silent house, making people feel creepy.I didn't dare to look at him directly, and retreated to the wall. At this time, I realized the danger was coming, and forced myself to calm down, "What's wrong with you, I didn't offend you, why are you..."

(End of this chapter)