I dare to be alone in your arms

Chapter 4 I still want to continue, such a contradictory life!

"I don't know if I will disappoint my friends who once supported me?" I was lying in the living room of my house, playing online games with an iPad in my hand, thinking to myself.

Here's how I've been spending time alone with myself lately.A life without nutrition.Just when I thought I was falling into a comfortable state of being alone, there was a sudden "commotion" in my stomach, maybe the baby turned around suddenly, or stretched his legs out of nowhere.This sudden feeling reminded me that I am not alone now.

Is this still being alone?I'm a little flustered.

I always believe in myself, no matter what state I am in, I can find a way to make myself comfortable and slowly return to the state of being alone physically and mentally.After all, this is a "survival skill" that I have always been proud of.

But this time, things may not be so simple...

What should "Rene Liu" look like?
For many friends who like me, what should "Liu Ruoying" look like?

What "Rene Liu" in everyone's mind should do may include: the one who will remain single no matter how old she is, continue to talk about the relationship that is speculated, fight unyieldingly in the sea of ​​love, and occasionally share with you the feeling of falling in love, telling everyone "Breakdown in love" It's not scary, it's not scary to be alone, at least you still have me" and so on.Then walk alone on the road, or sit in a coffee shop.

Or carry a suitcase alone and travel to the ends of the earth alone; or continue to sing lonely songs, devote yourself to various drama performances, and act out other people's stories; if possible, after going through a vigorous life journey, then Ending in suicide is like the kind of life that could be written in a memoir or made into a movie.

Indeed, this is very much like me.So, what are the things that "Rene Liu" would not do?Maybe it includes: find someone to marry, and then have a child... something more "natural" and "ordinary"?Is it appropriate to use "ordinary" to describe the current situation?I'm a little hesitant, but it seems that there is no more suitable word for the time being.

But that seems to be me now in your eyes.

In fact, in terms of the nature of things, there is no such thing as "ordinary" in this world.There are only differences between "most people do" or "few people do", "can do" or "can't do", "willing to do" or "unwilling to do".

The matter of getting married and having children may be in line with "most people do" and "willing to do", and I just "can do it".This is (probably) a normal thing for most people, but it may be the biggest challenge I will face in my life.Because getting married and having children are "the most extraordinary and most challenging things" for me.

I am on a strange journey, without a clear map in my hand, and I don't know where I will go.I can only move forward step by step, without any pause, and I don't want to have room for regret.

Will anyone be disappointed by this decision of mine?I am not sure.And I just hope that during this journey, I can see new scenery on the road.

I am not disappointed in myself.I never betrayed myself.

inborn way of life

I've always been conflicted, between being alone and getting along.

"Since when did you like being alone?" I am often asked this question.Maybe it's innate!Although this answer may not be convincing to some people, it is true to me.

Of course I will not tell you the philosophical statement that "life exists alone".But being alone has been my life for as long as I can remember.My parents separated when I was two and I grew up with my grandparents.I have had my own room since I was a child, maybe this is the starting point for me to get used to being alone.

Because there are no other young people in the family, let alone other playmates of the same age.I am very used to playing alone, lying in bed alone, thinking about all kinds of things.I don't know if it's lonely to have a room by myself, but I've never felt intimidated by being alone in a room.It's something I've been used to since I was a child, like a life instinct.

People don't really envy things that they have never really felt.

I have never envied my friends of the same age to have the experience of growing up with brothers and sisters. For me, sharing a room with other people is a terrible thing.Even now after marriage, except for a short period of time in school during middle school, having a space by myself is still a necessary condition of life for me.

My grandfather is a soldier, and the discipline at home is very strict. In order to reduce unnecessary troubles and certain safety concerns, he doesn't let us go out to play.My older sister once ran away from home a few days after moving in with her grandparents because she couldn't stand it.But I don't suffer from it. Anyway, I often don't bother to go out and stay at home quietly. I can find many interesting things to do by myself.

The stage of my schooling is like this: I come home from school, have tea and snacks, and I will find some interesting things to do, for example: find my adjutant who is nearly 70 years old to play badminton with me or invite two people who are 150 years old together My old family members help me pull up the long rope strung with rubber bands, and play games like rubber bands at home.I can also lock myself in the closet of the room, play the game of playing house and drinking on my own, and play multiple roles by myself, weaving stories that only interest me. The beginning of a theatrical performance.

Since the grandfather and adjutants who live together are 60 years older than me on average, I have almost no topics to chat with them, and I also "selectively" talk about everything with my grandmother.At that time, the so-called official wives were very busy. There were regular mahjong games, English classes, painting classes, social afternoon tea... After dinner every day, I would go out for a walk with my grandmother.That was the happiest time when I was young.Almost every time she would buy me some small stationery such as pencils, erasers, pads, etc., and I would selectively share with her the people and things I met at school.

The so-called "selectivity" means that I usually talk about what I am happy about. I selectively don't say about distressed things. I would rather talk to myself and try to find the answer by myself.Asking and answering myself, chatting with myself, is my pleasure.

Of course, my childhood wasn't all about "self".

When I get along with my classmates, they are also willing to chat with me, because I am good at making things that others feel miserable and sad, and making it funny from an interesting angle.To put it in a more mature way, it means that "self-deprecating" self-deprecating ability is quite strong.until now.

For example, my parents divorced when I was very young.There were relatively few divorced people in that era, so the so-called "intergenerational parenting" way of growing up may be commonplace now, but at that time such a situation would be considered "sympathetic" by classmates.

When the school held the "Mother and Sister Association", I was the "Mother and Sister Association".Because it was "grandmother" who came.Outsiders may think that Liu Ruoying is so pitiful, her parents are divorced!But I never suffered from it.I always heard that my classmates' parents would fight in front of them, but my parents would not, and they hardly even appeared in front of me at the same time, so it is impossible for me to feel nervous and distressed because of their bad words towards each other.Some classmates’ parents will inevitably beat them up, or teach them a lesson, but my grandparents never beat me, they dote on me very much, this kind of thinking makes me feel very lucky.

Yes, "I am happier than other people", I often tell myself that.Although I have never said these words to my teachers and classmates, I often say them to myself, especially when I feel lonely or have to endure some ridicule.Because I know that no matter what others say, no matter what the surrounding environment is like, I have to find a way to make myself comfortable and live happily.

Now, when I am sad, I will find some friends to vomit bitterness and dump emotions, but I don’t do it often.Because trying to tell others about your distress will not help to eliminate the distress at all, but may make others worry.Not to mention, I actually understand the suggestions that other people may give, but if I can't do it, I can't do it, and it seems useless to say it to another person.It's better to talk to yourself, find a way to digest the sadness or find a place to bury it quietly.Then, one begins to face the next second of life anew.

After learning this skill of facing difficulties and dealing with negative emotions, I have become a good listener. Some friends will tell me about the hardships they are facing, because they know that I can always provide interesting advice, and Not with them and face it with painful angles.It's not that I can't empathize, but I hope to find a humorous and ideal way out of the painful life at that time.

"How did you spend the night alone when the cold snap hit?" A male friend who just broke up with his girlfriend of nine years asked me this way one night.I didn't answer, let alone comfort, but I gave him an electric blanket and a night light that night, and told him: "After taking a shower, turn on the electric blanket, and it won't be cold when you enter the bed. Turn on a warm lamp in the living room." light, it’s less lonely to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom..."

I don’t know how to say comforting words or mourn with him. Many people must have said and done better than me. I just want to use a “substantial method” to accompany him out of the cold winter night.

alone in a crowd
When I was in middle school, I went to a private girls' high school that required all students to live on campus.That was my first experience of leaving my grandparents' house to start what I call "community living".Surprisingly, I don't feel at all uncomfortable with group life.

It's not that I like to live in groups or get along with people, but that besides not being afraid of being locked up, I also have the skills to maintain physical and mental independence in groups.Playing with these things, I have my own way to solve them.Even if I stay at home, my heart can travel all over the world.I hope to have the freedom and autonomy to walk away at any time, but this does not mean that I cannot bear restraint.

Having said that, I myself feel that I am a contradictory person.But yeah, that's me.Because of my curiosity about life, I like to be free, but I am still married, and now I am waiting to have a child and step into the process of motherhood.Maybe in my life, I will continue to have such contradictions! (laugh)
The biggest test of living in school is that four students share a dormitory. The scary thing is that it is very vague in retrospect who used to share a dormitory with me.Going back to the dormitory every day was exhausted, and maybe it was just a few greetings before going to bed.Waking up the next day is another day of etiquette.During the residence period, most of them eavesdropped on music or read extracurricular books alone, and were punished for this.But I just can't help but steal a little space for myself in the group life.

Many years later, I met some people on the road who said enthusiastically: "I am your classmate of such and such era." I felt very at a loss and sorry, because I had to try hard to find the impression of him in my mind.Maybe my mind is always only with myself.To use a common saying, "live in your own world." Yeah, this period can barely be called, be alone in the crowd!
no reason to flee

People always ask me questions like "Milk tea, why don't you do something like so-and-so?"I can't help but ask back: Why should I become so-and-so and do those things?

Of course, when they say this, they usually have expectations of me and feel that I should do more meaningful things.People need a reason to do certain things, if they can't find a reason, maybe they don't need to do it!I made excuses for myself.

And some people asked stupid questions like "You are spoiled like this, why didn't you turn bad?"Why do you have to be bad just because you are loved?People turn bad (or do things that go against what the world calls "normal"), often because of a need for something.For example, nightclubs, most parents don't let their children go, but I never want to sneak out to nightclubs, so it's not a problem.

It is also possible that some people want to secretly fall in love and keep their elders from knowing, but in our family it is possible to have boyfriends in a fair manner. Every time I make a boyfriend, I will share it with my grandmother. My boyfriend is nice! Take it home for dinner!" So, I don't need to secretly fall in love.

Looking back now, the educational focus my grandparents gave me was not about how many points I should take in exams, or what to do. They gave me a lot of freedom, but they also told me clearly what things I couldn’t do, or what I should do. What should be done, in other words, what they care about is "rules" and "education".

Within the scope of the rules, I can live my own life freely, even in the crowd, I can also be alone quietly and harmlessly to humans and animals.Why should I force myself to flee for no reason?

A person's travel

I often ask my friends a question: would you travel alone?I also often use this question to analyze and observe my friends.Some people have never tried traveling alone; some people rarely have the opportunity to travel alone; some people think that traveling alone is unnecessary; some even think traveling alone is boring and uninteresting.But for me, traveling alone is not only necessary, but also a perfect way to travel.

I traveled alone for the first time at 16 years old.At that time, my grandmother planned to let me go to the United States to study at a university after graduating from high school. In order to see if I liked the environment first, she arranged a trip to the United States for me.It happened that my aunt was in Los Angeles, so my grandmother let me arrange the schedule by myself.

I called a travel agency I knew well to book a ticket. At that time, the lady of the travel agency told me: China Airlines launched an exquisite travel itinerary, from Taipei to Los Angeles, with a three-day stay in Hawaii.I ordered it without thinking too much, and I told my grandmother after I finished the order, and she didn't stop me.In order to look more mature, I also permed my hair and prepared a pair of sunglasses to put on my head.Looking back now, the hairstyle at that time was exactly that of Chibi Maruko's mother.

In this way, I started a personal journey.

That was an era when credit cards were not common, so we had to bring cash on the road.The first night I arrived in Hawaii, I was a little nervous. After all, I was only 16 years old at the time, and I carried a sum of money with me. I was worried that someone would steal the money at night, so before going to bed, I moved a chair to block the door and put the cash under the pillow. .Despite seeming worried, within a few minutes, I fell asleep and slept until dawn.

The next day, I signed up for snorkeling myself, and when I dived into the water, I saw colorful tropical fish swimming around, regardless of being in the sea, and kept shouting in my heart: "Traveling alone is really great!" I can order what I like, eat at restaurants happily, and not feel alone at all.

One night, I ran to the bar in the hotel to drink by mistake. It was a famous Gay Bar.At that time, the people in the bar let me in without checking my identity. In fact, there were girls in the bar, but I saw many boys sitting on boys' laps.I've known for a long time what being gay is, but when I'm in a gay bar, I still feel nervous and exciting.I really wanted to look at them seriously, but I didn’t dare to look directly at them for too long. It was not like now, where I could take a photo and share my mood on Facebook. I could only enjoy that adventurous mood by myself.

Just like the thrill of suddenly learning to ride a bicycle, I have been obsessed with traveling alone since then.until now.

the beginning of living alone

With such a pleasant travel experience, I quickly decided to study in the United States.For safety reasons, he was initially arranged to live with his aunt in the United States.My aunt's family took good care of me, but for me who finally left my hometown, I always wanted to go out and live by myself.

Three months later, I couldn't wait to find a small suite near the school and bought a mattress, a table, a lamp, a kettle, a rice cooker and some simple tableware.This is my home, my world alone.I officially started living alone.

Living alone in those years was hard work, but I could decide everything by myself.That kind of feeling made me, who has been taken care of by a bunch of family members for a long time, not only did not feel uncomfortable, but I also sincerely thought that this was the most suitable way of life for me.

When I finished my studies and returned to Taiwan, I naturally moved back to my grandparents' house.On the surface, it sounds inconvenient to live at home because of the irregular work schedule, but I know in my heart that I never forget the days when I lived alone.So I mustered up the courage to tell my grandmother that because of creative needs, I wanted to rent a house in the alley next door to her as a studio, and I would still go home to live in "most of the time" and pay the rent.After finally convincing her, I was like an ant moving a house. I moved a little stuff there every day. It took about half a year to live there for one or two days a week, and gradually increased to the point that they would no longer ask me "Do you want to go home tonight?" Sleep?" So far.

Since then, I have been living alone for more than twenty years.Schopenhauer once said similar words, "either lonely or vulgar", which implies that he enjoys loneliness very much and believes that only loneliness can bring splendor and greatness.I really understand this truth.

Buy alcohol legally and wish me a happy birthday

At the age of 21, I had been in the United States for the third year. I had actually drank alcohol several times, but I had very little experience in buying alcohol openly.At that time, many of my friends were in San Francisco. On my 21st birthday, I spent 79 dollars to buy a plane ticket and flew from Los Angeles to San Francisco.

In the early hours of my birthday, I waited at the door of the grocery store where I bought wine. When it was twelve o'clock, I opened the door without saying a word, headed towards the hotel, patted the table and said loudly and proudly to the boss: "I want to buy whiskey. "The boss glanced at me and said coldly: "Okay." Then he turned around and gave me the wine on the shelf.

"Do you want to see my ID?" I asked the boss. To be honest, at this moment, I simulated it several times in my mind, hoping that he would check my ID to prove that I bought alcohol legally.

The boss turned around with the wine I specified and looked at me listlessly. I don't know if it was because it was past midnight or because he had seen too many "little kids" like me.He shook his head and said, "No need to look at the ID. Happy birthday to you!"

In this way, I crossed the age limit legally allowed to buy alcohol in the United States, and bought my first bottle of whiskey.Afterwards, I headed back to my friend's place for a happy drink.And then, three days of a painful hangover.This is the beginning of my 21 years.That is the imprint of youth!
In different eras, people need different marks to prove that they have reached a certain defined standard and become a certain kind of person accepted.

However, what am I waiting to prove now?And what kind of person will I become (or become) next?
A life worth the fare

I used to be Luo Dayou's assistant, and I also lived alone in Hong Kong for a while.At that time, I lived on Observatory Road (the street in Tsim Sha Tsui, Kowloon Peninsula, Hong Kong), a small hotel that could not be called comfortable.But I don't care about the shabby hotel, at least I have a room for myself, which is very important to me.

The Tang Lou recording studio, located by the Victoria Harbour, in Wanchai, was not yet completed at that time, and we were the first batch of staff to move in.I have to go to the recording studio before twelve o'clock every day, work all the way until the early morning, and return to Observatory Road before the subway closes, and then sort out the work materials of the day, and go to bed until two or three o'clock.

At that time, my monthly salary was about NT$1, and I was in the shopping paradise of Hong Kong. I was in a state where I wanted to buy everything but couldn’t afford it.Thinking about it afterwards, it was pretty good at that time, because I couldn't afford it, so I had to give up the desire to shop, and instead I could concentrate my time and energy on work.In the recording room, just hearing Luo Dayou, Lin Xi, Huang Yaoming and others chatting every day, I feel that life is extremely rich, and I don't feel the poverty of material life at all.

Every day at about eleven o’clock, I go to a nearby restaurant to order a lunch set of ten Hong Kong dollars, a simple steamed meat patty with salted fish and a soup, and sit in the same corner, with a cherished mood, occasionally looking at the passing Pedestrians, eat a meal quietly before entering the recording studio to work.In fact, this habit continued until later.When I was filming a movie in Hong Kong, every time I ordered lunch, I only ordered steamed meat patties with salted fish and a soup, and it never changed.

Up to now, I don’t care about material hardships, it doesn’t matter if I’m alone, I don’t care if I eat the same meal every day, as long as life is interesting, that day’s life is worth the fare.

the meaning of home
I hate moving.

So far, I've had very limited moves, always staying in one place for a long time.Lived in my grandparents' hometown until I went abroad to study.I have only moved once in the United States, and I have been living in my current home for 18 years after returning to Taiwan for so many years.Why is this so? What does "home" mean to me?

In terms of my work style, in December of a year, I will almost only live in "home" for two months.I'm always moving, touring, working out of town.I often live in hotels, and occasionally when I wake up, I wonder where I am.Sometimes it takes a few minutes to think about it, look at the surrounding environment, and confirm the location of windows, alarm clocks, water glasses, phones and other objects before you can locate your own location.In the process of constantly moving, of course I will miss the nest in Taipei.That's what I call "home".

Every once in a while, I move things back home from the outside, and that may be the so-called "end of the journey" for me.Then at home, repack and prepare for departure. From this perspective, home is the "starting point of the journey".These processes are important.

If there is no "home" base, travel is just endless drifting!But for some people, the so-called "home" is just a regular place to collect bills, various letters, and packages.

I remember chatting with Tang Wei once, she told me that even her residence in Beijing changed frequently, and she couldn’t inform all the units with transactions, such as telecommunications companies, one by one before each change, so she had to tell me Relevant bills and mails are sent to friends' homes.Compared to this, I'm actually pretty lucky.At least, all bills, including myself, have a fixed place to go.

After living in a hotel for a long time, I have also developed the professional skills to turn a hotel into a home.If I want to stay in a hotel for more than three days, I will adjust the decorations of the room, ask the hotel staff to remove the things I don’t need out of the room, and then personally remove the things left in the house, according to the habits and habits of life. If necessary, move its location to make yourself comfortable and smooth, and adjust the hotel room to a place suitable for you.

This is also my contradiction. I am looking forward to wandering all over the world, but I also think it is important to have a fixed home.Because, eventually, we all need somewhere to “go back to”.

The harshest ultimate solitude

My work is always on the move, back in Taiwan, and I always want to stay at home as much as possible.I will discuss with my agent and concentrate the itinerary that needs to go out within a few days as much as possible. For the rest of the time, I choose to stay at home alone and do what I want to do.

For me, the most important thing in life is "choice" rather than thinking about "being with oneself" and "getting along with each other".

I want to always have my final choice.Just like the most important sentence in my life "choose what I can bear".If locking myself up at home is considered "self-imprisonment", that is also my own choice.As long as I want, I can release myself at any time; as long as I want, I can change that state at any time.

"Hey! I'm in control!" I can happily say to myself.

But after giving birth, can I really be so free?I asked myself.I know the answer is no, and a willing no.Just, will I get used to the new way of life?
It turned out that before that day came, my life had already started to change from the attitude of the people around me.I prepared a bunch of books and DVDs for the confinement period. When I went to buy contact lenses, the owner of the glasses shop poured a lot of cold water on me, "During the confinement period, don't wear contact lenses often, it will hurt you. The eyes are burdened." The boss said to me earnestly.

So, can I wear glasses?I asked.

"Well... during the confinement period, what you should do is to rest. It is better not to overuse your eyes. Childbirth is very harmful to a woman's body. What you should do is to rest well and let your internal organs You can go back," he said.

Ha, so what else can I do?I will ask other female friends who have production experience. "Just sleep!" They told me in unison.But what if I can't sleep?Not to mention, if you lie down for a long time, you should have back pain!I can't help but worry.Based on what I know about myself, it is likely that I will be unbearable in bed, and I will definitely have the urge to get up secretly or run away.Therefore, for me, confinement may be the most severe state of "absolute solitude" in my life.

I began to worry that at the end of the confinement period, I would announce loudly to everyone: "I will never be alone again in this life! My solitude is completely over at this moment!"

If so, what kind of "Rene Liu" would I become?Thinking of this, I suddenly had the urge to yell, but I could only take a deep breath and tell myself, "I can do it".Although I don't know for sure, what kind of state will I face after giving birth.

But, the matter has come to this point, I can only seriously record the mood at this moment, and let's talk about the future!

this way of new life

In retrospect, arranging to write this book on the topic of "being with myself" and "getting along" before production may have seemed to me like Che Guevara's "Motorcycles on the Eve of the Revolution". Like Journey, before entering another stage of life, through conversations with friends, re-examine your life, and try to find a possible path in the future.

This series of conversations and chats calmed down the prenatal anxiety to some extent.What I am about to face may be insignificant compared to the so-called "revolution", or maybe many friends who have already entered that stage will pat me on the shoulder and say to me: "This matter, it is not so serious."

However, for me, the front is a foreign land that I have never imagined.Maybe, I will continue to maintain the "milk tea" lifestyle there; maybe, I will regret my determination to set off to such a place; more maybe, I will transform into a different taste of "milk tea".

But life is a journey that cannot be turned back. I am full of curiosity and walk forward step by step.

I hope that whether I am alone or getting along, I can find a suitable angle and posture to appreciate the scenery in front of me, and then tell you the stories I encountered.

Life, to be continued.

Of course there will be waves, of course there will be night, and even if we can appreciate its beauty, there will also be times of loneliness and fear of not being understood.

Don't be afraid, although I know you are not, because we will be with you, whether it is sound or not.

I know you are not afraid, because you are aware of the changes in the world, and you always keep a piece that has not changed, the purest original intention and dream.

Don't keep asking me how my life is, my life has just begun.

Letter to myself 2014
RENE:

I haven't written to you for a long time, how are you?
I forgot when you started not having birthdays.I recently thought of your 16th birthday. Your grandparents who loved you invited all your classmates to celebrate your birthday at home. After unwrapping the presents, everyone held the cake and sat around your grandfather. Listening to his story of the Anti-Japanese War, you were overwhelmed. Rolling my eyes, I thought to myself: "What does revolution have to do with birthdays?"

Then you went abroad to study. At the age of 21, you run into a Liquor Store, hold your head up and proudly put your driver's license on the cash register and say, "I'm 21, I want to buy alcohol, I'm legal..." The clerk didn't even check your driver's license Just sold it to you with a smile, and then, you were hungover for three days.

Now, the people who told you about the past have all left, and you have a lot of wonderful pasts yourself.There is no interest in getting drunk anymore, because you finally understand that life itself is a drunk.

In the past few years, you seem to be calm and quiet, but I know that you are still adapting and learning in certain things.God tests the easy life you "think" in many ways.

Being honest with yourself requires more cruelty.Hurt others and hurt yourself.

When you have a sense of ease and happiness, you will still have loneliness, anger, longing, and ignorance. These are the things that everyone will have when they are honest with themselves.These feelings have nothing to do with the happiness or happiness in life, and it has nothing to do with anyone.I also want to tell you secretly, every day I only tell you how beautiful the world is, and they are actually just like you.It's just that some people always compete with themselves, and some people are willing to let themselves stay in the world they want to see.

You have to believe that whether it is a brave stride forward, or a temporary stop like now, it will be a good experience.How lucky you are to have a choice.Because no matter what you do, there are so many people who love you to accompany you, and even pamper you... So I also want to remind you, don't be too willful, and cherish it.Remember that you have emotions, and so do others. You should cherish those who tolerate your small emotions more.

When you stepped onto the stage for the first time, your heartbeat was at least one hundred and twelve.When I was about to go on stage, I still heard many instructions: Do this, do that, don’t be afraid... just sing loudly!In fact, you knew at that time that "before learning to fly, you must first learn to land".

There are many stages and roles in life. I am glad that you have bravely changed yourself. Thinking about the roles you played in the past, you have to devote so much effort to study and practice, let alone realistic roles, there is no script, no director, and even No one yells "ka" for you until the day is down.But don't be afraid, remember what you always tell yourself, "Always enjoy your choices, ups and downs are all tastes."

One's own choice, this is a philosophical question.The older I get, the more complex and chaotic things are involved in my choices.The choice when I was young only needs to burn enthusiasm, but now any choice is the tempering of willpower.But from beginning to end, the choice is not difficult, it is the courage to face difficulties.

In the past, you always said very coolly, "I'm not afraid of getting old! Who hasn't been young?" Recently, I always see you looking in the mirror, looking at photos, and trying to pick up the broken glass heart.I really can't help you with this, I just hope you grow old happily, confidently and gracefully.I hope that when you get older, you will not want to hold on to your youth like now, and I believe you will be happier by then!

Now you must be rolling your eyes again, thinking that I am talking nonsense, how can I be so serious...

Yes, your friends know that you are afraid of talking...

This year is still a quiet birthday for you.

Remember to eat a bowl of noodles!
Milk Tea (written in 2014)

(End of this chapter)