i like you for many years

Chapter 19 Disguising (1)
i let go

I give up my seat

Fake free and easy

Who knows how reluctant I am
so much love

So I
didn't cry

did not say

—— Stefanie Sun "What I Miss"

I like a very expensive plaid skirt, you said, you want to buy it for me.

I like a beautiful mug, you said, give it to me for my birthday.

I like a newly launched mobile phone, you said, buy it for me when you make money.

I fell in love with someone else, you turned your back in the sun and didn't answer me for the first time.

For you alone, the tides of the world
In early August 2009, I went to Shanghai.

On a typhoon day, Stefanie Sun's concert in the gymnasium was unprecedentedly grand.Wearing a raincoat and holding the binoculars I bought at the door, I sat in an inconspicuous corner under the stage, listening to Stefanie and all the fans singing "What I Miss".

I asked why the girl texted me

And why don't you explain keeping your head down and being silent

I should believe that you love me very much and don't want to perfunctory me
I still understand that you don't want to save anything

The faint lyrics seem to be playing back a scene.I think of you under the flickering of countless light sticks, and I look around, but I can't see your back.

Gu Chaosheng, I just want to tell you that I have not forgotten our agreement.

At the end of the summer of 2004, I graduated from junior high school and entered the first year of high school, and met you.And since that summer, I have known that you like me, and I have always been arrogant, and I can't tolerate you in my heart.

You are the study committee member with the best grades in the class, and I am just a small representative of the art class. Every time in the art class, I would just lie on the table boredly and cut out happy words, and then happily give them to you.

You always put it away like a baby with a smile on your face, and even gave me the iced tea in the drawer.

You were my first deskmate in high school and my only exclusive trash can.

You remember my idol, you remember the albums I bought, you remember that when I had a cold and a fever, I was only willing to take injections and never took medicine. You also know that I secretly painted two big red nails.It's nothing.But you are willing to eat my leftover bread, help me rearrange my messy desk, run errands for me unconditionally, and accept my messy art works, and you are full of praise.

These are your signature features of that year. You had a short crew cut, a tall and thin man, but your eyes were purring, very energetic.

But none of these can constitute the reason why I like you.

So even if you only have to tell the world "I like Jiang Yueguang", I still treat you slowly, bully you, instigate you, and even yell at you when I get angry.That year, my favorite girl named Stefanie Sun came to Hunan to open a fan club, and I even cheated you of 100 Yuan Dayang as travel expenses, but in the end I couldn't find a way to get in.

You swore to me at that time that as long as she sings next time, you will definitely take me through thick and thin.

I don't think you knew at that time that I was secretly liking another person.A boy who is as skinny as you, I like him as obsessively as you like me.

He works part-time in a small bookstore in front of the school. I don't even know if he is a student of our school. I never dare to follow him, dare not strike up a conversation with him, or even ask his name.Unlike you, when facing me, you always express your feelings carelessly.

At most, I buy magazines regularly in his small bookstore, and every time I ask him to save the current month's "Reader" and "Youth Digest" for me, and then I go to pick them up a few days later, so that he can remember me and let him Think of me more.

In the rest of the time, you are always by my side.

You never know my secret, that's because I won't take you to that store recklessly, and won't let the boys I like see you with me.

The 200-odd cotton skirt you gave me with great fanfare was worn by me lightly and went to the bookstore. On that day, I heard the boy say to me, leave a phone number, and when the book arrives, I will call for you.

We finally exchanged names.

I found out that his surname is Xu, and his single name is a word Ze.

Gu Chaosheng, that's when I remembered that I should thank you for giving me the dress and bringing me luck.

I happily went to school to find you, but I had to suppress the feeling that I couldn't tell you everything.You asked me what was wrong, and I said, let me treat you to dinner.

I think you must have tens of thousands of question marks in your heart at that time, but this does not affect you to say "yes" happily immediately.You pulled me straight to a small restaurant off campus, ordered a piece of fried pork with garlic sprouts, and a piece of scrambled eggs with green peppers, and then said, two dishes, we each share half.

Both are my favorite dishes, and I certainly won't say no to you.

You praised me for wearing this dress No. 12 times, but this time, I was suddenly very happy, and I happily ordered two cans of beer to toast with you.

I guess that time, you must have thought that I suddenly changed my mind about you.

And if I hadn't met Xu Ze later, maybe I wouldn't have made you happy first and then sighed.As soon as the beer was opened, I caught a glimpse of a familiar figure at the door of the restaurant.

Xu Ze saw me from a distance, and called my name loudly, Jiang Yueguang, you are there too.

I nodded and beckoned him to come and sit with me.You take a look at me, and I hurried back to you, my friend, take a stool.You smiled and pulled out a wooden chair from the side.

Green pepper scrambled eggs, I am about to order!Xu Ze sat down with a happy smile, as if he and I were old friends, he picked up the chopsticks and tasted it familiarly.

Then he pointed at you, and before he could ask me, I stopped him.

We often come to eat together.I said, the implication is that we are just friends who come to have a meal together.And that means I want to understand even him, let alone you.

You didn't say anything, but the smile on the corner of your mouth froze, but you still nodded politely at him.

Inexplicably, that meal became Xu Ze's treat.

And you, quickly finished the rice in the bowl, deliberately checked the time on the wall clock, and then slipped away with the excuse that you haven't finished your homework.

I chatted with Xu Ze for a long time, from the magazine novels I often read every month to school to grade fun.I just found out that Xu Ze is one level higher than me and you. The bookstore he works part-time is originally run by his own family, so he will help out when there are no classes.

Before leaving, Xu Ze smiled and told me that in the future, you can come and get me to read the magazines!

I happily thought that at least it meant that we had become good friends.You see, Gu Chaosheng, I don't need to be clingy like you, I can still get to know him.

But then I found out that I was wrong.

I thought that when I went to school again, you would come up to me and ask me who that boy was and if he was your rival in love.You may even question why I treat him better than you.This is your usual style before, but this time, Gu Chaosheng, you didn't take the initiative to talk to me all afternoon.

Finally, I couldn't help but feel guilty and thought, could it be that my performance was too much and you saw the clue?
But before I could spend more time caring about your mood, a text message from Xu Ze came.He asked me to meet at the bookstore, and I obediently ran away after school.Holding a black gift box, he came over and pulled me up and walked out.I clearly felt that he deliberately avoided my hand, held my wrist tightly, and walked towards an unknown place step by step.

We ended up at the center of the fountain in Central Park.

I looked around, and there were not many people. Although it was already school time, Xu Ze walked very fast, leaving everyone else behind.

He said, look at this.

As he spoke, he thrust the box into my hand domineeringly.

I thought it was accessories such as necklaces or watches, and I opened it with joy, but what I saw was another layer of gifts that surprised me even more.It is Stefanie Sun's new album "Stefanie".

I hugged it happily, reluctant to take it apart, looking at Xu Ze's smiling face, I was suddenly at a loss for what to do.

At this time, water splashed high all around suddenly.It was the fountain in the park that opened, and he and I happened to be in the center of the entire fountain at this time. The water spray surrounded us, and no one could see our faces. It was as romantic as filming an idol drama.Xu Ze suddenly took me into his arms unceremoniously.

I didn't have time to react, I just heard him whisper in my ear, I like you, Jiang Yueguang, I like you.

The stars are lit up all over the city.

Gu Chaosheng, I forgot that you are the star that followed me all the way.

Xu Ze didn't speak any more, and I didn't make a sound either, letting my head be buried in his chest to listen to his heartbeat.After a while, the fountain hadn't descended yet, but his phone rang.He took out his mobile phone and glanced at it, hung up the button, turned his head and hurriedly said to me, Xiaoyue, I have to leave first.

I stood up straight and stared at him blankly.

He added, you go home obediently, I will wait for your answer.

After he finished speaking, he turned and left, and the fountain obediently stopped at this moment.Looking at the back of Xu Ze leaving in a hurry, I felt an indescribable sweetness in my heart.

I foolishly held my face lightly and started running towards home.

It was a Friday night.

I have been letting myself go without reading or writing exercise books, turning on the CD player to the loudest, and listening to the album that Xu Ze gave me. "Listening to him next to him is so cool / Hearing a certain answer is awkward / Listening to the new message things have changed / Listening to the expression of love will make me miss /"

Every song reminds me of him.

Very late, I forgot to turn off the CD and fell asleep to the music.

I'll go find you early the next morning.

When you saw me take the initiative to appear, you didn't get angry any more as I expected, but instead came up to me and asked me why I missed you even when I wasn't in school.

I made an angrily "hum", and you laughed with satisfaction.

Gu Chaosheng, go shopping with me.After taking a deep breath, I announced loudly.

You pretended to be terrified, but you still agreed very interestingly.I turned around and walked ahead quickly, pretending I couldn't hear you asking me where I was going and what I wanted to buy.

How can I tell you that I'm going to choose a gift for Xu Ze.

How can I tell you that I want to dress up glamorously.

How can I tell you how much I care about an upcoming date.

I like the plaid skirt that the answer is, bright yellow plaid with gauze lining, it is more expensive than the one you gave me.You insisted on dragging mine into the fitting room and ordered me to try it on.

I put it on obediently, and carefully pushed open the door of the fitting room, revealing a small head.You ran over and happily praised how beautiful it was, but I suddenly felt embarrassed, retracted, and quickly changed back to my clothes.

When you came out, you had already paid the bill for me.

You didn't even bat an eye for a dress worth more than 400 yuan.

You carried it and walked towards me with a smile, and only said two simple words, send you off.

Gu Chaosheng, you must think that I am so moved that I want to go to heaven for you, or that I want to throw myself into your arms like those little girls who like you.But when I think back to myself at that time, I found that I just took it for granted, and a thin "thank you" was perfunctory.

The starlight in your eyes fell to the ground.

But you are not unhappy, you said I should be so rude, our relationship is actually even "thank you" is superfluous.I nodded "hmm", and then dragged you all the way to the gift shop.

After choosing a circle, I finally locked my goal on a mug with a simple pattern of red and white checks.You sighed and said, Xiaoyue, you are too obsessed with grid.I ask you, isn't it beautiful?You immediately responded with "It's so beautiful" one by one, which made me smile.

I thought, buy one for Xu Ze, and another for myself.

Of course, I haven't had time to tell you this, but I heard you raise the corner of your mouth triumphantly at me. It will be your birthday in two days, and I will see you off then!
Looking at you, I finally couldn't help but my heart tightened.

It's so cheap, I don't want you to send me.As I said that, I gave you a white look, and proudly paid for two of them.You were taken aback, and asked me why I didn't choose two colors to use interchangeably, so as not to be confused.I paused, and then pretended to say confidently, I just like red.

well.you say.

You don't know that a cup represents a lifetime, and it was a gift that girls at that time wanted to give to boys. In fact, what they bought was just a moral, and it had nothing to do with the cup itself.

And I just want to have the same "lifetime" as Xu Ze, and I obsessively tell myself that the same color is the same life experience.

Gu Chaosheng, I always think, if you knew this at that time, would you laugh at me for being stupid, or would you leave me and secretly feel sad?

We passed by the mobile phone city, and someone handed out leaflets at the door. I took it and looked at the styles on it casually.You stretched your head over, pointed at the latest Sony Ericsson mobile phone and asked me if I liked it, and I said it was pretty good, it was orange.Then I exaggeratedly pointed at the astonishing four-digit number and barked at you until I heard you say, it’s okay, I’ll make money and buy it for Xiaoyue.

I think, at that moment, I was always a little... touched.

Maybe, it's not moving; maybe, it's something else.

In that soft place at the bottom of my heart, a small circle was drawn.

I don't want to lie to you again.

Gu Chaosheng.I stood behind you and didn't go forward for a long time, so I stopped you.

You turned your head and looked at me suspiciously, under the clean sky, there was a faint halo on that face.I will not forget.

Gu Chaosheng, I don't like you.I say this to you.

Then I saw you standing there in a daze, you were about to put your cool hands in your pockets and hang down suddenly, you didn't say a word, as if you were waiting for me to say the next sentence, to prove that your hearing is actually fine .

I continued to say, Gu Chaosheng, please come and accompany me to choose a gift for him, I'm sorry, I don't want to lie to you.

At this time, you have already lightly set your eyes elsewhere.

Gu Chaosheng, you are my best...

After all, I haven't finished speaking, you have turned around, walking neither fast nor slow, but walking out of my sight step by step.I think of the last sentence of a song, the last scene of the last words, the girl's eyes, his back view.

I still wore the plaid skirt you gave me to meet Xu Ze. Xu Ze said that I looked beautiful in the skirt and told me to wear less jeans in the future.When I gave him the cup, he smiled and asked me, is it a mouthwash cup?

I always thought he had a magical smile.

You and I are still at the same table, but you no longer poke my arm and talk to me in class, you no longer write notes on the side of the textbook for me to read, and you no longer secretly stuff snacks in my desk.And I am also embarrassed to give you the broken Xizi again.

We became less talkative.

And the clock of time is getting slower and slower, half a month has passed with difficulty, and I even slowly feel that you will probably never talk to me again.You don't even want to be friends with me anymore.

Until that morning when I came to school, you sat on the desk with your legs crossed proudly, and when you saw me, you immediately waved and called my name with a smile.

If I hadn't been the only one named Jiang Yueguang in the class, I might have thought I was really wrong.Why are you calling me?
I walked over, and you raised a piece of letter paper in your hand and shook it in front of my eyes, saying, look, mine!
I took it by hand, and I understood everything by reading the first line.

It was a letterhead signed "Zhong Meimei", light pink letterpaper, delicate handwriting, and a heart-shaped envelope with wings drawn on it.You happily asked me from the side, are you jealous?

I stomped hard on your white sneakers.

You bared your teeth in pain, but laughed even louder, you said, this way we are evened.You continue to like others, and so do I... You ended the story just right.

The morning reading bell rang, and I sat down obediently, but I couldn't help playing back the sentence you didn't finish over and over again in my mind.

Is it... your "person"?

I shook my head, how is it possible, the person you like is not me.

I suddenly realized that you just took the trouble to find a high-sounding reason just to reconcile with me.Gu Chaosheng, but I can't understand why I didn't understand at all at that time.

Don't know how to collect, don't know how to own.

You are still very nice to me.

It's just that he never confessed to me again.

You didn't say all kinds of good things about me that you used to say.

You gave me a brown-haired puppy just because I casually said that it would be nice to have a puppy to share a room with me.Just tease me with a smile and say, let it accompany me instead of you.

I give you a blank look.

(End of this chapter)