aren't we in love

Chapter 47 Memories of turning off the lights in the city
Cheng Duanwu has been unable to get away from the grief of losing her son, and she can hardly sleep at night.

Seeing that she was in a bad mood, Lu Yingqin would occasionally take her out for a walk.But now Cheng Duanwu is an extremely dangerous person. Sometimes on the road or in the park, when she sees a child who is about the same age as Dong Dong, she will be in a trance and can't help but take other people's child home.

She didn't know what she was doing, Cheng Duanwu would always be extremely moved when she saw the exhausted parents looking for their children everywhere, and she would only wake up at that moment.

If she is like the parents of these children, as long as she searches hard and never gives up, will she be able to find her precious winter?

She couldn't help asking Lu Yingqin like this all the time.Lu Yingqin couldn't answer her, he just smoked in silence.Such a silent gesture is undoubtedly announcing the death penalty to Cheng Duanwu.

It's uncomfortable, it's too uncomfortable, there are too many things, she can't bear it at all.

Maybe it's because familiar places and people are more likely to remind her of sadness. Recently, she has been avoiding Lu Yingqin intentionally or unintentionally.

She arranges flowers and plants in the house, learns to knit sweaters from books, and reads obscure professional books, trying to make herself very tired, but it is still difficult for her to fall asleep. Every time she falls asleep, her baby is in her dream. Ask her sensibly: "Mom, can I still be your child in the next life?"

She tried hard to catch something, but she couldn't catch anything.

Xu Shi discovered Cheng Duanwu's deliberate avoidance, and finally Lu Yingqin could no longer let her continue to be depressed.

He directly caught Cheng Duanwu who was about to flee back to the room.The strength is so great that Cheng Duanwu can't break free no matter what.Cheng Duanwu stubbornly turned his head away from him.Trying to avoid his serious eyes.

Lu Yingqin frowned and said, "Cheng Duanwu, how long are you going to be like this?"

Cheng Duanwu didn't speak or look at him.He couldn't help but make his voice louder: "How on earth can you turn this page? We are all sad that winter is gone, but you can't punish yourself for this. Winter wouldn't want his mother to be like this? Think about how strong the child is, you, a child whose mother is not as good as yourself, are you worthy?"

The child who didn't want Cheng Duanwu to see the moment he left until he died, and didn't want to make her too sad.There is no second child who is so obedient and sensible in this world.Her child is her child, such a strong child.

"I'm not as strong as him. I can't be strong. If I am strong, he will come back. I can definitely be strong."

Lu Yingqin's eyes were full of worry, he slammed Cheng Duanwu's face hard, but she was no match for his strength, so she was forced to look at him.With tears all over his face and an overwhelming sadness and despair.

Lu Yingqin was stunned for a moment, Cheng Duanwu took the opportunity to shake off his restraint, wiped away his tears, looked directly into Lu Yingqin's eyes and said, "Since you don't want me to escape, let's face it together."

Seeing Cheng Duanwu's decisive expression, Lu Yingqin suddenly had a sense of foreboding.He suddenly wanted to run away.

But before he escaped, Cheng Duanwu had already said firmly: "Lu Yingqin, when you returned to China, you said that you would not stop me when I wanted to leave, and now I want to leave, I hope you will keep your promise .”

Lu Yingqin's heart was suffocated suddenly, his face turned pale, his heart turned into a mess of ashes like a blazing flame suddenly being poured with a basin of cold water, he said: "Why do you have to leave? Where can you go? Cheng Duan Five, I can tolerate any willfulness of yours, as long as it is within the range I can see."

Cheng Duanwu shook his head sadly, and said weakly: "It doesn't matter where you go, just leave here. Lu Yingqin, you are not me, you can't know how bitter I am. I don't know why I live. I have never been What a strong woman! I'm nothing, I'm the worst woman in the world, so please let me go, let me go far, every day here I feel like I can't breathe..."

"When you're sad, you can go abroad to relax. You can go anywhere you want. Cheng Duanwu, you are an adult, and running away like this is not the solution to the problem."

"But..." Cheng Duanwu bit her lips tightly, tears overflowed unexpectedly, her pupils seemed to have a color of water, which made people feel pitiful, "The problem can't be solved, Lu Yingqin, don't think too much of me, I'm going to die in my life It's already ruined, fate is too unfair to me, and I don't have the strength to fight anymore..."

Lu Yingqin was speechless for a while, but he clenched his fists tightly.He has been living like a storm, but he can't change a woman's miserable life.And the source of all this woman's misery comes from him.He felt guilty and uncomfortable, but he could only stubbornly say: "Dragon Boat Festival, give me a little more time, for yourself and for me. I will slowly make you forget all of this."

Cheng Duanwu choked with sobs and shook his head: "It's impossible to forget, my heart has been dug out, how can I forget this pain?"

Lu Yingqin desperately wanted to keep him, but couldn't think of any way.Any language seems pale and powerless.He hugged Cheng Duanwu, who was crying, and held her tightly in his arms. He wanted to be closer to her, closer to her heart.

Cheng Duanwu was sobbing, almost pleading: "Lu Yingqin, let me go! Just this time, if you do me once, it's not in vain for me to love you."

Cheng Duanwu cried so hard that he finally went into shock from exhaustion.And when she woke up again, she was already in Lu Yingqin's suburban villa.This is a place that neither Lu Yingqin nor Cheng Duanwu can face.Since returning to China, Lu Yingqin has been arranging her in the newly purchased villa.Neither of them had ever mentioned where they lived in the past, and they were terrified of each other.

In fact, they are all timid people.

She still slept in the room she used to live in, and the lipstick left on the table was still there because of her haste before going abroad.Everything is exactly the same as before leaving.But her heart was riddled with holes, festered and shattered following waves of blows.

She knew that the negotiation with Lu Yingqin had failed, so she had no choice but to go on a hunger strike to show her determination.She is weak, and going on a hunger strike will make things worse.Lu Yingqin rushed back after hearing the news, and a fierce quarrel broke out between the two.

Cheng Duanwu hadn't quarreled with Lu Yingqin for a long time.She didn't eat all day and night, and she was out of breath without saying a few words.The whole person will fall down.Lu Yingqin was extremely angry, and his words were tinged with anger. Ever since he knew that she was self-abuse and hunger strike, he could not restrain his anger.He had tried his best to restrain himself, but he couldn't help but explode when he saw her hurting himself confidently.He scolded very roughly, almost completely rejecting her idea.

Within the scope of his permission, she can do whatever she wants, but she cannot leave him.She has to know the limit.

Cheng Duanwu gasped for breath while leaning on the edge of the bed.Maybe it was really numb.No matter how hard Lu Yingqin said, she couldn't feel the pain.At this moment, she just wants to leave, leave all the pain, and find a place where the sky is high and the sea is wide, and she can linger and live out her life.

She no longer wants to force herself to be strong, and she doesn't want to force herself to face it.She needs a complete escape.

Just when she hadn't figured out what to say next, Lu Yingqin's compromising voice suddenly came from behind her.

"Go to eat. Don't bother yourself anymore. From now on, I don't care where you want to go." After speaking, Lu Yingqin slammed the door and left.

"..." Cheng Duanwu won another fight, but she didn't feel the pleasure of winning at all. She was very tired, so she sat on the bed to rest.

She didn't eat much for dinner. She hadn't eaten for a long time and her appetite was extremely poor. She almost spit out the food she had swallowed several times.Later, the aunt who took care of her couldn't bear it and cooked porridge for her. She barely finished eating and went to bed.

She slept soundly that day, she thought she was finally freed, and left with all her sins, to a place where she didn't know anyone, so she wouldn't have to endure nightmares every night, and be terrified every night until dawn.

But what she never expected was that Lu Yingqin would break his promise again.Cheng Duanwu, who had packed his simple luggage early in the morning, saw Guan Yi who had been waiting for him as soon as he went downstairs with his bag.And, the new-faced "bodyguards" standing neatly on both sides.

Cheng Duan was very angry and asked Guan Yi: "What does this mean?"

Guan Yi still had the same humble expression for thousands of years: "This is what Mr. Lu meant. He said that if Ms. Cheng has any objections, he can come with me to the company."

"Why should I?" Cheng Duanwu frowned: "I won't go to any company, I made an agreement with him, and he said let me go!"

"Sorry, I didn't receive such an order. Instead, Mr. Lu asked me to hire eight bodyguards to take care of your safety."

Cheng Duanwu sneered, and sneered: "Safety? Is it responsible for the imprisonment or my safety! You know best in your own hearts!"

For a long time, Guan Yi didn't engage in business with her again, but advised earnestly: "Duanwu, since you already know, why bother to ask?"

"No! Guan Yi! I'm very angry! He lied to me!"

"Then you come with me to see him, and he will explain to you."

"No, I'm leaving here! I'm not seeing anyone! I'm leaving! I'm going crazy from here!!"

"You know it's impossible."

"..."

Cheng Duanwu finally compromised and left with Guan Yi.It was just a trip to his company, but there were three cars with him, one behind the other.He was determined to imprison her.This is completely contrary to his promise yesterday.

Cheng Duanwu watched all this with a sneer, silent.

After arriving at the destination, Guan Yi opened the car door for her.She didn't move, just gave him a cold look, and said, "Guan Yi, don't believe in retribution. Have you seen my fate?"

Guan Yi smiled wryly: "I'm just a part-time worker."

"There are tens of thousands of jobs in the world, why do you have to follow him to help the evildoers?"

Guan Yi spread his hands: "Until I find a better one, I cherish everything in front of me." He paused and said, "This sentence is not only applicable to work, I think it is also good to apply to emotional matters."

Cheng Duanwu frowned and reprimanded coldly: "Stop preaching to me!"

She entered the building without looking back, and arrived at Lu Yingqin's office unimpeded all the way.The anger in her heart was almost gushing out.But the culprit of all this is buried in work like no one else.

She broke into his office angrily, and he just hung up the phone in his hand, looked up and met her eyes.

"Coming?" Lu Yingqin smiled knowingly.Cheng Duanwu didn't have a good face, and he couldn't say anything, "Tell me, what do you mean? Isn't talking your style?"

Lu Yingqin was unmoved by her accusation, and continued to look down at the document, "It's just a way to slow down the attack so you can eat."

"Okay!" Cheng Duanwu was impatient, pointing at the tip of his nose: "Lu Yingqin, remember what you said!" She was about to slam the door out when she heard Lu Yingqin's calm voice behind her.

"There is someone at home guarding you 24 hours a day. As long as you make any mistakes, someone will be buried with you." He raised his head with a smile on his face, and said casually as if he suddenly remembered something: "Oh, yes, you can also go on a hunger strike if you want. , anyway, there is a doctor at home, if you faint from hunger, someone will hang you up!"

Cheng Duanwu could hardly believe her ears, her eyes widened, and the last thing she could say was two words: "Despicable!"

With a smile on his face, Lu Yingqin stood up, approached her with a few steps, grabbed her arm, and pushed it against the wall violently. Before she could react, he had already pressed on her and pinned her down, making her unable to move.Trapped in his arms, she only met his almost bloodthirsty eyes when she looked up, and she could see that he was also very angry.

"Duanwu, I have given you the most patience. You should know that!"

"Then let me go!"

"You know it's impossible."

"why?"

"Because I love you. Is this reason enough?" Lu Yingqin almost blurted out, although the tone was almost a roar.But what he said was so unpopular.

Cheng Duanwu was so angry that he almost came up to run with him for his life, but in an instant, like a balloon that was punctured, he lost his confidence in an instant.Her heart was pounding, and his serious look scared her.She tried to calm herself down, but her voice still couldn't help trembling: "Lu Yingqin, let me go, aren't we tired of torturing each other like this? I don't want to go on like this. I would rather die if I saw any familiar people and things. , I can't live anymore, how many times do I have to tell you before you can understand?"

Lu Yingqin frowned, but his eyes flickered slightly. After a long time, he suddenly said softly, "Duanwu, I understand you the first time you say it. I can understand that you are suffering. I can give you time. I have enough time." Be patient. But the premise is that you don't leave me. Whether you say I'm unreasonable or coerced, the end will always be the same. Do you understand?" Lu Yingqin showed an almost begging expression in front of her: "Duan Wu , I can't let you go, I can't pass my own level."

Cheng Duanwu couldn't accept such an answer: "How can you be so selfish?"

"That's how I am, so stop thinking about leaving!"

"impossible!"

Lu Yingqin stopped arguing with her, twitched his eyebrows, pressed the phone with a tired face, and called Guan Yi, "Send Duanwu back and take good care of her." He emphasized the word "take care of", and Cheng Duanwu was so angry The whole body began to tremble, but there was nothing he could do, she was always just a fish on the knife, the difference was that he didn't want to eat it in the past, but now he wants to eat it.

Angrily followed Guan Yi and left.Just when I was about to walk out of the company building.She heard someone calling her name.Turning around, it was Yu Dong.

In the past, she might have stopped to have a chat with him, but now she was so angry that she was going crazy, she just nodded to him and left.

That's why she didn't see Yu Dong's increasingly sullen expression, and that's why she didn't realize that Yu Dong, who said he was going to leave last time, not only didn't leave, but was also promoted...

Lu Yingqin never thought that he would use those despicable methods in the past to keep her, but he was desperate and had no choice.He knew that his threats and confinement were just delays and time delays, but he just couldn't help it.

He thought she was only temporarily occupying her heart, if she really didn't want to, letting her go would not be too painful, but just for one night, just one night, he was like ten thousand ants eating his heart, he couldn't stand it, every time Every second seemed to be suffering.He can accept her traveling abroad to relax, as long as her place of belonging is still him, he feels that everything can be let go.But she asked him for freedom, but he absolutely couldn't give it to her.

He knew that he was wrong again, his way of doing this would only push her heart further and further away, but he didn't care about the long-term, even if it was just to lock her up right now, he wanted to.

After she left, he couldn't concentrate on his work all afternoon.The resentful look in her eyes before she left was still engraved in his heart, which prevented him from concentrating on his work.In the evening, he broke the recent rule and accepted the dinner.Several real estate bosses in the city insisted on a treat.He has never been a person who likes alcohol, but he doesn't know why he insists on getting drunk.During the banquet, almost everyone came.

He dared to go back when he was drunk, continued to face her, and used this as an excuse to get close to her...

Cheng Duanwu has not spoken since he came back.Sitting alone in the living room watching TV.The house was spacious and empty, but she knew that there were people watching her inside and outside the room.She lives almost naked.Lu Yingqin's attitude really distracted her, and her recent gloomy mood was gradually replaced by anger, but it just made her want to leave more and more.

A popular variety show in China is being shown on TV. The five hosts are trying their best to be funny, but the dull guests repeatedly disrupt the stage, making the host laugh again and again.She turned up her voice so loudly that it seemed as if there was a voice flowing through her ears.It seems that only in this way can she feel that she is not so pitiful.

The door was suddenly pushed open.She glanced subconsciously.With just one glance, he turned his gaze back.

In the living room, there was only the flickering light of the TV, which was sprinkling dimly and mottled on the visitor's body. His expression was blurred, but one could see the depression and gloom of the whole person.As soon as he came in, there was already a smell of alcohol, Cheng Duanwu frowned.He continued to watch TV absently.

Cheng Duanwu became a little dull in his absent-minded state.The mottled shadow gradually approached, but she didn't notice it in time.Until the black shadow rushed towards her from behind.A strong alcohol smell came from behind his ears, and Cheng Duanwu was almost fainted by the soaring alcohol smell.The tall and solid body behind her was tightly attached to hers, his arms were wrapped around her neck, and his head rested comfortably on her shoulders, like a coquettish child.

Such an embrace made Cheng Duanwu startled.Fuzzy and clear sense of touch, warm and melancholy memory.Cheng Duanwu could feel the warmth, even with such a strong smell of alcohol.

His head moved restlessly, and his cheek rubbed against her vaguely.Muttering to himself: "Dragon Boat Festival..."

"Duanwu, I know you hate me, but I can't help it. I can't live without you. As long as you stay, it doesn't matter if you hate me. I admit it..."

He whispered, every word from the heart.He smelled heavily of alcohol, but others were extremely sober.He knows what he's talking about.He was trembling and cautious, even, he was afraid of Cheng Duanwu's response...

"Duanwu...Duanwu...don't leave, okay? As long as you promise me, I won't let anyone spy on you, and I won't threaten you. You can do whatever you want, okay? Okay?"

Alcohol is a good thing, it gave Lu Yingqin the courage to look down.He put himself in the lowest position to talk to Cheng Duanwu, and he almost drove himself to a dead end.He took his heart out again.He clearly knew that he might be trampled on, but he just expected a miracle.

"Dragon Boat Festival..." He groped her gradually thinning cheeks, feeling heartache every second.

"Let me go." After hearing all his confession, Cheng Duanwu was silent for a moment, and only spit out these three words lightly.Perhaps, numbness is the only wisdom I have learned over the years.

Lu Yingqin smiled wryly: "Aren't you even willing to lie to me...?"

Cheng Duanwu took a light breath, still expressionless: "Let's let each other go, why deceive ourselves, so many things have happened, how can I be with you? Lu Yingqin, we are each other's wounds, who wants to Keeping the wound on your body to make yourself hurt?"

Lu Yingqin was unsteady on his feet, let go of her with trembling hands, and murmured, "This is the end? You won't even lie to me? Cheng Duanwu, are you so cruel?"

His voice gradually became hoarse, and he gradually became sober.Only Cheng Duanwu answered firmly: "Yes."

Just one word, but pierced his heart like a sword.He smiled wryly and applauded, "Okay! Very good! Cheng Duanwu, you're doing well! I'll let you go! Let you go!" His mouth was bitter, as if all the wine he drank came back to his mouth. Bitter and astringent, he said insincerely that he would let her go. In the end, he only took a deep look at her and said slowly: "After the Dragon Boat Festival, I will celebrate your last birthday for you. From then on, the world will never meet again." See."

"It's a word."

"……Yes."

Sometimes when Cheng Duanwu recalled Lu Yingqin, he would briefly recall some warm memories.It belongs to the memories of many years ago, when she was a little girl with a soft heart.

Lu Yingqin was like a continuous canyon in her heart, she tried her best to confess her heart to him in a hoarse voice, telling her deep love for him, but he was stingy to give her even the reply.

Time is a good thing, it can dilute hatred and break through the bondage; time is also a bad thing, it can destroy all innocence and only faith.

After that, Cheng Duanwu never saw Lu Yingqin again, and occasionally got news about him through newspapers and the Internet.

The time they agreed upon came quickly.Her birthday, the annual Dragon Boat Festival.

He called the night before, and the two of them didn't say a word to the phone for a full 10 minutes, like a silent wrestling where whoever spoke first lost.In the end, she couldn't help but asked him, "Is there something wrong?"

His voice was hoarse, like a hangover, and it took him a long time to answer: "Let me remind you, it's Dragon Boat Festival tomorrow."

"I know. I haven't forgotten our agreement."

"..." Silence spread again.Finally, Lu Yingqin hung up the phone.His sigh was drawn out by the radio waves.Cheng Duanwu was taken aback.He was even stingy with saying "goodbye".

On the morning of her birthday, she didn't deliberately prepare anything.Only as the last torment.When it's over, you're free.

Get dressed early in the morning and head out.Lu Yingqin sent a driver to pick her up.

It was only when she got into the car that she realized that the driver was Yu Dong.She didn't pay much attention to it, and just asked casually, "Why are you here to pick me up?"

Yu Dong didn't look back, "Why, you don't want to see me?"

Cheng Duanwu smiled: "Why?"

"I heard that you will leave after today?"

Cheng Duanwu froze for a moment, then nodded: "Yes."

Yu Dong snorted coldly: "No wonder Lu Yingqin changed his virtue."

Cheng Duanwu didn't want to discuss such topics with him, so he quickly mentioned other things: "Didn't you say that you would take Lele to go abroad? Why didn't you go?"

"Overseas?" Yu Dong still didn't look back, and said almost sarcastically, "Who are you taking? Lele?"

Cheng Duanwu finally sensed something was wrong, "Yu Dong, what's wrong with you?"

Yu Dong didn't answer her again, but stepped on the gas pedal suddenly.Cheng Duanwu leaned back violently due to inertia, and his back was hit with pain.She rubbed her painful back painfully, "Yu Dong, what happened?"

She looked up anxiously.The scenery outside the window shocked her.Yu Dong didn't take her into the city, but drove on the highway and moved forward at an extremely fast speed.Cheng Duanwu finally realized that something was wrong. He grabbed the doorknob tightly with both hands and asked loudly: "Yu Dong! Where are you taking me?!"

"..."

(End of this chapter)