surrogate wife

Chapter 160 The Reality Is Well
Liu Shuxian's words almost made me breathless. I have hardly heard his name again for so many years. Even if it is not complete, it still hurts my ears when it is poured into my ears again.I brought the baby over, she was moaning and groaning in my arms, her little hands were clasping her fists, I suddenly burst into tears, at that moment, I actually thought, if Chen Haotian and I were together at that time Yes, then the child should go to kindergarten.

Liu Shuxian's face was also a little pale, and there was a faint gloomy light in her eyes. I hurriedly lowered my head, and then my sight fell into a few napkins that she handed over. I took them, and she asked me directly, "Are you sure?" Something is wrong!"

I silently wiped away my tears, then raised my head to look at her, I opened my mouth but it felt like something was stuck in my throat.

She sighed, with a slightly sad arc on the corner of her mouth, she said: "I came to ask him, I don't think it's impossible for you to know everything!"

I stared at her intently, my heartbeat felt as if it was about to stop. It was ridiculous to say that I still had certain expectations at that moment, and of course, even I felt that such expectations were a bit absurd.

"He's gone!" Liu Shuxian said in a low voice, feeling a little out of breath. After she finished speaking, she slowly leaned on the sofa. She said, "I passed in June last year. Fortunately, I didn't suffer any pain before I left!"

The baby stared at her little feet, and when I let go of my hand, I almost fell her off, regained my composure, and quickly hugged her in my arms, and couldn't help crying anymore.

At the beginning, I thought that the unbearable things had passed, and now the difficult ones should be considered over, but when I really turned out the things in my heart, I realized that the things I thought were past were actually not past, but buried in the bottom of my heart and covered in dust That's all.

The bitter winds and rains of the past are just today's appetizers, and all the road ahead is in line with the present. The baby seems to be startled by my crying, staring at me with small eyes, but neither crying nor fussing. Maybe she also feels the grief of her mother , so it was quiet all of a sudden.

Chen Shuxian told me, "This house still has your name written on it. You changed your mobile phone. Before Chen Haotian left, he took me to go through the formalities. I have been living here. If you want to go back now, I can give it to you right away." you!"

I shook my head, feeling my heart was torn to pieces.

Liu Shuxian no longer hated me before, she said she was indifferent, she stood up, walked to the floor-to-ceiling window, and then pushed open the sliding door glass, her back was wrapped in the smell of isolation from the world.

She thought I was afraid that she would not accept it, so she patiently explained to me, "Don't think too much, there is no enmity between you and me now, the past is over, and Haotian is gone. When I look back and think about it now, I feel that I was so wrong.”

"I made the photo that was mailed to your mother a few years ago. At that time, I just wanted him to come back to me. In fact, Haotian loved me at the beginning. I couldn't forget the past. Later, I didn't know why. What, maybe it was anger, maybe it was because I couldn't let go of my self-esteem, so I confronted him again and again, I exhausted all his love, and finally realized that I couldn't do without him! But at that time he Already leave me and hate me, that's why I started to do whatever I can!"

"Li Xin!" She suddenly called my name, then turned to look at me, she said: "Haotian loves you, the apartment has always been reserved, I ask my aunt to clean it once a week, before he leaves The last wish is to keep that house intact, I think... it should be because that's where I stayed with you!"

She walked back, then went to the side cabinet and took out a key. When she put it in my hand, a kind of pain that pierced into the flesh began to spread from every nerve in my body.The key hasn’t been changed, it’s still the one he used before. I still remember that when I went out shopping with him that year, I naively bought a key chain on the street, and then secretly hung it on after falling asleep.

I didn't take the key and put it back in Liu Shuxian's hand. She looked at me suspiciously, as if she didn't understand.

I stood up with my baby in my arms, and my legs suddenly became weak. I said, "I won't take it anymore. Some things have passed for so long, and it's meaningless to bring them up again. I can't possibly want the apartment over there or this house." , I... I now have my own home and have a child, I am very happy!" After speaking, I couldn't hold back my tears, it turned out that real grief can really have no sound.

She didn't force me, just smiled lightly, and then said: "I was the one who went too far!"

In a word, understatement, but put everything aside, when I left, I asked her why Chen Haotian died, she refused to say, but just told me the address of his cemetery.

Chen Haotian was buried in the Yinlong Mountain Cemetery, in the same place as Gu Xue. When I went there, I realized that not only was it in the same place, Chen Haotian's tomb was actually next to Gu Xue.

Later, I learned that Chen Haotian bought this tomb by himself. At that moment, I was actually unable to express my feelings.

I stood in front of his tombstone without shedding a single tear, and the baby looked around curiously. I touched her face and started talking to the person in the photo.

"I'm here to see you, this is my daughter, isn't she cute!" After saying a word, my throat seemed to be clogged with phlegm, I coughed several times, squatted down and put the baby down.

Holding her arm, her calf was kicking with joy, she didn't know where this was, and she didn't know who was in the photo, in her world, everything was new, so no matter where She can always make a fuss unscrupulously.

My eyes never left his photo, the familiar face that I can no longer be familiar with, I didn't smile, but I didn't keep a straight face, my heart hurt so badly, I felt my breathing was pressing up, and finally I unconsciously twitched the corners of my mouth , sadly said: "How come to see you, you still have a frown!"

"Chen Haotian, do you think there are ghosts in this world? If so, will you become a ghost? If it changes, I don't want you to come to me!"

"If you become a ghost, I'm afraid I'll turn back!"

I feel that I am already a little nervous, and the sadness without tears makes me unable to express my emotions better, but the whole body feels stiff and numb.

I turned my head and glanced at the tomb not far away, it belonged to Gu Xue, my heart felt a little cold, and I laughed at myself: "You said you love me, the one you love the most is me, but after you leave, the one closest to you It's still Gu Xue!"

"Chen Haotian, if I am with you, we get married, and we are always together, will we be buried together like this when we die?"

"I will definitely, because you will definitely miss me!"

There is no more to say, only a long stare, and when I recall that scene after a long, long time, I still feel heartbroken.

I rushed back to Shanghai that night. Hua Shipeng called back and asked me what gift I wanted to buy. I thought about it and said, "I want to buy a key chain!"

"Why do you want this? You don't want so many bags and cosmetics here?"

I was silent for a while, not knowing how to explain it, and just when the baby was crying, I hurriedly hung up the phone.

When Hua Shipeng came back, he really brought me a key chain, and of course he brought a lot of luxury goods. The way men express love becomes monotonous when they get older. They think that buying you the best things is just because they care, and then Fortunately, Hua Shipeng is not like this, at least he will take care of my feelings most of the time.But in terms of personal space, he still controls me very tightly.

I feel a bit like a canary, locked in a cage, especially after having a baby.In addition to work every day, when I go home, I just take care of the baby. Even if there is a nanny at home, many things are still done by myself.

Time has polished me to the point where I lost the tenacity of the past. Now I am just an ordinary woman, plain and quiet. I simply hope for a stable life and a happy family!
I come and go freely in the joys and sorrows of the long journey, and I ask myself day after day, whether I am more reluctant to part with the past or the countless possible futures. In fact, a lifetime is really too long, and the promises may really be irretrievable, and the spirits will be weak. It doesn't need to consume a lifetime, so I understand that I can't give up all possibilities for a hidden pain.

I think the only thing I can't explain is the powerlessness of time, and the pathetic ignorance of all accidents. Many times, I feel that I haven't been so vigorous, and I have passed the age of daring to love and hate in the blink of an eye. It seems that people can't live. Blinking casually, blinking, I suddenly felt that I missed too many things. For a while, I was afraid to go to places I had been to, and I was also afraid to see my former friends. These are all out-of-print items that I will never come back again in my life, so now I start to hold on to the ones around me tightly and refuse to let go.

At that time, I suddenly felt that there is no sorrow in this world that can infect me, and there is no kind of happiness that can heal me.

It will always be like the jigsaw puzzles all over the floor, no matter how long it takes, you can always find them one by one, and then put them together into the original appearance.But the world is impermanent, and I'm afraid I won't be able to find it back, so the flaw of the missing corner is always in my heart, like knowing that after Chen Haotian left, my life is no different, but after all, I am not as happy as before.

On October 2014, 10, which is today, I will tell you my story through a girl I have not met, through her pen, through her words, maybe I have hidden a lot of things selfishly, maybe There are many causes and effects that I can’t explain, but the overall outline is still there. I just want to commemorate my past, but I’m not sad. People will always experience some things they don’t want. I lost the previous impulse, but I was also very satisfied.

May everyone be well, and may you not have to be like me in your life. After several turns, you have found a lover, but lost your original intention.

(End of this chapter)