let me look at you

Chapter 75
When others were young and ignorant, it was still difficult to figure it out, but as time passed, it became even more difficult. Just like some people, there are big fish and big meat, but they just want to gnaw on the same bone, and they may not be able to gnaw it down for more than ten years. Do it in a hurry, do it in a hurry !
Han Shu came out of his parents' house, and while waiting for the traffic lights, he received a call from Fang Zhihe, saying that it would be New Year's Day tomorrow, and it was very lively outside, and asked Han Shu if he wanted to come out for a sit-down together.Han Shu has been lazy in socializing lately, but at this time he was really bored. Fang Zhihe was one of his best buddies since he was a child. If you feel flustered, you might as well find a place with a lot of people for a drink.So he agreed immediately, turned the car around and boarded the viaduct, and went straight to the nightclub where Fang Zhihe was.

At first, he thought that Fang Zhihe would be waiting for him with a large group of cronies, but when he arrived, he found that Fang Zhihe was sitting alone on the bar with an empty bottle in front of him. When he saw Han Shu, he quickly waved to him.

Han Shu's heart suddenly became more balanced. He thought he was the only ghost tonight, but it turned out that they were each other.Sitting next to Fang Zhihe, he smiled and said, "I think it's quite interesting, I came here to accompany you boy during my busy schedule."

Fang Zhihe almost spit out the wine in his mouth, and without saying anything, he pushed the glass of wine in front of him to Han Shu's hand, "Then I can't thank you enough. Let me tell you what you've been up to lately, go Did you report to the city court? It’s true that the new official took office three times, but no matter how busy you are, you won’t be so busy that you lose your girlfriend, right? I heard that your super female doctor broke up with you again...”

These days, good things don't go out, and bad things spread thousands of miles.Han Shu was not surprised either, he took a sip of his wine and said, "Everyone has their own aspirations, fate can't be forced."

"This time, the old man of your family has dealt with you as usual. Seeing that you are listless, I say that your love life is rough enough." Fang Zhihe teased.

Han Shu sneered, with a nonchalant expression, "What's the rush, I enjoy the beauty of the process. I'm not afraid to say it in front of you. It's not easy for me to find a woman. Do you want anything?" He said, his eyes met a few meters away The two enchanting girls in the distance raised their glasses slightly to the hot eyes full of interest they cast, and smiled meaningfully.

Fang Zhihe put one hand on Han Shu's shoulder, and said with a smile: "It is said that most serial killers have a fixed type of preference when choosing their victims, such as hair, height, skin color, age group... Those who do not meet these specific conditions will be delivered to the door." Don't kill..."

"Come on." Han Shu shook his friend's hand, "Don't use your perverted theories on me."

Fang Zhihe taught psychology in the university, he said with a smile: "I recently opened a public elective course called 'Lectures on Sexual Mental Health for College Students' in my department. I didn't know about the sexual enlightenment of teenagers in our country To what extent is the lack of knowledge backward... By the way, my course is quite popular, it can’t be compared with when I was studying social psychology, if you have time, come and support me? Maybe you will gain a little bit.”

Han Shu laughed, "Then, have you taught your students what is the key to sexual enlightenment that opens the door to your pure heart when you were young? You are a wimpy guy, don't forget that you carried a lot of 'enlightenment textbooks' in your schoolbag in high school , Zhou Liang and I were tortured by you..."

"Don't talk about Zhou Liang, people's children will call daddy, the root is young, and the life is so nourishing. Neither of us can compare with him. Especially you, with spring in your eyes, but a bad face on your face , the days are turning back more and more. Brother, I am not talented, and I am also a small professional. There are many lost lambs who have gone astray on the road to a new life of happiness through my guidance. Let me talk about it when I have time, and maybe I can give you some advice. Opinion." After Fang Zhihe finished speaking, he pushed the glasses on his nose leisurely.

Han Shu disagreed, "Save your theory to deceive underage girls."

Fang Zhihe chuckled, "Underage girls are not necessarily easy to fool. When others are young and ignorant, they can't figure it out, and the passage of time makes it even more difficult. Just like some people, there are big fish and big meat, but they just want to gnaw on the same bone , I may not be able to eat it for more than ten years, so be anxious, be anxious!"

By the time he said the last two lines, "Don't be in a hurry", he had turned into a self-made ditty and hummed in his mouth.

Han Shu pretended to be confused, "Who are you scolding? Dogs gnaw bones." However, he couldn't help showing a little discomfort.He turned his head away, avoided Fang Zhihe's eyes, and pretended to watch the performance on the stage. The band was screaming hysterically and didn't know what it was, which made people upset.With a "tsk", he greeted the waiter for another bottle of wine.

Fang Zhihe played with the coaster, and said to himself: "There is no one else here, what are you holding on to, there is an old saying, you will suffer for your face! You hide it, because you are afraid of admitting that you, Han Shu It’s still like when you’re deflated. Some things are private, and brothers and friends shouldn’t talk too much. It’s hard for us to say anything these years. From a psychological point of view, escaping can also be said to be a response to self-protection. Incentive mechanism. But if you don’t admit that there is that hurdle, you will never be able to get over it! People with discerning eyes are watching, who are you thinking about, it’s thankless..."

He didn't point out who the "who" was, but Han Shu still had a reaction. When he turned around, his expression changed, and he said angrily, "Which eye of yours saw me thinking about her? You are the one in my stomach." roundworm?"

Han Shu wasn't really angry with Fang Zhihe, but his face couldn't be wiped off for a while, he yelled a few words and then settled down, gritted his teeth and explained, "You don't understand after I said it, I didn't think about her, I was ...I felt sorry for her, and felt sorry for her... If it wasn't for me, she would have a better life than now, at least she wouldn't be alone with a child to make a living."

"Oh..." Fang Zhihe looked suddenly enlightened, "So you are pity for others, is her child yours?"

Han Shu's face turned pale, and he continued: "The child is not hers either. I have checked it. The orphanage adopted it under the name of some relative of hers. It has nothing to do with her. Her parents have cut off her relationship." It doesn't matter, if it wasn't for having a child and having no one around, life would be unbearable." Han Shu said, thinking of what Xie Wangnian had said to him before, his heart was even more dejected.

"It is said that giving someone a rose leaves a lingering fragrance in your hand. According to what you said, you pity her and make up for her. You should have a sense of satisfaction and relief psychologically, but why didn't I find it on you? Instead, I felt that you Like a lost soul?"

Han Shu was at a loss for words for a while, and after thinking for a long time, he finally admitted, "She refuses to accept it. She said everything to death, but she doesn't want to see me again." For him, it was not easy to say these things, Fortunately, there is wine in hand.

Fang Zhihe continued the conversation casually: "Then you just follow other people's wishes. Since she doesn't want to have anything to do with you, you should stop. People who borrow money don't care about it. You are a debtor Crying and shouting all day to pay it back, what kind of reason is this.”

Han Shu put his hands on the bar and covered most of his face, "But I hope she will live better. Seeing her like this makes me feel very uncomfortable."

"Then it's fine if you don't go to see her. You can't see her. Why, can't help it? You say she is pitiful, but I think you are more pitiful."

After Fang Zhihe said this, even Han Shu was a little surprised. After so many years of friends, everyone is also a person who knows the basics, so he tried to confide some of the haze and depression that have lingered in his heart for many years. He didn't say it, but he had never seen Fang Zhihe speak so harshly to himself, and he didn't know how to deal with it for a while.

Fang Zhihe also seemed to sense that his emotions were wrong, and his tone softened a lot when he continued, "Han Shu, you never thought that she doesn't need your apology and compensation at all."

Of course Han Shu thought about it, but it wasn't this that made him feel strange.He put down the cup in his hand, looked Fang Zhihe up and down, with doubts in his tone, "Your scope of psychological research is too broad, as if you know her very well?"

"I don't know if I don't dare to say. During the years when she was 'inside', I applied to visit her many times, but she never accepted it. Then I thought, is my visit really meaningful to her... ..."

"Have you visited her 'many times'?" Han Shu couldn't hold back when he heard this, interrupted Fang Zhihe, stood up and looked at his good friend in disbelief, "If I remember correctly, I only asked you once!"

"That's right, the next few times I went by myself." Fang Zhihe said slowly.

Han Shu sneered and said, "What does she have to do with you? You go to see her? Can you do it?"

"If you want to talk about relationship, you will not forget that she is also my classmate. Or, what do you think you have done to mean that your relationship with her has become closer than others?" Fang Zhihe's shoulder was covered with anger Han Shu pushed hard, and the person shook, but he didn't fall off the chair, but the wine glass fell to the ground. Fortunately, in the noisy environment, he didn't attract more people's attention.

Han Shu let go of his hand, and he seemed to be stunned, and sat back in his seat in a daze.

"I see you drank too much." He said bitterly to Zhihe.Originally, no, just last second, he was thinking of punching the face in front of him with rimless glasses, but he is not a rough and unscrupulous person after all, the most important thing is that although Fang Zhihe's words are ugly , but not at all, hell.

"You applied to visit her, but you kept it from me?" When Han Shu said this, he didn't know what it was like in his heart, and he couldn't swallow it to the extreme.

Fang Zhihe lowered his head and straightened his collar, and asked, "Do I have an obligation to you?"

Han Shu looked at Fang Zhihe coldly, "This is not what a friend should do."

"You were afraid to face her, so you didn't even dare to hear about her back then. Others should have forgotten her like you did? Now you want to make up for her, so others have to give in automatically?"

"That's not what I meant." Han Shu took a deep breath and turned his face away.

Fang Zhihe added with a sneer on his face, "You regard her as yours in your heart? But is she yours?"

"You bullshit!"

"Then isn't jealousy written on your face now?"

"I didn't!" Han Shu couldn't take it anymore, he raised his voice, and the people talking and laughing around him all looked at him strangely, including the beautiful girl who had shown his favor to him earlier.This is really out of character, but Han Shu found that he didn't care at all.He has always been a person who wants to be strong and save face. As his friends, whether it is Fang Zhihe, Zhou Liang or others, most of the time they take a step back tacitly.But Fang Zhihe's pressing step by step today made him feel panicked like never before, and more of his anger came from the embarrassment of desperately parrying.

"You didn't?" Even the light refracted from the local chronicles and glasses seemed to be mocking.

"I didn't..." Han Shu lowered his voice and clasped his hands. He was silent for a while before trying to calmly say, "Xiao Fang, there are some things I can't explain clearly. My feelings towards her are complicated and mixed There are a lot of past things in it. Yes, you may also know that I seemed to mean that to her when I was in school, but now it has been so long, everything has changed, what I think in my heart is not what you think, I Think I'm wrong, I want to make it up to her, so maybe I can feel better, I've had enough all these years. But she doesn't want it, I don't know what to do, you understand?"

"Haha, you don't understand yourself, ask me if I understand? You can think about some things very complicatedly, but in fact, if you clarify them one by one, you will find it is very simple. Are you stupid? Of course not, if this happened in You know better than anyone else. You are just deceiving yourself and others, and you are a dead duck."

"I'm not arguing with you about this, it's ridiculous."

"Then let me tell you clearly. Han Shu, what do you think of me?"

The changes in Fang Zhi and the topic were so strange that Han Shu felt puzzled for a moment, and said angrily, "You? You look like a dog."

"To tell you the truth, I have a good education, a harmonious family, a stable job, a good income, good health, good facial features, and no bad habits. If, I say, if Xie Ju Nian really has something to do with me, then that's okay. A good belonging. Why are you so ruthless and angry. You should rest assured."

"You and her? A joke!" Han Shu made a disdainful and funny look, but his tone changed.

"You don't want to let it go? Very good. It's back to our previous assumption. You think she is yours in your heart. You want to make up for it, but it is to let her live a good life. The giver of this kind of good life is not you Han Is it impossible to say?"

This argument is so familiar, Ju Nian seems to have also said: "Can I only rely on you to give me my happiness?"

Han Shu suddenly felt chest tightness and shortness of breath. He didn't want to think about it, or he could think it through but couldn't accept it.Can he act as a bystander or passerby in Xie Ju's life?No, no, if that's the case, Han Shu would rather she hate him.

But what kind of psychology is this?Han Su hates psychology!
He picked up his coat, "I don't want to have a pointless discussion with a drunk man."

"You will find it meaningful." Fang Zhihe said on the bar counter.

Han Shu shrugged mockingly, walked a few steps and turned his head, pointed at Fang Zhihe and said, "Don't harass her!"

"Han Shu, in what capacity are you warning me?"

"It's none of your business."

Fang Zhihe took off his glasses, wiped off the mist on them, and said, "Whoever suffers will know!"

Han Shu coldly took his share of the drink money, and left without looking back.

When he got home, it was pitch black. He fumbled out to check, only to find that on the last night of the year, there was a power outage.

On New Year's Day, the cold air was biting, and Han Shu couldn't control it. Under the shower where the electric water heater was out of action, he was drenched without thinking, his body was shaking, but the fire in his heart couldn't be quenched.Fang Zhihe is not a talkative person. For more than ten years, whether he knows it or not, he has never said a single unnecessary word, what does it mean today.

When twelve o'clock came, the roar of fireworks sounded in the distance. Han Shu originally wanted to have a lively life at this moment, but he didn't expect to end up even more lonely.He stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom, and looked at his other self through the half of a candle.

"Whoever suffers will know." This is more like a mantra of Fang Zhihe.

Han Shu shook his head, shook off the water droplets from his hair, and wiped the fog on the glass with his hands.He repeated over and over to the person in the mirror, "I'm fine, I'm fine...do you see that?"

(End of this chapter)