hunter notes

Chapter 48 Hamlet in Higre County (3)
"What do you think is a terrible situation for the Academy?" I asked.My neighbor pulls his nightcap over his nose. "What dreadful situation do I think?" he exclaimed, "it goes like this: to learn, to be the destruction of all creation; to learn, to be the ugly substitute for society, women, life; Let me tell you, what is learning! Learning is a common condition of lazy and sluggish life, and people have given it the name and shape of a reasonable enterprise; learning to express thoughts with arguments, accustoming you to aimless chatter , so that you cannot do useful work alone, sow the poisonous poison of literature in you, and finally eat away the freshness and pure power of your soul. Learn, this is vulgarity and boring in the name of family and friendship, which is A union of quarrels and entreaties under the pretense of pity; in the society, by virtue of every friend's right, at any time, to thrust his dirty fingers all the way into the depths of his fellow-mates, in whose heart, It's all filthy; in the Academy, people worship big talkers, pretentious wits, young and old, and love mediocre poets with 'secret' thoughts; Talking cunningly about women and love, but talking to women in silence and seriousness in front of them--what kind of stuff! There's a lot of rhetoric in the academy; there's no less spying on each other than the police. Officer... Ah, learn! You are not a learner, you are a magic circle, and many decent people are destroyed here!"

"Well, you're exaggerating, allow me to point it out." I interrupted him.

My neighbor looked at me silently. "Perhaps yes, only a genius knows. But there is only one joy left for our kind, and that is exaggeration. So I lived in Moscow like this for four years. I don't know how to tell you, sir, that all this time It passed so fast, so fast. Looking back, it makes me feel sad and annoyed. I often get up when I get up, just like skiing... In the blink of an eye, I have already flown to the foot of the mountain; Your servant puts you in a long, tight gown—you get dressed, go slowly to your friends, smoke a few pipes, drink a few cups of weak tea, talk about German philosophy, love, the eternal light of the spirit, There were other themes. But there I also met people who were different. There are people who, however much they destroy and oppress themselves, still retain their own nature; only I, the unfortunate one, like soft wax I generally mold myself, and my poor nature is not at all dissatisfied! I was 21 at the time."

"I have accepted my inheritance, or, to be precise, the part my uncle thinks should be left to me, and I have entrusted the entire hereditary land to the care of Vasily Kudryshev, the servant of Ichia. , went abroad, and arrived in Berlin. I was in a foreign country, as I told you, for three years. What is the use? Over there, in a foreign country, I can still be the same as before. First of all, it goes without saying, I don't understand Europe itself, life in Europe at all; I just listen to German professors and read German books there, and that's the difference. My life is very lonely, like a monk; I mingled with a few ex-Lieutenants of the Russian Army, who, like me, were distressed by not being able to learn, but were not strong enough to understand and could not speak; Dumb family from here; sometimes I go for some coffee, sometimes I read magazines, and at night I go to the theater. I'm no different from the locals, I'm nervous talking to them, and they don't bother me except for two or three. Unidentified Jewish charlatans who used to come to me and borrow money from me, taking advantage of der Russe's gullibility. Finally, inadvertently, I went to the house of one of my professors."

"Here's what happened: I went to him for a lecture, but he invited me to a party at his house. The professor had two daughters, both about twenty-seven, not tall - God knows - with big noses, Curly hair, light blue eyes, ruddy hands, pale nails. One is named Lin Heng, the other is named Ming Heng. From then on I often go to their house. I must tell you: the professor is very smart, but it seems A little depressed, he is good at giving lectures, but he can't speak clearly when talking at home, and he always wears glasses on his forehead; he is a person with a lot of knowledge... What happened next? Suddenly I seemed to fall in love with Lin Heng, This feeling lasted for six months. We seldom talked, but always looked at her; I recited good works to her, held her hand inadvertently, and looked at the moon and sky together at night. And she made coffee very well. Excellent!... So, what are you waiting for? There is only one thing that confuses me: in the moment of so-called indescribable happiness, for some reason, my heart feels uncomfortable, and my stomach passes through a pain And cold trembling. I finally could not accept this kind of happiness, and left. I continued to live abroad for two years. I have been to Italy, once stood in front of the "Transfiguration of Christ" in Rome, and in the "Vina" in Florence. I stayed in front of S' for a while. I suddenly became very excited, as if possessed. At night I did poetry and started to write in my diary. In short, I was living like everyone else at that time."

"But you see how easy it is to be a marvel. For example, I don't know painting and sculpture... I can say that with dignity... But no, that's okay! I'll have to find a guide and go and see the frescoes... ..."

He hung his head and took off his hat. "Finally I returned to my motherland," he continued in a tired voice, "and came to Moscow. In Moscow, I changed a lot. I seldom spoke abroad, but when I came here, I suddenly started talking loudly and at the same time I became self-righteous. .Meet some modest people who think highly of me; they are all willing to listen to me. But I am not good at maintaining my reputation. One morning, said something against me (who made it, I don't know , must be some male spinster - there are a lot of them in Moscow), after it happened, it sprouted like a strawberry. I was entangled, but I wanted to get rid of them, but I couldn't ...and I left. From this it can be seen that I am a ridiculous person. I should quietly wait for this attack to pass, like waiting for a sick person to recover. Then the former people will welcome me again and they will listen to me Speech... But here's the misfortune: I'm not omnipotent. You know, my conscience suddenly woke up, and I felt ashamed to babble, babbling, babbling—yesterday in the Arbat, today Say the same thing in Tluba, tomorrow in Sifzevi Vlarek... But what if they want to hear me? Look at the real fighters in this field: they don't care about this, on the contrary, they want to Living in this way; some people have been eating with their tongues for 20 years, and they all say the same thing... This is self-confidence and self-esteem! I also have this kind of self-esteem, and I have this kind of self-esteem until now... But the bad thing is here: because I, I repeat, am not omnipotent, I stay in the middle way; God should have given me more self-respect, or none at all. But in the first period, there was indeed no way for me to go; In addition to living abroad, my property was exhausted, and I was not willing to marry a merchant girl who was still young and her body was as soft as jelly—I hid in my own village.” Then My neighbour, without looking me in the eye, went on: "I will say little more about the first impressions of country life, the beauty of nature, the secluded charm of solitary life, etc."

"Okay, okay." I replied. "Besides," went on the interlocutor, "it's all boring, at least as far as I've come into contact. I'm lonely in the country, like a puppy in a pen; The first time I passed the familiar birch trees on my way back, my head was dizzy and my heart was beating with a strange excitement. But this strange excitement, you know, wouldn't become a reality; on the contrary, another situation is realized, such as: animal epidemics, rent arrears, auctions, etc. With the help of Yakov, the steward, I slacked off day by day. This steward is the successor The ex-housekeeper's, who later turned into a predator like the former, and ruined my quiet life with the smell of his tarred boots. I once thought of a neighbor I knew-a retired army colonel's The wife and the two daughters let someone set up a carriage to visit the family. This is a special day, because after six months, I married the second daughter of the wife!..."

The speaker bowed his head and put his hands on his head. "However," he went on enthusiastically, "I don't want you to think badly of my dead wife. No way! She was a very noble and good person, a loving person who could endure any sacrifice." Even so, I want to tell the truth between the two of us, if I hadn't met with the misfortune of losing my wife, I might not talk to you today, because the beams in my barn are still there, and I once Prepared to hang himself many times!"

"Some pears," he went on, after a brief silence, "are sweeter when they have been in the cellar for a while, and my late wife seems to have belonged to this category of creations. Only now do I Only now, for example, when I think back to the evenings we spent together before we were married, do not mean to be sad, but move me to tears. The circumstances of their family Not rich, their house is very old-fashioned, wooden, but comfortable, and the house is situated on a hill, between a garden and a grassy yard. Below the hill there is a river, which can be seen faintly through the dense foliage. See the river. The veranda in the house can lead to the garden. In front of the veranda is a flower bed full of colorful roses; at both ends of the flower bed grow acacia trees, which my wife twisted in a spiral when they were not yet formed. A little farther on, among the barren and wild raspberry bushes, there was a pavilion."

"The interior of this pavilion has been carefully painted, but the exterior looks the same old, which makes people feel uncomfortable. There is a glass door on the balcony leading to the living room. In the living room, you can always see very strange phenomena : There are brick stoves in the corners of the room; on the right there is a crappy piano with some handwritten music scores on it, a long sofa covered with not very new white patterned light blue sofa satin, a round table, two Glass cabinet with porcelain and glazed toys from the Ekaterina era on a round table and a famous portrait on the wall of a young girl with fair hair holding a dove on her chest and looking into the above; on the table there is a vase with fresh roses... You see, I have given enough details. In this living room, on this verandah, all the tragedies and comedies of my love are being played out. The neighbor is a A powerful woman with a terrifying voice and a domineering shrew."

(End of this chapter)