let me look at you

Chapter 81 Desperation is a Good Thing (1)
Destiny runs over like a huge wheel, smashing the ground, never giving a chance to choose, of course, except for the choice of chaos and sobriety, and the difference between the two is just which one is more painful That's all, as far as the result is concerned, they are all equally powerless.

After Feiming found out that he could not be discharged from the hospital, he cried for a while, until finally he couldn't even make a sound, and only his little face was flushed purple.This movement finally attracted the doctors and nurses, fearing that her condition would deteriorate further due to her emotional agitation, they had to use the medicine again, which made her fall into a deep sleep after being hoarse.

During the whole process, Ju Nian stood a few meters away, staring blankly at this scene.There was nothing she could do to help.Destiny runs over like a huge wheel, smashing the ground, never giving a chance to choose, of course, except for the choice of chaos and sobriety, and the difference between the two is just which one is more painful That's all, as far as the result is concerned, they are all equally helpless.

The doctor said that it is still impossible to judge whether the tumor in the non-ming brain is benign or malignant, but at least one thing is certain. It is not a short-term thing that this tumor exists in the non-ming brain, and it may even be born , has a close relationship with the inheritance of the previous generation.At this point, the doctor repeatedly asked Feiming's family medical history, and after learning from Ju Nian that the child's biological father did suffer from congenital epilepsy, he confirmed this inference.Because epilepsy is one of the typical signs before the onset of glioblastoma in the brain.

Ju Nian really wanted the doctor to give her a happy answer on what to do to save Feiming, but even the seemingly experienced doctor couldn't give her a clear answer.Regardless of whether the tumor is benign or malignant, it has grown to its current size, and it will inevitably press on the brain tissue, causing a series of physical reactions, such as more and more frequent headaches, vomiting, and seizures, and the tumor is most likely still expanding , when it occupies a certain space, even if it is benign, it will be life-threatening, and the terrible consequences of malignant tumors are even more unimaginable.

The only way in front of us may be surgery. If the surgery is successful and there is no recurrence after the surgery, that would be a blessing among misfortunes, but no one can predict whether there will be a recurrence.The most embarrassing thing is that the non-obvious tumor is in a very dangerous position, that is to say, the risk of the operation will be very high. Once the operation is performed, she may recover, or die on the operating table or die immediately. Possibility of permanent disability.

The doctor asked Ju Nian that she was just the child's aunt, and he didn't know if she could make this life-and-death decision on behalf of the child.Facing this question, Ju Nian was indeed speechless for a while.In name, Sinian's cousin is Feiming's adoptive father and legal guardian, but Xie Sinian's decision to adopt a child was purely for the sake of fulfilling Ju Nian, and he has no real connection with Feiming.In the first few years, he occasionally sent some gifts to Ju Nian and Feiming from different places, which was enough for Ju Nian to be grateful for, and she couldn't ask for more, because she also knew that Cousin Sinian was unruly by nature, and the most unruly Xi cared, and after the person he loved died, he had no fixed place to live.Even if Ju Nian had nowhere to go now and thought of asking Sinian's cousin for help again, it was impossible to get in touch with him immediately.In recent years, she can only know which small countries on the other side of the ocean her cousin has stayed in based on a few sporadic postcards.

As for the child's other blood relative that exists in the world, it is not difficult to find her, but based on what Han Shu said that day about Chen Jiejie's current situation, it is impossible for Ju Nian to take this risk. How can she expect a poor family, All the eldest ladies who depended on their husband's family for a living added new worries to a past relationship.Whether it's for the poisonous oath she once made or for the stability of this world, it is impossible for Chen Jiejie to recognize Feiming. Ju Nian knows this very well. If Feiming knows that her biological mother exists but refuses to accept her , the consequences are absolutely fatal, far worse than the parents who made her desperately fantasize about being perfect.

Ju Nian said to the doctor: "We need time to think about it, even if it's just for one night." And who are we?

When making this answer, she also deeply felt her own powerlessness and cowardice. At the most desperate moment, did she still understand that she was an outsider, no matter how many years she raised Feiming, Feiming would never be her child.

The night was getting deeper, Feiming slept soundly, and there were still traces of tears on his cheeks.Ju Nian tucked in the quilt for her, and stood alone in the small courtyard at the entrance of the inpatient department.From the entrance of the hospital, you can see the busy street on the opposite side from a distance. It is almost the end of the new year. Even at night, there are still many people busy buying new year's goods. You can't see clearly the orange year, but you can imagine the joyful faces of those people. look, and all of this is just a block away from the bleakness in the hospital.

Wu Yu, if it were you, what would you do?
Facing the invisible place, Ju Nian asked silently in his heart.

Chen Jiejie is healthy, and Feiming's disease is caused by Wu Yu's inheritance. If the doctor's deduction is correct, then it is very likely that Wu Yu's epilepsy is also caused by this genetic brain tumor. Unfortunately, no one cared about it at the time. This, and this secret will be buried underground with him forever.

Ju Nian spread out his palm and looked at the lines on his palm again. If his departure is inevitable and her loneliness is also doomed, shouldn't it be easier for a person who believes in fate?

Ju Nian remembered that he had once seen a sentence scribbled by Wu Yu in his mathematics textbook: Life is as brilliant as summer flowers, and death is as quiet and beautiful as autumn leaves.Wu Yu is not a person who is good at literary rhetoric. Ju Nian once guessed that this came from a sentence in Tagore's poem. Maybe he read it by accident and took it seriously, so he copied it in the textbook at random.This coincides with his dream of being a knight.

If this is the case, now it seems that Ju Nian is a little envious of Wu Yu. When he was alive, he might not be as brilliant as Xia Hua, but at least at the end of the day, he was just a blink of an eye, and everything returned to tranquility, just like in a martial arts novel. The scene was so tragic, the sword light suddenly rose, and the blood spattered five steps.It is always better than a certain supporting role, with a broken arm, still holding an orphan in his arms, lingering in reality.

It's just that Feiming is too pitiful.This child has never been favored by fate, but has to endure misfortune far beyond what she can bear.Thinking about it, Ju Nian felt more and more compassionate.

"She's too young, you can't take her away."

Only the sound of the wind blowing through the dry branches answered her...and the light footsteps.

Ju Nian suddenly turned around, only to see Han Shu standing a few steps behind him.

She didn't expect Han Shu to appear in the hospital so late, but from the expression mixed with shock, grief and pity, Ju Nian knew that he didn't need to explain further, he must have got it from the doctor or other nurses Know the truth.

I don't know why, from the moment he looked back and saw him, Ju Nian, who accepted the bad news calmly and dumbly, suddenly had the urge to cry, maybe it was because of disappointment, maybe it was because his grief deepened the reality of the cruel reality, maybe it was just She stood in the wind for too long... She hurriedly turned her head and walked back to the ward from his side.Fortunately, Han Shu was surprisingly quiet this time.

Taking advantage of the fact that Feiming didn't have too many treatment arrangements in the morning, Ju Nian took the time to go to the fabric store, found the manager, and offered to resign with difficulty.This job was the only source of her livelihood these years, and it was also the straw that saved her life. When she was desperate, only this store took her in, didn't care about her criminal record, and even gave her the position of store manager. So for a long time, Ju Nian has always been conscientious, except for taking care of Feiming, the rest of his thoughts have been devoted to this job.

Of course it was not her wish to leave, but now it seems that there is no other way?Parents may never recognize her again in this life. She has no relatives and no friends who can trust her. Feiming's physical condition is inseparable from others now. Regardless of surgery or not, she will only need more and more medical care in the future. Time to accompany and take care of, and asking for leave again and again at the fabric shop is not a long-term solution.

Yesterday the hospital had already called for Feiming's subsequent hospitalization and treatment expenses, so Ju Nian had no choice but to find out the bank card that Han Shusai had given her.Ju Nian really didn't want to use Han Shu's money, that would give Han Shu an illusion, as if there was more and more continuous entanglement between them, and that kind of entanglement was what Ju Nian tried his best to cut off. It was like walking into a room that was still dusty, and if she accidentally covered her hands and face with cobwebs, those cobwebs were transparent, invisible, and she might not be able to touch them, but she could feel the sticky and tangled Discomfort, she tugged and tugged, but she couldn't reach it, as if she was once again a helpless worm in the net.

She is willing to admit that she is not open-minded enough. It has been so long, why can't she just laugh it off?But she just had no choice, she could stop resenting and cursing Han Shu, and she could persuade herself not to blame him for the misery of the past.Ju Nian believes in fate, she believes that Han Shu is just a pair of hands that fuel the flames of fate.But not hating does not mean that memories can be healed, as long as he sees his face, Ju Nian can't help thinking, he is alive, but where is the little monk?Let her solve it in every possible way, but it's hard to get over it.But in front of him is Feiming's health, or even his life. Compared with this, can anything else be so important?
Ju Nian didn't expect that after hearing the reasons for her resignation, the manager didn't agree, but only said to give her a long vacation with no deadline, and she could come back no matter when the vacation ended.

In addition to the accident, Ju Nian was grateful again and again, ignoring the sympathy and greetings from her colleagues, and hurried back to the hospital. It was almost noon at that time, she couldn't make time to cook, and she missed the hospital's order, so she had to look for a meal nearby. A fairly clean fast food restaurant, bought two lunch boxes.

Walking outside the ward, Ju Nian smelled a strong smell of chicken soup. He thought it was made by the grandmother of the child in the next bed. He opened the door and went in, only to see three people sitting around Feiming's bed.

The first feeling in the orange year is just surprise, who else will come to see Feiming?However, after a few seconds, she suddenly realized that it wasn't the three "who", isn't the young man standing there just Wang Nian?Xie Maohua sat on the side of the bed, while Ju Nian's mother held the thermos pot of soup in one hand, and put it into Feiming's mouth with a spoon in the other.They hadn't seen each other for a long time, and Ju Nian was so surprised that he couldn't recognize his flesh and blood relatives at first glance.

She didn't know how her parents and Wangnian found out about Feiming's illness, and how they were willing to come. They were caught off guard, so they stood blankly at the door, not knowing how to react.And Xie Maohua, his wife and Wangnian also noticed her return, they all stood up slowly in a daze, and looked at her in unison.

Maybe everyone has noticed how difficult it is to say the first sentence.

(End of this chapter)