let me look at you

Chapter 58 The Two Sides of the Mirror

She wanted to take a look at Chen Jiejie.Because many times, she suddenly felt that Chen Jiejie was her, she was Chen Jiejie, they were two sides in the mirror, contradictory but connected.

Ju Nian opened his eyes by the pillow, there were no moths, no butterflies, no sharp whistles that pierced the soul, no crowded washing, only the unique fresh smell of the yard in the morning, and the broken shadows of leaves spilling in through the window sill.She seemed to be able to feel that the waiting person was taking a rest under the tree with his eyes closed, maybe in the next second, he would push the door open with a smile.

She felt that nothing made her feel more peaceful and peaceful than this moment.

After a simple wash, Ju Nian went to Uncle Cai's shop to get milk as usual.When Uncle Cai saw her, he smiled like a flower blooming on his face.

"Orange year, why hasn't the stock god come here for a while?" Uncle Cai asked tentatively, partly because of gossip among the neighbors, and partly because of expectations for the stocks he owns.

Ju Nian laughed and said: "How dare he come here? If you make a lot of money in the stock market, how can you still care about this small shop? Then he came all the way, where can he find the best milk in the city?" go?"

Uncle Cai moved here from other places three years ago. The small shop he owned at that time has already changed hands several times from its original owner.Lin Henggui was lucky enough to recover a life from Wu Yu's knife, but the "those who harmed him" did not end well, and he lived quite a comfortable life for a few years because of this.It's just that although the small courtyard of Wu Yu's house fell into his hands, he never really lived in it.Because Lin Henggui, who escaped from death, gradually believed in ghosts and gods, he always felt that there were lingering ghosts wandering in that small courtyard. As long as he approached late at night, he seemed to be able to see Wu Yu's bloody face.Gradually, rumors of the inauspiciousness of the hut where two generations of murderers lived spread out somehow, and it was even more difficult for him to resell it.

Half a year before he was released from prison in Ju Nian, Lin Henggui's remnant body after recovering from serious injuries could no longer bear the heavy drinking day after day, and finally died suddenly in a small shop after a hangover.After hastily collecting him, Lin Henggui's cousin, sister-in-law and the only known relatives - Ju Nian's aunt and uncle got the small shop and house he left behind.No one was willing to take the house, but as a small shop with the most prosperous business nearby, the change of hands was quite smooth.In this way, after many years, the small shop was removed to the hands of Uncle Cai.

Uncle Cai is a foreigner, and since he moved to this suburb, Ju Nian has been living nearby with Feiming.The old neighborhoods in this area have changed a lot. Those who have money have already lived in the urban area, and those who have no money are mostly for livelihood reasons. Well, there are not many people who know the old story of Ju Nian and the others. Uncle Cai, who is well-informed in the small shop, also heard some from the private discussions of a few old neighbors.In the eyes of the honest and kind Uncle Cai, there is no way to connect Xie Ju Nian with a woman who was imprisoned for robbery. He believes in his half-life knowledge of people, and he always refuses to listen to the warnings of the neighborhood committee, and is more wary of Ju Nian , and he didn't wear colored glasses when looking at her. In recent years, Uncle Cai has become the most talkative person in the neighborhood with Ju Nian's family, and he can exchange a few pleasantries from time to time.As for the others, Ju Nian also knows that others have more or less scruples about her background, and she doesn't want to provoke anyone. Over the years, she has brought her children to come and go silently, lighter than a shadow.

When Ju Nian returned home, Feiming was still awake.Ju Nian put the milk on her bedside, and when she turned around, she unexpectedly saw Feiming, who was still sleeping, hugging something tightly in her arms.Ju Nian leaned over to take a look, and it turned out to be the badminton racket that Han Shu gave her. She was afraid that the racket would hit the child, so she tried to take it out and put it on the bedside for Feiming. , the child is held too tightly.

Feiming cherishes this gift so much, it is far more than the meaning of a racket itself.That's why Ju Nian didn't force Feiming to return the valuable racket to Han Shu. Although she had reasons for doing so, she didn't want to hurt the child with seemingly reasonable reasons.Feiming was not a healthy child when she was a child. She probably suffered from frailty and sickness. She always frowned habitually in her dreams, and liked to hug the quilt tightly and gnaw her fingers.Ju Nian tried many methods, but nothing changed. However, when she saw Feiming in his sleep, the expression on his face was stretched, even happy, as if he had fallen into a sweet dream.Ju Nian couldn't bear to wake her up, but Feiming had to get up, otherwise he would be late.

Preparing for school is like a battle. Feiming first turned her little wardrobe upside down and made gestures in front of the mirror for a long time before she decided on the clothes she would wear that day, and then she rejected Ju Nian. The aunt tied her hair, because Ju Nian can only tie the simplest ponytail.When Feiming appeared in front of Ju Nian wearing a pink skirt with a dazzling bow tied at the junction of countless small braids, Ju Nian began to vaguely realize that this might be an unusual morning, at least for It is not obvious that this is the case.

As usual, if Ju Nian had the morning shift, he would go out with Feiming, accompany her to the bus stop, and board the bus separately.At this point, Ju Nian must admit that Feiming learned to take care of himself earlier than other children of the same age.Because she is a single woman and has to work to support her family, it is inevitable that she has not taken good care of her. Therefore, since the first grade, Feiming has taken the bus to school alone.

From the moment she walked out of the small courtyard, Feiming looked around eagerly. She still couldn't hide her excitement, her smiling face was flushed, and her eyes were as bright as searchlights.

"Feiming, did you make an appointment with Li Te to go to school together?" Ju Nian joked.Li Te is the most popular boy in Feiming's class. Although Feiming refuses to admit it, sometimes Ju Nian sees her grabbing a knife at night to write homework for Li. Every stroke is more serious than tracing red.

Feiming blushed, curled his lips and said, "Auntie, your adults' ideas are really vulgar."

Before Ju Nian had time to speak, he heard the sound of car horns twice. Following the sound, the car parked not far from Cai Shu's store was Han Shu's Subaru, wasn't it?When Han Shu saw them, he stuck his head out with a smile and waved his hands. Feiming, who had just pretended to be calm like an adult, flew towards Han Shu like a cheerful magpie.

Ju Nian hesitated for a while, and had no choice but to follow.When she walked to the side of the car, Feiming was already beside Han Shu. Uncle Han long and uncle Han chattered non-stop, and the eye-catching bow on his head swayed and swayed in the morning wind.Han Shu seemed to be listening very seriously, but his eyes glanced in Ju Nian's direction from time to time.

"Auntie, Uncle Han said he would send me to school!" Feiming said loudly, with excitement and pride in his words.After going to elementary school, except for being sick, no one has ever sent her to school, let alone the cool Uncle Han driving her there in a cool car.

"Uh, I think... if you send her to school and then go back to work, you probably won't be able to make it in time." Ju Nian said slowly, and she touched the bow on Feiming's head, which was almost bigger than her head, " Feiming, thank you uncle. But you can't make uncle late."

Feiming couldn't hide the strong disappointment on his face, and Ju Nian moved his eyes away.

Han Shu hurriedly said: "Don't worry, I was out on errands this morning. I sent Feiming off before I left. It happened to be on the way. By the way, my place of errands is also very close to where you work. Get in the car and I'll see you off." .”

This Xiang Feiming couldn't wait to get into the car, patted the seat next to him and said repeatedly: "Auntie, get in the car, let's go together."

"Yes, we are together." Han Shu repeated Feiming's words, "we" and "together", sounded like a family of three, and the ambiguity in these words made Han Shu feel strange and moved.

"No, I have to go out to do some errands this morning, and I'm not on my way. Feiming, you have to be obedient on the way." Ju Nian couldn't resist Feiming, so he had to say to Han Shu, "I'm in trouble."

She didn't even look at Han Shu when she spoke.Han Shu was disappointed, but the little girl in the car seemed to be connected with him.

"Auntie, come up, come up."

This child seems to be the owner of the car.

Ju Nian smiled and waved goodbye to Feiming.

"Auntie, Uncle Han can also send you off when you go to work. Is it faster for you to take the bus?"

Ju Nian said: "My aunt will take Shenzhou VI to go."

Han Shu's car drove Feiming away, and in the end, only the blush of the bow on Feiming's head was shining in Ju Nian's eyes.Earlier, she seemed to have heard Han Shu praise Feiming's "cool" attire in a gentlemanly manner, and Feiming couldn't help being overjoyed when he heard it.Han Shu always knows how to make a girl happy at the right time, perhaps even more so when he grows up and fades away from the jerky and awkward boyhood. weak.

In prison, Ju Nian rejected all the things brought in by others, except for the photo of the four people on the badminton court.That photo accompanied her through the darkest days and nights of those three years. On the back of the photo was Han Shu's handwriting - "Let me see you, 1997".It was already the deepest, most hopeless expression the boy could make.

Ju Nian asked herself if she was ever moved in the face of Han Shu's entanglement, even a little bit.

Have it?

There's none?
How can a girl in her prime not be moved by the favor of a boy like Han Shu.Although he is unreasonable, messy and ridiculous, but also so pure.If there were no dirty memories of that night in the small hotel and the boundless desolation in the court later, would Ju Nian recall him with a smile?And "Let me look at you", isn't this exactly what she silently recited to the little monk in her heart?Han Shu looked at her, but she looked at the little monk, how could he turn around?But who was the little monk looking at?

Now Ju Nian often stares at the child's face after Feiming falls asleep. She always looks forward to seeing the shadow of what she longs for from Feiming's face, but she is disappointed again and again, and this disappointment follows. Children grow up gradually and increase day by day.

Feiming looks too much like her biological mother.

She is beautiful, competitive, brave, stubborn, and vain.

Ju Nian couldn't find familiarity from Feiming. Through that small face, another beautiful face often appeared. The owner of that face restrained the tears in his eyes, gritted his teeth and said: "It's done." Let's go together, what he promised can't be changed!

What an incredible power of heredity.

As a prisoner, there are two moments I look forward to the most.One is that there are inspections from above or visits by outsiders. At this time, the prison guards will let everyone put down the work at hand, or watch TV, or have cultural and sports activities on the playground, or read books in the library. At this time, the inspectors or visitors will Sigh with satisfaction: The lives of prisoners are really quite humane now.And the prisoners can indeed steal half a day's leisure.The other one is prison visits.For a prisoner, visiting a prison is a matter of "both looking forward to and being afraid of being hurt". On the one hand, it means being able to meet one's relatives or friends. Gan Lin; on the other hand, the prison visits are often accompanied by bad news of death, divorce, and breakup.

For three years, Ju Nian did not expect anyone to visit.Parents won't come, she knows, what she did made Xie Maohua and his wife feel that they have been covered with a shame that can't be washed away in a lifetime. To be honest, if parents really appear in front of her, Ju Nian doesn't know what to do In the face of it, she would rather be an ostrich. Since meeting will only make everyone feel embarrassed and painful, it is better not to see her, and just treat her as dead.Perhaps her parents already thought so in their hearts.

Prosecutor Cai and Han Shu’s classmate Fang Zhihe proposed to visit Ju Nian. She also received a weird wire transfer with a considerable amount on it. I didn't sign it in [-], and I refused to meet any of the above people.The only visit she received was in her second year in prison, and the person who asked to visit her was Chen Jiejie.

Ju Nian stayed up all night.She didn't want to meet anyone in this world, but Chen Jiejie was different.Regardless of love and hatred, Chen Jiejie is the one who witnessed those years.At that time, Ju Nian had been in prison for more than [-] days, and all the old times in the darkness seemed like a dream. She reached out her hand countless times, but what she caught was nothingness. She needed Chen Jiejie to stand in front of her alive and prove the reality of those experiences exist.Ju Nian once picked up the scissors in the library, and the other two who wanted to cut out the photo of the four were only her and Wu Yu.But she didn't do that in the end, she kept cutting out those staring eyes, cutting out the tightly clenched hands in invisible places, and cutting out the inextricable entanglements behind the photos.

She wanted to take a look at Chen Jiejie.Because many times, she suddenly felt that Chen Jiejie was her, she was Chen Jiejie, they were two sides in the mirror, contradictory but connected.

(End of this chapter)