let me look at you

Chapter 59

A long time ago, I told Wu Yu that if he hadn't promised me, then I'd wait, that's what I was willing to do.If he promises me but ends up missing the appointment, then I won't wait for him any longer.At least not in this life.

"It's agreed to go together, what he promised, can't be changed!"

When saying this, Chen Jiejie was sitting in the visiting room.As usual, with her back to the closed door, she sat face to face with Ju Nian at both ends of the long table with mottled green paint.The female guard in charge of guarding was playing with her fingernails boredly.Two girls of the same age, who used to study hard at the same desk, are now separated by a table that is too narrow. After two years, they recognized each other at the first second, but still felt strangeness.

Chen Jiejie didn't ask the phrase "How are you", maybe she has already noticed the hypocrisy of this sentence.She knew that she should be sitting on the other side of the table, and the ups and downs of fate changed their positions arbitrarily.How can the good years be buried behind bars?But to this day, none of them is able to resist this ending.

"I begged him, the train is about to leave, and there are two hours... In two hours, we can go far away. He said that he would take me to the place where his ancestors lived. He also said that there , he will give me a new life. He promised me, how can he break his promise? "

The position where Chen Jiejie was was facing away from the light, and the silent Ju Nian could only see a shadow that was out of shape.

"How far do you think you guys have come?" This was the first sentence Ju Nian said to Chen Jiejie, and she seemed to have always said this sentence from the beginning to the end.

"I don't care!" The shadow sitting opposite her suddenly leaned forward, almost alarming the prison guards on the side. "I don't care how far I go, whether it's one mile or a thousand miles, as long as he takes me away, I don't blame him for what happens. But he, he said, 'Jie Jie, I have to see Ju Nian again. , I owe her a promise.' At that time, he still walked back desperately, just to say goodbye to you. He kept his promise to you, but what about me, what about his promise to me?"

Ju Nian lowered her head slowly, savoring the last confusion, sweetness and sorrow that the little monk gave her in the memories brought up by Chen Jiejie.Although she and Chen Jiejie will never know what the promise of the two girls means to the lost boy.

"I cried so hard, begging him, don't take any chances, stay with me, stay with our baby, but he went anyway. He said as long as he had breath, he would come back. I sat in the waiting car I waited foolishly in the corner of the room for an hour, two hours, the car arrived, the radio was urging, the siren rang, and the car drove away. I waited and waited, but he did not come back. It was dark, and then It was on... I waited like a fool until the personnel were unknown. When I woke up, I saw the faces of my parents. From that moment on, I started to hate him!" Chen Jiejie said these, her tone was icy, However, Ju Nian knew that she was already bursting into tears at the other end.

"Do you hate me? Orange year, hate me for taking him away. But except for the last day, I never begged him for anything, never begged him to love me, never begged him to take me away. After going back, my parents There was no chance for me to escape, I couldn't go anywhere except my room, and the whole world was cut off from me. No one told me what happened afterwards. But I know, Wu Yu is dead. He will die I want to say goodbye to you, but if he is alive, he will come back to me. My mother brings food to my room every day. At first, no one knew about the child. Later, my stomach began to hide, and I I know better than anyone else that I can't keep my child."

Ju Nian subconsciously glanced at Chen Jiejie, besides being thin, she was still thin.She laughed at herself stupidly at the time, two years, no matter whether the child is alive or dead, how could she still stay in the mother's womb.Ju Nian had a hard time letting himself skip the memory in court. Chen Jiejie's parents, the couple who loved their only daughter to the point of paranoia, loved and protected their daughter endlessly in their eyes. She was so cruel and rational.She will never forget the coldness in her bones at that moment, it was the last stone that pushed her into the abyss, maybe in her lifetime, she may not be able to treat him in the same way, but that memory will be with her, never dies.She also knew that once the Chen couple knew the "evil seeds" in their daughter's belly, there was nothing they couldn't do. They would wipe out everything that might ruin their daughter. This is true for the year of the orange, and so is the child.

"They are going to kill my child, which is too easy for my parents. In their eyes, that is not their grandson, but Wu Yu's last sin on me. But this is also Wu Yu's legacy. Give me one last memorial, my child, I can't protect her..."

"The child...is gone?" Ju Nian said with a trace of shock.

Chen Jiejie tightly clenched her hands on the table, and then slowly loosened them.With the light from the window, Ju Nian noticed that the beautiful hands that had been painted with Kodan only left bare and ugly nails.

Chen Jiejie laughed, that smile seemed so abrupt in the cold visiting room.

"I just said one thing to my parents: If the child dies, their daughter dies too...if I give birth to her, then...then they can take her away from me, and I will live forever I will never go to see her... My child, I swear in front of my parents that I will never see her again for the rest of my life, and treat her as if she never came to me... As long as she lives, as long as she Still. If I violate my vows, I will never end my life well, and I will never know what happiness is like in this life. My parents understand me. I am not a good daughter, but even though there are thousands of shortcomings, I am still a good girl. A man who keeps his word. Then I gave birth to a child, a daughter. I didn’t take a look at her. I only knew that she was born on the last day of January with congenital epilepsy. I abandoned her, but when she left my side, At least alive, that's the last thing I can do."

"What about now, or in the future, have you ever thought about getting her back?"

Chen Jiejie's answer was only one word, "No."

"In the past two years, I have been at home on a leave of absence from school, and it was not long after the child was born that I only got intermittent news about Wu Yu's last news, as well as your affairs... I don't know what to say, nothing can undo it. I can't compare to you , I am still a selfish person after all, you can hate me and look down on me, but if possible, I am willing to exchange places with you..."

"Where was he buried, and who buried him?" Ju Nian ended that meaningless topic, she is not a priest, and does not accept anyone's confession.She had questions more urgent to find answers than all the confessions and tears.

Chen Jiejie shook her head, "My parents have relaxed a little bit towards me, and it's just a recent thing. I inquired, because he had no relatives or friends to claim... the government came forward to bury him. I heard from the prison that you get What are your plans for the future?" Chen Jiejie is a smart person after all, she knows her position too well, so when it comes to these things, it is very difficult to say every word.

Ju Nian whispered, "This is my business."

Chen Jiejie forced a smile and said: "My parents found a university for me. In Shanghai, their business will gradually transfer there. My father and my mother are not yet 50 years old, and their hair is already gray. I'm their daughter, and I don't know who owes whom. I promised them that I would live the life they want me to live, and love the person they want me to love..."

"Also, forget what they want you to forget..." Ju Nian said.

Chen Jiejie put her hand away, "Yes, that's not bad. I told Wu Yu a long time ago that if he hadn't promised me, then I'd wait, that's what I'm willing to do. If he promised me but ended up breaking the promise , then, I won't wait for him again. At least not in this life. "

She wanted to finish her last words calmly, but she choked up in the end, "I'm afraid of leaving without a deadline."

Ju Nian said: "You can do whatever you like. But, you have to know, you can go when you want to go, and you can turn back when you want to go back, but Wu Yu is different, he only has one way. He can't go, It's the end."

"Actually, I also thought that if he really took me away, maybe one day I would blame him, turn around, and continue to live like an ordinary woman. He also married and had children in another place, and we forgot each other It's no different from the rebellious career many people had in their youth. They didn't know where to go or why they wanted to leave. They just wanted to have a feeling of flying me out. After a few years, everyone would be tired. Some youths have been reckless, and they can turn back, but Wu Yu is dead, I..."

She didn't finish her sentence in the end.Thinking about it later, Chen Jiejie might be right, so why is she not.Chen Jiejie regards Wu Yu as Romeo under the window, but Romeo died beside another Juliet; Ju Nian thought that the hero Xiao Qiushui who was holding her hand and running in the wind belonged to her, but she didn't expect that, I am not Tang Fang.They unanimously pinned their dreams of girls on Wu Yu, but in fact Wu Yu was nobody, Wu Yu was just Wu Yu, a frail and pale young man.

His stay in the world was too brief, like a hand-smeared mark on a foggy window.Perhaps many years later, there are only two things that can prove the existence of his youth: that is the warm memories of the orange years, and a girl named Feiming.

(End of this chapter)