Practice being alone: ​​when I started to love myself

Chapter 14 Novel: The Lonely Patient (2)
At that time, my mother married Uncle Zhu, and the bitterness of the intervening years was not enough for outsiders to understand.Thinking of how I would ask for living expenses from a strange man in the future, how could I have the face to take No.2.

"I was the one who took the No.1 exam that time." Fu Ruwen continued, "Seeing you cry so sadly, I secretly swear to make it up to you."

"Then you rejected my proposal!"

"This kind of small case is irrelevant. The most important thing is that the company stipulates that it is not allowed to have an improper relationship with Party B who has business dealings."

"So, we have an improper relationship?"

"Well, improper relationship between men and women, to be exact."

I burst into laughter.

"What do you like about me?" Fu Ruwen asked.

I can't answer affectionately: "I like you stupid." So I smiled guilty.

"It's true love if you can't answer it. Because love is vague and chaotic, it is the fusion of various feelings that cannot be divided." He said.

I reached out and ruffled his hair.Why does he have good answers to all my questions?

He's the one who waits for someone to hang up first when the call ends.After using WeChat, he is also always the one who ends the conversation.

I am not used to having to report everything to someone, and the other party is just a stranger I met by chance.But he automatically erased the distance of more than ten years after we parted, lived comfortably, and asked with peace of mind:

Honey, are you out of toilet paper?
Only my mother used to talk to me in such a deliberative tone before. She asked: Tell me, where did I get the spare money?

He often gets off work later than me. If I make a proposal, he will take a break to give some professional advice. "Why is the Thank You on the last page of your PPT always set to fade out?"

"It feels like the curtain is finally falling." I replied proudly.He returned a helpless expression that could not help me.

At the beginning of spring, Uncle Zhu had a sudden myocardial infarction. He was rescued for a few days, and after a turnaround in the intensive care unit, he recovered and was discharged.On the day I was discharged from the hospital, I left work to visit.

Mom came to answer the door, and she asked suspiciously behind the anti-theft door: "Who are you?" Then she suddenly woke up and said: "Why are you leaving get off work so late today?"

Uncle Zhu is recovering well, and the worry in his expression is not for himself: "Your mother has always been forgetful lately. She went out yesterday and couldn't find her way home. The neighbor who was walking around brought her back."

Before leaving, I couldn't help but discuss with her: "Mom, let's go to the hospital for an examination."

"I'm not sick."

"I know, but check the insurance. Look at Uncle Zhu..."

"It's good to leave earlier than him, it's a blessing." She didn't say this out of anger, I know she really thought so.

It was only a little bit away, and she was about to lose her support for many years. This alarm bell reminded her of her doomed ending in the future.Perhaps because she exhausted her only strength in the hospital, or because she knew that the ending was inevitable but was unable to face it, she decided to tear down the walls of memory and let her will collapse.And she walked along the broken walls and ruins on her own, and walked into the safe darkness that had already happened and would never be repeated.

Indeed, it's pretty good.

Back at Fu Ruwen's apartment, he cooked a table of dishes and said with burning eyes, "I'll discuss something with you."

I suddenly panicked, I was really afraid that he would take out the blue velvet box.

"I got the opportunity to study at the New York headquarters for two years. Come with me, okay?"

"May I think about it?"

"of course."

The phone rang in the middle of the night, my mother's number.It was Uncle Zhu who spoke.

"Just now your mother said that she was going to the train station, but I couldn't persuade her. I wanted to go with her. She was putting on her shoes, but she ran away first..."

I hung up the phone, put on my coat, grabbed Fu Ruwen's car keys and rushed downstairs.

The area around the station is no longer what it used to be.She stood blankly in the middle of the empty square.

"Mom." I called her from a few steps away.

She heard my voice and turned around, holding my hand tightly like a drowning person, with a anxious expression: "My daughter is missing, please help me find it. You are a good person, please help me find it. My daughter Gone, my daughter is gone..."

I couldn't speak, tears were all over my face, but I didn't know why I was crying.

In fact, this is often the case, you don't know what you are sad about.But being alive is enough to make you sad.

"Mom, let's get in the car and look for it."

Maybe it was my calm tone that comforted her, she handed me her hand and followed me obediently.

It turned out that her hands were so small and thin.

I took her around and around on the empty elevated road in the middle of the night.Until she fell asleep in the passenger seat.

When I went back, Fu Ruwen finished washing and was about to go to work. He didn't ask anything and made coffee for me.I hesitated for a while before saying: "I have something to do at home, so I won't be able to come next week." The expression at that time must be very similar to my mother.

He still didn't ask anything, just nodded: "If you need help, just say it." For this tolerance, I think I will be grateful to him for the rest of my life.

I called the company to ask for leave, and went to several hospitals for consultations in psychiatry and brain departments. Considering her age, the doctor's advice was to find a professional nurse.After discussing with Uncle Zhu, we decided to lie to her that Nurse Sun was the nanny and was in charge of their food and daily life.

"Why spend this money?" She was very unhappy.

"You also have to think about Uncle Zhu, his body needs to be taken care of." I patiently explained, "I'll pay for it."

The first thing I did when I went back to work was to talk to my boss about resignation. After hearing the whole story clearly, he didn't try to keep me.

The news of my resignation spread quickly, and the headhunter said on the phone: "KC's project is about to pass the final budget review, and it will start recruiting immediately. Wait a minute, it's tailor-made for you. I can vouch for it."

"As the saying goes, the head of the chicken and the tail of the chicken, I need to change to a nine-to-five job with a lower salary and no need to travel. Please help me pay attention."

"Understood." Before hanging up the phone, she whispered, "Why does it feel like washing hands in a golden basin?"

"Where can I buy this gold basin?" To this stranger who probably knows my age, blood type, height, education and past experience best in the world, I can say some weak words, "Things that are not worked for nothing are always heard by others. I’ve never had such luck, and I always have to exchange something.”

It will be half a month before I see Fu Ruwen again.

"Follow me." There was an earnestness in his determination that I couldn't ignore.

"No."

"The apartment has been found, and it only takes more than 10 minutes to walk to MOMA. Think about it, Picasso's water lily pond."

"I got an offer from KC."

"Just because of this?" He was surprised, and when he raised his hand, he overturned the crystal cup on the table.He looked at the debris on the floor with inexplicable disappointment in his expression.Now that I finally saw his emotions on his face again, without concealing it, I don't know whether it is gratification or sadness.

"I'm not the girl you had a crush on in high school anymore. It's like this crystal glass is broken. You see, some things can't be made back."

"This analogy is really precious." He put on the mask of laughing and cursing again, but his eyes betrayed him, "Is it really only for KC's position?"

"Yes, a white-collar worker, what higher pursuit is there? I have been waiting for more than half a year." I lowered my head, avoiding his gaze, "Also, it's Monet, Monet's water lily pond."

It is said that it is difficult to go from extravagance to frugality, and it took more than a month to find a relatively easy job.Just when the bank deposits were about to bottom out, I received a job offer from a new company.The position is a project assistant, no need to travel, no need to turn on the mobile phone 24 hours a day.I started by collecting customer data. In the past, what kind of materials I hoped to receive, and what kind of materials I want to make now.It quickly gained word of mouth.Working in a company, good popularity is half the battle.

"With you here, the plum blossoms," said the new boss.

The salary is not half of what it used to be, but I no longer need to socialize, so I can get off work on time and go to my mother's house to have dinner with her.Sometimes she remembers me, sometimes she thinks I'm Nurse Sun's daughter.When I was Nurse Sun's daughter, I was very polite.Invite me to have a snack, make me tea, and show me a photo of me when I was a child out of my pocket: "This is my daughter, she is very busy, maybe you can see it next time you come. Next time, you come again Right?" I put my arms around her shoulders and promised: "Come on, don't worry." The well-behaved girl in the photo smiled like a flower, indeed, she is more worthy of being my mother's daughter.

Every month, I put almost my entire salary in the bank for emergencies, and I started thinking about whether it would cost me four yuan to take the subway or two yuan to take the bus to go to work.

Before departure, Fu Ruwen sent a text message with only my name and flight information.I watched it for a long time and pressed the delete key.For some reason it reminded me of that gesture he made at the end of the conference table when we first met again.

If someone asks, I will answer without hesitation: Yes, I want to go with him.

But no one asked.

In the blink of an eye, it was another year, and at the end of the year, airplane drafts were flying all over the sky.

It’s easy to fish in muddy waters, and a small company like ours actually got the opportunity to go to KC for a draft pitch.Before the colleagues left, the boss held an oath meeting: "Success or failure depends on one move. The newly appointed vice president will attend the meeting in person today. The lady at the front desk told me that everyone should not take it lightly!"Those receptionists who refused to even raise their heads back then now know how to vent in private.

An hour later, the landline rang: "Hurry up and send the computer power cord, it's really secret!" The boss said an idiom angrily on the phone.I laughed and grabbed the power cord and ran downstairs to take a taxi. I didn't expect that I entered the KC building like this.

The moment the door of the conference room opened, I seemed to go through a time tunnel and return to that winter.At the end of the meeting room is still the piece of Wannian black iron: Fu Ruwen.

I put down the power cord, turned around and walked out of the meeting room gently, but only a few steps away, I felt that my back was full of knives and it hurt.

In the evening, the boss said anxiously at the summary meeting: "When the last page of Thank You faded away, Mr. Fu suddenly laughed, but he laughed as if he was crying. Is our emotional strategy too emotional?"

At this time, my mobile phone vibrated, and a text message came from an unfamiliar number: Are you a pig?
(End of this chapter)