box of hearts

Chapter 252
When saying these words, Qi She kept looking directly at Qingtian, his eyes were as black as grave soil, and he could even hear the sound of the tomb shovel being turned, "Before I was about to return to politics, you praised me, said I was brave, and said I was such a hero. The bravest man in the world. You are so wrong, I am the most despicable coward, I have no way to face my true self, no way to point to my nose and say: 'Qi She, admit it, the old man is always young, You'll never grow up, you'll be just a kid all your life. You've failed, you've failed!'—so I hid behind your skirts. When you When I smiled, I thought in my heart: This woman is responsible for everything. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t provoke Xi Bian. If I didn’t anger Xi Bian, she wouldn’t provoke the emperor. , so that it is hard to get off today. Qingtian, I have no thousands of reasons for being picky and torturing you, except for one: I regard you as my own scapegoat."

It seems that there is a frenzy surging from the ground, and waves are stirring around the body.Qingtian covered his weeping in a low voice, tears were already streaming down his face.She seems to have been trapped at the other end of the River of Tears, watching him from a distance on the other side of the river, which is as dense as an iron barrel, and arrows and flowing stones will fly down from the top of the city at any time, defeating every effort she tries to get close.In front of her eyes, she saw the slings lowered one by one, the suspension bridge sank little by little, and the heavy iron door made a loud rusting noise, opening to her without any concealment.

"'Who has no faults? There is nothing good that can be corrected.'Qingtian, I wholeheartedly regret the mistakes I have made to you in the past few days. However, not all mistakes have a chance to be corrected. For example, I should How to set foot on the isolated island of Nantai and repent to the emperor—to the child whom I have committed? There is no other way out. It is impossible for me to put the emperor under house arrest for a lifetime. If I let him go, I will have to plead guilty. : "Lime three, listen carefully: [-]. Squat in the courtyard and be the loser who is at the mercy of your father and brother; [-]. Sit on the dragon chair and be a winner like your father and brother. Which one do you choose?""

Qi She gave a dry laugh, with an expression as if his internal organs had been knotted.After a full half a day, he continued: "I can't think of what to do. In the past few months, I have been thinking hard day and night but I have no good solution. I can only procrastinate one day at a time. I have experienced countless turbulent waves in my life. , but no matter how the world shakes, I still feel that there is always a self standing there unshakably. Now, my self has been shattered, so that there is not even powder left. I don’t need to say too much, I also know The situation is not good, and outsiders can’t see it, but I know it in my heart. I used to arrange fifty things a day, and I would forget none of them. I also remembered what I said to someone half a year ago. Clear and clear, but not at that time, I was often forgetful and confused, and by June, I could hardly sleep at night. The day you said—the day I fell asleep on you, I had three full days before I didn’t close my eyes. I blamed all of this on you. When I saw you, I couldn’t help but get angry. I found trouble everywhere, so as to make a fuss. I regretted it when it was over, so I could only avoid it as much as possible. you're trying so hard to pull me out, you're trying to keep me on you. I'm trying to hold myself back, but it's not working. A few times I've looked at you teary-eyed, and all of a sudden it's like It was when my father looked at my mother, he always sneered at her tears, and I could feel the same vile anger rising in my stomach. In this way, I became a tyrant and you became Resentful woman. On my birthday, you had a big fight with me. You called me a devil, and you were right. I dragged you to purgatory, and every day of my own life, I went in and out of the gate of purgatory .”

The wind blows outside the window, and when the wind stops, there will be silence.Only the winter sun shines through the bright paper and falls silently on the ground.Qi She's calm and cold voice wandered slowly through the silence and the light.

"At that time, I wished that you were a mediocre woman who only knew how to be submissive. A man hit you on the left cheek, and you knelt down on your knees and offered him the right cheek. But you don't like this at all, you beat me hard Come back, only you can be so ruthless, wherever it hurts, you hit me. I can’t face you again, I drove you away, but even if you are not here, I can still see your eyes looking at me at the end over and over again , you look so disappointed and contemptuous of me, it’s me standing two steps away and looking at myself. When I think of this look, the only thought I have is to compare with you—who is more Cruel. Hence the little girl. I purposely humiliate you with her youthfulness, and besides, I am a very big man in front of her. I was covered in cold sweat during nightmares at night, and I never tried to let me hide my head in her arms and shed tears. She will not see through me as a despicable and depraved person at a glance like you. I can put on airs in front of her. I To her as a dog; to me, a dog, a dog with a woman's face and body. And you—"

Qi She sighed, and the sigh seemed to go deep into the bone marrow, "Before I met you, I never believed in fate. I am my own god, and I created myself. But when I saw you at the first glance, I knew What is meant to be. Maybe I hated you and cursed you, because only you can destroy me, just as I know how to screw you up, but you and I can never be separated. A man and his Fate, how to separate? It is you who made me accept the existence of fate and make me willing to reconcile with it. 'Out of the east gate, there are women like clouds. Although they are like clouds, I think about them.'[12] There are many people in the world You have such a colorful face, but I only recognize the will of God that rules me in your weak face."

The misty light was dazzled upside down in front of Qingtian's eyes, she only felt that his hands were being groped into them, he held her hands and buried his face in them, something hot was pecking at her palm, Qingtian felt It was not clear whether it was his lips or tears.After a long time, she was able to slowly see everything in front of her. She saw Qi She raised her head from her hands, her eyes were red and bloody, "I don't know how many random dreams I have had in the past few days. It's terrible, but there was a dream that I remember very vividly. In the dream, I was walking in a tunnel. The tunnel was so deep and long that it seemed as if I had been walking alone in it all my life. Finally, I saw the exit , a beam of light came in from the front. Then, I saw—I saw Yongyuan, I saw my wife holding our child, standing in the light and waving to me, she was still a teenager, It was the way it was before everything happened.” Suddenly, a choked sob rose from his voice, which barely showed any emotion, as if being boiled by the torrent of the passing years, surging, “It’s been more than 20 years, I’ve waited enough After more than 20 years, she finally came to see me. She looked at me with a smile, and stretched out her hand to me. I suddenly understood where this tunnel led to, but I didn’t feel afraid. Home. My legs were not limping at all, and I ran to her, running so fast that I was afraid she would disappear before my eyes. I was about to reach her hand, when someone suddenly came from Pulled me from behind, I turned my head and saw you, you held my hand tightly and pulled me back. It was like I saw you for the first time, and then I remembered everything. I see Looking into Yongyuan's eyes, I said sorry to her, her face turned black and blurred, her hand melted at my fingertips, and the baby in her arms cried like a cry, I was heartbroken, but how I also refuse to let go of your hand. I can't let go of you, Qingtian, the only thing I can't let go of in this whirling world is you."

The charcoal in the smoke cage beside the bed was burning, and Qingtian finally understood why he was so good at enduring suffering, because the greatest reward of life was always hidden in suffering, like bright fire hidden in dead wood.The flame was his gaze, he didn't say a word anymore, he just surrounded her with such scorching, bright, crushing gaze, waiting for her answer.

Qing Tian looked at him, what did he want her to answer?All the beautiful and mysterious words in the world have been exhausted by him!She can't give him anything, except for the hot tears that are all over her eyes, face, and heart.She softened and fell into Qi She's chest crying.

Qi She hugged her tightly, letting her tears wet him and submerge him.As eyes are washed with tears, farewell to sorrow.He held Qing Tian in his arms like this, and rubbed his neck with her, "I miss you," he whispered hoarsely, "Qing Tian, ​​I miss you."

What Qingtian used to respond to his hugs and love words was fists, she literally gritted her teeth, and slammed her fist into his chest heavily.Qi She was beaten so hard that he coughed, but he laughed, coughing and instigated in a low voice: "Hit, hit hard."

Qingtian really hit hard, punch after punch, there was a sound of thump.She hit her arm sorely, and she didn't have any strength left, so she collapsed with her head hooked, crying to death.Qi She held her in his arms for a long time, so long that all the ecstasy, sympathy and longing nights that separated the two of them were gone with the wind.

(End of this chapter)