If you can love like this

Chapter 53

And I think Qi Shujie must have recognized me, even a dead soul should have a memory, because he looked back at me from time to time while swimming into the distance, with a faint smile on his pale face.

why is he smiling at me?

He didn't say a word, why did he just smile at me?
Four years, I have never seen him in a dream, I don't know what I did wrong to make him hate me so much, he won't even give me an empty dream, resolutely in my world Disappeared cleanly.

I feel like I'm crying, the light is gradually fading, and I'm trapped in the cold dark world and I can't make a sound.This is exactly my sorrow. In the real world, I was abandoned by people. In the underground world, I was still ignored. It’s okay to fail as a human being, and to be so lonely as a ghost.I was desperate, the surroundings were endlessly dark, except for the sound of splashing water, I couldn't hear or see anything, my world had no light and no end.It can be seen that death is not the end of despair. In a world unknown to us, no one can guarantee that you will be able to obtain the rest of your soul after entering that world. For example, myself, it is like falling into the bottom of a dark well. The so-called love, the so-called life and death , In the end, it was just a gorgeous dream, all hopes and dreams were gone with the rushing water, I struggled in such darkness, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't speak, even crying became weak, no one could hear, and no one could hear me. People will save me.

Die, just let me die like this...

"Kao'er, Kao'er..."

Faintly, I heard someone calling me, close to my ear, the voice was very familiar.I breathed heavily, I could no longer hear the sound of running water, and gradually there were vivid lights and shadows in my mind, and when I vaguely saw those lights and shadows, I had already opened my eyes.I saw Yingzhi lying on my bedside, her eyes were red and swollen, and there were tears on her face. The moment I opened my eyes, she called out: "Kao'er! Are you awake?" Almost at the same time, she jumped up and rushed towards me. Outside the ward, "Doctor! Doctor!..."

Taking advantage of this gap, I slowly rolled my eyes to look around, and my eyes were full of dazzling white.Intuition here should be a hospital.It turned out that I was not dead, the window was half open, and there was faint sunlight coming in.The air was filled with the smell of disinfectant, and there was an IV bottle hanging on the infusion stand beside the bed. I felt uncomfortable in my nose. Only then did I realize that there was still an oxygen tube inserted into my nostril. It turned out that I relied on this to breathe.Not only the nose is uncomfortable, but I feel uncomfortable all over the body, especially the chest. Every time I take a breath, there is a tearing pain. I have a strong coughing feeling, but I can't cough it out.

The doctors came in one after another and checked my vital indicators one by one.

Sakura cried out of joy, and tremblingly called someone beside her, "Well, she woke up, she just woke up... Okay, I know, are you coming? Just come, okay, I'll wait for you..."

When Yingzhi told me that I had been rescued for several days and nights, and that I was transferred from the ICU ward to the general ward yesterday, and that Geng Mochi had already returned to Shanghai, my tears flowed out.

"Kao'er, forget about him, do you know that you almost lost your life, why are you bothering?" Yingzhi cried, "Geng Mochi actually didn't feel well when he left, his condition looks worse than yours. It’s not much better, when he accompanied you on the first night, he was infusion himself. He told me that he would take Milan to Japan so that she wouldn’t trouble you. He won’t live long. He wanted me to tell you , he will wait for you in another world, he can only be sorry for you in this life..."

I looked at the snow-white ceiling, trembling my lips, unable to say anything.

The pain in my chest made it hard for me to even breathe.

Sakura took out a tissue and wiped my tears, and said: "Let yourself go, what kind of life have you said in the past few years, how many times have you escaped from death, think about your parents, at such an age, you really Want them to send the white-haired people to the black-haired people? I didn't dare to call your parents this time, because I was afraid that the old people would be stimulated. Kaoer, there are so many people who love you around you, can you treat yourself better? What? Mr. Qi also didn’t close his eyes for several nights. When your situation was most critical, he almost called a helicopter to send you to Beijing for rescue..."

"Geng, when did Geng Mochi... leave..."

"Kaoer, what are you asking him for? He's going to settle in Japan soon. He's already registered with Milan. Give up!" Yingzhi shook my shoulder, "Why aren't you sober, you're already like this I still miss him..."

"Do you know that you almost died?" Half an hour later, Qi Shuli rushed to the hospital and said the same thing to me.He stood by the bed and clenched his hands into fists, as if he was trying his best to suppress the imminent emotion, "Your lungs are choked, causing respiratory failure. Although you have been rescued, you have been at the root of the disease for the rest of your life. What else are you going to do?" ?He and Milan were registered in Shanghai yesterday. They are a legal couple. The reality is in front of you. Why can’t you give yourself a way out? Dig a hole and bury yourself in it! Now, please live well and cherish every day of your life. Your life not only belongs to yourself, but also to the parents who gave birth to you and raised you. You have no right to take it away Walk!"

"I, I can't swallow this breath... He would rather save the dead than save me, I just want an explanation." I was still gnashing my teeth, and my body was trembling pitifully.

Qi Shuli sat on the chair next to my bed and held my cold hand from the infusion, "He also told me about the situation before he went to Shanghai. From the standpoint of a bystander, I think he did the right thing, although His wife is dead, but the dead also has dignity, even the dignity of the dead is better than the living, because the dead will not defend themselves, have no perception, no consciousness, so they should be respected by us living people, this is It's a kind of humanity. Geng Mochi must have been desperate to make such a decision. If he didn't marry Milan, the reputation of his wife Yesha would be ruined. He has no choice at all, which makes me feel bad about him Looking at it with admiration, this guy is quite affectionate. As for people like Milan who have no personality, no shame and no morals, they will not end well. We will wait and see. Kaoer, promise me that you will never do stupid things again. Do you know how I came here these days, you are too irrational, you do things without considering the consequences..."

What Qi Shuli said later, I was already very vague, because I didn't want to hear anything.I turned my face and looked out of the window. The sun had disappeared and the sky had become overcast. The whistling wind and the beating of branches could be clearly heard in the ward. I heard Qi Shuli say beside me: "The weather forecast says It’s been snowing for two days and it’s very cold outside, you have to take care of your body and don’t catch a cold, otherwise your lungs will have serious problems.”

In the next few days, people kept coming to the hospital to see me. Ah Qing and several colleagues came. On the weekend, Lao Cui and several other station leaders also came to the hospital to comfort me to take good care of my illness and not to worry about work. on heart.I know that the radio station is very busy at the end of the year. It is really unkind and guilty for me to be hospitalized at this time.Gao Peng came to see me almost every other day. He told me excitedly that his solo photography exhibition is already under preparation and is expected to open next spring. Many of his buddies are helping out. How important." Gao Peng said.I saw the rare excitement on Gao Peng's face, it was a kind of beautiful vision for the future, he was finally no longer the photographer who lived a mediocre life, this made me very happy, and it also relieved my inner pain to some extent pain.

Now Gao Peng in turn comforts me, encourages me, and tells me jokes every time he comes. I am not so arrogant and condescending in face, and sometimes I even exchanged a few words with him, because every time Gao Peng came, I would be amused by him, but Qi Shu Lilai, I mostly kept silent.

This made Qi Shuli very frustrated, "In your eyes, I am not even as good as a gangster?" He once asked me this way.I straightened my face immediately and reprimanded: "Please pay attention to your wording, Mr. Qi."

Qi Shuli could only sigh, "I really don't want to die!"

After I was discharged from the hospital, I was temporarily unable to work. The doctor told me to rest in peace and rest. The condition may relapse at any time, because my lungs were indeed choked, and if I didn’t pay attention, I would be infected and cause a series of complications such as pneumonia.For this reason, Qi Shuli specially assigned a private doctor for me, who was on call at any time. He was afraid that Xiaosi would not be able to take care of me when he was too young, so he even transferred Yingzhi to my side.But Yingzhi seems to be very busy. Every time she comes in a hurry, she leaves in a hurry, and she is very worried about the accounts of the construction site. She is afraid that she will not be responsible for any mistakes, so she keeps calling and calling when she comes. The colleague explained this and that, and had to go home every day to make dinner for Zhou Youji. I was embarrassed to keep her here and asked Qi Shuli to transfer her back to the construction site. Qi Shuli hesitated for two days and transferred her away, but not to the construction site. , but arranged for her to return to the company to continue to be responsible for the management of personnel files.

Yingzhi was a little apprehensive about this, thinking that she had made a mistake in her work, which made me very sorry, but Qi Shuli said it was just a normal transfer of work, and told me not to worry.

During this period, Jinyi called many times to inquire about my condition, her words were sad, and she choked up when she spoke several times. I learned from her that Geng Mochi would take Milan to live in Japan after New Year's Day. She spoke very carefully, I just kept silent, Jin Yi thought I was calm, but she didn't know that I was crying like rain on the other end of the phone.

That night, Jin Yi called again and told me: "His sister has returned to China, and she may visit you."

"I don't know his sister."

"His sister is also my classmate. If you see her, you will definitely like her."

"Why did she come to see me?"

"Maybe Mochi has something that she needs to convey to you. Kao'er, I know I shouldn't say this, but I really don't want you to hate him. He even made arrangements for the funeral when he went to Japan this time. I didn't plan to come back." Jinyi said on the phone and broke down in tears, "He and Milan have an agreement to marry, and he asked Milan not to trouble you after his death, and to keep silent about Ye Sha's matter forever Otherwise, Milan has no right to inherit the inheritance. The only details I know are these two points. Kaoer, he really had no choice but to do this. He cherishes all the people he loves, including you. If you read his will, you will understand how much he loves you. In the first few days after returning from Star City, he came to me every day to tell me his confession to you. I grew up with him, and I never Seeing him so sad, he only has one breath left, Kao'er, forgive him, please..."

"..."

At the moment, I am sitting on the recliner in the bedroom. Through the floor-to-ceiling windows, I can see the opposite side of the water. The white building is as silent as a tomb under the night. There are two street lamps in the garden next to the house. I feel sorry for the two plants. The magnolia tree that I like very much was blown to one side by the strong wind, and almost broke in the middle. I looked at the two trees struggling to stand upright in the strong wind for a long time, and suddenly I was relieved. Trees have dignity, let alone people. Maybe I was thinking too much about my own feelings and ignoring the pain in his heart.

I let out a long breath, "Jinyi, I don't hate him anymore, it's our fate, it's useless for me to hate anyone. That's it, forget it. If you see him, please tell me, he When preparing the cemetery for myself, leave me a hole next to it. We will not be able to be together in this life. I hope that if we go underground in the future, I can be his companion. This request is not too much, Jin Yi? "

"Kao'er!" Jin Yi cried loudly.

Soon Qi Shuli returned to the United States to deal with the company's affairs. Without the daily routine greetings, I was much quieter and more at ease.A person's world is very quiet, so quiet that you can hear your own heartbeat.A lot of things slowly settled down, and I was suddenly at a loss. I didn’t understand how the things I had pursued so persistently turned out to be beyond recognition, and when I looked back at those things I experienced, they were actually just repeating some injuries, expectations, disappointments, and pains. , over and over again, endlessly...

Fortunately, I have decided to let go, because I have deeply realized that love does not necessarily have results, it just proves that you have met someone in a certain time and space, and that is enough, isn't it?
That evening, when I came back from a walk outside, as soon as I entered the door, I saw a young woman sitting on the sofa in the living room. She was dressed in a red dress, and her chestnut curly hair hung down to her chest, looking very charming.In particular, a pair of big eyes look forward to shine, like gems, making her whole face glow with a strange look.Seeing me coming in, she got up and smiled gracefully, "Hi, I'm Annie, Geng Mochi's younger sister."

"You, hello." I nodded awkwardly, and before I had time to react, she came forward and gave me a big hug, "I've been hearing about you from my brother, but I finally saw you today, you are more beautiful than the photos."

I was so excited that I didn't know what to do. I took her hand and looked up and down, "Annie, I often hear Mochi mentioning you, but I didn't expect you to come to see me."

"I'm here to help my brother with some things, so I should come and see you." She affectionately pulled me to sit on the sofa, "Are you in good health, I feel that you are so skinny, wearing so much makes you look thin. "

I did wear a lot, I took off my down jacket, and there was a small jacket inside. Since I was hospitalized, my body has been extremely weak and I am very afraid of the cold. Qi Shuli told me to take supplements every day, and bought me many expensive supplements, but still There's no way I can get back to my former rosy health.This is also the reason why I have never dared to go home. If my parents see me like this, they will definitely ask questions again.

For a long time, Anne and I sat face to face on the sofa and looked at each other. Her eyes were so big, and her long and curled eyelashes flickered. She looked exactly like Audrey Hepburn, but her nose was not high enough, and she was a bit petty. But this does not affect her charm at all, because her lips are very thick and full, sexy and provocative, which to some extent makes up for the defect of her nose.I looked at her, and felt that she gave people a very complicated feeling. Her eyes were as pure as angels, but her lips had a seductive style that was completely opposite to innocence. I also fell in love with it. It's not easy.

"Sure enough, you have an extraordinary temperament!" Annie obviously also examined me in her heart, she looked at me with a smile, "No wonder my brother likes you so much, you are much better than that woman."

I lowered my head and fell into silence, overwhelmed by the rolling dark clouds in my heart, I really didn't know how to continue this topic.Annie was very smart, she got up and took out a lot of things from the luggage bag next to the sofa, diverting my attention without any trace. "Jinyi asked me to bring these to you. They are good for your health. You should remember to eat them. Jinyi was going to come too, but her clinic was very busy and she couldn't leave." Annie heard from many He pulled out a red plaid scarf from his gift, "This is from me, I hope you like it."

"Thank you." The scarf is cashmere, very warm, and I can't put it down.

"It's made of New Zealand's specialty wool. It's not bad." Annie was very happy to see that I liked it.

"Well, it's very soft." After only a short time together, I was already attracted by Annie's straightforward personality, and I didn't feel the strangeness of meeting for the first time at all, as if we were old friends for many years, and this time it was just a reunion after a long absence.I asked her, "Are you from New Zealand?"

"Yes, I spent Christmas in New Zealand."

"Is Aunt Shen okay?"

"It's good, my mother always praises you, and my brother always mentions you, which makes me always curious about you." Annie looked at me with her chin propped up, "You are really good-looking, and you are the same type as Jinyi, that's all. Xiuxiuqi, you don't know, Jinyi and I have played together since childhood, we are as close as sisters!"

(End of this chapter)