Practice being alone: ​​when I started to love myself

Chapter 13 Novel: The Lonely Patient (1)
That meeting room was like a cosmic black hole. It was pitch black beyond the light of the projector, and people couldn't help but guess the thickness of the curtains while they were drooling.And our whole team prepared a marketing plan proposal for more than a month, only in exchange for an unfathomable expression from the person in charge of Party A.The huge Thank You sentence on the last page gradually faded away, as if mocking ourselves for our ignorance.

Painful and painstaking in exchange for ashes.

Walking out of the conference room, the beautiful front desk lady opened the sensor door with skillful gestures, without even bothering to lift her head.Also, you can't ask the workers on the assembly line to have a lot of emotion.I stared at the business card in my hand - the only reward of this trip, with burning eyes wishing to burn a hole.

Rui Fu, planning director.

"Remember me?" Someone behind him asked.It was the unbreakable piece of ten thousand-year black iron at the end of the conference table: Rui Fu.

I turned my head to look at him, trying not to squint my eyes.

Remember.Even if I've been irradiated by cosmic rays a million times, I'll recognize it. It was he who raised his hand and rejected my proposal 5 minutes ago.Thinking of those days of working overtime regardless of Wei and Jin, my teeth chattered.

"Boss Fu." I switched to a professional smile as quickly as possible, and put his business card in my pocket without any trace.

"Didn't you have breakfast? You don't look very good," he said. "Come on, let me buy you coffee."

The elevator stopped with a ding, and he strode in, blocking the elevator door with his hand, clearly not giving me a chance to refuse.

"Your proposal is much better than the first three." He said.

first three?I look at my watch, it's 9:5 in the morning.What are their working hours?Sure enough, as the saying goes: Devils never rest.

"Thank you Mr. Fu for your opinion, it is quite instructive for us." I responded, spelling silently in my heart:
devil.

At the coffee shop in the lobby, I held the coffee that was paid for by Party A for the first time, and I did not give up and wanted to make a last-ditch effort:
"Mr. Fu, I don't know if there will be a chance to give you brief an improved proposal in the future..."

"You really don't remember me." He sighed.

I have never met such a sentimental Party A, mixed with doubts, apprehensions, and amused emotions, and finally I had to look at him with an almost shocked expression.

"Squad leader..." he said weakly.

"You, who are you?"

He is Fu Ruwen, a woman and child, who insults gentlemen.This is probably the real reason why there is only English name on his business card.

"Then let's open the skylight and tell the truth, what is the reserve price for this bidding?" I straightened up, eager to gear up.

"I'll tell you at dinner time."

As a result, after eating about 15 candlelight dinners and 20 food stalls, I still don't know the reserve price.

To show that I also have dignity, I declined Fu Ruwen's invitation this weekend and went to my mother's house for dinner.After dinner, she rubbed the corners of her clothes, took advantage of Uncle Zhu’s pause to make tea, and said to me, “This year’s New Year’s Eve, you’d better visit your dad.” .

While I nodded in agreement, I took out a fresh stack of cash from my bag and put it in her hand: "My year-end bonus, I will give you red envelopes." To be honest, if I can get Fu Ruwen's list, this stack Cash will be much thicker.She made some excuses and accepted it.He asked again: "Did you buy the red envelope? You won't forget it?"

"Go to the convenience store and buy it yourself." I rubbed my temples, "I've been busy recently, so I forgot."

She nodded, forgiving my negligence.During the Chinese New Year, she hoped that I could go to my father's place. Of course, it was not because he was afraid that my father would be lonely, but mainly because she didn't want me to meet the children of Uncle Zhu's family.When she remarried to Uncle Zhu, his sons and daughters were not much older than me, but now they are married and their children are in kindergarten.And me?Lonely, without even a formal boyfriend, a real loser.She sent me out with a sad face, as if she still had something on her mind and didn't have a chance to say it.

I didn't tell her Dad didn't want to see me, he didn't even answer my phone.This is my dad's advantage, being straightforward and not talking too much about impossible things.Their marriage had been perhaps the longest compromise he could make.

I remember when I was in the fifth grade of primary school, I went to ask my dad for tuition fees before school started as usual.When he answered the door, he was holding a new schoolbag in his hand, that bright pink-green color, like an apple leaf still covered with dew in the morning.It's just that I didn't touch the schoolbag until I left.He has not remarried in these years, and intends to play games in his life, so until now I don't know who he prepared that schoolbag for.When I went home that time, I made an exception and asked my mother to buy a new schoolbag.She wasn't surprised at all, she just asked calmly, "Tell me, where did I get the spare money?" in a tone of discussion with me.

So I learned early on that not everyone has the right to be willful.

Spend New Year's Eve alone.I was shopping for quick-frozen food in a supermarket that was so empty that I was about to cry. Occasionally, there was the sound of fireworks outside, like thunder in the distance, but the lingering power still lingered in my ears, making my scalp numb and my heart trembling.Auntie, the middle-aged clerk on duty, looked at me with almost sympathetic eyes.

The phone rings.Fu Ruwen.

"Where are you?"

"Ah, Mr. Fu, happy new year."

"Happy New Year. Where are you?"

"It's vacation, Amazon jungle." I put a bag of discounted quick-frozen three fresh dumplings into the shopping cart.

"You cook dumplings in the jungle? I thought they preferred raw meat." Before I could explain, he had already hung up the line.

He came out of the fresh vegetable section, a black turtleneck, well-washed jeans, a bag of salt and a handful of shallots in his hand.Also... pretty nice.I evaluated objectively from the bottom of my heart.

"Let's go to my house for dinner."

Simple potluck, didn't even see a roast chicken, let alone snails.Therefore, the bottle of red wine and a pair of crystal goblets on the table are slightly exaggerated.I probably showed a look of disappointment, and I didn't have time to hide it.

"What do you want to see, Jiuchi Roulin?" Fu Ruwen asked angrily.

"It is said that men who are over thirty and still single have secrets." Attack is the best defense.

"There is also a female colleague who shows her kindness to me and expresses her appreciation. I think she has a problem with her vision. You see, your taste is good, and you always dislike me."

My defenses are broken.

During the whole Spring Festival, he changed his ways to cook. During the festive season, people were lonely, and I didn't notice it for a while, and it changed from eating dinner to staying overnight, but I didn't find out any secrets about Party A.

My integrity must have been blown to ashes by the fireworks all over the sky.After the Spring Festival, I quickly changed from spending weekends at his place to living because he was willing to drop me off to work.Standing in the cold wind early in the morning and worrying about taking the bus for two yuan or taking the subway for four yuan does not show how smart you are.I often need to travel on business, and the utilization rate of the small rented apartment is not as good as that of the hotel, so I simply refunded it. In this way, my monthly salary is unexpectedly surplus.

Fu Ruwen said: "Living for two people is more in line with economic principles, and it is green and environmentally friendly."

The winter in Shanghai is comparable to that in Antarctica.After get off work, I just hid under the covers and watched American dramas until Fu Ruwen came back from overtime work.While turning on the heater and heater, he asked, "It's so cold, why don't you turn on the air conditioner. Do you think the light can keep you warm?"

It was probably the most romantic thing he had ever said.

Tears came down suddenly.

"Why are you crying?" He was used to my urban bone spirit, and was startled by Sister Lin who suddenly fell from the sky.

I curled up in his arms to find the most comfortable angle.

"As a child, I got lost at the train station."

"and then?"

"I was 10 that year."

"and then?"

"My father and mother divorced that year."

He hugged me tightly, and still asked: "And then?" He is really a good negotiator, his voice is so gentle, but it is more effective than the most severe torture to extract a confession.I found that my will flowed into the sewer with my tears, and I almost poured out all the thoughts that I had worked so hard to hide under the fat and put them in his hands.

"It's hard life, my mother is not a strong person."

"and then?"

"Actually, she threw me at the train station, but she regretted it halfway and brought me back when she came back."

"Fool, you got lost." He hugged me tightly again.

"No, she doesn't want me anymore."

"Are you a pig, who would be willing to let you go?"

But I remember it very well.

In the winter of that year, my mother went to the blind date introduced by my colleagues for the first time for dinner, and took me there.The winter in Shanghai is really cold. The uncle saw that I was stamping my feet from the cold, so he prescribed oil.I have never seen such a warm and bright light, as if all the unhappiness in the world can be melted in it.That afternoon I guarded Youting, reluctant to leave half a step.

But they didn't make it.On the day the introducer came to deliver the letter, my mother cried in the bedroom. "Why did you turn on the oil heater that day? Do you know that it consumes a lot of electricity?"

After dinner, she suddenly said, "Let's go for a walk."

Probably because of guilt, I didn't ask anything, and braved the cold wind and walked all the way to the train station square with her.

"You wait for me here, you know?"

I waited 2 hours and 43 minutes in that cold corner of the square.I remember every minute and every second, because every five minutes I went to look at the big clock hanging high in the square. The three characters "Shanghai Railway Station" were as bright red as blood.When my mother appeared in the crowd again, I held back my tears, lest she change her mind because of upset.I don't know why she regrets it, I haven't figured it out all these years.

But maybe she is just such a person who lacks determination in everything she does.

"Do you remember the time when you passed the No. 2 exam and cried in the classroom after school?" Fu Ruwen asked.

Unforgettable.

(End of this chapter)