Self-control: How to take control of your time and life?

Chapter 32 How long has it been without a sense of accomplishment (2)
Moreover, 95% of human behavior is determined by our habits, which are actually the reflection of personality.When doing things, some people have clear goals, while others are chaotic; some people overcome difficulties and persist to the end, while some give up halfway;In this way, in the same social environment, different people have great differences in their life situations.Many people's unsatisfactory life is actually caused by their bad habits.Habits make character.In other words, character is not entirely innate, it is mostly the accumulation and inertia of some human habits.

In this regard, Napoleon Hill said: "Habits can make a person, and they can also destroy a person." If character determines destiny, then changing one's habits will change one's character and one's destiny.Here are some simple ways to change bad habits from the past:

1. There is no habit that cannot be changed. The key lies in whether you want to change, especially if you strongly demand change.

A lung cancer patient who has smoked for 20 years, after his diagnosis is confirmed, can quit smoking immediately on the same day, and never relapse until the day he dies.This is the effect obtained under "Strong Demand".Under normal circumstances, we have not realized that many seemingly small details have brought endless troubles to our work and life.

You can't always say to yourself negatively: "That's just how I am!" You have to face it positively and get psychologically motivated to actively change old habits.

2. Be firm enough.It is a painful process to change the habits that have been formed for many years, but every change will bring you new feelings and new happiness.You must continually use these new pleasures to strengthen your confidence in breaking old habits.Changing old habits is a positive and joyful thing.At the deepest level of the subconscious, we can also say that attitude determines destiny!

3. Create a new behavior pattern for yourself.

For example, if you want to improve your spoken English, insist on reading aloud for 30 minutes every day; if you want to overcome being late, get up 30 minutes earlier every day, etc.Simple things are sometimes difficult to do. This is a common problem among people.How to do it?I suggest that you adopt the method of list and set out a schedule for yourself for a week-it must be rationally thought and reasonably formulated, do fixed things at a fixed time, and tick a tick when it is completed.You have to check and summarize every week, try to be clear at a glance, and you must have clear and detailed records to force yourself to complete the prescribed things.If special circumstances are not completed, additional homework must be added without delay.

4. Repeat a new behavior, new pattern, and stick to it for at least 30 days.

Our years of research have found that a seemingly simple action, if you can persist in repeating it for more than 30 days, and the number of times you persist in the action reaches the minimum critical value of qualitative change, you will be able to form a habit; if you persist in repeating it for more than 90 days, it will become stable Habit; if you can persist and repeat for more than 365 days, then congratulations, a new habit has been firmly formed.

5. The process of forming a habit is actually our conscious behavior through a process of constant repetition, persistence, and repetition.

From conscious unfamiliarity to conscious familiarity, to unconscious repetition, and finally an automatic behavior.For example, you don’t find it difficult to brush your teeth every morning and evening, but it is very difficult for you to read a foreign language every day. In terms of the time and energy required to do these two things, the former is far more than the latter .Why are you reluctant to do the latter job, because you have developed a habit of the former, which is an automatic behavior that can be completed without effort, and the latter is just the opposite.No matter what, once you have developed an automatic behavior, there is no difficulty in doing it.This is true of both good habits and bad habits.When you can correct a series of bad behavior habits in the past and form a good behavior pattern, you will soon be able to gain enough sense of accomplishment from your "new" life experience.

You think, "Yeah, this is the life I want!"

How to discover the joy of being

Without love, we will never feel the joy of life; without love, we cannot feel our own existence.This is also a lesson about "love".If you don't love yourself, you won't love life, and life won't love you.At this time, you have fallen into an environment full of negative emotions.If you grow up in a family full of accusations, you become a blame person; if you grow up in a family where you cannot express your anger, you are afraid to face problems, and you cannot release your emotions, so you bury them inside. Sooner or later they will explode and ruin your life.

Similarly, if you grow up in a family full of mistakes, you will always have some mistakes when you grow up, and they will haunt you all the time.You're always saying, "I'm sorry!" and afraid to ask anyone directly.You feel like you have to be able to manipulate things to some degree in order to get what you want.At this time, you completely lose the meaning of life.

Student Enrique had a similar nightmare experience.When I asked him: "What do you think is the purpose of living?" His answer surprised the participants next to him.He said: "To live is to repent. I must repent every day and pour out the guilt in my heart to God. If there was a painless way to commit suicide, I would have ended my life long ago."

Enrique doesn't understand the meaning of "love" at all. He can't experience his love for life, and he can't feel the joy of existence, because in his world, the existence of his own life is simply a torture.

What has he experienced in his past life?Enrique's parents gave him a high-pressure education during his childhood, and they controlled his life so forcefully after he became an adult that he has not had self-control training in the early stages of personality formation until today.This made him unable to control himself and did not establish his own values.

In his subconscious, these two questions always echoed: "Do my father and mother love me? No!" "How can I find my own sense of existence? I don't know!" After his parents let go, out of love The fear of the disappearance of the original order filled his mind with a sense of making mistakes, and he went to two extremes: he either cowered in the "corner" and did not dare to make any demands on the world; people who help him.

You need to clear these old thoughts that haunt you from time to time, and you need to truly love yourself with a pure soul, and tell yourself: "From today on, every minute and every second is my life! I want to create wonderful, pure I want to feel the joy of being, the joy of a baby when its needs are met!"

You need to learn to feel the joy and sense of accomplishment brought about by continuous conquest. Only in this way can you realize that your existence is meaningful.

Don't Look for Fulfillment in the "Inner Self Experience"

The sense of accomplishment brought by action is far greater than the self-comfort of words, and the temporary satisfaction that can be found by closing the door to the world in the "inner self experience"-people who avoid life often do this, they Lock yourself up and imagine that one day your situation will change.

If you are very dissatisfied with the status quo and eager to improve the current situation, what should you do?Even if you don't take our courses, you still have some simple and effective ways to adjust and get off to a good first step.

First, calm yourself down, sit in a comfortable chair, take a deep breath, consider the logic of the whole thing, or retrace your own past.You can set a time period, such as the most important things you have done in the past month or the last two days. "Did I get a sense of accomplishment from this time and this event?" Then answer to yourself.

The answer must be truthful, without hiding anything from yourself.If you find yourself answering no, you should move on to the next step and think about what is causing this sense of failure.If the reason is on your own body, you have to take a more critical step and take action!Then improve in the process of acting instead of locking this emotion in your heart and not communicating with anyone.Second, you have to be mentally prepared to wait for success, which will be a key starting point for you to make long-term changes in your life!Finally, never comfort yourself, and don't close yourself, indulging in a world that outsiders can't see to entertain yourself.

When you read to the end of this book and fully understand our [-] self-control courses, it is very necessary for you to open the window of your soul and the door to confide in.You can share your heart with a friend, or join our classes to find ways to make your heart stronger with strangers who share your desire.

You can also close the book, examine yourself calmly, jump out of your body, and ask yourself some more realistic questions from a completely objective perspective.For example, "If I don't feel fulfilled in a job, but the supervisor is satisfied with me, and the colleagues around me also think that I have done a good job, what should I do at this time?"

I believe this is an affliction that many people are experiencing or experiencing. "Do I need to go to business school? Not much in the near future. But I may need to get a high score on an exam to get a sense of accomplishment. I think this sense of accomplishment is more important than the sense of accomplishment in the game. I think perfection It is very important to live your own life and meet your own needs in a reasonable way." Voila, this is your final answer, and you have successfully found your way.Our sense of accomplishment in life is just excavated by ourselves in this way.In essence, the sense of accomplishment comes from the sense of competition among people.

Many people are game fans, and you must know the rules of the game: upgrade, fight monsters, score points, and get rewards. These mechanisms can bring you a sense of accomplishment.If there is such a mechanism in reality, it will greatly satisfy people's vanity and become the driving force for people's actions.Of course, in such an environment, it will be easier for a person to work hard and achieve achievements, and then gain a strong sense of accomplishment.

(End of this chapter)