let me look at you

Chapter 60
In Ju Nian's world, he was always alone. Wu Yu was the one who wandered the closest, but he never knocked on the door.Now, Ju Nian felt that he was here, that he was back, and was with her and the child, but she couldn't see him.

The name of Feiming was taken in the year of Ju, which comes from an old saying "It is good to observe Feiming, it is Ming to be able to observe it, but it is not courageous to be victorious, and it is courageous to be able to win and invincible".A long, long time ago, Ju Nian used this sentence to enlighten a pale young man with gloomy eyebrows. In fact, she has always tried to use this as her life motto. confused.Later, she thought about it for a long time, and felt that most of the times such creeds were not made by the wise, but more of the self-consolation of the weak.Ju Nian has always thought that he is just this kind of cowardly person, but because of this cowardice, it is probably better not to understand many things too clearly.

Is the other side of black white?Is the flip side of love hate?Is the other side of death life?It sounds like a mess.The first thing Ju Nian did after she was released from prison was to try her best to find the place where Wu Yu was buried. This was the only hope that supported her to spend the long night in prison, and it was her motivation to play a good role as a model female prisoner. , go out quickly, and quickly, you can return to him, even if he is already buried deep in the ground.She didn't know the meaning of that look, but it did allow her to minimize the suffering in the high wall.

It was a rainy day when she was released from prison, and the inmates inside and familiar prison guards all gave her blessings for the occasion: rain can wash away all the dust and filth of the past, and herald a new life.But when Ju Nian was wearing the last suit Cai Yilin gave her when she was imprisoned, and slowly walked out of the rusty iron gate of the women's prison, there was no one outside except the rain curtain that connected the sky and the earth.She didn't know where the road was, so she could only blame the rain for covering her eyes.

Her parents have long disowned her as a daughter, and she can't go home.The only person in the world who will care about her is sleeping quietly somewhere, waiting for her visit.Ju Nian carried the certificate of release from prison and the 260 yuan he got in exchange for work points in prison, but he couldn't find the bus line back to the city, so he had to stop the occasional passing taxi over and over again.Those vehicles whizzed past her without exception, and water droplets merged from the end of her short hair into countless winding streams.After her anxiety passed, she gradually felt that it was ridiculous. Which driver would stop to pick up a drenched woman at the gate of a prison?

The world is infinitely large and desolate, but there is no safe place for a person.

At this time, Ju Nian saw a woman walking hurriedly with an umbrella in the rain.

It's Pingfeng.She was wearing the most gaudy red dress, burning like a fire in the rain, with sweat on her forehead, and said casually: "It's late, the guy who picked up last, it's like a chicken blood, I x his mother... ..."

Those vulgar words spit out smoothly from the corners of Pingfeng's exquisite mouth, and after Ju Nian was taken aback for a moment, he embraced the mundane and real warmth.

For a period of time after that, Ju Nian has been temporarily living in a small and messy rental house in Pingfeng.Ping Feng was released from prison half a year ago, and without any accidents, he returned to his old job to make a living.She doesn't say much from the bottom of her heart to Ju Nian, she is always very busy.At that time, Ju Nian was struggling to find a job, and her limited money soon ran out. She knew that without Pingfeng, she would not be able to survive those days.Apart from keeping Pingfeng's kennel-like rental house in order in his spare time, Ju Nian is unable to do anything else.

Pingfeng is young, beautiful, and enchanting. She is considered the top among her peers, and her business is always good. She is usually away at night. For the sake of the New Year, she never brings "guests" back to her residence.With the support of Pingfeng, Ju Nian has been spared no effort to inquire about the whereabouts of Wu Yu's body. He has traveled to many places and looked at many faces, and finally got what he wanted.

It was basically consistent with what Chen Jiejie knew, because Wu Yu was buried in the outskirts of the city by the government because no one claimed her.In the eyes of Ju Nian, it was a blessing that he was not sent to the laboratory of the medical school like some death row inmates.Based on the general identification of the insider, Ju Nian vaguely found that desolate place.Due to the long distance, it was almost dusk when we arrived. Standing in front of the weeds, facing the direction of the setting sun, Ju Nian could hardly open his eyes due to the last glare of the afterglow.For a long time, her mind was in chaos, and she couldn't tell whether everything in front of her was real or illusory.From one edge of the city to another, from a forgotten corner to another, is this Wu Yu's life?Is he really the silent person inside?
Ju Nian stood until his feet were numb, and then left under Pingfeng's urging.Before leaving, she numbly buried the "best loquat leaf" given to her by Wu Yu in her sophomore year in high school.As he said, pomegranate and loquat, Wu Yu and orange year.Let this familiar breath accompany the sleeping person.

Surprisingly, during the whole process, Ju Nian did not shed a tear, not only Pingfeng was worried that she would get sick, but she also thought that she would collapse at this moment, but no, nothing.It wasn't even that she forgot to cry because of the heartache, but she just felt dazed and unfamiliar, and numbly completed a long-awaited ritual as if she had no emotion.Is it the eternal parting and years of loneliness in the high wall that blunt the deep-seated missing?

Pingfeng chewed gum and walked back with Ju Nian, but her eyes were not without worry. Ju Nian's calmness and indifference made her feel a little creepy, until she walked out of the cemetery, she just breathed a sigh of relief, the person who had been by her side all the time The orange year stopped.

Ju Nian rushed back to where he was before as if he couldn't hear Pingfeng's call. Without saying a word, he bent down and used both hands to scrape the loose soil.Pingfeng was shocked, afraid that Ju Nian would do something amazing, but Ju Nian just dug out the withered yellow leaf that was buried not long ago from the soil.

"What's wrong with you?" Ping Feng asked, holding Ju Nian on his arm.

Ju Nian held the leaf and smiled abruptly at Ping Feng, she said: "I'm so stupid, how could Wu Yu be here."

Yes, how could Wu Yu be here?How could the dead bones under the loess be the young monk of Ju Nian.Whether he was buried or cremated, even if he was dissected to pieces in the laboratory of the hospital, it wasn't him, it was just a discarded body.

"But they clearly said...then where is he?"

Ju Nian smiled and said nothing, and pulled Pingfeng away.

She didn't say anything because she was afraid that Pingfeng would think she was crazy.But she knew that she was sober, she had never been so sober since the time she watched Wu Yu stepping into the air in front of her.

Her little monk never died, he was always there, but he watched her from an invisible place, just like the day he left his aunt's house, he watched Ju Nian leave under the pomegranate tree.He didn't speak, refused to look at her, maybe he just took a nap, one day, he would open his eyes, turn around in the wind and rain, and smile at her brightly.

The worries are over, and the reality is in front of us. If we want to survive, we must find a place to make a living.Whether you want to admit it or not, those three years in prison were an obstacle for Ju Nian to earn a living. You don't have to care about it, but you can't treat it as if it didn't exist.Nowadays, there are as many people looking for a job as crucian carp crossing the river, and no employer is willing to choose someone with a more innocent net worth.

At the most desperate time, Ju Nian, who was already optimistic enough to know his fate, also fell into a long silence in the exhaustion of repeated disappointments.After all, she is not the lucky one who fell to the bottom of the fantasy world and learned peerless martial arts. On the contrary, she has nothing and is so ordinary.

Pingfeng came back at dawn, and without taking off her shoes, she lay down beside Ju Nian on her back, knowing that the people around her couldn't sleep.

"or……"

"No, Pingfeng, no..."

Ju Nian flatly rejected the suggestion before Pingfeng hesitated to say it, and she hurriedly realized that she was not strict with justice, but was so afraid of her own wavering.

Ping Feng was silent for a while, and then let out a faint sneer.

"That's right, of course you say no, you are different from me. I am dirty, but you are clean. I shouldn't drag you into the quagmire."

Ju Nian couldn't hear the ridicule in Pingfeng's words, she turned sideways.

"Dirty, clean? What's the difference between me and you, but we are dirtier than anyone else. Pingfeng, I just think, there are always other choices, there must be." She tried to make her words sound less unpleasant Be sure, this is what I said to Pingfeng, and I also said it to myself. "Pingfeng, maybe we all have another way out."

"Really? I'm sleepy..."

Pingfeng didn't speak any more, she seemed to have fallen into a deep sleep, and Ju Nian closed her eyes in silence.However, the same question lingered in their hearts for a long time.

Will there be other options and ways out?
Maybe there is, this "outlet" is not worth mentioning to those who are used to the broad road, but in the eyes of those who need it, it is enough to get a piece of life.It was all thanks to his good performance in prison over the past few years. A person in charge of the women's prison came forward to help after learning about Ju Nian's predicament after he was released from prison, and finally found a job assistant for Ju Nian in an orphanage in this city. Although the monthly income is not much, it is enough to make ends meet.Apart from being grateful for Ju Nian, hard work is naturally a no-brainer.

An orphanage is a place of care and a place of abandonment.There are old people with no one to depend on, young children who have lost their parents, Ju Nian assists the staff in the courtyard, cleans up the house every day, washes the sheets, and is busy, but no one cares too much about her past.She was only afraid of the eyes of those dying old people, and even more afraid of those abandoned children who left and came again.Every time she sees those little figures, she can't help but think of the child Chen Jiejie said that she will never see again.

(End of this chapter)