my name, your last name

Chapter 16 You gave it, I can't afford it
Shang Xiuwen drove Gan Lu to the hotel, opened a suite, and sent her to the hotel. After she took a shower and went to bed, he walked into the bedroom. Gan Lu's head was tilted to one side, her eyes were tightly closed. She was a little swollen like never before, and she became pale and haggard under the white pillowcase.He couldn't help reaching out his hand, wanting to touch her, but the moment he touched her skin, tears leaked from the corners of her tightly closed eyes.

His finger was fixed, and after a long time, he bowed his head and kissed away the tear, the salty taste from the tip of his tongue reached his heart, and spread out.He pulled the quilt for her, hurried out, and closed the bedroom door behind him.

The next day, when Gan Lu woke up, she saw that Shang Xiuwen was already neatly dressed and sitting on the sofa in the living room.

The exhaustion of the past few days hit her, although she managed to fall asleep, she slept very deeply, and she didn't know whether he slept on the sofa in the living room all night or came over early in the morning.

While brushing her teeth, she retched again.She tried hard to recall the pregnancy guide she bought. It seems that she should have morning sickness from about 50 days. There is no extra energy to worry about this.

She stood up straight, washed her face and rubbed skin care products. Such simple and repetitive actions every day seemed to be a burden. Her hair, skin, and demeanor were dull, as if she had aged several years overnight.

She couldn't help recalling a colleague from Wenhua Middle School. After she became pregnant, her husband took care of the delivery every day. Even though the husband and wife were not close to each other at work, he would often carry a large size warmer at noon. The lunch box arrived on a motorcycle, and the colleagues around me often booed and said: "The love bento has a limited time delivery service."

The pregnant woman was taken care of so that her face was radiant and radiant, and she often proudly taught her experience to a group of female colleagues who did not have children, and her happiness was beyond words.

Such plain happiness aroused a lot of envy, and also offset the inexplicable fear of pregnancy among the girls including Gan Lu.

But now it's her turn, she is at a loss, not to mention having expectations for the child, she can't even know what will happen tomorrow.

Thinking of it this way, she couldn't get enough energy to walk out of the bathroom.

After standing there blankly for an unknown amount of time, Shang Xiuwen appeared in the mirror. He came over and put his hands on her shoulders: "Are you uncomfortable?"

"It's okay." She braced herself and picked up the lip gloss, but immediately remembered that it's best not to wear makeup during pregnancy, so she put it back, "Let's go."

Shang Xiuwen sent Gan Lu to see the house.The housing supply near the High School Attached to Normal University has always been in short supply, and many parents choose to rent a house here to accompany their students.Gan Lu didn't want to live too close to the school, she chose apartments a few stops away.However, looking at two houses in succession, one house is old, poorly structured, not good in ventilation and lighting; the other is brand new, but still has a taste of decoration, and the surrounding environment is too messy.

Before Gan Lu could say anything, Shang Xiuwen had already finished answering the phone and came back from the corridor. He frowned and glanced at the house. He immediately said thank you and goodbye to the landlord, and dragged her out involuntarily.

She didn't fancy this apartment either, and she didn't have the energy to argue with him. She got into the car, took out the address and phone number she copied down the day before, and was about to call the third landlord's mobile phone.Shang Xiuwen's cell phone rang first, and he simply responded with "um" and "oh", and after a while, he said, "Uncle, I see, I'll be there tomorrow."

Not knowing what was said there, he repeated: "Okay, I see. Let's talk about it later."

Gan Lu stretched out her hand to unfasten her seat belt: "Go and do your work. I'll take care of the rest of the houses. They're all around here."

Shang Xiuwen held her down: "You insist on coming out to live, I can't stop you, but I must arrange you well."

A bitter smile appeared on the corner of Gan Lu's mouth, and she said wearily, "Yes, mother and child are expensive now, so I have to take good care of them."

"Lulu, you know I value children, but that's only because I want to have a child with you. Don't say such things again..." His cell phone rang again, and he picked it up in annoyance to look at it, and then answered, "Yi'an ,What's up?"

After a while, he said, "Yi'an, you go to City J first, I'll be there tomorrow." After a short pause, he smiled, "Is it my mother or my uncle telling you something?"

After waiting for a while, he nodded: "Okay, we'll be right over." Putting down his phone, he turned to Gan Lu and said, "Yi'an has an empty house, and he said that if you are in a hurry to find a house, you can live in his place first." , let's go and see."

Gan Lu didn't expect to be so troublesome, she frowned: "Why bother him, I don't want to owe favors."

"He said that his house had been left unoccupied for almost a year after it was renovated, and it's not too far from your school. Take a look first, as long as you like it, I can still pay him the rent."

Feng Yi'an has already gone there first to wait. His house is on the 25th floor of a lake-viewing high-rise apartment in the urban area. The view and location are excellent. The interior of the three-bedroom apartment is brand new. Feng Yi'an pointed to the interior: "From buying a house I didn’t care about the decoration, it’s all my parents’ taste, and it’s not ugly. Besides, my mother is very demanding, the materials used are absolutely environmentally friendly, and the furniture and electrical appliances are complete, except for daily necessities.”

Shang Xiuwen followed Feng Yi'an to inspect all the rooms while asking about the situation of the property.Seeing the two of them shuttling between the rooms, Gan Lu was at a loss. She didn't know what to say for a while, so she just stood in the living room blankly.

When they returned to the living room, Shang Xiuwen said to Gan Lu: "Lulu, this place is good, there is no need to look at other houses, I will go down and buy everything for you later."

She didn't want to argue with Feng Yi'an in front of him, so she just kept her lips tightly shut.

Feng Yi'an obviously didn't have any intention of inquiring, and handed over a bunch of keys: "Just don't worry, I'll give you all the keys, I won't come here."

Gan Lu was still hesitating, but Shang Xiuwen had already picked it up: "Thank you, Yi'an."

"Xiuwen, do we need to be so polite?" Feng Yi'an smiled and turned to Gan Lu, "Lulu, Xusheng has a sales meeting tomorrow morning, which involves the adjustment of this year's sales plan, which is very important. We have to go to City J."

"That's what you said..." Gan Lu said wearily, "Yi'an, when did you see me blocking someone's way?"

Shang Xiuwen smiled wryly: "It's okay, I'll go shopping first, you wait for me here."

Feng Yi'an casually removed the dustproof white cloth, revealing the dark brown leather sofa: "Lulu, you look bad, sit here, I'll go to the property to see if there are hourly workers here, and ask someone to come over and clean it up."

"Yi'an, don't be too busy." Gan Lu sat down, "Tell me the truth, you already knew about Xiuwen's role in Xu Sheng, right?"

Feng Yi'an raised his hand: "Heaven and earth conscience, he never mentioned it to me. I only found out that the chairman of Xusheng changed hands after reading the newspaper. I was also surprised at the time. After talking with Mr. Wei, who is currently in charge of sales in Xusheng, on the phone, I just learned a little bit more."

Gan Lu knew that the Wei he was talking about was always Wu Changzhi's second son-in-law, Wei Huasheng. She thought, at least the Wu family knew about it a long time ago, so she stared blankly ahead and said nothing.

"Mr. Wei told me that the board of directors had a long meeting, and Xiuwen kept refusing, but other than that, there was no other way to solve the problems Xu Sheng was facing. On the one hand, Chairman Wu had to bear the burden for his precious son. Part of the responsibility, it is impossible to stay in that position; on the other hand, Yuanwang’s capital entry is conditional, and he has to be responsible to Yuanwang’s shareholders. There is no more suitable candidate except him.”

"After all, I'm not the only one who acts like a fool in the eyes of everyone." Gan Lu laughed self-deprecatingly.

"Lulu, are you unhappy about this matter? Xiuwen has his own considerations, and it's not a big deal. I don't have time to discuss it with you beforehand, so there's no need to be so angry, right?"

Gan Lu said bitterly: "I'm not angry, should I accept it as a surprise?"

"Maybe he has his reasons."

"Everyone has difficulties. If you really have difficulties, you'd better swallow it yourself. Don't expect others to forgive you unconditionally."

Feng Yi'an obviously didn't expect Gan Lu to say such words coldly, and was taken aback for a moment: "Lulu, you are his wife, not someone else, it seems that you should be more considerate of him."

"Yi'an, you are not married, but you have been in love. If your lover keeps everything from you, will you act as if nothing happened?"

Feng Yi'an thought for a while, then sighed: "No, frankly speaking, in this kind of matter, the more you love, the more you care about it, and you can be calm if you don't love. If I don't take it seriously, I probably won't break up with Xin Chen. I originally wanted to I married her in this house, but now I don't want to take a second look at it."

Gan Lu didn't expect to bring up his sadness, but now she has no energy to comfort others, so she can only remain silent.

"Xiuwen cares about you. He is usually quite a calm person. You can see that he has lost his normal state just now. When he checked the bathroom, he even went to test whether the floor tiles in the shower room would be slippery after being wet. Said to buy another non-slip mat, you must not fall now."

Gan Lu smiled bleakly: "He just cares about the child in my belly."

Feng Yi'an didn't know what to say for a while.

Gan Lu rested her head on the sofa wearily and closed her eyes.

Feng Yi'an received a notice to hold a sales meeting the day before. He and Wei Huasheng have always had a good friendship, and I heard him give a general account of what happened at the press conference.When Wei Huasheng mentioned that Shang Xiuwen slapped his wife in public, he was really surprised.Today he received calls from Wu Changzhi and Wu Lijun successively. They both asked him to persuade Shang Xiuwen to come to J City for a meeting on time, but they both spoke vaguely, and he didn't know what happened between Shang Xiuwen and his wife.At this moment, seeing Gan Lu's pale and haggard face, he couldn't bear it.

"How about this, you'd better go to the bedroom and lie down for a while, there is a couch for the imperial concubine, which is more comfortable than leaning on here."

Feng Yi'an took her into the master bedroom. There was only a Simmons mattress on the bed inside, and there was a dark maroon chaise longue by the bay window. He took the dustproof cloth covering it and went out.She lay down on it, her weak body pressed against the velvet couch, and took a long breath.

She felt that her stubbornness to move out was obviously a matter between Shang Xiuwen and Shang Xiuwen, but being disturbed by Feng Yi'an's sudden jump out like this, it became an unreasonable joke.

Lying in this strange room, she was in a state of disarray, still not knowing what to do tomorrow.Her hand involuntarily touched her flat stomach again.

In the early summer of last year, in order to prepare for pregnancy, Gan Lu bought a lot of books and studied them carefully. She has already gained a wealth of theoretical knowledge about the process of conception and fetal development.However, at this moment, she has no idea about the tiny embryos that have grown in her womb. When taking a bath these two days, she didn't even dare to look at her body.

Do you really want to have a baby in this situation?Once this thought popped up, it was hard to get rid of it.

She knew that this idea was very sinful, but she also thought that it was just an embryo that didn't even have a gender. In English, she even used "It" as a personal reference.You don't even know what your next step is. With your current state of mind, how can you ensure the healthy development of your child?Where will you and Shang Xiuwen go? Can you give your child a healthy and harmonious growth environment?
Gan Lu fell into a dazed half-sleep state, and dimly realized that Shang Xiuwen came in once, and put a blanket on her. He was standing beside her, and she knew that he must be looking at her, but she didn't want to open her eyes. Open your eyes and meet him.After a long time, he walked out gently.

She was very impatient when Shang Xiuwen came in again to wake her up at some point.Lying down like this did not bring relief from fatigue, the body was still as heavy as lead, and he didn't want to move at all.However, Shang Xiuwen pulled her up with a tense voice: "You are bleeding from the nose."

She stretched out her hand to touch it, and it turned out to be blood on one hand: "It's nothing, just bring me a towel."

"I'll take you to the hospital."

"Does the nosebleed need to go to the hospital? It has flowed several times in the past few days, and it stopped after a while." She said angrily, stood up and was about to go to the bathroom, and suddenly remembered that this was someone else's house, and there might not be towels. Turning around and going to the living room, he took out a tissue from his bag and wiped it.

Shang Xiuwen came over, without further ado, took the coat and wanted to put it on for her: "Follow me to the hospital and see what the doctor says."

Feng Yi'an, who was sitting in the living room, also echoed: "Yes, go to the hospital quickly."

Gan Lu shook Shang Xiuwen's hand irritably: "I said no need to go."

"Lulu, she had a few nosebleeds for no reason. You have to determine the cause and whether it will affect the child."

Gan Lu put down the blood-stained tissue and sneered, "Xiuwen, do you care about the child so much?"

"I care as much about the child as you do."

"If I don't go to the hospital, the child will be left to his fate."

Shang Xiuwen's face changed suddenly: "Don't go too far..." He stopped suddenly, only to see her tilting her head and looking at him, her eyes were unusually bright, almost provocative, as if she was waiting for him to get angry.This kind of Gan Lu was unfamiliar to him, and Feng Yi'an beside him had already stood up and winked at him desperately. He tried to slow down his tone, "Lu Lu, I said, don't say that about our child."

"What do you want me to say? There's no way, I'm resigning myself to fate, Shang Xiuwen, if I didn't have this child, would I still be standing here talking nonsense to you?"

The deadly silence in the room made Feng Yi'an very uneasy, and he wanted to persuade him, but he didn't know what to say.

Gan Lu was still very calm under Shang Xiuwen's gaze, but there was no hint of provocation anymore.Her eyes dimmed, as if a burning had been exhausted in an instant, leaving only ashes of sadness, "Didn't Yi'an say that you have to go to City J? Please, go now, let me alone people stay a while."

She turned and went back to the bedroom, closing the door behind her.

Looking at the closed bedroom door in front of him, Shang Xiuwen slowly loosened his clenched fist.Feng Yi'an breathed a sigh of relief: "Xiuwen, calm down. She is pregnant, and her mood is unstable now, so you can't argue with her."

Shang Xiuwen didn't make a sound, paused for a while, and said in a deep voice, "Let's go."

The two went downstairs to the underground garage together, and Feng Yi'an said, "It's better to drive my car, you can rest in the car for a while."

Shang Xiuwen hesitated, Feng Yi'an asked strangely: "What's the matter, there will naturally be a car for you when you go to J City, are you still reluctant to part with your Bora?"

Shang Xiuwen smiled wryly: "Yi'an, I'm thinking whether to give Lulu the car keys and let her drive to work so as not to squeeze the bus."

Feng Yi'an raised his hand in surrender: "You are so meticulous today that I can't believe it. I have gone to and from the supermarket and shopping mall twice, and the things I bought are all kinds of strange things. Well, you go up again."

"Forget it, if I appear in front of her now, she will probably go crazy. And she is so mentally weak, I'm afraid she won't be able to concentrate while driving, so let her take a taxi."

The two got into Feng Yi'an's Mazda [-], and Feng Yi'an drove the car out of the underground garage. It was already night outside and the lights were on.While driving, Feng Yi'an talked about the recent severe sales situation.

"How will we deal with Wu Wei this time?" Feng Yi'an has always had a bad impression of Wu Wei.

"What else can I do? My uncle has made such a gesture. Even if it costs money, he must be kept. And the focus now is really not on him. If Yixin really reaches an agreement with the city to annex the smelter, Our situation is more passive."

"Xiuwen, there is one thing, even if your wife doesn't ask you, I really have to ask you. This time, He Jingyi is aggressive, is she really just plotting a smelter for Yixin?"

"What do you think?"

"I think it should be more than that, but she has spent so much time and energy to push you to the front stage. Maybe it is a good thing for Xu Sheng. Chairman Wu has been conservative in his thinking for the past two years, and he is only satisfied with occupying two provinces. Most of the low-end market share has been blindly conservative, which has restrained the development of the company. You have been hiding in the background and are unwilling to directly interfere with his operation. Otherwise, Xusheng would not stop at the current scale, and the merger of the smelter would not be necessary. Put it off until today."

"I have my own considerations, Yi'an. Moreover, Xusheng's success today is inseparable from my uncle's efforts. This enterprise can be said to be his heart and soul."

"I don't deny this, but you can't deny what I said. In particular, his appeasement to Wu Wei has caused the current bad results. When the distributors held a meeting last year, someone directly reported to him that there was a problem with the sales department. , the sales area is divided randomly, and the headquarters ignores the interests of small agents, but he did not take any action, which made everyone chill. Otherwise, how could this matter of Wu Wei get to the point of being reported by others and investigated by the relevant departments? He is an old man Know."

Shang Xiuwen naturally understood what Feng Yian said, but from the very beginning, he chose to hand over the shares under his name to Wu Changzhi as the nominee shareholder with full trusteeship. specific operations.In the beginning, of course, it was to allow Wu Changzhi to maintain absolute control of the board of directors, and to win the greatest autonomy in the game with the J City Economic Commission.What's more, he was disheartened at that time and couldn't lift his spirits to anything.

Later, Xu Sheng successfully developed to a certain scale under the hands of his uncle. Wu Changzhi's son, Wu Wei, and his two sons-in-law are both high-level managers, occupying the management of key departments of the company.Apart from receiving the dividends he deserves every year, Shang Xiuwen is even more unwilling to be involved in it. He used the pretext of reaping profits, but instead ruined his relationship with his relatives for a business that he didn't have much interest in.

Wu Changzhi has always valued his opinion, and he must discuss with him every major decision.But Wu Changzhi majored in metal materials. As soon as he graduated from university, he was assigned to Xusheng’s predecessor, a state-owned steel company. As an expert, no one can deny this.He has his own business ideas, and is very conceited and stubborn.Shang Xiuwen couldn't always convince him, most of the time, he only offered advice and was unwilling to force his uncle to change his decision as the biggest shareholder.

On the one hand, Xusheng has developed rapidly in the past few years, but on the other hand, as Feng Yian said, there are more and more hidden dangers caused by Wu Changzhi's conservative business thinking and loopholes in management, which began to emerge in the second half of last year.

Wu Changzhi had to admit that many of Shang Xiuwen's warnings to him were correct, but Wu Wei let him down more and more.He had no choice but to rely more on Shang Xiuwen, and kept asking him to discuss the next business policy, but it was too late.

Shang Xiuwen's idea is to introduce Yuanwang's investment check and balance Wu Changzhi, and then appoint professional managers to regulate the operation of the enterprise. However, before his plan is implemented, He Jingyi's series of arrangements catalyze all the contradictions of Xu Sheng, and suddenly he Forced to such a position where there is no way to retreat.

"Old Wei is a person who does practical things. He has not been very successful in these years. Now he has been transferred from quality control to sales. He is very motivated. We talked on the phone for nearly an hour yesterday. I think we have a lot of ideas. Very consistent."

Shang Xiuwen raised his hands and rubbed his swollen and painful temples, and only said "huh" without saying anything.Feng Yi'an found that his thoughts were not in line, so he had to stop talking about business.

"Xiuwen, I'm afraid Lulu is not just because you didn't tell her about the shares, you are so proud to be the chairman of Xusheng without discussing with her in advance, after all, she didn't care much about your business before."

"That's just one of the reasons." Shang Xiuwen replied simply, but at a glance, he saw a strange smile on the corner of Feng Yi'an's mouth, "Yi'an, what are you thinking?"

"To be honest, Xiuwen, we have worked together for so long, and we have a good personal relationship. But if you ask me to speculate on this matter, I can easily think about your personal entanglement with He Jingyi, let alone your personal relationship with He Jingyi. What effect will it have in Lulu's eyes, ordinary women are very concerned about these things."

Shang Xiuwen put down his hands, looked straight ahead, and said flatly, "Yi'an, Lulu is not an ordinary woman."

"Lulu may be very generous and reasonable, but you must not treat your wife as a saint who can tolerate everything. If she loves you, she must not be able to accept that you have unclear relationships with other women."

"That's long overdue."

"I understand your character and determination, and I didn't say that you and He Jingyi had any ambiguity. But when He Jingyi came to the company to look for you, I saw that your previous relationship was unusual. The expression she looked at our office was like The queen was inspecting the colony. It happened that when you came back from dinner, you were bumped into by Lulu. Don't tell me that you didn't realize how unfriendly He Jingyi looked at your wife. If it was a relationship that ended long ago, she There's really no need to act like that. How can Lulu not feel what I can see?"

Of course, Shang Xiuwen clearly remembered He Jingyi's sudden visit that day and the encounter with Gan Lu downstairs in his office.

He Jingyi looked at the somewhat crowded open office area outside in surprise, completely ignoring the curious eyes of the company staff, and glanced at everyone, then walked into the office he shared with Feng Yian, but did not sit down, her eyes stayed on his desk on the photo above.

It was a group photo of him and Gan Lu going to the Maldives for their honeymoon. He was wearing a white shirt, and Gan Lu was wearing a tropical-style suspender dress with large flowers. The golden sunset sprinkled on them, Gan Lu smiled very heartily towards the distance, and he was watching her bright smile with a smile on his lips.This photo was taken by Shang Shaokun for them, and both he and Gan Lu liked it very much.

Of course Feng Yi'an noticed He Jingyi's strange gaze, he winked at Shang Xiuwen sympathetically, and walked out.

"Jingyi, why did you suddenly come here today?"

He Jingyi looked at his small office again with a half-smile, and then her eyes fell on his face: "Are we talking here? Let's find another quiet place, and it's time for dinner soon."

Shang Xiuwen really didn't want her to stay in the company, so he nodded in agreement.The two went downstairs and drove to a western restaurant. After ordering their own food, He Jingyi stopped after eating a little, seeming a little hesitant: "Xiuwen, I didn't expect you to be content with such a small business now."

"It's not a bad thing for a person to adapt to various environments." Shang Xiuwen said leisurely.

When He Jingyi proposed to ask Anda to supply construction steel bars for Yixin's local investment project that will be launched in the next year, he flatly refused: "Jingyi, if it's not the first time for you to host a project for Yixin, you should know that a project of this scale For investment, there is no need to negotiate a supply contract with an agent, just let the manufacturer participate in the bidding directly."

"Do you think I might cooperate with your uncle?" She sneered.

"You have no reason to hate him. He had no conflict of interest with you back then. Everything he did was for me."

He Jingyi snorted, and stopped talking about Wu Changzhi: "You rejected this proposal because it came from me."

"Wrong." He replied calmly, "For me, business is business, only reasonable or not, no personal likes and dislikes."

"You have changed, Xiuwen." He Jingyi stared at him with her beautiful eyes wide open, "Since we met again, you have been using diplomatic words with me. I can only speculate that you have always hated me."

"I never hated you, Jingyi, let alone always, let the past go." He laughed dumbfounded, "Seeing that you are now successful in your career, I am happy for you."

"But I can't be happy when I see you in such a peaceful and despondent manner. Why can't you seize this opportunity to start a new career, and how much progress can you make by working hard for your uncle? Last time in J City, I've already told you that even if you help him, you won't be able to reverse Xu Sheng's situation."

"I'm very satisfied with my current living conditions, and I don't plan to make any changes. As for Xusheng, I can understand your position for Yixin's work."

He Jingyi sneered: "Xiuwen, if you don't emphasize that you are satisfied with your current life, I might really think that you have indeed forgotten the past."

Shang Xiuwen could only smile wryly: "You always like to reason by intuition, and you may be able to draw unusual conclusions, but the reliability is a little bit worse." He looked at his watch, "It's getting late, I have to go back to work, let's go .”

He Jingyi drove him downstairs, just in time to meet Gan Lu and Feng Yi'an coming out.

Shang Xiuwen was almost inexplicably nervous for a moment, but when he saw Gan Lu's calm and calm demeanor, he was completely relieved.

However, it seemed that it was that meeting that gave He Jingyi the idea of ​​further testing.She actually persuaded Xinhe to come out to testify against Anda, trying to get him to turn around and agree to cooperate with her. He was annoyed, but he flatly refused.

It's just that when he realized that what He Jingyi was plotting was not limited to forcing him to submit, nor was it as simple as a smelter in J City, the situation had already developed out of his control.

Feng Yi'an drove the car out of the urban area, got on the highway, and continued: "Looking back now, I guess she must have manipulated Xinhe to point out that the steel bars supplied by Anda were substandard. Not to mention it was her handiwork. Just plotting a smelter for Yixin does not necessarily involve Anda. I can only conclude that she either hates you and wants revenge; or still love you."

Shang Xiuwen was silent, he didn't think that Feng Yian, who had been depressed for a long time after being emotionally hurt, could analyze the predicament he was facing, but he had to admit that some things were indeed hit by Feng Yian's words.This does not require a complex reasoning mind, not to mention that Gan Lu is very smart and has always been good at analysis and inference.

Feng Yi'an obviously had his own understanding of his silence: "Xiuwen, Lulu has always been sensible and reasonable, and I won't be angry with you for too long."

"If she's willing to get angry with me, I'll feel a little more relieved." Shang Xiuwen sighed, as if he was about to let out all his foul breath, but what appeared before his eyes was Gan Lu's overly calm face full of sorrow s eyes.

"Her reaction is so big, it proves that she cares about you very much. If you meet a girl who treats you indifferently no matter what the situation, you know that it's really terrible."

Of course Shang Xiuwen knew that Feng Yi'an was referring to something, but he was not in the mood to talk about it with others at the moment, he just smiled wryly, leaned back in the chair, closed his eyes, and stopped talking.

Gan Lu stayed in Feng Yi'an's house.Soon she found that, except for the absence of Wu Lijun, it was basically the same as her previous life.

I don't know how many times Shang Xiuwen went back and forth before leaving that day. When Gan Lu came out of the bedroom the next day, he found that the room had been tidied up. style bedding, right down to the fridge overflowing with fruit, her old favorite snacks.

At three o'clock in the afternoon, the hourly worker, Miss Hu, took the key and opened the door and came in with a hand full of vegetables. She didn't even feel surprised.

Sister Hu said happily, "Xiao Gan, congratulations."

"Congratulations for what?" As soon as the words came out, she came to her senses, and smiled awkwardly, and could only secretly admit that she had indeed become much duller these days.

"Xiao Shang told me that you are pregnant, it is more convenient to go to work from here, and you will live here in the future. He said that you are used to the dishes I cook, so let me come here to take care of you, and the salary will be increased. Yes. Xiaoshang is really careful, told me that your appetite and spirit have been very bad these days, and asked me to try my best to cook nutritious and light dishes, and specially made a list for me."

Gan Lu pulled herself together and asked, "Then who will cook the food for mom?"

"Director Wu also asked me to come here. She said that she would hire another hourly worker, and now she will mainly take care of you." Sister Hu quickly put the things in her hand, "I came out early today and looked around. There is a pretty big vegetable market, it is very convenient to buy vegetables, just tell me what you want to eat."

"Thank you Miss Hu."

"Thank you. Xiaogan, your mother-in-law is very nice. But young people are more free to live by themselves. I think back when I was pregnant with my eldest..."

While Sister Hu was busy, she chattered lively, adding a bit of life to this empty and deserted house.Gan Lu seemed to be listening, but felt that under Shang Xiuwen's arrangement, her running away from home was getting closer and closer to a boring farce, she was a bit dumbfounded, but she didn't bother to say anything.

She has been exhausted mentally and mentally for days, and has neither appetite nor energy to pay attention to her body.She had been in a coma yesterday, and she didn't know when Shang Xiuwen left.She fell asleep until she was so hungry that her stomach hurt, so she went downstairs to buy something to eat, but she only ate half of it, and then felt sick again. The bowls and chopsticks went home.When she went to bed at night, she just shook off the sheets and put on the duvet, and she didn't have the energy to do housework at all.

Seeing Sister Hu come over now, she first chooses vegetables and stews, and then cleans up the house. She has neither the toughness nor the hypocrisy, and she does not intend to let Sister Hu go back, leaving herself to fend for herself.

Gan Lu went to work on time on Monday, and the new semester officially started.No matter how uncomfortable you are, you can't stop working.But with a busy job, the physical discomfort became bearable. She still felt tired, but instead of falling asleep in the room the day before, she felt exhausted to the point of despair.

When it was time to get off work, she walked out of the school, and Shang Xiuwen came up to meet her, took her bag with one hand, and supported her with the other, she just followed him into the car numbly.

"Did you feel sick this morning?"

"a little bit."

"Have you had a nosebleed again?"

"No."

"I went to consult a doctor, and she said that the capillary constriction may be caused by weather changes. If the flow continues, it is best to go to the ENT department."

"Ah."

"Do you have an appetite for the lunch in the school cafeteria? Otherwise, ask sister Hu to bring you lunch at noon."

"It's not necessary."

There was no way to continue the conversation, and the two of them were silent all the way. When they got home, Sister Hu had already cooked the meal, and the table was full of her favorite dishes.Despite her loss of appetite, she barely drank some soup and ate half a bowl of rice.After eating, she was about to clear the table according to her habit, when Shang Xiuwen stopped her: "Let me do it."

Shang Xiuwen never did housework before, but she didn't want to be polite to him, so she washed her hands and went back to the bedroom.

This bedroom has been neatly tidied up by Sister Hu, but the bedding was bought by Shang Xiuwen in a hurry. Although it can be seen that the price is expensive, it does not match the decoration style, curtains, and wallpaper. A little bit of the feeling of living in someone else's home.

Gan Lu moved a floor lamp to the bay window, sat on the window sill, opened the textbooks and lesson plans, and took lesson preparation notes as usual to prepare for this week's lectures.She has always been unable to tolerate being unprepared, and taking classes based on past experience, even if it is a well-versed content, she will combine the current progress and the level of learning of the students to prepare all over again.What's more, the curriculum reform is coming soon, and the teaching and research group has assigned some trial lectures to her. She needs to submit a paper in the middle of the semester, and she doesn't want to be careless.

After a while, Shang Xiuwen walked in: "Lulu, go to the study, it's easy to get tired sitting like this."

She spread her textbooks on her arched legs, which was indeed not a comfortable position.Before she could say anything, Shang Xiuwen had already come over and cleaned up the books she had spread aside, and reached out to help her.

She could only smile wryly: "I haven't reached the point where I can't move."

In the past few days, she has no desire to visit other rooms of this house at all. Now she followed Shang Xiuwen into the study room, only to find that there is a balcony connected to it. The decoration is very simple. Her laptop and frequently used books must have been brought here by Shang Xiuwen.

"Thank you." She was really worrying, she didn't get a few reference books in a hurry, and she was thinking about whether to buy more.

Shang Xiuwen also had a wry smile on his face: "You're welcome."

She continued to prepare lessons, and after about an hour, Shang Xiuwen walked in again: "I'll take you out for a walk, don't sit still for a long time."

His meticulous care made her feel a little uncomfortable.She bowed her head in silence for a moment, then put on her coat and followed him downstairs.

There is a small lake next to this apartment. Although the local area has always been famous for its many rivers and lakes, lakes in the downtown area are rare after all. Coupled with a green square, it is not only an important selling point for the surrounding buildings, but also for citizens. A good place to gather and relax.Now it is the winter season, the weather is still cold, there are only some old ladies dancing happily to the music in the square, and the small battery cars and other amusement facilities for children are deserted and idle.

Shang Xiuwen and Gan Lu walked slowly along the path by the lake. The sparkling waves on the lake reflected the bright lights of the surrounding tall buildings, which were swayed by the cold wind.Not many people came out for a walk, and the noise from the busy traffic on the avenue not far away made it even more strangely quiet here.

Shang Xiuwen held Gan Lu's hand, she shrank slightly, and let the temperature of his palm wrap her cold fingers. They were both wearing jogging shoes, and they stepped on the path paved with anti-corrosion wood, and their footsteps were soft and soft. unanimous.

"I think I should tell you more clearly about the past."

"Xiuwen, when I received the admission letter from the History Department of Normal University, I was very unhappy. I always thought that I had finally escaped the threat of the college entrance examination, and I still had to keep memorizing it by rote."

Shang Xiuwen didn't know why she suddenly mentioned this matter, but this was the first time she spoke to him calmly in a few days, and of course he didn't want to interrupt her.

"After I really started learning, I realized that the most troublesome part of history is not the need to memorize it, but that it is full of uncertainties. The emperors of all dynasties in China have paid attention to history, and historiography is very developed. There are a lot of historical materials, but China History is still full of mysteries, all kinds of historical materials are true and false, false and true, no matter from which angle it is interpreted, there will be different opinions."

"That's why you're really interested in history, right?"

When he opened his mouth to ask, Gan Lu seemed a little surprised. She turned her head and thought about it, and the corner of her mouth twitched, but she finally didn't laugh: "What did I want to say, oh, I'm talking nonsense too far, in fact, what I want to say It’s just that time blurs history, and no matter how much you study it, it’s probably impossible to fully restore it. When it comes to each person’s history, it’s a purely personal matter. No one can be completely unreserved. As for you , you have missed the best time to tell me about your past, and now I have no interest in studying your history."

"Lulu, since you don't want to hear any more apologies and explanations," Shang Xiuwen's voice was low and a little astringent, "then, let's live a good life as this child gave us a new start."

"I'm afraid a child can't give a new start to a marriage full of doubts. Let me also tell you about my past," Gan Lu hesitated, "I have told you about my childhood before, but I seldom mention my past. Mom, right?"

"Because of their divorce?"

"Divorce? No, I don't hate them for getting divorced. As long as I can remember, my father and my mother had a bad relationship. Before the divorce, they argued very hard and frequently. They didn't want to argue in front of me. They always It was after I fell asleep that I closed the door of their room and kept my voice down as much as possible. But quarrels can’t be done quietly.” Gan Lu looked into the distance and smiled wryly, “I have stood in their room more than once. Eavesdropping outside the door, trembling with fright, but I don’t know how to stop them from making noise.”

She stared blankly ahead, remembering the little girl standing outside the closed door, hearing the faint noises and the sound of throwing things from inside, and a bit of cold and bright moonlight projected in from the window, illuminating a narrow and deformed circle of light, And she stood in that light circle, her fingers could only tightly grasp the skirt of her pajamas, standing alone and helpless.

It seems that from then on, no matter how she grew up, no matter how she learned to maintain a calm posture in the face of accidents, she also retained the instinctive movement of grabbing the skirt when she was nervous.

Shang Xiuwen used to look at old photos of Gan Lu while listening to her tell interesting stories about her childhood, such as how her father took her to the suburbs to catch butterflies as specimens, how she walked all the way home after missing the last bus... she She almost never mentioned her mother. When it came to her parents' divorce, she played it lightly and passed it by without showing any emotion, but she didn't expect to have such an unpleasant memory. He knew that she didn't need his comfort now, so he could only pity her. Hold her hand tightly.

"I don't have much of an impression of why they were arguing, but the one sentence I remember most clearly is what my mother said. She said to my father: 'Don't expect to hold me back with your daughter. If it weren't for Lulu, I would still Standing here talking nonsense to you?'" She turned her head and looked at Shang Xiuwen, "I seemed to have said similar things to you the day before yesterday."

Shang Xiuwen could feel a little cold sweat from the palms of the two people: "It's common to be in a hurry when you are angry. You have a good reason to be angry with me. I don't mind that sentence. Don't always put your words Take those unpleasant things to heart."

Gan Lu was noncommittal, and looked forward again: "I always thought that I was very sensible, more reasonable than other children, and could calmly accept my parents' divorce, and accept that my mother had other arrangements for her life. After all, she and my father are not the same. People, it’s meaningless to be reluctant to be together. But after I finished talking to you the day before yesterday, I suddenly realized that I have never forgotten my mother’s dislike for me, and I have always been brooding about it.”

"Your mother is very concerned about you. After you took me to see her that time, she called me and told me that if there is a business need, just go to her. She hopes that I can make you live well a little."

Gan Lu was startled, and then smiled: "My mother has always had a hard eye on people, but you, like me, have been deceived by you, thinking that you are running a small business and need someone to support you. It seems that I don't mind."

"Lulu—"

Gan Lu ignored him and continued: "Yeah, she cares about me very much. In fact, she can let go of everything, but she doesn't let go of me completely. If it weren't for me, she would be carefree , live a more free and easy life. Back then, she had the opportunity to immigrate to a foreign country with a man with good conditions and a similar age, but after much deliberation, she said that if she left, she would have even less affection for me, so she stayed. Come down. I know that she is very good to me, and sometimes even flattering me, but I just refuse to get close to her. I don’t know if it’s because my father is not worth it, or because of the little fear and hatred left behind when I was a child. It's in my heart."

Her voice was eloquent, calm as usual, as if she was peacefully recalling the past, but Shang Xiuwen had already heard the meaning of her words.

"Lulu, we are not in the same situation as your parents, I love you."

"My dad still loves my mom very much. My mom knows this better than anyone else. But what's the use?" She smiled wryly, "She doesn't want what he gives, but he can't give what she wants. Love this thing , only when the giver and the receiver understand and value the same, can it be considered meaningful. Your love...is very special, I can't understand it, and I probably won't be able to afford it."

This straightforward assertion made Shang Xiuwen stand still. He took Gan Lu's hand and looked at her deeply: "I know, after I confess like that, you will only be more confused. Now you should understand that I chose to do something Don’t talk about your difficulties.”

Gan Lu shook her head with a half-smile: "You probably agree that I'm happier being an ignorant fool, right?"

Shang Xiuwen was helpless: "With your usual intelligence, Lulu, would you be willing to get involved with a man with so many past events? I'm afraid that once I confessed, you would stay away from me."

"I have to admit that you understand all my possible reactions, Xiuwen. If it wasn't for your dear ex-girlfriend who suddenly jumped out like this, I probably would have been living under your arrangements."

"It's my fault, I just," Shang Xiuwen hesitated, his voice low, "I just don't want to miss you, and I'm even more afraid of losing you."

"Ah, if you still say this now, you really insult my IQ. What are you afraid of? Everything is under your control, and I have never been out of your plan. Looking back now, I really think I'm both afraid and honored, I think I'm so worthy of your thought." Gan Lu laughed silently, her shoulders trembled, but there was no hint of joy.

"Don't think of all my actions as ulterior motives, Lulu, those things are indeed in the past, I just don't want you to be troubled by the past."

"No one can cut off the connection with the past. Frankly speaking, if we are not husband and wife, I can understand you. If it were me, I would not take the initiative to confess to others. Not everyone can play the role of a priest , be unconditionally considerate and forgive.”

"I'm not qualified to ask you for unconditional forgiveness. Even if you don't trust me anymore, I still have to tell you, Lulu, I married you because I love you."

"Love in this way? I can't thank you for choosing me." The smile at the corner of her mouth became more and more bleak and bitter.

"We still have a long time, you give me a chance, let's rebuild trust."

"I'm sorry, I can't help feeling a little desperate when you talk about it for a long time."

Gan Lu's desolate tone made Shang Xiuwen choke: "Lulu, you can't think like this."

"What else can I think? When you first told me about having a baby, I was really hesitant. I didn't know if I was ready, and I didn't know if I could be a better than my mother." Qualified and competent mother. To overcome this hesitation, I need to make a lot more determination than you can imagine." She shook her head blankly, as if to shake those memories out of her eyes.

"It was a decision we made together, and it was because I wanted to be with you forever that I longed for a child of ours.

"I don't want to threaten you, but in our current situation, if we don't have the same guarantee, we will become a bitter couple like my parents. In that case, it's not fair to the children.

"I have always believed that what kind of life a person lives depends entirely on his own choice and grasp, how can you assert that we will repeat other people's lives.

"I don't have your confidence. Especially now, I realize that I've been living a life I've been chosen. You compromised with life and married me, and now you let me compromise with my children and continue with you." No After Shang Xiuwen refuted, Gan Lu smiled softly and said, "If I can't make up my mind not to have children, it seems that I have no choice."

"It's not what you think, I only married you because..."

"Don't, don't say those words. You need to coax me after seeing the facts clearly, but I'm so stupid." Gan Lu looked up at him with a calm expression on her face, "Okay, if you don't do the last thing Before I make a decision, I won't say any more angry words about the child, please understand my feelings and don't provoke me again."

Shang Xiuwen held her hand tightly: "Lulu, your judgment is very unfair to our two years of married life."

"About fairness, we don't need to argue any more, it's meaningless." Gan Lu was uninterested, looking down at the long shadow on the ground, "I can only try my best not to think about the past two years, otherwise, besides admiring you, I have no confidence in myself at all. Go back, I'm tired."

They walked back, Shang Xiuwen was still holding Gan Lu's hand, the warmth of the palm was conveyed to her hand, her shoulder was against his right arm, their figures were projected obliquely in front of them by the dim street lamp, one tall A low connected together.

This was no different from their usual walks.

However, everything was different—Gan Lu could feel Shang Xiuwen's palm tightening, and her hand was more tightly embedded in his grasp.The force was enough to make her feel pain, but she didn't say a word, and let him hold it hard, as if the pain could calm the dull pain in her heart that she didn't want to face up to.

(End of this chapter)