I dare to be alone in your arms

Chapter 6 I Want to Hear Your Voice X Mayday Martha

I never felt like I was "on my own."

Since I get along well with myself, live a happy, rich, and happy life, and never feel that I am incomplete; then, I will never want to wrong myself to get along with other people, even if it is just a little bit of wronged. In no mood.The "solitary" in those people's eyes, in my world, is just cherishing and sticking to that weak waywardness.

How did "good at being alone" come from?

Regarding being alone, is it due to nature, physique or horoscope, or is it a skill acquired in response to the environment in real life?Is there a difference between being good at this thing and not being good at it?

"My habit of being alone has a lot to do with growing up," Martha replied.

Like me, his parents divorced when he was a child, and he was separated from his sister because of this, so he is often alone.In order to fill up the time and prevent my immature self from thinking about too many powerless things, I had to find things to do by myself, and in this way I learned the skills of getting along with myself.

Just like learning to ride a bicycle, certain skills in life, once learned, will never be forgotten.If you can find fun from it again, you will continue involuntarily, just like a person riding a bicycle, following the road in front of him, and wandering into the unknown distance with endless enjoyment.

But I also admit that being alone can be tough at times. "It's not so much uncomfortable as it is a breakthrough process!" Martha said.He has rented a house near the school and lived alone since he was in high school. In the era when there was no Internet or social networking sites, he could only shut himself in his room to read and listen to music after returning home from school.If he really can't lock himself in the room, he will go out on a bicycle and wander around to change his mood, and then return home to continue reading and listening to music.At that time, the world didn't seem to have too many things to pay attention to.

Once you get over the period of hitting the wall from loneliness to heartache, you will naturally master the skills of being alone and enjoy its beauty.It's like trying to find balance on a bike for the first time.

There is no permanent banquet in the world, and everyone has a moment to be alone.When you master the skills, you will usually find that "being with yourself" is much easier and more interesting than "getting along".

Of course, anyone has tried to escape loneliness by deliberately placing themselves in a group or crowd.But that is not the solution after all, because you also know in your heart that the loneliness you feel in a crowd is tens of thousands of times more difficult than being alone.

getting along takes practice
No matter how accustomed people are to being alone, they cannot avoid interacting with others. Learning the skills and abilities to "get along" is an indispensable part of life.From a sociological point of view, this is called the "socialization" of the individual.

Someone once said: "All the problems in this world come from interpersonal relationships." But how should we grasp the boundaries of getting along with each other?And how to draw a boundary for yourself and reserve some independent space for your own body and mind?

"For Mayday, we must cooperate with each other in our work. In the past, if we performed in other places and the funds were not sufficient, we often had to share a room with two people, and I would live in the same room with Guanyou. During that period, except Apart from taking a shower, we get along almost 24 hours a day, knowing each other’s words and deeds, and we have known each other for almost 20 years, how to maintain a good relationship during a long time together requires wisdom.” Martha said.

In fact, the best way is to not get involved in other people's issues, and respect the rights of others to deal with their own problems.

Some people think that the so-called "good friends" have to share the big and small things in each other's life without concealment, and provide advice on how to deal with them.However, such excessive involvement in other people's lives often brings unnecessary troubles. It not only interferes with the freedom of others, but also places some unnecessary pressure on oneself.

After all, everyone in this world is an independent individual, and no one can replace others to bear the problems and pains that arise in life.Excessive involvement in the lives of others (even good friends) not only does not help to solve the problem, but often leads to other side effects.

The longer you get along with friends, you will know which words are not suitable to say and the correct way to express them.Only by sincerely expressing opinions without hurting or causing trouble to the other party can the relationship be properly maintained.In addition, you can also use this relationship to give the other party an independent living space.That's why I often hear that between real good friends, there is actually no need for too much words.

"Take Mayday as an example, except for work time, we hardly communicate with each other." Martha said.

A person's life must play different roles in many aspects of interpersonal relationships at the same time.Like me, in addition to being an artist, friend, and daughter, I have also become someone else's wife, daughter-in-law, and even a mother after a while. Each role will give rise to certain responsibilities, and each responsibility will It takes time to complete.No matter how much I have, I hope to maintain my minimum living space and time, instead of reporting everything to everyone in detail.

"For example, I have seen the interview of Mr.Children (abbreviated as ミスチル), and the senior orchestras who have been together for more than 20 years. ’” said Martha.

But keeping a safe distance from each other is not indifference.As long as each other knows that if there is a real need, they will support each other without hesitation at any time and stand by each other's side. This relationship is enough.

dating trouble

I often feel confused about the difference between "being with myself" and "getting along with each other".For example, I feel that many things can be solved by myself, so why bother to ask friends and partners to find a group of people together? "The ultimate reason is because you are afraid of trouble!" Martha gave me a simple answer.

After all, getting along with people is quite troublesome.

Take eating, watching movies, and shopping, things that can be done by yourself, why do you need the company of others?And when more than one person is involved in these matters, just coordinating each other's time and date location is a big project. If the date of the day is not satisfactory, it will inevitably make people feel "ah! If I knew it earlier, I wouldn't make an appointment. Already!" Emotions like that.Of course, I also understand that the vast majority of people in this world think that the things listed above are "how can one person do it".

In fact, what I worry about is that I cause trouble for others.After all, I am a person who doesn't like to force myself, and of course I don't have the strength to force other individuals that I don't fully understand.Although occasionally after the date ends, there will be a pleasant feeling of "today this will be awesome!", but I still think that the frequency of dating should not be too high, and it is better to do it once in a while.

Complete a love in your head

"But as a Gemini, you should be curious about many people and things, so you shouldn't be so withdrawn! Does your becoming like this have something to do with your work?" Martha asked.Maybe there is!Because as an artist, coupled with my troublesome personality, I don't want to touch certain things.

Take "love" as an example, sometimes I want to fall in love, but I find it very troublesome to actually fall in love.For example, what was originally thought to be a simple relationship has changed its appearance because of the media exaggeration. If you want to go out on a date, being followed by paparazzi is also very annoying and will cause trouble for the other party.

Thinking about it, I was tired before I really fell in love.Rather than doing this, it is better to have a willful relationship with that boy in your mind, imagining the feeling of being in love and the possible plot without any trace, and completing a paragraph like playing a play or writing a story in your mind. One's love affair.

Then, tell yourself: "That's all right, I'm done talking about a relationship!"

"So! I get it! It's a handjob in the head! It's the kind that doesn't even want to take off your pants." Martha laughed exaggeratedly. ……may be!After all, falling in love is a chemical reaction in the brain.

My first nightclub experience

Even people who are used to or like to be alone, some things cannot be done independently.For example, go to a nightclub.

When I was a student, I rarely went to nightclubs.Even if I go, I usually sit in the box and look at the bags for everyone.After work, due to various reasons (fear of being photographed, trouble, dressing up, who to go with, etc.) I haven't been to a nightclub for nearly 20 years!This incident even became a laughing stock among friends.

So, one day, I made up my mind that I must go to a nightclub today.I suddenly wanted to get myself out of order, and even out of control.A nightclub is not a place suitable for one person, and it is not convenient for me to walk into a nightclub alone, which may cause unnecessary trouble. I may need a box, but I can't find a box and lock myself in it.

"Really, it's strange to go to a nightclub alone." Martha nodded.

So, I thought about it and called Huang Stanley. "I want to go clubbing tonight," I told him.

"Yeah! Is there a character you want to study?" He asked, with an attitude of "if it wasn't for work or something, this person would never go to a nightclub".

"No. I just want to have a look, to have fun..." I insisted.

He was silent on the other end of the phone for several seconds, as if he couldn't believe that it was me who called, "Oh! Okay! How many of you?"

"Only me."

"Huh? No one goes to the nightclub!"

"But I just want to go!" He was very troubled, but he still said very righteously, "Then I will accompany you! What time is the appointment?"

"It's almost nine o'clock!" I replied innocently.

"Nightclubs don't open at nine o'clock! It's about eleven o'clock." He said patiently.

It's a rare time when I'm not working and wanting to dress up.I want to feel casual and understated, but still stylish.I tried to let my hair down, corn silk and surfboard clips, and failed.I had to put on a ponytail that couldn’t go wrong, put on a black top that I thought was mysterious, handsome jeans, red high-heeled shoes... Oh!Forget about the pain in my knee, I thought about it before going out, and changed back to the white cloth shoes in order to avoid falling and eating shit.

Like a samurai going out to war, he got into the taxi with his head held high.As soon as I got in the car, I said the address and house number in an excited tone, and the driver asked, "Do you know where it is near?"

"Um... sorry, I don't know."

"Is it near the ×× nightclub?"

"Ah! That's right! I'm going there!"

"Hey! Miss! I told you earlier, who doesn't know about that nightclub?"

"I, I, I, I don't know..." I said awkwardly.

When I reached the door, I was picked up by Huang Stanley with my head down.When I looked up, I was taken aback.The girls in the nightclub are dressed more exaggeratedly than the announcement clothes, their hair and makeup are comparable to professional standards, and their outfits are not inferior to those of celebrities... I spent so much time on makeup, but inside I look like a village girl.

"Isn't it?! They are super powerful." Martha also echoed with sympathy.

In order to prevent me from being bored, Huang Stanley also kindly invited some friends to come. "What to drink?" they asked.

"Have a Diet Coke first!" I replied hesitantly.

In the colorful environment, I feel very unreal when I look at those handsome men and beautiful women.They seem to be characters in a movie, and I can't help but keep guessing about their background, age, mood...why are they here?With whom?Who are you going back with?Where do you work?Why afford such an expensive designer bag?I didn't feel relaxed at all, instead, the sense of incompatibility began to spread to every cell in my body.In the end, I decided to let my nerves go, drank the Diet Coke in a hurry, chatted a little, and hurried home in a taxi.

As soon as I got home and took off my makeup, I felt relaxed and relieved!Only now did I realize that there are really some places in this world that are not suitable for "living by myself".

Human Relationships in the Online World

It is impossible to imagine how long it has been since the world entered the Internet generation, as if it was just a moment.It's like finally transferring a large-capacity file, and then everyone has evolved.Is it good or bad for us who have no choice but to follow the trend and step into this new world?Are you happy, or are you unhappy?
How to keep the space of mind and body in the digital world?And how to get along well with real and virtual relationships on the Internet?I think about this question a lot.

My personal Facebook friends are only a dozen or so.For many people, this is an incredibly rare number, but for me, it is just right.

In the world of Facebook, if I want to know what someone is doing, I just need to connect to the Internet and check it out. I can choose to browse silently and leave without leaving a trace.Sometimes on a whim, I leave a little comment on my friend's dynamics to express my concern, and I can selectively forget the parts I don't like.

I seldom leave a dynamic message on Facebook. I always feel that there is nothing special and I need to share it with everyone through Facebook.But even so, I still feel a little bit stressed every once in a while.For example, when I see a friend's post and other friends leave a message, or someone leaves a message under my post, I will think, should I also leave a message later?Or write a little response?Would it be embarrassing if I ignored it?
"But if you read it and don't leave a message, or don't reply to the message, no one will know!" Martha was puzzled.

Someone will know!There is a long list below the news, you will know if you don’t see my response!I'm pretty sure - Facebook is also part of the relationship.So every time after leaving a message on Facebook, I will re-read it many times. The same is true for the messages left on the fan page.

"Is that because you care about the reactions of netizens? Or do you want to reply to their messages right away?" Neither, I replied firmly.I am worried that I accidentally wrote a typo, or there is something wrong with the wording, so I will read it several times.In particular, many people will see the information on the fan page. Some journalists over-interpret the text, and after a few hands of dissemination, it becomes a completely different matter.So I have to be more cautious when posting.I would rather have no news at all, and I don't want to send random messages, or let simple messages be misinterpreted.

Many people have persuaded me that in the current entertainment industry, "bad news is better than no news." But to be honest, I really can't do it... I conservatively believe that as an artist, the most important thing is the work itself.If I have to rely on such nihilistic things as click rate or exposure to prove my value as an artist, I may really not be an artist.

Even on the Internet, you still have to be cautious when speaking or posting.

This is not just about keeping yourself, but also a kind of respect for getting along.

What happened, even if it is forgotten, will not disappear

Some people say: The advantage of the Internet age is that everyone learns to quickly forget the information that passes by in a flash. Anyway, whoever remembers a lot of things suffers.

Even if this may be true, I still believe that what happened in this world will always exist.Whether or not the average person is forgetful has nothing to do with the existence of things. I care about every little thing, but I don’t want my son to search for the fuck on Google one day and find that there are so many fucking “things”.

"What's worse, he can't tell what's real, and when he's in middle school, he'll come up to you with his iPad and say, 'Mom, have you ever been in a relationship with someone that bad?'" said Ma. Sarah laughed out loud.

I have always been afraid to shoot naked scenes, because I was afraid that my husband or children would be embarrassed if they saw it.Speaking of this, Martha's expression changed, she looked at me strangely and said, "No one should ask you to shoot naked scenes! So don't worry so much, right?"

Mr. Martha, if you say this, will you look down on me too much, maybe a certain thriller needs my nude scenes!

I want to hear your voice if I can

With the development of the Internet and smart phones, the bridges that can be used to communicate between people are becoming more and more diverse.But I don't think that the relationship between people has become closer and better.When I first started Weibo, I hated being questioned: "Why didn't you add me?" What I don't understand is, what obligation do I have to add you?Why do I have to know you?

"Then do you use LINE?" Martha asked immediately.

I don't.If friends really want to find me, they can actually contact me by sending text messages or calling me. If they don’t want to find me, no matter how much communication software is installed, it’s useless.

"Yes! Regarding this matter, I think the same as you. If you want to find me, you will definitely find it. You don't have to care about whether I use any communication software; besides, I have no obligation to let anyone find it. I Using a mobile phone is to make your life more convenient, not to shoulder a bunch of inexplicable obligations." Martha said in a willful tone.

But for work matters, you still have to reply to the "received" message!So that the staff can rest assured, I think so. "For the really important things, you should call to say it in person. This is a kind of respect!" Martha insisted.

Although it is very convenient to use communication software to contact things, and can even avoid unnecessary disturbance to people, sometimes hearing people's voices can bring people a sense of warmth and peace of mind.After all, the original purpose of the telephone was to speak, not to write.

I've heard it said that as long as a person's voice is remembered, he will never disappear.I need to remember the human voice because that's what "existence" is.

Get along with each other better than sound
One weekend, my husband heard about a great coffee shop and took me to taste it.The space in that coffee shop is small, but the business is so good that the distance between people is very close. Even if you don't want to listen deliberately, you can't completely avoid the conversation at the next table.I sat face to face with my husband, and as soon as the coffee came, he picked up his phone and swipe it.

"Won't you protest when he does this?" Martha asked.

Ever since I knew him, I knew that he was inseparable from the mobile phone. I was not angry at that time. Isn’t it strange to complain now?Instead, I would rather let my mind wander in the coffee shop.So, my husband and I "lived" in the coffee shop together.

Suddenly, the sudden conversation of a couple next door who were nearly 60 years old attracted me.They didn't start talking as soon as they sat down, but sat face to face in silence for a long time, and when the coffee was served, both of them took a sip of coffee, maybe they felt the pressure to speak, or, the surrounding The sound of voices coming made them who remained silent feel uncomfortable.

So, the wife said, "How much does it cost to decorate our house?"

The husband replied: "That's not decoration, that's repairing the leak."

The wife said, "What's the difference? How much does it cost?"

Following this thread, the two chatted aimlessly in a cold tone.There is no intersection and spark between the words, as if the husband and wife are in such an environment, they have to squeeze out a few words.

Talk like an obligation.What to show?Is it because they have a good relationship with each other?All of a sudden, I felt pathetic about the way we got along.

Looking at the gentleman opposite who was concentrating on swiping his phone, I suddenly felt that it would be nice for us to drink coffee together like this.

black christmas tree
"Why would you want to buy a Christmas tree?" Martha asked.

In fact, there is no special reason, but that afternoon, I put my feet up and read Haruki Murakami's short story collection "Men Without Women" in a comfortable posture, and suddenly "Go buy a Christmas tree!" voice.I was very afraid that if I missed this opportunity, I would never have such an impulse again in my life, so despite the rain outside, I took a taxi and went out.

I have always liked Christmas, but I never felt that I needed a Christmas tree, because almost every Christmas is spent at work, and even at concerts, wearing a red Santa hat, leading the audience to shout "Christmas hapiness".Occasionally, the staff would considerately give me a miniature Christmas tree, so that I could carry it with me and assemble it to have a look.For me, that's what Christmas is all about.

Maybe "impulse" will become farther and farther away for me!So, I had to buy myself a Christmas tree while I still had the urge.

"What happened?" Martha looked at me with wide eyes.

I bought a black Christmas tree and some decorative lights and came home and had fun putting it together.I recall the details of assembling a Christmas tree.

"Buy Christmas music CDs, too?"

without.I downloaded some from the web.I was going to light up the Christmas tree and play Christmas music to surprise Mr. when he came back.Unexpectedly, his plane was delayed, and when I entered the door, I accidentally fell asleep.laugh.

But, anyway, I finally got myself a Christmas tree.

"When are you going to put it away?"

Maybe January!uncertain.

"You have to remember, you must put it away at the end of January, or you will accidentally put it in March." He reminded me.

New Year's Eve dinner with family

"Can you imagine? In fact, the most memorable thing for me is the New Year's Eve dinner alone." Martha said, "About 2004 or 2005! I was alone in Taiwan that year. After the group practice in the afternoon of New Year's Eve, everyone They are all going to go home for New Year’s Eve dinner, and then make an appointment to meet again after midnight.”

"After saying goodbye to everyone, I ran to Yoshino's house on Bade Road, chose a seat by the window, ate Shuangbao Don by myself, and then thought about why this happened? Of course, it is not suitable to visit other people's houses at this time , At that time, the mobile phone could not access the Internet, so I had to eat with my head down. I was thinking, after eating, what else can I do before midnight?"

"At that time, I was really happy that Yoshinoya was open on New Year's Eve." Martha smiled wryly.

Compared to Martha's New Year's Eve dinner alone, my New Year's Eve every year is very busy.During this important time of family reunion, I had to shuttle between several places.I have to rush to dinner with four groups of family members. Even though sometimes it takes a lot of effort to get everyone together, during the meal time, they will still send me text messages on their mobile phones to complain about each other.

"Okay, this one is worse for you! You win!" Martha said admiringly.

"Joe" these things in the family are exhausting, but often have to.So, at that time, I was so glad that I was going to start filming in my second year of junior high school.

Martha said with sympathy: "Yes! I'm also afraid of 'Joe'! I need to deal with these things every time I go to the concert."

Martha's parents don't meet each other, and they are always too busy to arrange who and whose friends to attend the concert. Compared with the content of the concert, "Joe" these things make him more distressed.Having said that, no matter how tired or annoying you are when dealing with family matters, you have to deal with them patiently.

After all, this is an unavoidable relationship in life.

It's your choice after all
In the morning when I don't work, I get up early to clean up the house. "Why?" Martha asked puzzled.

Because my husband has a clean freak.I answer succinctly.My husband didn't ask me to do housework, but I just wanted to clean the house, and before he got up, I would make soy milk from the soybeans soaked the day before. If the weather was cold, I would turn on the heater and let him walk into the study Will not feel cold.

"I didn't expect the study room to be warm." Hearing what he said, I felt very satisfied.

"But don't you worry, after a long time, will he take everything you do for granted?" Martha asked.

I won't stop "doing" because of "worry", or maybe, I am more worried that one day I "don't want" to do it.Being able to "choose" is very important to me.Since I have chosen the path of "getting along", even if I have to give up some habits and patterns of being alone, I should.Slowly, I can also feel the joy of another life.Still the same sentence, since you will regret being single or not, then I hope that I will "don't regret whether I get married or not"!
When interviewing Martha, he was still single.And when we interviewed, he was no longer alone.We looked at each other, there was a feeling of watching each other.The two people who love "self-being" so deeply, suddenly and so naturally entered into a relationship of commitment and waiting.I think we will cherish the "getting along" way of life more than the average person.

Because for those of us who are considered withdrawn, do not want to settle down, and finally compromise, it is so difficult to choose and be willing to come here.

Bless each other!

At this point in time, how many people are asleep?
How many people suffer from insomnia?

How many are still working?
How many people are still partying?
How many people miss?

How many people can finally face themselves in the middle of the night?
I will not ask you to lose your memory.

Because of those wrong roads, we saw unexpectedly beautiful deserts and cacti.

Also because of those who don't fit, we know ourselves better.

The river in Cambridge remains the same, the Bridge of Sighs remains the same, and the college students who punted in those days have disappeared.

That's it, the story continues to flow slowly.

Then when we meet again, let's say "Long time no see" to each other.

Life is not easy, but fortunately, I am always willing to find small pleasures in the ordinary.

(End of this chapter)