let me look at you

Chapter 61
However, the arrangement of fate has its own wonders.One afternoon after Ju Nian had worked in the Municipal Welfare Institute for more than half a year, she was mopping the floor of the corridor when she overheard a poor child mentioned by the nurses in the yard and caring people from outside.It was a girl, three years old, whose parents were said to be unknown, and who had been adopted since birth.When the child was about two years old, her adoptive parents discovered that she had bruised cheeks and convulsions in her hands and feet while feeding her. At first they thought she was suffocating due to inadvertent ingestion. After being sent to the hospital, she was diagnosed with congenital sexual epilepsy.The adoptive parents were shocked when they learned about it, and took their children to various hospitals for treatment many times, but they were all told that there is still no effective cure.Although the disease does not occur frequently, as long as it exists for a day, it is nothing more than a time bomb.Since her family background was not very good, the adoptive parents flinched after careful consideration. Although reluctant to give up, they sent the girl back to the orphanage.Later, although there were couples who wanted to have children who had planned to adopt, they all retreated when they heard about the disease.

Ju Nian didn't know how many times she dragged that corridor that afternoon, from one end to that end, and started all over again.It wasn't until the dean walked by and kindly reminded: "Xiao Xie, this floor is already so bright that people can be seen." She stopped, and only then did she realize that she was very tired.

A three-year-old girl, suffering from epilepsy, was abandoned.

Ju Nian said to himself, in the half year in the orphanage, haven't I seen enough poor examples? What does this have to do with me?But she put down the cleaning tool in her hand, somehow, she walked to the children's activity room in the afternoon.

At that time, there happened to be a couple who planned to adopt orphans. The staff in the yard gathered all the toddler children to form a semicircle and sing nursery rhymes, waiting for selection.No one gave Ju Nian any guidance or hints, she saw the child from a distance, she was the smallest in that semicircle, with thinning hair, thin and weak, if not for the color of the clothes on her body, it was almost impossible to identify the gender.She clapped her hands and sang along with the other children, hitting the wrong beat from time to time, and her eyes had the usual emptiness of the children here.

The young couple ended up choosing an eight-month-old baby, a stage where children don't have much memory and are more likely to develop relationships.The unselected children dispersed one after another, some chasing and playing with each other, and some playing alone.

Ju Nian grabbed the staff member who was taking care of the child, pointed to the child hesitantly and asked, "Sister Wang, is that epilepsy...a child whose epilepsy was returned?"

The woman called Sister Wang nodded her head, her words were full of pity, "It's too pitiful, the child over three years old looks about the same as two years old, and she's a girl again."

Ju Nian didn't know how he came to the child. The child sat on a small wooden stool, didn't speak, and stared at the people around him with a pair of big eyes.

Ju Nian's outstretched hand was trembling all the time, and for countless moments, she was convincing herself to avoid such a touch, just like back then, she was running happily in the wind alone pushing the old bicycle, don't look back, Don't look back, without the beginning, there will be no ending.

Now, how many shocking waves have gradually calmed down, and she no longer dreams of her slowly opening hand in the blood light every night, unable to hold anything, only lonely palm lines.

Is it this kid?Was it the child who had changed half of her life but never met?
Ju Nian's hand fell on the child's fluffy hair, but the child didn't move, just looked at her.The eyes are strange.

Ju Nian's hand was down, between the child's eyebrows, covering those eyes, and the girl's thin lips finally had familiar traces, as if it was such a lip that said: "No matter where I go, I will Remember to say goodbye to you." Goodbye, goodbye, just like this?

Ju Nian gritted his teeth, but the tears had their weight and fell down hard.The tears seemed to drip into the dry and cracked land, and were swallowed instantly, but awakened the memory of the long drought, and felt the unspeakable pain, which could no longer be concealed.Ju Nian squatted in front of the child who didn't understand anything, crying silently. She had never shed tears so freely. If everything was true, half of this child would be her robbery, and the other half would be her soul. .

The child felt something strange, turned his head sideways, and dodged Ju Nian's hand covering her eyes.

"Auntie, I'll sing for you."

The child obviously misunderstood.Like all the children here, she instinctively longed for someone to show up and take her away.These days, she met many adults who came to adopt children. The aunts in the yard said that as long as they are good enough, they will have new parents.She has been the best, but no one picks her.She also thought that the young aunt crouching in front of her was also an adopted person, awkwardly trying to perform for her.

Ju Nian shook his head.

"Auntie, can you take me away?"

Although the children in the orphanage have no worries about food and clothing, they are definitely not growing up in a warm flower room, and there is no one who does not want to leave.

Hearing this, Ju Nian felt a chill in her heart, and then woke up from a colorful bubble that she blew up.She is a person who believes in her feelings and destiny, but who dares to say that this child must be Wu Yu's flesh and blood?There are countless children suffering from epilepsy in the world, not to mention, how can you be sure that his child must have inherited epilepsy unfortunately, and was sent to her side by fate by chance?In her current situation, what can she do to take care of a child?Even if this is really Wu Yu's daughter, then the other half of the child has blood that she doesn't want to get close to, and the biological mother is no longer looking for the whereabouts of the child, why does she have to carry this burden?No, she has already memorized too much for them, why should she pay the price for other people's absurdity?

"Will you, auntie?" The child's gentle hand touched the tears on Ju Nian's cheek.

Ju Nian flinched as if electrocuted, and quickly got up and fled.

"No, no."

Throughout the night, Wu Yu's face, Chen Jiejie's face, and Han Shu's face overlapped repeatedly in Ju Nian's mind, overlapping into a child's face, sometimes like the child during the day, sometimes like Wu Yu, and sometimes even somewhat different Like herself; for a moment it was a terrifying evildoer, for a moment it was a pool of dirty blood... She wanted to scream, and waved her hands wildly in the illusion, unable to touch anything.

She woke up panting, sweaty and cool.Pingfeng hasn't come back yet, the darkness of the night is tolerant and lonely.Ju Nian sat up on the quilt, wiped her forehead, and her breathing gradually calmed down. After a while, she found a piece of the city's evening newspaper from under her pillow.

The newspaper was brought back by Ping Feng from the guest, and there was a small picture news on the bottom right of the page - "The famous British oil painter Xie Sinian will hold a solo exhibition in his hometown soon".Ju Nian mentioned his cousin to Ping Feng in prison.Pingfeng is a caring person.

"Why don't you go to him? He is your relative and has money, so maybe he can make a fortune." Pingfeng asked.

At that time, Ju Nian had already found a job in the orphanage. Although her income was not good, her life was getting more and more stable, so she shook her head.She was happy that cousin Sinian was back, but she didn't want to see her cousin, either because she didn't dare or wanted to.When she was young, her cousin Si Nian often said that she was a girl with aura, and she didn't want a young woman who had been worn down by life to be mediocre or even had an unbearable history to break her cousin's memory.Let the little cousin in his memory always be the girl who is cute on the outside and weird on the inside.Besides, she wants a peaceful life, and her cousin can't help her.

However, it is different now.From the moment he saw that child, Ju Nian's life trajectory was destined to change.She knew that it was impossible for her to treat the child as if it didn't exist, and it was impossible to leave her alone in the orphanage.No reason, if she could, she wouldn't be today's Xie Ju Nian.

Five days later, at his art exhibition, Xie Sinian met a timid but smiling young woman—and another small figure poking her head out from behind her.

Ju Nian is still grateful to Si Nian's cousin, he is the person who has given her the most substantial help in her life, and he does not ask for anything in return.Ju Nian's parents have lost contact with Xie Sinian, and Ju Nian himself has not seen his cousin for many years.But Xie Sinian quickly helped Ju Nian finish everything, even more than she expected.

Ju Nian is unmarried and cannot legally adopt an orphan. In addition, she does not want this child to be called her mother from the bottom of her heart.Xie Sinian said that he was married to his loved one. Although his loved one was terminally ill, this did not prevent them from adopting an orphan.Due to Xie Sinian's fame and financial resources, the adoption procedures went surprisingly smoothly, and the child quickly changed his surname to "Xie".

In addition, after learning about Ju Nian's current situation, Xie Sinian easily bought from his aunt and uncle who went north to do business in Ju Nian, the small courtyard that Lin Henggui took away from Wu Yu, which they inherited, and used it as Ju Nian's A safe haven for young people and children.After settling all this, he didn't stay for long.

Just like that, Ju Nian took the child back to the place where Wu Yu was born and grew up.Ju Nian told the child that Xie Sinian was originally her father, but he accidentally lost her before, and now he finally found her. Because of his busy work, he entrusted Ju Nian, his aunt, to take care of her.

The child was still too young at that time, and he didn't know how to distinguish many things, so there was no reason for unbelief.A stable life is easy to cover gray traces, not to mention that the memory before the age of three is originally vague, and it doesn't take long for the child to gradually forget the foster parents and life in the orphanage.

In order to avoid suspicion, Ju Nian also resigned from his job in the orphanage, relying on the skilled sewing skills he learned in prison, he applied for a job as a clerk in today's fabric shop.The years seem to have turned a new page since then.Ju Nian once persuaded Pingfeng to get out of that business as soon as possible, now is the time for her to repay Pingfeng, and Pingfeng can move here to live with her and her children.But Pingfeng laughed off the suggestion.She said: "I've been like this for the rest of my life. You can't even talk about repaying me. You owe me a few months' rent, but I owe you my life. Live it on your own."

Yes, have a good time.Ju Nian leads the child and stands in the courtyard with falling loquat leaves. The past and the past are like an electric phantom. Nan Ke Yimeng, the water surface shattered by shocking stones returns to a peaceful ancient place like dust, as if nothing has ever happened. She has always been Here, always.Only the loquat tree that Wu Yu personally planted back then is no longer what it used to be, which makes it easy for Ju Nian to think of Gui Youguang's sentence.

"There is a loquat tree in the courtyard, which was planted by my wife when she died. Now it is as graceful as a canopy."

She knew that the desolation was hidden behind the tranquility.

But why should she be miserable.Pingfeng once complained that she was stupid and adopted a child who had no blood relationship. What's more, it is not certain whether the child is an old person or not. There may not be such a coincidence in the world. illusion.Ju Nian didn't refute, maybe Pingfeng was right.But she named the child "Feiming".Too clear, not necessarily happy.She chooses to follow her heart.

The wind blew over the low wall of the yard, and the shadows of the trees danced. I heard that the loquat tree had already grown fruit.In Ju Nian's world, he was always alone. Wu Yu was the one who wandered the closest, but he never knocked on the door.Now, Ju Nian felt that he was here, that he was back, and was with her and the child, but she couldn't see him.

Ju Nian spread out her palm, and the leaf Wu Yu gave her was blown to the root of the tree by the wind.Her world has never been more complete.

She smiled slightly at the empty corner and closed the courtyard door.

(End of this chapter)