Economic Wisdom to Apply in Your Twenties

Chapter 75

Chapter 9, Section 6 The Insurmountable "Seven-Year Itch" of Marriage

There is a word in marriage called "seven-year itch", I believe everyone is familiar with it.

The "seven-year itch" means that some problems will appear in the seventh year of marriage.From romantic love to real marriage, in the ordinary day and night together, they are too familiar with each other, and the shortcomings that were concealed during love or the differences in ideas between the two parties have been fully exposed at this time.As a result, emotional "tiredness" or boredom makes the marriage enter a "bottleneck". If an effective method cannot be selected to pass through this "bottleneck", the marriage will end.In reality, if there is a real problem in marriage, it doesn't have to be seven years, whether it is long or short, it may only take one year, two years, or even soon after marriage, it may start to itch.

For decades, people have conducted a lot of research on whether the "seven-year itch" exists.The earliest relevant information can be found in Kinsey's sexology report 50 years ago, that is, among 2000 married men, 40% claimed that they began to seek extramarital sexual relations in their first marriage, and most of them happened In the first five years of marriage, at the same time 20% of married women admitted to having extramarital sex, half of them before the seventh year of marriage.

Various survey data are inconclusive about whether it is the four-year itch, the seven-year itch, or other years of itch, but most of the research data agree that with the continuation of married life, especially for those who live a monotonous and boring life For those who live as married couples, it seems that sooner or later they will lose interest and passion in their existing married life and even feel bored.

The "seven-year itch" in marriage is a test of the crisis of marriage (referring to the phenomenon of extramarital affairs, affairs, and cheating). This test is a turning point in the relationship. Once successful, the relationship will move towards a benign and healthy direction On the contrary, the two may part ways and fall apart, which may eventually lead to the disintegration of feelings and the separation of labor and Yan.

有资料显示：在1997～1998年间，结婚15～19年的夫妻离婚率增长了10.97％，而结婚20～24年的夫妻离婚率增长了13.8％。这就表明，结婚时间愈长的族群，离婚率也愈高。

There are many reasons for the rising trend of divorce, and economists also have a rational analysis of this: from the perspective of marriage economics, the marriage relationship is a relationship of supply and demand balance.When in love, both men and women will determine their own criteria for choosing a mate based on their own "hardware" and "software", that is, marriage needs.If the supply of both parties meets the needs of the other party, and the psychological supply and demand of both parties are in a state of balance, then the marriage relationship is established.After marriage, both parties have removed their pretense one after another, and their shortcomings have been fully exposed.If there is not much difference between the other party's expectation and your own, then according to the economic principle of "price fluctuates around the value", appropriately lower your own expectation to restore balance and maintain the marriage relationship.If you find that the other party is far from your expectations and you can't bear it psychologically, your marriage will face collapse.

Therefore, the happiness of married life is a process of diminishing marginal utility.After a man and a woman form a family, they are already familiar with the other half, and the freshness of the beauty gradually fades away.As the family grows older, the economic income of the family becomes more and more stable, and it becomes easier to seek new satisfactions. However, the couple who no longer need to "share weal and woe" will not feel the importance of each other's existence.

Economists refer to the degree of satisfaction that marriage brings to the needs of both men and women as marital utility.And when the marriage enters the crisis of the "seven-year itch" and eventually leads to divorce, it leads to the "abandonment of utility" and "substitution of utility" of marriage.

The so-called renunciation of utility refers to the "voluntary" choice to give up marriage and the utility brought by marriage because both parties or one party in the marriage cannot bear the obstacles of marriage.Utility substitution refers to people consciously or unconsciously comparing existing marital relationships with possible choices.If the external choice is better than the current marriage, then there is a good chance that the marriage will break down.That is to say, one of the subjects in the marriage chooses to divorce because of the new relationship that can provide new utility.For example, one party has a third party and thus proposes a divorce.

Young people in their twenties may still indulge in the sweetness of love, and it seems too early to say divorce.However, in the information age where the pace of life is rapidly accelerating, the rate of diminishing marginal utility of marriage is also accelerating, and "flash marriages" and "flash divorces" are not uncommon among modern young people.Marriage is not a child's play, but a long-term business that needs to be managed.People in marriage should know how to communicate and understand each other, and "keep fresh" and "warm up" the marriage from time to time, so as to overcome the "seven-year itch" and grow old together.

Wisdom Pieces: How to Adjust to the Seven-Year Itch
1. The concept of dedication.Don't find fault with each other, and don't hope to reshape each other.In daily life, do something for the other person from the bottom of your heart, even the smallest thing, a hug, a smile, or a kiss, so that the other person can feel the warmth.
2. Leave space.Many marriages are dying in bondage and anti-bondage, so many people propose to leave space for each other.Learn to maintain a normal circle of friends outside of marriage, and don't regard marriage as your only spiritual sustenance.

3. Adjust expectations.Excessive expectations will contrast with reality, causing pressure on both parties.A spouse doesn't have to be the best and best of the opposite sex you've ever met, but it might be the best for you, and that's enough.
4. Choose divorce.If both parties agree that the marriage was wrong, divorce may be the wisest choice.After divorce, you should know how to reflect on yourself and clarify what you need.

(End of this chapter)