let me look at you

Chapter 97 This night, like reincarnation (2)
Ju Nian was struggling to get out of bed in a daze, when Han Shu yanked her hard and tripped her again, she fell down on the bed and let out a small scream.

Her panic was so hard to conceal, it finally made Han Shu, who walked to her bedside with all his might, feel a little embarrassed.

He said in his mouth: "I just want a quilt, I really don't have any wrong thoughts."

But his hand was still tightly grasping the corner of the only quilt.

Han Shu is an adult, so he quickly sensed the ambiguous aura that was partly from him, and partly from darkness and chaos. This aura was like a poppy, cooperating with his inner demons, urging the deadly flowers to bloom little by little.

He somehow sat on the edge of the bed, his throat tightened, and he murmured like a dream: "Are you so afraid of me?"

He didn't even realize that one of his hands reached out and touched her face lightly in the darkness.He didn't dare to do this when he was sober, but is he sober now?How could he be so close to her when he was sober?He didn't even know that the icy and snowy encounter just now and the scene in front of him, just like Zhuang Shengxiao's dream and butterfly, which one is a dream and which one is real.

Ju Nian stumbled in the castle made of quilts, shrank back while supporting the bed with his hands, and turned his face to the limit to avoid Han Shu's touch.Then, unexpectedly, she rushed to the other side of the bed, trying to escape, as if she could temporarily escape her fear by escaping from this bed, but just as her feet hit the ground, Han Shu held her down with one hand go back.

Ju Nian's face was immediately buried in the quilt, and he said in horror: "Don't do this, Han Shu, don't do this, don't do this..."

She seemed to only remember this sentence, don't be like this, she also has her demons, which are boundless and boundless like nightmares.

"How, so... or so..." Han Shu asked in a hoarse voice. He knew that he was like the most unbearable apprentice, a shameless rogue, and he was getting more and more out of line, but his heart, his Hands, there is nothing I can do by myself.

Ju Nian began to struggle, and Han Shu's restraint made her like a trapped animal, making an effort before dying.

"Why are you so nervous, huh? If you do this again, I'm going to shout." She warned panting.

"Okay." Han Shu answered simply.

She wouldn't have shouted, otherwise she wouldn't have waited until now.It was almost midnight, and the sound of firecrackers gradually became louder. She knew that her shouts were destined to be swallowed up in the wave of carnival on New Year's Eve. She could not call anyone except the sleeping Xiao Feiming, but she absolutely did not want to. Feiming witnessed all this.

Han Shu's rationality floated into the air, and he looked at himself who was doing evil.Ju Nian's body is very hot, the heat is ironing his frozen soul just now, he can't look at her face carefully, but it is sure that she will never be as cold as jade, let alone as cold as ice, she I can no longer look at him indifferently from the sidelines, and I can no longer say "Han Shu, this is my business", no matter whether it is a good thing or not, at least it is a matter between "them".This feeling made Han Shu feel extremely crazy like being poisoned, even though he was tearing off the veil of warmth that had finally covered them, doing things that he didn't even despise.

For many years, Xie Ju Nian was a demon in Han Shu's heart, a source of heat he instinctively pursued, but when he got close, he always felt cold.

Now she can't get cold anymore.

Thin beads of sweat oozed from Ju Nian's chest, but she was still trying to push Han Shu's face away, her strength and nails made Han Shu taste the bloody smell of the wound on his face, he had to share Xin freed up a hand to suppress it, otherwise he would have no doubt that her fingers could tear out his eyeballs.

In the tumultuous entanglement, Han Shu grabbed the corner of the one-inch cloth, which did not belong to the quilt, nor was it a part of the bed sheet, because he fumbled for the buttons.

It was a piece of clothing, it wasn't his, nor hers, and with those eyes adapted to the darkness, Han Shu finally determined that it was a light-colored man's old clothes.

Ju Nian also noticed this dress, she even gave up protecting her body and frantically snatched that dress.Han Shu suppressed her with the weight of his body, and moved the dress away, just a few centimeters away from where she stretched out her hand.

A few centimeters, Ju Nian seemed to have forgotten what Han Shu had done to her, he just stretched out his hand and groped on the messy quilt, but it was still a few centimeters short.

"Whose one?" Han Shu buried his chest in front of her and asked.

He didn't forget the man's clothes that Feiming mentioned. Ju Nian's face was very red at that time, and at this moment, his body was even hotter than boiling.

Ju Nian's chest heaved violently, and she couldn't answer at all.

But Han Shu found the answer in her loss of control.

This is a multiple-choice question, and there is always only one answer.

That is Wu Yu.

She folded the clothes neatly and placed them next to the pillow, letting it accompany her to sleep.Perhaps for so many years, this was the only fulcrum that supported her to spend her youthful years as a woman with peace of mind.

Han Shu couldn't tell whether it was shock or pity. Could it be that she could pretend that Wu Yu was by her side?No, even when Wu Yu was alive, he never lay beside Xie Junian like this, and Han Shu is more qualified than anyone to prove this.She is a poor self-deceived to the extreme, but he is not, he is alive, but he lost to a dead person, there is no suspense.

Too many emotions can't find an outlet, so Han Shu is angry.

This was the second time he had come into contact with her body, and the scene was equally miserable.The only difference is that she was so drunk last time, but this time, she was completely sober.They were physically entangled, and despite the entanglement, every movement of her struggle wanted his life.Inadvertently, Ju Nian's knees suddenly bent made Han Shu's lower abdomen ache, and he moved away from her legs, holding her face with both hands.

Ju Nian closed his eyes tightly, Han Shu didn't know if she was in pain, because she didn't cry out in pain, didn't express any expression, and didn't say a word, just struggling desperately.She wrapped her soul very tightly, he probed into her body, but couldn't probe into her soul.

But Han Shu knew she could still hear at least, he gritted his teeth and said, "Did you forget that Wu Yu is dead?"

11 years was enough to turn the boy back then into dry bones, Han Shu just wanted Ju Nian to know that after he died, he would never come back alive to snuggle up to her.

"He's not dead, he's always by my side!" Ju Nian finally spoke, and opened his eyes to look at Han Shu who was close at hand.She may not be able to defeat Han Shu, but at least she can let him know that he will never be able to replace his little monk.

"He's always there, I just can't see it."

Han Shu laughed a few times, leaned down, and asked, "Can he see it? Then he can see us now? Right next to us?"

He heard Ju Nian's exclamation in his throat, and choked up, but she still resisted him.

"If he is here, if he cares about you, what is he doing now? He can stop me, slap me, kick me off you, can he do it?"

"Han Shu, you bastard!" Ju Nian's arched legs were pressed down by Han Shu again.

"My bastard, he's good for everything, he's been dead for 11 years and still haunts!" Han Shu panted and yelled out of sight, "Come on, Wu Yu, aren't you here? I don't even need you Do it, you say a word, just say a word, I'll let her go right away...or you don't even need to say a word, you can use whatever method you want, just give a little hint, anything is fine, I'll get off her right away , Get out immediately!"

"Shut up, shut up, please, please!"

"I don't want to shut up. Aren't you waiting for him to possess, manifest, and come back from the dead? Wu Yu, she likes you so much, she wants to let me go, and you don't even want to do this for her? If you care about her, are you still a man like this?"

Ju Nian freed his hand at this moment, and slapped Han Shu hard, he finally stopped yelling at Wu Yu.If the Ju Nian just now was painful and flustered, then in her eyes now is a kind of madness on the verge of disillusionment and despair.She used to refuse to say that she hated Han Shu because the hatred was too heavy, but at this second, she hated him to death. He tried to shatter her last belief, and she knew that he would disturb her forever.He left her with nowhere to go.

That slap was really serious, Han Shu's face was turned to one side, but Ju Nian started to cry at this moment.

Before this, Han Shu never knew that a person would have so much grief and tears.

Ju Nian gradually stopped struggling.

As if she was still waiting.

Wu Yu, are you really there?Are you really with me where I can't see, as I thought?If you are here, please give me your last mercy.

Han Shu said: "We might as well take a look together, if he is still there."

Ju Nian is like a solitary boat in the waves, tossed and panicked, and her only voyage is a mirage.

Han Shu's breathing became heavy, and extreme happiness and extreme pain intersected.

She had seen such confusion before, it was an upside-down night, it belonged to the young Wu Yu and Chen Jiejie in the martyr's cemetery, not Xie Junian.

In the outskirts where fireworks and firecrackers are not banned, there are deafening sounds one after another. The sky outside must be bright, but she can't see it.Even the wind refused to visit the room, the air was stagnant, only the breath of desire, the curtains never moved a corner, except for Han Shu and his own heartbeat, Ju Nian could not hear anything.

"Do you believe it? He won't show up, because he died a long time ago, and you may not be what he wanted before he died."

Han Shu won, at least he convinced Ju Nian of one thing.

Wu Yu is dead.

Even if he lived, he would not be by her side.On the last side, he came to say goodbye.He had conceived countless times of her hometown in Saibei, the paradise of his dreams, but when he decided to give up everything and go there, it wasn't her that he wanted to take away.Ju Nian had embarked on that journey alone a few years after Wu Yu left. She stood on the plain that Wu Yu longed for but could not reach. She could not feel any familiar atmosphere, only felt empty and desolate.

It turned out that she had always been only herself.

Ju Nian shed the last tear of the night.

Han Shu felt Ju Nian's hand softly drooping on the edge of the bed in a moment of sensual pleasure.

There was no expression on her face, as if even this body was not hers.

So he stroked her hair, and her tear-stained face.

"He's dead, but you still have me."

Then, he heard her hollow voice.

She asked, "Who are you?"

who is he?Han Shu seemed to be poured over his head by a basin of snow water.He was the one who wanted to treat her well for the rest of his life, but he couldn't see this person now, he only saw himself naked and disgusting to himself.

All the passion and desire were annihilated like a puff of smoke at this moment, Han Shu collapsed, and slowly fell on the sweaty Ju Nian, motionless, as if dead.

Ju Nian didn't move either, they maintained a posture for a long time, long enough to decay into dust.

Tired, very tired.They seemed to have fallen asleep, and woke up again at some point.The world outside the window finally quieted down.

From fierceness to silence, it seemed like a lifetime before dawn.

Han Shu turned over and lay flat on the bed.

"You hate me to death." He was in a daze, as if talking to the ceiling.

He thought that Ju Nian would also not be able to answer this question, but unexpectedly, after a while, Ju Nian made an extremely vague voice.

"Ah."

"I never thought that I would do such a thing. I didn't before and I don't now. But I just did it. I don't know what happened. But it's useless to say anything now. Anyway, tomorrow, what do you want tomorrow Anything is fine, I admit everything. But I just hope you can tell me, in your heart, who am I?"

Ju Nian found sadly that he was also thinking about this question, who is he.What is Han Shu to her?The villain who can die a hundred times, the plaster who is dead-skinned, the bastard who intersects with her entire youth, the spectator who influences her fate, breaks into her dusty world, and exposes that her tranquility is only because of a lonely person.

He is not her lover, but he is not a passerby either.

Sometimes she would rather equate him with Lin Henggui, but she also knows that he is not Lin Henggui.

Ju Nian never thought about loving Han Shu, but all her secret memories are only related to him. 11 years ago, when he was by her side, youth was still as dry as cardamom. 11 years later, it was only the past night and the present that were old, but he was still by her side.Who can see through the mystery of fate?
"Maybe you know what I think about you. It started a long time ago. I don't know what to do, and I have done a lot of things that I still regret. I regret that day I followed you to the martyrs cemetery, maybe I should let you and Wu Yu go, and I also regret that I believed my godmother after the accident, I was so naive, I thought she would take care of everything, and then we could Together, I regret even more that I didn't have the courage to stand up at that time. I had no less than a hundred dreams to make up for this shortcoming. , I didn’t do anything in these 11 years... But there is only one thing I don’t regret, you can say whatever you want, maybe I’m really a shameless bastard, I only regret that night, In that small hotel, you and I... I know it's dishonorable, it's wrong, but I don't regret it."

Ju Nian had a hard time remembering the details of that night. She suddenly found that she was the complete opposite of Han Shu. She often recalled the nightmares that followed after dawn, and explained them to herself after many years. Only that night, She seldom thought about it, and even avoided it on purpose, as if the film of memory had been cut off out of thin air.

"Tell me, if I sent you home that night, or we never met, what would it be like now?" Han Shu asked a ridiculous question.

She might find Wu Yu and really kill Lin Henggui, or she might avoid this catastrophe and watch Wu Yu go to jail and wait for him, or she might finally meet another man and live a smooth life.If something is infinitely possible, it is never possible.

Ju Nian said: "I don't know. Anyway, no matter how you live, it's a lifetime anyway."

They each hugged a corner of the quilt, lying on a messy bed. They didn't know how ridiculous this scene was. She could beat him and scold him to drive him away. Anyway, she could do whatever she wanted, instead of going on at this most inopportune time. The most honest conversation they have had since they met.

Maybe they all feel physically and mentally exhausted, too tired to carry any intense and dramatic plot.Then, they continued to fall asleep in an absurd way.

Before the last trace of consciousness disappeared, Han Shu, a steadfast materialist, looked around the dark room, facing the empty corner, and said silently in his heart: "I'm sorry."

(End of this chapter)