let me look at you

Chapter 64 The Best Compensation
He was so cowardly 11 years ago, but no one can make up for his mistakes. Only he can repay the mistakes he made, and he is willing to give her anything.Han Shu is willing to give everything for the rest of his life as compensation.

After getting out of the car, she took advantage of the street lamp to spread out the note that she stooped to pick up, and while walking, she was dazedly thinking about the many accidents that happened that night.Pingfeng, Wangnian, Tang Ye...Ju Nian sighed, and him, Han Shu.

Ju Nian saw Han Shu sitting on the steps in front of the broken iron gate of his house, grabbing the loquat leaves in his hand one by one. Shredded "wreckage".

"Okay, it's only 100 meters away, and you walked for 5 minutes." He threw the leaves in his hand on the spot, stood up and patted the dust on his pants carefully, and suddenly found that his mood hadn't changed because of waiting. very bad.

But Ju Nian didn't go any further and stopped ten meters away.She just wanted to go back to her own small courtyard.A little tired tonight, she was tired of even perfunctory him.

"Is there something wrong?" She clutched the strap of her bag tightly, the wind kept blowing the hair from her ears to her cheeks, the tree wanted to be quiet but the wind kept on.

"What do you think?" Han Shu walked up to her in a few steps.She was so close, but Han Shu was still a little nervous.He sat for a long time just now, rehearsing the words, actions and performances he should say many times in his heart, but as soon as she appeared in sight, he became uncontrollably flustered and flustered.

At this time, Ju Nian was standing in the night wind, his hair was disheveled, his face was tired, and the corners of his clothes moved slightly.At this moment, Han Shu felt that the person he was afraid of was so weak and helpless.The woman in front of him overlapped with the woman in his memory again and again, that inexplicable feeling awakened every pore of his body, forming a murmur in his heart that no one could understand.

What's so good about her, what's so good about her is worth dreaming about.It is true that when Han Shu was young, his heart was moved by Xie Ju Nian, but which boy did not have such an ignorant love in his youth.He had been impulsive and had sketched out the future in his heart, but if Ju Nian fell in love with him at that time, and they went through the years of incomprehensible love together, and finally parted ways, maybe each would only become a gray shadow in each other's heart; Or Ju Nian's life has never intersected with him, she doesn't love him, he thinks from a distance, thinks of her as a shimmering star in the sky, that's all.However, she just pushed him away on the edge of the cliff, and used the most miserable way to cross his life, and his sunny youth was also bloody five steps from that moment.The past can never be reversed, and Xie Ju Nian has become an existence that cannot be touched but will never be replaced.

These years, Han Shu is still walking on the Kangzhuang road that he was born with, he is proud of his horseshoe, and only he knows that the poison of guilt is hidden under the bright surface, accumulating over time, like a gangrene.He taboos diseases and avoids medical treatment, and dare not touch them, but those poisons cannot heal by themselves, and rot in his heart.

He said to himself, I'll be fine, I'll forget, I will, I will!He laughs, he is happy, he is smooth sailing, he is both right and left, he is doing well; he is afraid of the dark, he is afraid of dreaming, he is afraid of being quiet, he is afraid of himself in the mirror, he is afraid of promises, he is afraid of everyone who is similar to her. expression, afraid that there will be no trace of her connection, and even more afraid of mentioning the future to anyone.

He smiled and held the hand of his first girlfriend, and what flashed through his mind was the bloodless nails pinched on the railing of the dock; he won the first championship on behalf of the club in college, and the cheering girls cheered thunderously. He thought that the person who coldly dropped the racket was in a lonely corner outside the bustle; he was chatting and laughing with his friends on the boulevard of the campus, and in that quiet second, he would think about what the other side of the high wall looks like, What would she be doing right now?After entering the procuratorate, the first case was successfully handled, and his father patted him on the shoulder in relief, but he was not sure of the existence of justice.

Now, fate pushed him and let him come to her again.In front of Xie Junian, Han Shu didn't need to carry that layer of camouflage. He tore off the intact appearance, saw the festering in his heart, and exposed all his sins nakedly.He was really afraid of Xie Ju Nian, and Xie Ju Nian was the only person who could give him peace of mind.She is a single woman with a child, alone, and maybe just needs a pair of hands and a hug. He was so cowardly 11 years ago, but no one can make up for his mistakes. Only he can repay the mistakes he made, and he is willing to give her anything.Han Shu is willing to give everything for the rest of his life as compensation.

This sudden thought made Han Shu lighten his shoulders.She is helpless, he can protect her and give her a good life, isn't that very good, no matter for Xie Ju Nian or himself, it is the most suitable plot.

"Why is your bag so dirty?" Han Shu brushed the mud off the New Year cloth bag, and his tone became lighter.

But Ju Nian took a step back quietly, avoiding his touch just in time.

"Is there something wrong?" She asked again, her words were not aggressive, but they were all resistance without emotion.

Han Shu's hand stopped in mid-air awkwardly, neither stretched nor retracted, the coolness of his fingertips stretched all the way to the bottom of his heart.

After all, he is a proud person. Except for everything related to Xie Ju Nian, he has rarely encountered difficulties. Although he has made up his mind to treat her well from now on, he still can't hide his slight annoyance.

"Of course there is something. Do you know how long Feiming has been waiting for you tonight, and how disappointed she is?" He coughed dryly, retracted his hands, straightened his waist, and tried to make himself look famous.

"Huh? Oh..." Ju Nian was stunned for a moment and understood what he meant.Early in the morning, Feiming told Ju Nian that the boarding school she attended had an art performance tonight, and she also participated in it. She wanted to do a dance. I hope my aunt can go and see it if she has time.Ju Nian planned to go at first, but who knew that after Pingfeng's incident, Feiming's audience would naturally not be able to be a part of it.

Of course, Ju Nian was apologetic, but she felt that Feiming should be able to understand. The child had been with her since childhood, and she also knew that her aunt's working hours were irregular.In the past, there were times when I couldn’t get out of class and couldn’t go to parent-teacher meetings. Feiming was also very happy to explain it to the teacher.Perhaps in the child's mind, she would rather reserve the seat of the parents' association for her imaginary parents, and Feiming didn't tell Ju Nian that she also invited Han Shu tonight.

Han Shu was quite surprised by Ju Nian's reaction. Judging by her appearance, it was obvious that she hadn't forgotten about it, but that she didn't take it to heart at all.

"Do you know what this means to a child?" Feiming danced very hard, and Han Shu watched her and a group of classmates get off the stage, and the other children rushed towards Na The parents who were waiting for the camera, but she slowly took off the hair accessories on her head and walked at the end.Seeing Han Shu waving at her, Feiming's eyes lit up with surprise.At that time, Han Shu really felt sorry for this child. She, like her mother... aunt, should be held in the palm of his hand and loved like a diamond.

"I know, but there's something going on tonight..." Ju Nian lowered her head and brushed the bangs that covered her eyes, trying to go around Han Shu. In fact, she didn't need to explain to Han Shu at all, but she wanted to end this as soon as possible dialogue.

Han Shu stood in front of her reluctantly, "To be honest, I'm also very busy today. Believe it or not, I checked the parties in the case for a long time, and for no reason, I jumped from the fifth floor. Leaving a bunch of clueless clues and mess, I shouldn't have gotten into this mess... I say this to let you know that no matter what, children need to be valued, no matter how busy adults are."

"Thank you, I see." Ju Nian changed his angle and continued to move towards the iron gate.

This time Han Shu simply put one hand on the wall next to the iron gate, completely blocking her way, "I don't care what you think of me, can't you just listen to me well... even if it's for the child?"

Ju Nian slumped his shoulders helplessly, "You don't need to be so worried about Feiming, I am her relative, and I know how to care for her better than 'others'."

Han Shu is a sober person, of course he could hear what Ju Nian was trying to express. "Are you trying to say that I'm the meddling 'other'?"

Ju Nian didn't want to continue the verbal dispute with him. She knew she couldn't talk to him, so she shook her head, almost pleading, "Han Shu, can we make it clear once? Feiming is not your child, nor me. Your child, she has nothing to do with you, and our life has nothing to do with you."

Han Shu thought, his face must have been very ugly at that moment.As for whether Feiming is his own flesh and blood, he himself had many assumptions, but Xie Junian did not leave any room for it in person, which still made him feel very disappointed.That's because he fantasized that children are a bond, and as long as this blood bond exists, they will never be strangers.

"Now I also believe that she was not born by you, because anyone with eyes can tell that you raised her, but you don't really love her."

Ju Nian's hands trembling with the key to open the lock, she finally figured it out, the appearance of this person in front of her was not just because she missed a party, after so many years, she wanted to turn that page, but he refused to let it go pass her.

The iron door finally opened, but Han Shu's hand was still in front of him. Ju Nian was silent for a while, and suddenly he pulled the hand with both hands, trying to forcibly remove the obstacle.

Han Shu leaned against her shoulders and said hastily, "I know you hold grudges in your heart. I did something wrong. You don't have any problem beating or scolding me. How about you slap me once, twice, three times... ...You have to give me a chance to make amends."

He forgot that although Ju Nian usually looks like a bully, he can't pull back no matter how many horses he can hold back.She didn't intend to say anything at all, and she refused any communication, desperately, as if there was nothing worthy of her attention other than breaking into that door.

One pushes and the other blocks. Although Han Shu has the upper hand, he is afraid that Ju Nian will be hurt if he is not careful.The old iron gate and the weathered brick wall were originally fragile, so how could they stand up to the two people's tossing, only a loud "clang" was heard in the chaos, and the entire iron gate was detached from the fixed wall, holding A pile of dust crashed to the ground.The bag in Ju Nian's hand also fell out of his hand following the momentary imbalance, and all the small and large belongings scattered from the open pocket.

This time, the two who were wrestling like children were finally calmed down.Han Shu was in a daze, unable to do anything except secretly annoyed, and Ju Nian also stood there fixedly, wanting to cry without tears.

Isn't this just like the entanglement between them all the time?Neither of them knew what the other was thinking, they struggled with each other, they didn't know how to start, and they didn't know how to end well.

Ju Nian finally squatted down indifferently, silently tidying up the scattered things.Han Shu rushed to help as a remedy.A beam of light suddenly fell on where they were, startling them and making them feel at a loss as to what to do.

"Who's there? What are you doing in the middle of the night?" Uncle Cai asked from a distance, putting on some clothes and holding a flashlight, thinking that the noise just now had disturbed him.

Ju Nian shaded the light with one hand, and vaguely agreed, "It's okay, Uncle Cai, the door suddenly broke down, I'm sorry to disturb you."

Uncle Cai also saw clearly the two people who were squatting at a loss, and didn't investigate any further, he said haha, "Ju Nian, it's fine, you're a girl, I thought there were thieves, so it's fine!"

Watching Uncle Cai close the door of his house, Ju Nian also stood up holding the more important items in his bag.The bag has been used for a long time, and she was quite embarrassed about Pingfeng's affairs before, and now even the strap is broken, so she can only hug everything in her arms.

She stretched out her hand to wipe her face, Ju Nian didn't understand why she did this, she was never an impulsive person, why bother to compete with him?
Han Shu watched Ju Nian wipe his face while wiping the dust from his hands to his cheeks, struggling with not knowing how to ease the deadlock, he quickly took out a tissue and handed it over.This time, Ju Nian no longer lost control just now, and only gently pushed his hand away.

She returned to the look Han Shu least wanted to see, no love, no hate, calm as still water.The iron gate of this courtyard fell down, but the invisible gate between them was closed even tighter.Perhaps, this door has never been opened for him.

"Year of the Orange..." Even if he goes up to the sky and enters the earth, and changes 72 times, he still won't be able to find Wuzhishan, which is empty and directionless.Han Shu has always been eloquent and eloquent, but now he can't say anything except his name.

Ju Nian said lightly: "You said you would give me compensation."

"Yes, I said it, what do you want?" Han Shu seemed to see a glimmer of life again, his voice changed slightly, wishing to take out his heart, fearing that it would not be fresh enough.

"Stay away from us," she said.

After finishing speaking, Ju Nian turned around, stepped through the collapsed iron gate and broken bricks and entered the courtyard, before she pushed open the gate, she remembered his name as a teacher this time, and turned her head to look at Han Shu who was as stiff as a street lamp.

"Maybe you're right, I'm not a good parent, but I've tried my best."

(End of this chapter)