aren't we in love

Chapter 46 Nothing Matters Anymore
From being sent to the hospital to Cheng Duanwu waking up, Lu Yingqin didn't dare to close his eyes or leave for a full 26 hours.

He had never been so afraid of losing something.He always thought that a person like him would have cultivated a vajra heart that was disease-free and pain-free.But when he realized that Cheng Duanwu really didn't want to live anymore, he felt such a pain in his heart and such a difficult time.

This is retribution, right?Nine years ago, he cruelly destroyed everything about her, but now he wants to get everything back like crazy.

The doctor said fifty sleeping pills were washed from her stomach.She despises her life so much.

He was distressed.

As she said: "There is nothing worthy of my nostalgia in this world."

Lu Yingqin wanted to say something to her, but he couldn't.What should he say?Love her?Feeling sorry for her?Will take care of her?

Any promise is meaningless to the current Cheng Duanwu.

After the rescue, Cheng Duanwu has been in a coma.Lu Yingqin stayed by her side all the time, watching the drip irrigation bottle hanging high continuously deliver transparent liquid into Cheng Duanwu's body.He felt relieved.

At least, at least she was saved.But when he thought about it again, a gloomy cloud of gloom gathered between Lu Yingqin's brows again.This time I was rescued, but what about next time?What about next time?

He understands that even if he stays by his side 24 hours a day, it's only a temporary solution, not the root cause, but he can't help it. He can't imagine what to do if he really loses her.Cheng Duanwu has changed, her biggest change is not in appearance or attitude, but in Lu Yingqin's heart.

When Cheng Duanwu woke up, neither of them said a word.Looking at Cheng Duanwu's pale and expressionless face.Lu Yingqin thought of her appearance before committing suicide, she also had the same expression, pitiful but pretending to be calm, he let her go for a while, and she was so impatient to hurt herself.The more Lu Yingqin thought about it, the more he frowned, and he couldn't help feeling an unknown fire in his heart.She learned to lie to him, learned to torture his heart, she learned all the tricks of torturing him before, and even became more skilled.

She said she wasn't trying to kill herself, she said she just couldn't sleep.Her expression was so helpless.But when Lu Yingqin thought about those fifty sleeping pills, he couldn't feel relieved, and the doubts and fears caused by it could not be dispelled.

He wanted to wake her up with more serious words, but when her tears flowed from her fingers.Lu Yingqin's heart finally softened.

She cried and asked him: "What should I do? I'm so tired of living..."

She cried and asked him: "What should I do! What should I do!"

Every word is like a needle piercing my heart.Lu Yingqin was so clumsy that he didn't know how to answer.He had never felt so sorry for her, and experienced her pain so empathetically.

Nine years ago, her father left her, and two years ago, her brother left her, but now, she is the child she regards as her life.In her ill-fated fate, he has always played the role of the instigator.He has no position to accuse her of.

He was shocked for a moment, almost lost his soul, and raised his hand to gently grab her wet hand.Wipe away the remaining tears on her face.The eyes are suddenly gentle, like a spring of flowing water.

There were still tears on Cheng Duanwu's long eyelashes, and her big eyes stood out a little on her sharp face. She raised her eyes slightly and looked at Lu Yingqin in a daze.

"Duanwu..." Lu Yingqin murmured Cheng Duanwu's name.He wanted to say something to her, but when the words came to his lips, he suddenly became timid again. He was afraid to say everything, and in the end he only got Cheng Duanwu's indifferent disdain.Now Cheng Duanwu is left with the grief of losing his son and the despair of world-weariness.Can her heart still pretend to be the love that Lu Yingqin wants to give?

Cheng Duanwu's tears stopped, but his eyes dimmed little by little.

Lu Yingqin's heart ached as if she was slowly recovering from her distraught expression.He still held her hand tightly, took a deep breath and said, "Listen, Duan Wu, you are not alone, you still have me. Give me a chance, please?" His eyes were burning, eager and affectionate Looking at Cheng Duanwu, there was great anticipation and determination in his eyes: "Give me a chance, let me atone for my sins, and let me use the second half of my life to make up for your first half."

"Duanwu, I love you."

"Dragon Friday, give me another chance."

Cheng Duanwu sat numbly in the cabin, his hands unconsciously attached to the porthole, and the long nails that hadn't been cut for a long time scratched the porthole with harsh sounds.Her fingers stopped, her fingertips were very cold, and she could imagine how cold it was outside the seemingly warm clouds.Just like the happiness she once thought she had.

Lu Yingqin beside him was extremely exhausted and fell into a deep sleep.He seemed to stretch his eyebrows only when he was asleep.His side face twists and turns, although he entered and stood upright, he was still a dazzling and eye-catching man.The years did not leave any weather on his face, on the contrary, he only added the perseverance tempered by time.

She had never seen this man submissive in her life.Except for the time in the hospital.He held her hand as if expressing his true feelings and told her a long list of confessions.

But her heart seemed to be numb, almost unconscious.

Her reaction to his affectionate confession could be described as indifferent.

"Lu Yingqin, you used to be my whole world, but now, you are just a very ordinary person in this world. Can you tell the 17-year-old Cheng Duanwu what you just said? That Cheng Duanwu really wants to hear it. You say that."

"But the current Cheng Duanwu doesn't need any sympathetic or redemptive love..."

"Lu Yingqin, I don't have a chance to give you. The past is the past."

Cheng Duanwu's refusal was decisive and resolute, without dragging his feet.She doesn't want to have emotional entanglements with anyone in this world anymore.She doesn't need family affection, love, and all emotional emotions.She promised Lu Yingqin to live a good life, she promised Lu Yingqin to go back to the country with him, this was already the limit of what she could do.

Now she is a duckweed without a foundation, with no way back.Cheng Duanwu didn't know how to save himself, so he could only let himself sink into the endless darkness.Like a lost person in the desert, dry and silent, can only quietly wait for death.

Lu Yingqin was obviously a little disappointed with her answer, he could see all the flashes of bitterness and gloom in his eyes.But he wasn't too surprised.He has changed. If he had changed before, he would have plundered in extreme ways, but now he has learned to respect. He didn't make things difficult for Cheng Duanwu. He just smiled lightly and said dumbly: "It doesn't matter. As long as you take good care of yourself, It doesn't matter. Duanwu, you can stay by my side until you decide where to go. "

Cheng Duanwu cast doubtful eyes on his proposal, and he hurriedly explained: "If one day you want to leave, I won't stop you."

The days back home were neither salty nor dull, without any disturbances.Lu Yingqin no longer took care of her personally, but was replaced by workers, drivers, and nanny at home.Even if it was a shower, as long as Cheng Duanwu didn't come out for more than half an hour, someone would definitely knock on the door.

She knew he was just afraid that she would die.But he doesn't understand, she is the one who would rather die than live now, a walking dead.

Lu Yingqin no longer restricted who she could see, but she found sadly that she didn't have a single friend in this world.

I don't know if Lu Yingqin also found that her life was pitifully monotonous, so she actually found her colleague who used to work in the supermarket - Zhang Qiao.

But in two years, Zhang Qiao has become an older leftover woman. She contacted Cheng Duanwu again because she was going to get married, and she married a blind date man under the pressure of her parents.

When they met, both of them were uncomfortable and a little dazed.Zhang Qiao still looks very simple, but seeing that Duan Wu is a bit cautious, Duan Wu was a little surprised at first, but then seeing Zhang Qiao's eyes lingering on her body, she realized that it was this unintentional attire that caused the two of them to have a little quarrel small gap.

Cheng Duanwu has been taken care of by Ou Hanwen for the past two years. While he gave her a good life, he also taught her to invest. She gradually found the freedom of a princess in the past.It's just that her gradual material comfort is obviously uncomfortable for someone like Zhang Qiao.

Zhang Qiao drank tea, hesitated for a long time before saying: "Mr. Lu found me..." She thought carefully and said: "He said something about you... asked me to accompany you..."

Cheng Duanwu couldn't help but feel a little complicated, so he just said, "Really? Then he really has a heart."

Feeling Cheng Duanwu's indifference, Zhang Qiao changed the subject: "Brother Cheng... are you okay?"

Cheng Duanwu's back stiffened, and he smiled bitterly, "My elder brother passed away two years ago."

"How is it possible?!" Zhang Qiao covered her mouth and nose in disbelief, and tears welled up in her eyes in an instant.

Cheng Duanwu looked at Zhang Qiao's instant expression of true feelings, and didn't know what to say. All the sadness rushed up for a while, and she swallowed it forcefully.

"Brother's epileptic seizures have been caused by a tumor in his head compressing the nerves for so many years, but I have never been able to get him to the hospital for an examination. If it is delayed, something big will happen..."

Zhang Qiao kept crying, and her voice became hoarse from crying for a long time, "God shouldn't treat Brother Cheng like this, he is such a good person."

"Yes, everything is my fault, and I should be the one who should be punished, but God is not, always retribution on the people around me..."

"Dragon Friday... I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I know you must be more sad than me..."

Faced with these painful memories, Cheng Duanwu felt that he was almost paralyzed.But when Zhang Qiao mentioned her, he realized that he hadn't forgotten everything.Whether it's dad, brother or winter.The wound has always been there, and now she is just walking forward with the wound.

Later, Cheng Duanwu participated in Zhang Qiao's wedding. The man she married was very ordinary in appearance and family background. It is said that he had been on the road before.Anyway, from the inside to the outside, there is no one that can satisfy people.

The entire wedding process was lengthy and procedural, and Zhang Qiao's smile was also fake.It was obvious that she was reluctant.But for the wish of her parents, she chose to make do with it.

do not know why.Sitting there, Cheng Duanwu always imagined the groom's appearance as Cheng Luoming in a trance.Imagine that the person holding Zhang Qiao at this moment is the healthy and sunny Cheng Luoming.Imagine that Zhang Qiao's smile at the moment is real.

She remembered the time when Zhang Qiao came to the house in the past.

They were still young at that time, and Zhang Qiao was just an ordinary girl who was just beginning to fall in love, and she found reasons to come to Duanwu's house every now and then.Help Cheng Luoming with housework diligently.Cheng Luoming was always unable to match her enthusiasm, so he had no choice but to cook a meal to thank her after she finished her work.

At that time, Duan Wu always teased Zhang Qiao and called her "sister-in-law", which made her blush and scold her.

Until one time when her elder brother fell ill and Cheng Duanwu couldn't make it home in the warehouse, it was Zhang Qiao who went back to take care of Cheng Luoming for her.When returning home from the Dragon Boat Festival, Zhang Qiao came out of the house with red and swollen eyes.

She anxiously stopped Zhang Qiao at that time, but Zhang Qiao insisted on leaving, so she had to go home and question Cheng Luoming.Cheng Luoming's body had just calmed down, his forehead was dripping with sweat, and his complexion was not good.He didn't say anything to Duanwu's question, and after a long time, he only said quietly: "Don't let Qiao girl come to the house in the future."

Only then did Duan Wu realize that many things were not as simple as she thought.There are many people in this world who just cannot get happiness, and accepting fate is also a kind of courage.

Because of her, everyone is unhappy.What were her sufferings compared with her crimes?

Cheng Duanwu met Yu Dong at the wedding.This was unexpected for both of them.The groom had worked under Yu Dong's staff before, and had always respected Yu Dong as "brother", so Yu Dong took the time to attend.

The two sat together and chatted for a while, both of them were a little uncomfortable due to their past relationship, and the topic was just a small talk.After the wedding banquet, the two left together.Yu Dong told Cheng Duanwu that he was about to resign.

"Why did you resign?"

Yu Dong smiled: "This year, I have received a lot of support from Lu Yingqin, I have paid off my debts, and I have saved some money, and I am going to take Lele out to live."

Speaking of Lele, Cheng Duanwu couldn't help pushing others and feeling a little sad, and it took him a long time to reply with emotion: "It's good to go out, and the child's vision is also wider."

"Yeah." Yu Dong nodded and smiled faintly, "I probably won't come back in the future. Dragon Boat Festival, there are some things I don't think I'll have the chance to say in the future. Now I'm leaving, so I don't have any scruples."

Cheng Duanwu lowered his eyes lightly, quietly waiting for Yu Dong's next words.

Yu Dong raised his hand to touch Cheng Duanwu's waterfall-like black hair, then retracted it, he closed his eyes, recalled the past, and said lightly: "Duanwu, I never wanted to be with you on a whim. This has been my dream since I met you, until now, I can't persuade myself to wake up."

Yu Dong smiled bitterly, and looked at her with such honest eyes: "After you left, I tried to find you, but in the end I still didn't have the ability. Then I met Mingyue, my wife, Lele's mother, who I married I betrayed her, went ashore for her, and betrayed Lu Yingqin. But she met Lu Yingqin by accident and fell in love with him. I don't blame her, she wanted to leave, I was willing to let her go free, but she committed suicide in the end , I still don’t understand why she is.”

"Duanwu, I used to love Mingyue deeply, and I am grateful for her existence until today. Because she really looks so much like you. It makes me feel as if I am with you. Duanwu, I am so despicable people. You were right not to be with me."

"..."

What Yu Dong said that day made Cheng Duan have mixed feelings.To Yu Dong, gratitude is greater than love, Yu Dong gave her what she wanted when she was struggling to find warmth.But now, she is deeply in the quagmire and does not want to involve more people.

The Mingyue that Yu Dong mentioned that day, she always thought it was someone who had nothing to do with her life, but many things may be predestined somewhere.The woman who looked very similar to her had left an extremely strong mark in her life many years after her death.

And Yu Dong, who she thought was the last time she saw, met again not long after. He turned everything upside down in a decisive way...

(End of this chapter)