let me look at you

Chapter 84 How to Have a Home

Will a child without a home be alone in another world?I am afraid of being alone.

Ju Nian sent away the teachers and student representatives who came to the hospital to visit Feiming, and felt quite helpless. They came with good intentions, but they couldn't enter the ward at all.Because Feiming has been crying endlessly since she learned that the teacher and classmates are coming to see her, she rejected the visit with a fierce attitude, and the crying made Ju Nian feel apologetic. see a visitor out.

The little boy named Li Te in the class was still reluctant to leave when he left. He even grabbed Ju Nian's hand and asked, "Auntie, can I just take a look at Xie Feiming? It's okay to wait until she falls asleep." Ju Nian knows that Feiming has always longed for the attention of this smart and good-looking boy. If Feiming regards herself as Snow White, then Li Te is undoubtedly her Prince Charming.However, Ju Nian knew better that Li Te was the person Feiming didn't want to see at this time.

"Isn't it good for the teacher and the children to accompany you to talk? Maybe Li Te can give you extra lessons." Ju Nian later said to Feiming.

Feiming leaned halfway on the hospital bed and shook his head extremely slowly.In less than half a month after being admitted to the hospital, she lost a whole circle of weight.Despite the hospital's best efforts, her headaches and cramps became more frequent, followed by vomiting and general fatigue and weakness.The face, which was not big at first, was horribly thin. On the face that was fading from blood, only a pair of big eyes stood out, and the immature vigor in those eyes was slowly fading away in the pain.

"Auntie, do you really believe that I can go back to school?"

When Feiming said this, she didn't show much expression. Maybe it was only Ju Nian who was sad. She tried so hard to hide it, but she just wanted to make the child happy. However, Feiming's sensitivity and precociousness made this well-intentioned Lies are like broken window paper in the wind, easily torn. Even though she still doesn't fully understand her cause of disease, she definitely understands that lying in the hospital is not a small accidental episode.

What is puzzling is that Feiming is extremely resistant to visits from teachers and classmates, but she repeatedly mentions Xie Maohua and Xie Wangnian, who only visited her once.

"Father-in-law and mother-in-law said they would come to see me again, and uncle, why didn't they come? Will mother-in-law bring me her stewed chicken soup?"

Ju Nian doesn't know how to answer. She can say that "father-in-law, mother-in-law" and "uncle" don't have time for the time being, but I don't know how long Feiming will be in the hospital. How long can she lie?But how could she tell Feiming that she couldn't help the little uncle to become a regular, so the father-in-law and mother-in-law would never come again.It seemed that any kind of answer would make Feiming even more sad.

Therefore, Ju Nian could only cook chicken soup for Feiming silently.She clearly remembered that her mother's cooking skills were not very good, but no matter how many methods she used and the cooking time, Feiming always said that it felt a bit bland in her mouth, and what this child couldn't forget was her "mother-in-law"'s chicken soup.

"You haven't met your father-in-law or mother-in-law a few times. Could it be that the teachers and classmates who get along day and night are not as good as them?" Sometimes there is really no way, so Ju Nian just asked Feiming.

Feiming answered as a matter of course, she said: "Auntie, how can it be the same, the teacher is a teacher, and the classmates are classmates, but my father-in-law, mother-in-law and uncle are my relatives."

"Is there a difference?"

"Of course, friends, classmates, and teachers will leave, but relatives will not."

After hearing this sentence, Ju Nian turned away his face and dared not look at Feiming for a long time.

Because she knows too well that as long as she is alive, there is no guarantee that she will not leave.

But none of this can be told to Feiming.Feiming is a different child. She yearns for love and a family too much, and her longing for family affection and reunion seems paranoid.How can she be blamed for this? Parents, relatives, etc., she has nothing. Aren’t we all crazy in pursuit of things we never had?Ju Nian even began to understand that perhaps what Feiming was nostalgic for was not the taste of her mother-in-law's chicken soup, but the taste of home in her imagination.Ju Nian is helpless, she has tried her best to give Feiming everything, but she can't give Feiming the taste she craves, because she has tasted so little.

This feeling of powerlessness intensified as Feiming's condition worsened, until one time, Feiming asked her name in a daze while she was suffering from a low-grade fever, and she said, "Auntie, does 'Feiming' mean Am I a child of unknown origin and no one wants me? Is it because I am not good enough that my parents, father-in-law and mother-in-law don’t want me?"

Ju Nian wiped Feiming's face with a wet towel, and said repeatedly: "How come, how come? As long as you are strong, they will definitely come."

Feiming said: "Before, when I woke up every day, when I was doing eye exercises, I was thinking, will they appear in front of me when I open my eyes this time? But I have woken up many times. , I did a lot of eye exercises, opened my eyes, and there was nothing. I knew they couldn’t come. Auntie, will a child without a home be alone in another world? I’m afraid of being alone.”

Rao Ju Nian has already taken a lot of things lightly, tears almost welled up at this moment, but she couldn't shed tears in front of Feiming.After Feiming fell into a coma, she left the ward as if fleeing, and hid at the end of the corridor alone, bending over to breathe heavily.It's just a home, what a trivial request, so many people are eager to get rid of the shackles of home, and some people just ask for it but can't.How can she give Feiming a home?

Han Shu seems to have encountered a rather difficult case, and these days are even more busy day and night. He often comes to visit Feiming before the inpatient department's night access control. Sometimes Feiming falls asleep, and he will quietly stay with them for a while.Every time he leaves, he will put a different little toy beside Feiming's bed.

Ju Nian was so tired, several times, she leaned against the bedside table in a daze, not knowing when Han Shu left.Only once, she felt Han Shu cover herself with a blanket, and his hand was lightly covering hers.Ju Nian held her breath and quietly waited for him to leave, but for a long time, so long that she was about to fall into another dream, his hands were still cautious, he didn't touch, he didn't grasp, he didn't even dare to move, just like A feather floating in her hand, only the temperature is real.Until Ju Nian pretended to move his body slightly in Xiaomei, and calmly withdrew his hand.He stayed silent for a while, and soon, the door of the ward opened and closed slightly, and the sound of footsteps gradually faded away.

Tang Ye's office is quite close to the hospital, so it's easier for him to come here. When he was there, Feiming always blinked and looked at Uncle Tang and Auntie. Understand, in fact, she doesn't understand anything.

Ju Nian has been thinking about returning the money that Tang Ye paid to the hospital in advance. For Feiming's illness, she has already used the money in Han Shu's bank card. Many entanglements.She and Han Shu, Han Shu and Wu Yu, Wu Yu and Feiming, it's hard to figure out who owes whom. This is already complicated enough, and Tang Ye shouldn't get involved.It happened that Pingfeng had repaid Ju Nian some money, plus some odds and ends she had on hand, and she was planning to give it to Tang Ye when he came to the hospital, but Tang Ye didn't show up for a few days.

There is a copy of "The Sorrows of Young Werther" next to Feiming's pillow, which was given to her by Tang Ye. Every time Tang Ye came, he would read a long paragraph to her. Feiming was waiting for the next part of the story, so he followed up and asked : "Does Uncle Tang have to work overtime like Uncle Han Shu? They are not colleagues, why are they equally busy?"

On the day of the winter solstice, Ju Nian received a call from Tang Ye.At that time, if the caller's name hadn't been clearly displayed in the call, Ju Nian could hardly tell that the hoarse voice came from Tang Ye.

Tang Ye just greeted Feiming on the phone, and he stopped and coughed several times in the middle of the phone with a few words.It was only then that Ju Nian remembered that he hadn't completely recovered from his bad cold last time, and his illness was lingering and recurring, but now it seemed to be getting worse.She thanked Tang Ye for his concern, and couldn't help asking, "Are you okay?"

Tang Ye smiled wryly and said, "It's nothing serious. I just blame myself for not paying attention to the cold at the beginning. I didn't expect it to become serious now. I couldn't even go to work for two consecutive days. I have been recuperating at home, but the fever has not subsided."

Ju Nian was also helpless, and wanted to tell him to have a good rest, but who knew that as soon as the words came to his lips, he heard a crisp ringing from the phone. , broke the water glass.

Ju Nian couldn't help but feel a little worried at the moment, asking him repeatedly if he was cut by broken glass, but the other party soon heard a busy tone of disconnection, and no one answered the call again.

In these years, Ju Nian has no friends. She believes in a philosophy that everyone should take care of themselves, take good care of themselves, and seek happiness for themselves, then everyone will be clean.But Tang Ye is a good person, and one of the few people that Ju Nian can get along with with peace of mind. What's more, he has always taken good care of her and Feiming. With his current state, no matter how Ju Nian ignores him, he feels unjustifiable.It was just after two o'clock in the afternoon, and Feiming fell asleep on the drip as usual. Ju Nian asked the grandmother of the child next door to take time to look after Feiming for her, and hurried to Tang Ye's residence by himself.

The bus in the afternoon was severely blocked on the main road, and it was an hour after Ju Nian arrived at the door of Tang Ye's house. She didn't dare to delay for fear that something would happen to Tang Ye, so she raised her hand to ring the doorbell.

Almost at the same time as the bell rang, the door suddenly opened to the inside.Ju Nian didn't expect it to be so fast, and he didn't even have time to take it back.However, the young man standing behind the door was not Tang Ye. Ju Nian glanced at him hurriedly, feeling somewhat familiar, and couldn't remember where he had seen him before.

She thought it was Tang Ye's friend, she felt relieved, she smiled and was about to say hello, if he was fine, she could rush back to the hospital by herself.Unexpectedly, the man squinted his eyes and looked at her for a long time, and his expression gradually cooled down as he came to his senses.His eyes made Ju Nian glow on his back, and he didn't know how to react, but he pushed the door open, and Ju Nian also saw Tang Ye who was leaning tiredly on a single sofa .

"So it's like this..." The man pushed the tortoiseshell glasses on the bridge of his nose, and there was an indescribable taste in his smile, "Okay, Tang Ye, okay, you really have the ability..."

With the gestures of the man in front of her and the familiar indifferent eyes, Ju Nian's memory gradually recovered. She remembered that the night she met Tang Ye for the first time, didn't she also meet this man on a narrow road?She still remembered the black shadows they were entangled and torn in the dark, and that feeling made her embarrassed, as if she appeared again at an inappropriate time, breaking through the secrets that others least wanted to reveal.

After Tang Ye heard the movement at the door, he got up from the sofa and saw Ju Nian standing timidly outside the door, his eyes lit up.As if he didn't hear what the man said, he stood up on his own, and said with a little surprise: "Ju Nian, why are you here?"

"Uh...the phone was cut off suddenly, I'm afraid you'll have an accident, so I'll come over and have a look, as long as it's okay, I'll go first, you have a good rest..." Ju Nian hurriedly finished speaking, and was about to leave this place of right and wrong.

"Wait." She didn't expect Tang Ye to stand up and persuade her to stay. After all, she knew about their affairs, and he really cared about it, so his eagerness at that moment confused her a little.

"Ju Nian, you don't have to rush away," Tang Ye said.

Ju Nian seemed to hear a sneer, and suddenly felt his scalp go numb.She really didn't want to get involved in other people's entanglements, but things backfired.

She didn't answer, and the scene of the three of them seemed to be at a deadlock, but through the lens, the anger, suspicion and condescending alienation in the man's eyes still made her feel strongly uncomfortable.She could even understand that person. She thought he would explode on the spot, but he just looked back at Tang Ye and said lightly: "Why do you do this, I was planning to leave."

In fact, this person has a correct face and a very pleasant accent. Even when he is extremely angry, he still feels indescribably appropriate. He seems to be born to be a persuader, which is hard to resist.However, Tang Ye seems to be an exception.

Tang Ye said: "Please leave the keys of my house before you leave."

At the moment of silence, Ju Nian lowered his head.After a long time, she heard the crisp sound of the metal key falling on the stone floor, and the man brushed past her, and they didn't speak again.

The man left, and Ju Nian walked into Tang Ye's residence hesitantly. When she passed by the door key, she bent over to pick it up and put it on Tang Ye's coffee table.This room was very different from the last time she came. The original cleanliness and comfort were replaced by a mess. Near the sofa, there was indeed a large piece of broken glass that had not been cleaned up.

"Thank you for coming to see me." Tang Ye tried to stand up and pour water for Ju Nian, shook it a bit, but was stopped by Ju Nian.

"Sit still and don't move, have you seen a doctor?"

Tang Ye leaned back on the sofa and nodded, "I didn't expect a little cold to be so severe. It's okay, I'll just lie down." He closed his eyes, and his slightly pale face became more and more serious. Eyebrows sparse.

"A small cold can also induce pneumonia. Why can't you take good care of your body." Ju Nian walked to Tang Ye's side as he spoke, and stretched out his hand to test the temperature on his forehead. Fortunately, it was not too hot.

The moment he touched Tang Ye, Ju Nian realized the abruptness of his actions.She is so used to complaining about him and taking care of him. This feeling is familiar and far away, as if it has been repeated countless times in memory.She was confused, maybe in the last second, she completely forgot who the person in front of her was.

She quickly withdrew her hand, and when Tang Ye opened his eyes and looked at her, she said dully: "The doctor prescribed medicine for you, have you had lunch yet?"

Tang Ye shook his head, "I have no appetite."

Ju Nian sighed, lowered his head to clean up the broken glass that could hurt people if he was not careful, and finally said: "Let me see what you can eat here."

She walked towards the kitchen, and the drowsy Tang Ye suddenly said, "I'm sorry."

Ju Nian turned around, "What nonsense are you talking about?"

Tang Ye tried to smile, "I mean, I'm really glad you're here."

Ju Nian found a few eggs from Tang Ye's refrigerator, stirred them into egg liquid and steamed them over water, and then dug out a small half bowl of rice, just in time to cook porridge.Tang Ye curled up on the sofa and seemed to be asleep.

The water had just boiled when the unfamiliar doorbell startled Ju Nian.She remembered the last time she met his aunt at Tang Ye's house, and suspected that it was the person who had just left and returned, and secretly groaned in her heart.She clearly remembered that Tang Ye mentioned that outsiders rarely came to his house, but from her experience, this was not the case.

The doorbell was repeating tirelessly. It was inconvenient for Ju Nian to open the door rashly. He stood at the door of the kitchen and called Tang Ye softly. It seemed that Tang Ye hadn't slept soundly for a long time. He was lying on the sofa in an uncomfortable position. Sink into a dream.

Seeing that he didn't respond, Ju Nian had no choice but to wipe the water from his hands on the apron, walked to the door, and tiptoed to look out through the peephole.

Just this one glance was enough to make her gasp, and involuntarily took two steps back. Although she knew that she could see the other party through the door, but the other party could not see herself, she still felt a thin Cold sweat seeped from the back.

There were three people standing outside the door, all wearing uniforms, the dark blue uniforms and the looming orange badges on their chests were familiar, she had seen it more than once on Han Shu who went straight to the hospital after get off work.But the most frightening thing was that the person standing at the front, ringing the doorbell with one hand, and fiddling with the brim of his hat with the other, who else was it if it wasn't Han Shu?

(End of this chapter)