let me look at you

Chapter 21 One Person's Perfect World

As he grows older, the world in Ju Nian's heart becomes more and more limitless, and the door becomes smaller and smaller, so small that only one person can pass through, but no one has ever passed by, the door is covered with dust, only the side facing inward Still spotless.

In the second grade of elementary school, Ju Nian seemed to be a quiet little girl.The extroversion, spirit, and strong desire to express that she showed in her childhood have gradually faded away. The most common appearance of her is to bury her head in the pile of books, to be alone in a daze when she closes the pages, and to smile shyly when someone calls her.

At this time, Xie Maohua and his wife were less picky about Ju Nian. Except that she spent too much time on all kinds of extracurricular books, which made them quite dissatisfied, this daughter has basically met their requirements.Quiet, worry-free, and correct.Of course, they are not picky about Ju Nian, more because the couple's focus is basically on the "effort" they have made for a son.The couple had already responded to the country’s call for late marriage and late childbearing when they were born in Orange Year. Now they are not too young. They hoped and disappointed many times, but the strong desire of a boy made them persevere and persevere like Edison invented the light bulb.

The wind of family planning is blowing tightly, and the Xie couple's childbirth plan has been carried out secretly for several years, and only Ju Nian sees it.A lot of unscrupulous reading and alone time make Ju Nian more intelligent than children of the same age.When parents, colleagues, friends, and relatives of the family see her, they always like to sigh: "This child is really quiet and delicate, and he is extremely well-behaved." At this time, the Xie couple will use a slightly proud He glanced at this daughter, and Ju Nian never talked much, even his smile was shallow.

In fact, I don’t know when it started, Ju Nian no longer felt lost and lonely because of the neglect of his parents, nor did he feel that he was dull.In order not to be a "wandering child", she gave her parents a quiet daughter, but in her heart lived an extremely wonderful and gorgeous world, which was vast and bizarre, and she was the only one swimming in it, unfettered.

When someone praises her for being quiet and well-behaved, maybe she is studying that person's shoes.Shoes can reveal a lot of details about a person. People with splayed feet have special wear and tear on their shoes, and those who walk irregularly have toe caps that break down very quickly. This aunt basically wears high heels every day. She feels that she is never tall enough. That Uncle's shoes had wet marks, but it hadn't rained in the urban area for many, many days... Of course, her curiosity was not limited to the shoes, their hands, the small folds on their clothes, and when they talked The unique expressions are very interesting, and observing these details makes Ju Nian a lot of fun.

Ju Nian's imagination is also richer than that of children of the same age. Boundless fantasies are her favorite game every day.Two ants, one behind the other, were crawling on the wall behind the sofa. She imagined that they had just quarreled, one walked in front, and the other shyly chased behind.Eraser is getting smaller and smaller, and she regards it as a woman who thinks she is too fat. Every night, when everyone falls asleep, Miss Eraser keeps exercising and losing weight, and finally becomes slim as she wishes.

When she was in a daze, her mind was full of these strange things. When someone called her, she was a very normal quiet little girl, obedient, sensible, and a little timid.The door to this world in her heart is closed tightly, and her parents have never entered, although Ju Nian once thought that if they like it, she will be happy to open the door for them.But they never see that door, they only know that this worry-free daughter will occasionally do some weird moves, for example, she likes to cut apples horizontally, and when eating noodles, she always likes to twist the noodles into strange shapes with chopsticks , and then secretly pursed his lips and smiled.

As he grows older, the world in Ju Nian's heart becomes more and more limitless, and the door becomes smaller and smaller, so small that only one person can pass through, but no one has ever passed by, the door is covered with dust, only the side facing inward Still spotless.

Ju Nian is even less talkative, but she laughs wantonly in her own world, and her life doesn't feel boring at all.

If others cannot give her happiness, then she will fulfill herself.

Every time she secretly sees her mother in the toilet with a strange note in her hand, Ju Nian knows that her brother is in trouble again.This made her feel amused, and she even rejoiced that as long as her brother didn't show up for a day, her life status could be maintained for a longer period of time.Although this kind of thinking seems selfish, the teacher said that selfish children are not good children.Oh, forgive a quiet child.

Probably in the second semester of the second year of Juan, Xie Maohua began to work full-time as a driver for the vice president.Ju Nian thought that the newly appointed vice president must be very hardworking, because he was always on business trips, and his father had to run around with him, and he was not at home for two or three days.

How are children born?Ju Nian has not found a clear answer from the book at this time, although as long as she has access to the book, as long as she knows the characters in the book, she loves to read everything, and reads radio and television newspapers with great interest, but it cannot answer her questions. How her little brother appeared may have an answer, but she still can't fully understand it.However, at least one thing is known about Ju Nian, it takes two people to make a child (like two people making bread together, you knead the dough and I ferment it), since one person is not free, there will be no product of.Ju Nian was relieved for a while because of this.

Speaking of which, the vice president's child is the same age as Ju Nian, and he was a classmate in preschool for more than half a year when he was in kindergarten.Ju Nian's deepest memory of that boy came from the fact that he was held by his hand, and he turned around countless times. When he finally stopped, he was half dizzy, half stunned, with his mouth open and unable to close.

Thinking back to that time, although the children who went to the family kindergarten were all the children of the employees of the city hospital, there were differences between the children. For example, those in Ju Nian were the children of the driver, the children of the canteen workers, or the plumbers and guards. children, and some, of course, are the prosecutor's children, the leadership's children.

Children at that age don't have a strong sense of hierarchy, and they don't know how to distinguish these things, but parents do.Just like the son of the deputy dean, he transferred to another school after one month of the beginning of the preschool class. When I grew up, I couldn't understand the local dialect at all, and I spoke rap Mandarin.At first, many children laughed at him behind his back and didn't like to play with him, and the teacher didn't like him. If one of the original seven dwarfs hadn't been sick temporarily, he definitely wouldn't let him take the stage to replace him.The whole year of preschool, this child was unknown. After graduating from kindergarten, he did not study in the nearby Cuihu Primary School divided by urban area like the children in other compounds. Instead, he was sent by his parents to the primary school attached to No. [-] Middle School. When I saw him coming home, everyone almost forgot the existence of this person.

However, when the boy's father became the deputy dean from the head of a department in just two years, everything changed.The number of little boys who came to play with him after school inexplicably increased, and everyone said that he had many interesting new toys.The vice president has a full-time driver to pick him up and drop him off, and he will also take his son along. Xie Maohua is the driver.I don't know which time after dinner, Ju Nian obviously heard his father tell his mother that this son of the Han family was too inconspicuous.But now my father always laments that the son of the vice president who often rides in his car is very smart-of course, Ju Nian is incomparable.

Ju Nian didn't care about these things, until she was in elementary school, she always remembered the boy's name wrongly.When she knew more and more characters, she accidentally found an incomplete martial arts novel from under her father's bed, and she couldn't help but indulge in that world of rivers and lakes. Perhaps, the world in her heart was decorated into a Romantic rivers and lakes.The fascination with martial arts novels has never been out of control since then. She has read those thick tomes since elementary school. When encountering words she does not understand, she has to resort to the "Xinhua Dictionary".

Afterwards, Ju Nian had read thousands of martial arts novels, but the one she loved the most was the horribly incomplete copy when she first met. She didn't realize until she was in the third year of junior high school that it was from Wen Rui'an's "Shenzhou Qixia" series of novels. one of.The hero Xiao Qiushui in it entrusts all Xiaoju's yearning for the opposite sex before his love for the first time.

"When the wind blows and the sky ends, what does a gentleman think? When will the swan geese arrive, and there will be plenty of autumn water in the rivers and lakes."

Wen Ruian used these few words to elicit a perfect man whom Ju Nian admired so much.He has an extraordinary bearing, values ​​love and righteousness, and acts chivalrously. He can be called a great chivalrous man.However, compared to those stories about the victory of justice over evil, what attracts Ju Nian more is the infatuated love between Xiao Qiushui and Tang Fang.

Tang Fang is the little princess of Tangmen in Sichuan. Her grandma, Mrs. Tang, doesn't like Xiao Qiushui.In fact, throughout the whole book, Tang Fang and Xiao Qiushui only met for a short period of time, and then they separated for a long time. They were looking for each other all their lives, and they always missed and missed again.However, Xiao Qiushui entered the Tang Sect alone, and fought a bloody road in an earth-shattering battle, just to see Tang Fang.

Before she knew what it was, Ju Nian had already set the appearance of her love, just like she had set an ending she wanted for Xiao Qiushui and Tang Fang in her heart——

In the cool autumn leaves, Xiao Qiushui held Tang Fang's hand.

Tang Fang said, "Take me away."

He nodded and smiled, and then the two of them flew hand in hand, out of the Tang Sect, out of the rivers and lakes, out of all shackles, and into a world where there were only them.

Remember it, never forget it for a day, it is him (her) at the first sight, and it will always be him (her).This is Xiao Qiushui in Ju Nian's imagination, and also in her imagination, the person she loves.As for the others, whether he is inconspicuous or smart, he is a passerby.

In order to read martial arts novels, Ju Nian learned to save a few dollars from her breakfast money to borrow books from a bookstore near the school. Her classmates also came to read comics and cartoons, and she would exchange her novels. The cover of the book is the same as that of the textbook, which has deceived the teachers and the eyes of parents.

Maybe his attention was distracted, and Ju Nian's grades in elementary school were not good.She can do math problems, but the steps are all correct, but the result is often wrong; Chinese is her strong point, but composition is her weakness.She probably belonged to a bottle with a round belly and a narrow mouth, which contained a lot, but it was not easy to pour it out.

The teachers were not able to "appreciate" Ju Nian's composition, it was either too absurd or too weird.For example, the teacher asked me to write "My Happiest Thing", and the honest Ju Nian wrote it like this: My happiest thing is to sit alone by a window with wind, always sitting, always sitting, very happy, very happy ...

No matter how many ellipses she hits, how many times she repeats her happiness.It is difficult to make up the required word count.And the teacher didn't seem to think that there is any joy in sitting by the window alone at all. She asked Ju Nian to draw more carefully, and more carefully.

Happiness is happiness, how to express it in words?Although all the fill-in-the-blank questions in Ju Nian got full marks, she never got a ranking because of the composition.Before entering high school, there were 40 students in the class, and she was always 20. If there were 50 students in the class, she would be 25.She is not particularly outstanding, and she is not considered a poor student. She never causes trouble in school, never arrives late or leaves early, and doesn't like to talk small talk in class. Apart from being alone, she has no other shortcomings in her student handbook.Parents have no reason to criticize her, and they don't have any expectations of her-their expectations are given to their son who is late.

In the fifth grade of Ju Nian Primary School, just when she thought her brother would never show up again, her parents showed ecstatic smiles on their faces. Since then, my mother stopped working in the cafeteria of the procuratorate and stayed in At home, I am getting fatter every day.

Ju Nian's fear is also getting deeper day by day.She noticed her parents whispering when their backs were turned to her, and began calling her aunt frequently, knowing they were making arrangements to send her away to make room for her future brother.At that time, she had the most vicious idea of ​​a child, hoping that when her mother washed the dishes, mopped the floor, watched TV, and sang, her brother would fall out of her stomach, gone, gone forever, Then, she can stay here forever.

It's a pity that her thoughts can't influence the facts.When my mother's belly was like a small hill, my mother moved to my aunt's house on the outskirts of the city, and rarely showed up in the compound. Every week, Ju Nian went to my aunt's house to deliver things to my mother according to my father's instructions.When my mother's belly was like a mountain, she moved to a relative in a certain town.

Finally one day, Ju Nian was sent to her aunt's house by her father step by step, carrying her small bag on her back.

My aunt settled down for Ju Nian, and before my father left, he squatted down and stroked Ju Nian's little face for the first time.He coughed a few times before saying, "You stay here first, and we will pick you up later."

Ju Nian clutched her small bag tightly, as if it was all hers.

She let her father down. This time, instead of nodding obediently, she looked at the adult in front of her and asked, "When is the future? With a younger brother, will you still want me?"

After hearing this sentence, Dad was extremely embarrassed, and he left after changing his face.Maybe it was because of Ju Nian's words, apart from sending her living expenses, her father rarely came to visit her.

At that time, my aunt coaxed Ju Nian: "Your parents are also very reluctant to part with you, and they feel guilty."

My aunt was actually afraid that Ju Nian would cry, but Ju Nian continued to ask her aunt: "What is guilt?"

(End of this chapter)