my name, your last name
Chapter 17 If This Is What You Want
Chapter 17 If This Is What You Want
The lives of Gan Lu and Shang Xiuwen have almost returned to normal—if treating each other as guests can be considered a normal state.
Shang Xiuwen lives in the guest bedroom. In the morning, he will get up on time, drive Gan Lu to have breakfast first, and then go to school. In the afternoon, he will wait for her at the school gate early and pick her up to go home.After dinner, she goes to the study, and he handles his work in his room; at nine o'clock, he will send a glass of milk to the study, watch her drink it, and then take her downstairs for a walk; at 10:30, he will remind her She goes to bed early.
Such a peaceful and dull life lasted for three days, and Gan Lu felt as if three years had passed.
She has never lacked patience, but now she can't compete with anyone for patience. From the morning sickness to the body that feels tired after standing for a long time, and the mental state of drowsiness after sitting down, everything reminds her, The fetus was developing in her body day by day, slowly taking shape, and she didn't have much time to worry about gains and losses for a "final decision".
What's more, she clearly understands Shang Xiuwen's patience and will.Looking back on the process of getting acquainted now, she had to admit that she probably never escaped his control.
At noon that day, Gan Lu received a call from Qian Jiaxi.
"Hey, are you reconciled?"
She didn't know what to say, so she just said "hmm".
"What are you doing so listlessly? Come on, I knew that if your husband coaxed you, you would definitely submit."
She couldn't help smiling wryly: "You really know what I'm capable of, Jiaxi."
"Who told you to always be so reasonable. These days, selfish people are always the strongest. But having said that, once you get married, especially if you live with your mother-in-law, you will lose the capital to make trouble without reason. You have to live your life Go on, we have to compromise with each other."
"Very good and powerful. Your current theory has expanded from love to marriage. You can consider planning a column to save sentient beings."
"If you can save yourself, it will be of great merit and immeasurable merit, and return sentient beings?" Qian Jiaxi laughed, "I hate the group of people who pretend to be confidant sisters in newspapers and TV. Oh, yes, except for our senior sister Luo Yin. She has recently moved to "City Weekly", and the emotional column on there is really worth reading. It is sharp and has a sense of humor, but it is not blindly mean, and the writing is very good."
Qian Jiaxi had met Luo Yin before, and when they chatted with each other, it turned out that they were alumni of the Normal University, so naturally they felt a little more intimate.Gan Lu reads the evening paper at school every day at noon, and has an impression of Luo Yin.She hosted the Confidential Page for a long time. The column that sells the emotional privacy of ordinary people's life was almost flooded in various newspapers, but Luo Yin still stood out from it.Her writing style is bold, but she never uses novel techniques to write dog blood stories to attract attention. She maintains an unbiased attitude in narrating the facts, especially the comments after the narration are written concisely, without losing warmth, which is very exciting and quite popular in the local area. A little bit of fame.
"You have always had a high vision, and you can't see anything. Since you have praised her so much, I will buy it later and have a look."
"Hey, let me tell you one more thing. Li Sibi came to Taili yesterday to sell her vacation and go to work as if nothing had happened."
Gan Lu wasn't interested in the news, but she didn't want to discourage Qian Jiaxi's interest in gossip: "She can't hide from people forever, she will only appear more guilty, so why not do what she should do. Walking in the rivers and lakes, thick-skinned Only a little bit can she be invulnerable, anyway, there will be no reporters tracking her now."
Qian Jiaxi laughed again: "That being said, her show is still suspended on the TV station. Internet hotspots are always changing, and no one can expect to occupy everyone's attention forever. If your cousin is willing to let her go, She may still be able to muddle through; if someone contributes to the flames, no matter how she pretends to be nothing, I am afraid it will be difficult to eliminate the impact of this matter for a while."
Gan Lu thought about the catastrophe caused by Wu Wei. It was not just a family war. She really couldn't tell how Chen Yufei would punish him, let alone Li Sibi, so she could only sigh: "Everyone can hope for luck."
"Hey, now you speak more and more like a wife in the first house or a wife in the first house."
Gan Lu was dumbfounded by what she said: "Okay, okay, I have to go to the cafeteria, let's find time to eat together some other day."
Chatting with Qian Jiaxi, Gan Lu was always relaxed, but she couldn't muster up the courage to tell her friends about her predicament.A husband with a mysterious past and complicated emotional experiences, and a child who came at an untimely time, who can make decisions for her.
But chatting like this seems to have dispelled a little bit of depression in my heart.After putting down the phone, Gan Lu checked the time, put on her armbands and went to the student cafeteria. Today she happened to be on duty again to inspect the cafeteria.
The noise level in the student cafeteria was comparable to that of a vegetable market. Gan Lu walked casually along the aisle, except that she would correct them aloud when she saw too serious waste and rough play.She always felt that the rules and regulations of the High School Affiliated to Normal University were too strict, and teachers were required to watch over meals, which did not pay attention to students' self-discipline.
Before the lap was finished, her stomach was churning, so she covered her mouth and ran out of the cafeteria in a hurry.She has been feeling nauseous on an empty stomach in the morning for the past few days, but not at other times.Sometimes it's just a smell in the air, or seeing something suspiciously shaped, which can make her react and run away in a panic.
She ran into Jiang Xiaolin head-on, but couldn't say anything. She hurried past her and ran into the bathroom in the nearest administrative building.
After she finished rinsing her mouth, she returned to the student cafeteria and found that Jiang Xiaolin was sternly reprimanding a girl who hadn't finished her meal. The girl was listening with a frustrated expression on her plate.Gan Lu caught a glimpse of the messy food on her dinner plate, and couldn't help feeling a little confused, so she quickly looked away and interjected, "Go, sit over there and finish the meal immediately."
As if the girl was being pardoned, she quickly walked away obediently.Gan Lu smiled and said, "Teacher Jiang, why didn't you go to eat?"
"Just now I was looking for this student and told her about participating in the math competition. When I came here, I saw that she was about to throw away the whole plate of food. It was too much."
Gan Lu smiled and shook her head: "No way, no matter what measures are taken, the waste phenomenon cannot be completely stopped."
"Let's go, they are almost finished eating here, let's go to eat too, I happen to have something to tell you about class adjustment."
The two entered the staff cafeteria next to it. It was already past the rush hour for meals. There were only a few colleagues sitting in it. They bought and prepared meals separately, and talked about the arrangement of next week's class adjustment while eating.
Just as Gan Lu put a piece of beef brisket into her mouth, she suddenly felt her stomach churning up and down again. She had to say hurriedly, "I'm sorry." She dropped the plate and ran to the bathroom again.
When she came back, she had lost her appetite, but found that Jiang Xiaolin was still sitting where she was after eating, and was flipping through a magazine, which was the "City Weekly" that Qian Jiaxi had just mentioned.
She wondered why Jiang Xiaolin, who always comes and goes in a hurry, has such a carefree mind. Thinking about Jiang Xiaolin's reprimand to the students and her own approval just now, she was really embarrassed not to touch the half of the food left, so she had to sit down again and reluctantly took a bite of the rice Stuffing it in his mouth, he chatted to distract himself: "My friend also told me about this magazine, saying that Luo Yin's column is very interesting."
Jiang Xiaolin smiled: "Yes, she is my classmate at Normal University. Back then we lived in the same dormitory and had a very good relationship."
"Does she also study mathematics?"
"She is from the Chinese Department. There are very few girls in our mathematics department. At that time, they were all mixed with girls from other departments. To tell you the truth, I went to her last night, and she gave me the magazine."
It is very common to go to a friend, but this friend hosts emotional topics and talk columns, and she specifically mentions it at this moment, which seems a bit unusual.Sure enough, Jiang Xiaolin continued: "I have a problem that I really can't decide. I think she has seen many strange situations, but when I talked to her, she told me that everyone's situation and choices are unique. , she can listen, but she can rarely give specific suggestions, let alone help people make decisions."
Gan Lu smiled slightly: "Indeed, many things can only be decided by myself."
"Don't you mind telling me something personal?"
She nodded with a smile.
"My boyfriend, the one you saw last time, proposed marriage to me."
Gan Lu naturally remembered the man with a cute little girl, and also remembered what Jiang Xiaolin said, so she couldn't help but hesitate: "Did you agree?"
"I agreed. We agreed to get the marriage certificate on March [-]th. If I don't regret it before then—I guess I won't be able to do such a neurotic thing."
Gan Lu was startled, then said, "Congratulations."
"Thank you. To tell you the truth, this decision is really not easy."
Gan Lu remembered the man's request that Jiang Xiaolin had mentioned, and the food in her mouth became even more difficult to swallow, but Jiang Xiaolin smiled.
"In fact, if you think about it calmly, there is nothing to hesitate. Isn't it just that you don't want children?"
Hearing "I don't want a child", Gan Lu's heart beat faster, and then she realized what Jiang Xiaolin was talking about, and she continued: "I went home during the winter vacation this year, and saw my sister's second child. It was only four months ago that she contracted acute pneumonia and was sent to the county hospital in the heavy snow. The whole family stayed there on New Year's Eve. The family was so difficult and she was not in good health. My son gave birth to a second child, and the family was desperately poor. I gave her all the money I had on my body, and only paid for the hospitalization expenses. Seeing her suffering like that, I thought it would be better if I didn’t have to have a baby.”
Gan Lu couldn't help feeling sad, and could hardly maintain her smile: "Mr. Jiang, I still hope that your decision to not have a child is based on your own decision, not someone else's request."
"Who can make a decision entirely out of self? Luo Yin is right, if love is not strong enough to make people willing to ignore everything else, then all choices are just trade-offs, nothing to be ashamed of. I figured it out ,So be it."
"You don't have to accept that choice."
"In theory yes, but life never gives me many options."
This sentence made Gan Lu a little sad, and she didn't know what to say for a while.
"To be honest, I don't want to be an old maid and live in a dormitory all the time. I only have work and responsibilities in my life. Being able to marry a decent man who has no vices, good conditions, and looks kind and gentle is also a respite. Already." Jiang Xiaolin glanced at her and smiled, "Is it because what I said is so disappointing that you can't even eat it?"
Gan Lu was a little ashamed, but she couldn't force herself to eat, so she had to bite the bullet and say, "It has nothing to do with you, Mr. Jiang. I'm sorry, I'm afraid I have to waste today, my stomach feels a little uncomfortable."
Jiang Xiaolin looked at her thoughtfully and said, "Let's go."
The two walked out of the cafeteria side by side. Jiang Xiaolin said, "Mr. Gan, I'm not nosy, but if you... have any health problems, don't hold back. Classes can be changed, and duty inspections can also be rescheduled."
"Thanks, I'm fine."
Jiang Xiaolin didn't say much. The two went back to their offices. Gan Lu sat down and stared at the sycamore trees outside the window.After a long, snowy and cold winter, there are still a few withered yellow leaves hanging on the branches, swaying with the wind, adding to the bleak atmosphere of the winter.
She clearly knew that Jiang Xiaolin was not usually interested in gossiping with others, but today she was able to talk about personal matters with herself because she believed in herself and at the same time showed extra concern for herself. She was naturally grateful for her kindness.
In a work environment with a large number of women like a school, the topic of childbearing is often discussed among colleagues.Everyone came to the unanimous conclusion that, for teachers, April is the most suitable month to have children. The weather is suitable for raising children. After three months of maternity leave, summer vacation will immediately follow. Minimize the impact - it's not all about professionalism and accountability to students, but also about practical issues such as bonuses, allowances and performance pay.
After Gan Lu decided to have a child last year, of course she became more interested in such discussions, and would listen carefully when encountering them, and would laugh them off when someone teased her.As a teacher, you really have to communicate with your head teacher and report to the school when you are pregnant, so as to avoid problems with the course arrangement for the entire semester or even the school year.But she is still hesitating now, so she has to procrastinate.
Jiang Xiaolin's words lingered in her ears.She thought, yes, Luo Yin is indeed very sharp, if there is no love, then everything is just a trade-off.But after thinking this way, he couldn't convince himself, let alone shake off the desolate chill in his chest.
After get off work in the afternoon, Gan Lu walked out of the school, but she didn't see Shang Xiuwen's car.She hesitated for a moment, seeing "City Weekly" displayed in a conspicuous place on the news stand next to her, her heart was moved, and she went to buy a copy first.She put the change in her bag, took out her mobile phone, and hesitated whether to call Shang Xiuwen, and felt that the hesitation was so hypocritical.
In the past few days, she went in and out with him, ate at the same table, and he even knelt down to help her tie her shoelaces in the morning—they just slept on the same bed as before.The two of them spoke very little, only because she refused to respond to the topics he raised.Now she didn't know what to say when she called—did she ask him why he was late?If she kept a distance from him so deliberately, how could she question his whereabouts in a purely wifely tone.
Once again she felt herself caught in a ridiculous farce.
A colleague walked past her and said with a smile: "Wait for your husband to pick you up?" At another intersection not far away, come right here.
Gan Lu stood by the sidewalk waiting, opened the magazine casually, intending to look for Luo Yin's column, but the purpose of entering was a full page of photos of different women, the most eye-catching one was He Jingyi, she was wearing a white shirt, A string of pearl necklaces hung around her neck, her arms were folded across her chest, her makeup was bright, her face was radiant, and there was a slight smile on the corner of her mouth.
Gan Lu was stunned, and looked down from her face, only to find that it read: Special planning of this issue of "City Weekly" - Workplace·Women.The editor's introduction is very vulgar: In modern society, more and more women are entering fields dominated by traditional men. They occupy high positions, accept challenges, and at the same time maintain a beautiful posture, becoming a beautiful scenery in the workplace. This issue specially interviews various fields The female elite in...
A hand suddenly reached out and took the magazine away.Gan Lu looked up in astonishment, and saw Shang Xiuwen standing in front of her. He casually threw the magazine into the trash can by the side of the road, and said in a stern voice, "You don't have to refuse to listen to me about her while looking for her information. Add to your troubles."
Gan Lu stared at him, so angry that she couldn't speak for a moment, she simply ignored him, turned around and left.However, Shang Xiuwen immediately held her hand. When she turned around, she saw colleagues and students coming out of the school constantly, so she had to give up struggling, let him hug her shoulders, and got into his car.
As soon as she sat down, she said coldly: "Please don't come to pick me up tomorrow."
"I do have a business trip tomorrow, but today..."
Gan Lu cut off his words: "Very good, thank you."
Shang Xiuwen looked at her in frustration: "Lulu, can we really communicate properly anymore?"
"If you have a ghost in your heart, you will inevitably see other people's behavior as sneaky, so there is no need for communication."
"If you think my confession is so cheap and hypocritical, we really need to find out what the problem is."
"The problem has always been very clear: your confession came at an untimely time, so it can only be regarded as a confession. What's the point of me asking for such a confession?"
"Lulu, do you think my past is a sin that needs to be confessed? Even if it is, I have already paid the price."
"Then what about me, why should I pay for your past?"
Shang Xiuwen pursed his lips and looked ahead.Gan Lu turned her head out of the window annoyed. She had seen her parents' harsh words to each other since she was a child, and she was deeply troubled by it.She had always imagined that if she got married, she would definitely not be able to make the same mistakes as they did.One of the important reasons for agreeing to Shang Xiuwen's marriage proposal was that she thought that with his calmness and rationality, it was impossible for them to quarrel badly.
They have been married for more than two years, and they have indeed seldom directly accused and confronted each other.Sometimes she couldn't help wondering whether other couples could get along so politely.But at this time, the quarrel came out of her mouth, and she seemed to lose control. Only then did she realize how fragile the so-called calmness and self-control turned out to be.Those hurtful words seemed to have been accumulated long ago, and they were about to be blurted out when the time was right.
After a while, Shang Xiuwen opened his mouth, his voice regained his usual composure: "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have talked to you like that."
She also calmed down: "It's nothing, I'm a little out of words, sorry. But I bought that magazine for entertainment, and I saw her by accident. I'm not curious about your past, let alone her .”
After returning home, the two finished their meal in a dull atmosphere, and then went their separate ways.After Gan Lu took a shower, she went to the study to prepare lessons as she did a few days ago.Shang Xiuwen brought a cup of hot milk, put it in her hand, hesitated for a while, but didn't go away.
"Lulu, I have to rush back to City J tomorrow. The smelter's merger negotiations have reached a critical moment, and Yixin Chairman Chen Hua has already rushed over to meet with the executive deputy mayor. There are rumors that Yixin has a few hours with Xusheng Shareholders are in contact, and even intend to acquire a part of Xusheng's shares. We must try our best to fight for it, otherwise..."
Gan Lu didn't turn her head back, and interrupted him in a nice voice: "Xiuwen, I don't understand these things, and I'm not interested in them, so don't explain to me. If you're going on a business trip in the future, just saying hello to me is enough, and just go to your business." of."
Shang Xiuwen turned her chair around so that she faced him. Gan Lu had no choice but to look up at him: "I will eat well, sleep on time, and take care of my body. I think I am a person who is responsible for others and myself." People, and have never had the habit of self-abuse, Xiuwen, you should understand me about this, don't worry."
Shang Xiuwen squatted down in front of her slowly, holding her hand with both hands: "Are you going to never forgive me again?"
Gan Lu's eyes moved down with him, and the handsome face of the man squatting in front of her was slightly thinner, and his deep eyes looked at her so intently, as if he wanted to convey all the emotions that could not be expressed in words to her. she.
"Let's all forgive ourselves first. I forgive my stupidity, and I won't compete with myself. As for you..." She smiled softly, "You don't have to ask for a verbal forgiveness from me, it's meaningless."
Shang Xiuwen opened his arms and wrapped them around her waist.She was slightly startled, and leaned back on the back of the chair, but there was no way to retreat.
She lowered her head and could only see his thick black hair shining under the light.
The house is equipped with central air-conditioning, and she has set the indoor temperature at 22°C. After taking a shower, she only wears a set of pajamas and a cashmere cardigan.Through a thin layer of fabric, his face was slowly attached to her lower abdomen, where it was still flat, and she could clearly feel the temperature from his face and the breath he exhaled.
She has calmed down in the past few days, but she still doesn't feel much about the child in her stomach.At this moment, seeing him embracing her in this posture, she suddenly and strongly realized that he was the father of the little life living in her womb, and no matter how confused she was, she was already a mother.
In such throbbing and excitement, they jointly created a child that belonged to them, and it is quietly growing in her body at this moment.
Although looking back, she only had unspeakable sadness, but that was also the past that they could not erase.
They have embraced each other countless times, and the embrace without a gap in front of her, in her opinion, is no longer close, but almost has a taste of despair.
Gan Lu thought desolately, that's the only way to go.
She raised her hand and inserted her fingers into Shang Xiuwen's hair. This long-lost touch made him lift his head. The two of them met their eyes. She smiled slightly: "Let's stop arguing and try to be a reasonable couple. Parents."
"I'll find an electrician some other day, and I'll install a floor lamp for this room." Standing on a chair, Shang Xiuwen said to Gan Lu while changing the light bulb of a wall lamp in the bedroom, "It will save you the inconvenience of waking up at night."
"No, it's best not to touch the decoration of other people's homes."
"Yi'an won't mind, I'll tell him."
"I'd better move back and live."
Shang Xiuwen was startled when he heard the words, and looked down at Gan Lu who was sitting on the bed with the quilt wrapped around her: "Why?"
"Since I have decided to keep the child and live a good life, if I live outside again, it would be like taking the opportunity to split up with my mother. It's meaningless. It's better to move back, and it will save trouble."
This kind of Gan Lu has been familiar to Shang Xiuwen for a long time. She seems to have returned to the state of a reasonable wife who fully considers other people's feelings and is willing to make compromises when appropriate. mean.He got off the chair, walked to the edge of the bed and sat down, reached out to hold Gan Lu's hand holding the book, she shrank slightly, and didn't move anymore.
"This is what I think, Lulu. I have already asked Yi'an to help me pay attention to the houses with good environment. I plan to buy two adjacent houses and move there with my mother at that time. After the child is born, we both There is an independent space, and it is convenient to take care of mother and baby.”
When it comes to the baby, Gan Lu can only stare sadly at the front.
"You see, do you like a location with more convenient transportation or a relatively quiet location? I can tell Yi'an what kind of house to look for."
"I don't have any idea about the house, so you can figure it out." Gan Lu was not interested in his plan, and said tiredly, "Actually, my mother has always given us space, and I don't have any problems getting along with her old man. I don't ask to live separately, there is no need to let my mother misunderstand."
"It's fine to go back. Mom has been a doctor after all, so it's easier to take care of you. How about this, you'll live here for a few days, and you'll move when I come back from a business trip."
Gan Lu nodded, withdrew her hand, and put the book on the bedside table: "Thank you, turn off the light for me, I want to sleep, good night."
Gan Lu lay down, Shang Xiuwen went to draw the curtains, and then turned off the wall lamp and bedside lamp.The room was plunged into darkness. He walked out of the bedroom, but stopped by the door. Looking back, Gan Lu was lying on the right side of the bed the same as when she was at home, with a thin silhouette raised by the quilt. The bed looked empty.He stood quietly for a while before gently closing the bedroom door.
He still had a lot of official business to deal with, and when he turned on his laptop, he suddenly became irritable and had a strong urge to smoke.He didn't have any addiction to cigarettes before, but he occasionally held one between his fingers when socializing, and let it ignite spontaneously.When the two were about to have a child, he quit it very happily and consciously. He didn't feel any discomfort, but now he feels a little bit addicted and has nowhere to go.
He put on his coat and hurried downstairs. It was getting late. After walking a street, he found a small shop that was about to close and bought a pack of cigarettes.When he got home, he unwrapped the pack of cigarettes, shook out one, and realized that he had made a ridiculous mistake again. There was no lighter on him or in this house.
He took the cigarette from his mouth and almost wanted to crush it for a moment, but he immediately restrained this burst of nameless anger.After a short pause, he walked into the kitchen, turned on the natural gas stove, leaned over and lit a cigarette against the blue flame that jumped out of the stove, and the scorching heat of the flame rushed over him, making him frown.
He straightened up, took a deep puff of the cigarette, then turned off the gas stove, and walked to the north balcony.This place is facing the lake next to it. Standing on the 25th floor overlooking it, the street lamps along the coast form an irregular halo, against which the lake is small and dark.
The puff of smoke he exhaled was quickly blown away by the wind, and his disordered mood gradually calmed down, but the past involuntarily surfaced before his eyes.
Seven years ago, Wu Lijun first went through the transfer procedures and came to work locally.Shang Xiuwen stood alone in front of the window on the 37th floor of an office building in the center of City W looking into the distance. Behind him was the office of the company founded by his father. To be precise, it should have been.
He just finished all the business of the company completely, dismissed all the employees, and went through the formalities of rescinding the lease contract with the property.He was the only one left in such a big company. Under the bright lights, the rows of cubicles in the open office area looked empty, and there were scattered documents scattered on the floor. Just weird.
However, he clearly remembered that only half a year ago, it was still an orderly and busy scene.
Shang Xiuwen has been working part-time in his father's company since he was 19 when he was a sophomore in college.Wu Lijun was very disapproving at first. She neither approved of her husband, who was also a civil servant, resigning to start a business, nor did she approve of her son going the same way in the future.But after she had a long talk with Shang Xiuwen and learned that he had no interest in politics, she didn't say anything more.
In the past five years, Shang Xiuwen has witnessed the rapid development of his father's company, and his mother is known as a strong woman, and her career has gone smoothly.He has demonstrated outstanding work ability, has won the trust of his father and the recognition of employees, and is now able to take charge of the company's investment business operations.More importantly, he has a beautiful girlfriend, and the two get along sweetly.
His life has been smooth enough to make most people jealous. His mother's contempt and indifference towards his girlfriend, and the little greed shown by his girlfriend's family members seem to be just small troubles in life. Unreal.
However, when he just entered the 24th year of birth, his fate took a sharp turn.The overturning of the building and the sudden and violent attack of all the devoured birds caught everyone off guard.
However, within a few months, his father passed away, he broke up with his girlfriend, his mother asked for a transfer and went to another province sadly, and the company that had been operating in a healthy manner suffered huge losses, and he ended the operation alone...
He stood in front of the window, looking at the city under his feet, which was as brilliant as usual, with thousands of lights, and once again felt that the world was vast and his heart was ashamed.
After finishing his business, he turned off his mobile phone decisively, and all the phones here have been shut down.A deathly silence enveloped him, and he almost thought that he too had disintegrated and dissipated in this silence.
Footsteps came from outside, with an empty echo, the security guard of the building property appeared at the door, hesitating, but still opened his mouth: "Mr. Shang, it's getting late."
The voice woke him up from his distracted state, and he nodded: "Understood, I'm leaving now."
While dealing with the company, he had already sold his family’s house and vehicle, and he didn’t have all the keys he always had in his pocket. He only had an air ticket, and he was going to fly to a strange city the next day. His mother had already gone there first. Been working for two months.If he didn't have this connection with the world, he thought, he would have chosen to go abroad and never come back.
He picked up his suit jacket, looked out the window, took one last look at the empty office, and walked out.
At the beginning of this year, when Shang Xiuwen once again made the decision to disband Anda, a partnership with Feng Yian, he was very calm.There was no change in the small company. Feng Yi'an had already got rid of the sluggish state of the previous period, and began to plan the business strategy after taking office in the sales company. All the employees yearned for the new job position and treatment, and stepped up to deal with the aftermath at hand. Work, there is nothing he needs to worry about.
Shang Xiuwen didn't feel any sadness in his heart, he just thought, no matter who it was, this would be a brand new beginning.
At the beginning of arriving in this city, he had no vision of his future life, let alone another start.
When he got off the plane alone, what greeted him was the notoriously hot weather here, and the rolling heat wave hit his face, making his mood even worse.
He carried the simplest luggage and took a taxi to the government hospitality hotel where his mother Wu Lijun had been temporarily staying.The mother and son haven't seen each other for nearly three months, but neither showed any emotion.Wu Lijun took him to the restaurant below the hotel for dinner. This place never solicits business from the outside world. When there are no entertainment activities in the restaurant, it is very deserted.They sat in a corner and ate a simple two dishes and one soup, but neither of them had much interest and couldn't talk about appetite.
When Shang Xiuwen looked up, he saw a few gray hairs floating on Wu Lijun's temples, which was very eye-catching.She has always paid attention to appearance, manners, and well-dressed clothes. Among leaders at her level, she has a high degree of education and is in her prime, and she is very eye-catching from her temperament to her appearance.A newspaper in the provincial capital once published an exclusive interview with her photo, which showed her elegant and capable demeanor, which impressed many people.Father kept the newspaper and was very proud of his wife.
However, the mother in front of him was already quietly showing signs of aging, and a strong sense of guilt was stuck in his throat, making him unable to eat any more.Wu Lijun said something, but he didn't hear clearly.
"Xiuwen, what's wrong?"
"fine."
"If you plan to go to England, I have no objection, but I don't like you getting involved with Shaokun."
Before his mother asked him about his plans, he had no plans at all. In order to prevaricate, he casually said that he wanted to study abroad. His mother did not object, but now he suddenly had other arrangements.
"I'm going to live here, Mom. I'll buy a house first, and then I'll get a job."
Wu Lijun was obviously a little surprised, she looked up at her son: "Xiuwen—"
"You can't let you stay in the guest house all the time, and you have to worry about me." He lowered his eyelids and said lightly.
He didn't look at his mother's expression, but after a while, Wu Lijun spoke, her voice was not calm: "Xiuwen, you have the right to live the life you want, don't blame yourself for the past. I never counted Competent wife and mother, I should take more responsibility for what has happened..."
"Let's stop talking about this, Mom." If he couldn't bear to recall at this time, he interrupted his mother, raised his head, and smiled slightly, "Just try to live a good life in this city."
Shang Xiuwen quickly invested the money in Xusheng, and then settled down.He didn't go out to look for a job as he had promised, but went out to travel from time to time, acting idle and depressed.
Wu Lijun could understand her son's mood and did not urge him to cheer up.
Sure enough, after a while, he adjusted his mood by himself, started to cooperate with Feng Yi'an, and registered a company to operate as an agent of Xusheng Steel, and his life gradually got on track.
Shang Xiuwen doesn't think he needs to make up his mind to start a new life. After experiencing everything when he was too young, for him, the next life is just something he will face calmly and rationally from now on.
Until I met Gan Lu.
For Shang Xiuwen, the initial relationship between the two of them was purely to pass the time.
At that time, he had not had any personal contact with the opposite sex for more than three years, and he had no idea of establishing an intimate relationship with anyone.
Feng Yi'an has lived in this city since he was a child, and has made a lot of friends. Among the friends, there are many beautiful women of all kinds.For girls who are not deeply involved in the world, Shang Xiuwen is a somewhat mysterious man.He was polite and indifferent to others, with a lazy demeanor and a calm demeanor. The natural charm of a mature man could more or less arouse their curiosity and desire to conquer.
However, whether it is a shy confession that wants to have a serious relationship, or a tease that does not intend to make him responsible and just wants to be happy, it is not attractive to him, and he is always treated indifferently and politely.Over time, some people even half-jokingly questioned his sexual orientation while he was away, which made Feng Yi'an laugh out loud.He told Shang Xiuwen in a mischievous manner, Shang Xiuwen also laughed, but with a hint of melancholy.
Only he himself knew that he didn't have the idea of burying himself in the past, he just couldn't bring up the interest.
Although Gan Lu's answer to her friend's reminder to let her forget her old relationship and start a new life was almost the same as his answer to his mother, but looking into Gan Lu's clear and peaceful eyes, he found that they were different. Do not deny life.
It occurred to him for the first time that it was impossible for him to live like this forever.
It would be easier, he thought, to be with a girl who seemed calm and rational, and not used to asking questions.
Watching movies, eating, and taking walks together, Qing Shui's date makes him feel relieved, and it can be regarded as an embellishment of his empty life.He acted cautiously, unwilling to rashly bring the distance between the two closer, but she seemed more cautious than him. She did not resist getting along with him, but seemed to maintain a state of saying goodbye at any time, which surprised him somewhat.
Slowly, this girl whose posture was almost as calm as his occupied his heart more and more, giving him a new idea.
Realizing that Gan Lu decided to leave, Shang Xiuwen was sitting in the bar drinking with Feng Yi'an.
He also had days of getting drunk.
In City W, he dealt with the myriad of things that the company was about to end its operations during the day. At night, he occasionally went to bars, and more often he drank at home alone. The wine was all gone.It's just that drinking too much didn't help him forget, and the next day he had a splitting headache, and he also had to face complicated and painful situations.
After settling down in the local area, he didn't want his mother to worry or worry. He neither drank at home nor went to nightclubs.After being unbearably bored, he greeted Wu Lijun and went to England to meet Shang Shaokun.
However, because of the death of their father, the two brothers have somewhat separated, and they can no longer talk about everything as before.
Finally one day, he went to the bar alone, got drunk and passed out on the streets of London.When Shang Shaokun found him, he had been ransacked by thieves, penniless and in a mess, no different from a tramp.
Shang Shaokun took him back to his house in the suburbs of London, threw him in the front yard, turned on the faucet for watering the flowers, and sprayed him fiercely.It was March at that time, and the weather was still very cold. He was instantly drenched and shivering uncontrollably, but he laughed and didn't care.
Shang Shaokun knelt down and looked at him, eyes full of pain: "If uncle is still alive, he will feel sorry for you. Don't spoil yourself like this again, Xiuwen."
It was the first time that Shaokun mentioned his father to him, he suppressed the wild laughter, nodded after a while: "Okay."
Since then, he has never been drunk again.
Listening to Feng Yi'an Xuxu's talk, he didn't take it seriously, and he didn't speak to persuade him, he just let him drink away his sorrows.At some point in life, he thought, alcohol seemed to serve as the best release.In addition, both of them are equally clear that the friendship between men is not reflected in the mutual prying of each other's hearts. Most of the time, what they want is just an understanding, and they don't need detailed comfort.
He swung the wine glass, and what appeared in front of his eyes was Gan Lu's expression when they broke up just now. She smiled slightly, with a trace of understanding and relief.He knew that no matter what his wishes were, she would definitely not want to keep such a distance from him.
Feng Yi'an's constant worry is that he can't grasp Xin Chen's heart, and he almost knows all Gan Lu's thoughts, but he doesn't think he can grasp this girl.
The only thing he was sure of was that after being far away from the old days when he was young and frivolous, his association with Gan Lu almost successfully and completely brought his life back on track.Such warmth, intimacy, and calmness that unknowingly broke through his defenses made it impossible for him to give up.
That night, after he sent Feng Yi'an home, he turned around and drove to Gan Lu's rented place, and rang her doorbell.
Two months later, he proposed to her.
Once the light blue smoke was exhaled, it quickly dispersed.He flicked off the cigarette ash hanging from the cigarette butt, and lost the irritability he felt when he wanted to smoke just now, but his mood was still gloomy.
Standing in front of a difficult situation that he had to deal with again, he didn't care.Even if the development of the situation is out of his control, he is confident that he can deal with it.What's disturbing him now is his relationship with Gan Lu.
He held on to the railing and looked down. In front of his eyes was the city he had settled down for seven years and adapted to. With the unique hustle and bustle of the downtown area, even in the middle of the night, it was still running quietly without stopping. It is impossible to be quiet.
In the bedroom not far behind him lay his wife with their child in her womb.
He knew that he had lost Gan Lu's trust, and she would keep her promise, but probably she would treat him with such a cold and rational attitude in the future.
This was his life, everything that belonged to him, and it was impossible for him to see their marriage come to an end.
As long as they're together, he still has a chance, he told himself, putting out his cigarette.
Shang Xiuwen went to City J again, and Gan Lu calmly agreed to all his instructions before leaving, but still refused to show any interest in the itinerary and purpose of his trip.
She thinks that she doesn't have the ability to make herself behave "reasonably" to that point: continue to be a virtuous and thoughtful wife, caring about everything about her husband-to behave like that now requires too much acting and hard work, she can't see She was up to the role and saw no need for it.
She was so depressed that she had to wonder if she had fallen into pregnancy depression. No matter how she analyzed it, she couldn't use her reason to persuade herself to overcome the desolation after making the decision to keep the child.
All she can do right now is to try to adjust her emotions and take care of herself and the baby in her stomach.As for where this marriage will go, it does not depend on any one person's unilateral wishes.Moreover, she didn't have the energy to do too much speculation.
(End of this chapter)
The lives of Gan Lu and Shang Xiuwen have almost returned to normal—if treating each other as guests can be considered a normal state.
Shang Xiuwen lives in the guest bedroom. In the morning, he will get up on time, drive Gan Lu to have breakfast first, and then go to school. In the afternoon, he will wait for her at the school gate early and pick her up to go home.After dinner, she goes to the study, and he handles his work in his room; at nine o'clock, he will send a glass of milk to the study, watch her drink it, and then take her downstairs for a walk; at 10:30, he will remind her She goes to bed early.
Such a peaceful and dull life lasted for three days, and Gan Lu felt as if three years had passed.
She has never lacked patience, but now she can't compete with anyone for patience. From the morning sickness to the body that feels tired after standing for a long time, and the mental state of drowsiness after sitting down, everything reminds her, The fetus was developing in her body day by day, slowly taking shape, and she didn't have much time to worry about gains and losses for a "final decision".
What's more, she clearly understands Shang Xiuwen's patience and will.Looking back on the process of getting acquainted now, she had to admit that she probably never escaped his control.
At noon that day, Gan Lu received a call from Qian Jiaxi.
"Hey, are you reconciled?"
She didn't know what to say, so she just said "hmm".
"What are you doing so listlessly? Come on, I knew that if your husband coaxed you, you would definitely submit."
She couldn't help smiling wryly: "You really know what I'm capable of, Jiaxi."
"Who told you to always be so reasonable. These days, selfish people are always the strongest. But having said that, once you get married, especially if you live with your mother-in-law, you will lose the capital to make trouble without reason. You have to live your life Go on, we have to compromise with each other."
"Very good and powerful. Your current theory has expanded from love to marriage. You can consider planning a column to save sentient beings."
"If you can save yourself, it will be of great merit and immeasurable merit, and return sentient beings?" Qian Jiaxi laughed, "I hate the group of people who pretend to be confidant sisters in newspapers and TV. Oh, yes, except for our senior sister Luo Yin. She has recently moved to "City Weekly", and the emotional column on there is really worth reading. It is sharp and has a sense of humor, but it is not blindly mean, and the writing is very good."
Qian Jiaxi had met Luo Yin before, and when they chatted with each other, it turned out that they were alumni of the Normal University, so naturally they felt a little more intimate.Gan Lu reads the evening paper at school every day at noon, and has an impression of Luo Yin.She hosted the Confidential Page for a long time. The column that sells the emotional privacy of ordinary people's life was almost flooded in various newspapers, but Luo Yin still stood out from it.Her writing style is bold, but she never uses novel techniques to write dog blood stories to attract attention. She maintains an unbiased attitude in narrating the facts, especially the comments after the narration are written concisely, without losing warmth, which is very exciting and quite popular in the local area. A little bit of fame.
"You have always had a high vision, and you can't see anything. Since you have praised her so much, I will buy it later and have a look."
"Hey, let me tell you one more thing. Li Sibi came to Taili yesterday to sell her vacation and go to work as if nothing had happened."
Gan Lu wasn't interested in the news, but she didn't want to discourage Qian Jiaxi's interest in gossip: "She can't hide from people forever, she will only appear more guilty, so why not do what she should do. Walking in the rivers and lakes, thick-skinned Only a little bit can she be invulnerable, anyway, there will be no reporters tracking her now."
Qian Jiaxi laughed again: "That being said, her show is still suspended on the TV station. Internet hotspots are always changing, and no one can expect to occupy everyone's attention forever. If your cousin is willing to let her go, She may still be able to muddle through; if someone contributes to the flames, no matter how she pretends to be nothing, I am afraid it will be difficult to eliminate the impact of this matter for a while."
Gan Lu thought about the catastrophe caused by Wu Wei. It was not just a family war. She really couldn't tell how Chen Yufei would punish him, let alone Li Sibi, so she could only sigh: "Everyone can hope for luck."
"Hey, now you speak more and more like a wife in the first house or a wife in the first house."
Gan Lu was dumbfounded by what she said: "Okay, okay, I have to go to the cafeteria, let's find time to eat together some other day."
Chatting with Qian Jiaxi, Gan Lu was always relaxed, but she couldn't muster up the courage to tell her friends about her predicament.A husband with a mysterious past and complicated emotional experiences, and a child who came at an untimely time, who can make decisions for her.
But chatting like this seems to have dispelled a little bit of depression in my heart.After putting down the phone, Gan Lu checked the time, put on her armbands and went to the student cafeteria. Today she happened to be on duty again to inspect the cafeteria.
The noise level in the student cafeteria was comparable to that of a vegetable market. Gan Lu walked casually along the aisle, except that she would correct them aloud when she saw too serious waste and rough play.She always felt that the rules and regulations of the High School Affiliated to Normal University were too strict, and teachers were required to watch over meals, which did not pay attention to students' self-discipline.
Before the lap was finished, her stomach was churning, so she covered her mouth and ran out of the cafeteria in a hurry.She has been feeling nauseous on an empty stomach in the morning for the past few days, but not at other times.Sometimes it's just a smell in the air, or seeing something suspiciously shaped, which can make her react and run away in a panic.
She ran into Jiang Xiaolin head-on, but couldn't say anything. She hurried past her and ran into the bathroom in the nearest administrative building.
After she finished rinsing her mouth, she returned to the student cafeteria and found that Jiang Xiaolin was sternly reprimanding a girl who hadn't finished her meal. The girl was listening with a frustrated expression on her plate.Gan Lu caught a glimpse of the messy food on her dinner plate, and couldn't help feeling a little confused, so she quickly looked away and interjected, "Go, sit over there and finish the meal immediately."
As if the girl was being pardoned, she quickly walked away obediently.Gan Lu smiled and said, "Teacher Jiang, why didn't you go to eat?"
"Just now I was looking for this student and told her about participating in the math competition. When I came here, I saw that she was about to throw away the whole plate of food. It was too much."
Gan Lu smiled and shook her head: "No way, no matter what measures are taken, the waste phenomenon cannot be completely stopped."
"Let's go, they are almost finished eating here, let's go to eat too, I happen to have something to tell you about class adjustment."
The two entered the staff cafeteria next to it. It was already past the rush hour for meals. There were only a few colleagues sitting in it. They bought and prepared meals separately, and talked about the arrangement of next week's class adjustment while eating.
Just as Gan Lu put a piece of beef brisket into her mouth, she suddenly felt her stomach churning up and down again. She had to say hurriedly, "I'm sorry." She dropped the plate and ran to the bathroom again.
When she came back, she had lost her appetite, but found that Jiang Xiaolin was still sitting where she was after eating, and was flipping through a magazine, which was the "City Weekly" that Qian Jiaxi had just mentioned.
She wondered why Jiang Xiaolin, who always comes and goes in a hurry, has such a carefree mind. Thinking about Jiang Xiaolin's reprimand to the students and her own approval just now, she was really embarrassed not to touch the half of the food left, so she had to sit down again and reluctantly took a bite of the rice Stuffing it in his mouth, he chatted to distract himself: "My friend also told me about this magazine, saying that Luo Yin's column is very interesting."
Jiang Xiaolin smiled: "Yes, she is my classmate at Normal University. Back then we lived in the same dormitory and had a very good relationship."
"Does she also study mathematics?"
"She is from the Chinese Department. There are very few girls in our mathematics department. At that time, they were all mixed with girls from other departments. To tell you the truth, I went to her last night, and she gave me the magazine."
It is very common to go to a friend, but this friend hosts emotional topics and talk columns, and she specifically mentions it at this moment, which seems a bit unusual.Sure enough, Jiang Xiaolin continued: "I have a problem that I really can't decide. I think she has seen many strange situations, but when I talked to her, she told me that everyone's situation and choices are unique. , she can listen, but she can rarely give specific suggestions, let alone help people make decisions."
Gan Lu smiled slightly: "Indeed, many things can only be decided by myself."
"Don't you mind telling me something personal?"
She nodded with a smile.
"My boyfriend, the one you saw last time, proposed marriage to me."
Gan Lu naturally remembered the man with a cute little girl, and also remembered what Jiang Xiaolin said, so she couldn't help but hesitate: "Did you agree?"
"I agreed. We agreed to get the marriage certificate on March [-]th. If I don't regret it before then—I guess I won't be able to do such a neurotic thing."
Gan Lu was startled, then said, "Congratulations."
"Thank you. To tell you the truth, this decision is really not easy."
Gan Lu remembered the man's request that Jiang Xiaolin had mentioned, and the food in her mouth became even more difficult to swallow, but Jiang Xiaolin smiled.
"In fact, if you think about it calmly, there is nothing to hesitate. Isn't it just that you don't want children?"
Hearing "I don't want a child", Gan Lu's heart beat faster, and then she realized what Jiang Xiaolin was talking about, and she continued: "I went home during the winter vacation this year, and saw my sister's second child. It was only four months ago that she contracted acute pneumonia and was sent to the county hospital in the heavy snow. The whole family stayed there on New Year's Eve. The family was so difficult and she was not in good health. My son gave birth to a second child, and the family was desperately poor. I gave her all the money I had on my body, and only paid for the hospitalization expenses. Seeing her suffering like that, I thought it would be better if I didn’t have to have a baby.”
Gan Lu couldn't help feeling sad, and could hardly maintain her smile: "Mr. Jiang, I still hope that your decision to not have a child is based on your own decision, not someone else's request."
"Who can make a decision entirely out of self? Luo Yin is right, if love is not strong enough to make people willing to ignore everything else, then all choices are just trade-offs, nothing to be ashamed of. I figured it out ,So be it."
"You don't have to accept that choice."
"In theory yes, but life never gives me many options."
This sentence made Gan Lu a little sad, and she didn't know what to say for a while.
"To be honest, I don't want to be an old maid and live in a dormitory all the time. I only have work and responsibilities in my life. Being able to marry a decent man who has no vices, good conditions, and looks kind and gentle is also a respite. Already." Jiang Xiaolin glanced at her and smiled, "Is it because what I said is so disappointing that you can't even eat it?"
Gan Lu was a little ashamed, but she couldn't force herself to eat, so she had to bite the bullet and say, "It has nothing to do with you, Mr. Jiang. I'm sorry, I'm afraid I have to waste today, my stomach feels a little uncomfortable."
Jiang Xiaolin looked at her thoughtfully and said, "Let's go."
The two walked out of the cafeteria side by side. Jiang Xiaolin said, "Mr. Gan, I'm not nosy, but if you... have any health problems, don't hold back. Classes can be changed, and duty inspections can also be rescheduled."
"Thanks, I'm fine."
Jiang Xiaolin didn't say much. The two went back to their offices. Gan Lu sat down and stared at the sycamore trees outside the window.After a long, snowy and cold winter, there are still a few withered yellow leaves hanging on the branches, swaying with the wind, adding to the bleak atmosphere of the winter.
She clearly knew that Jiang Xiaolin was not usually interested in gossiping with others, but today she was able to talk about personal matters with herself because she believed in herself and at the same time showed extra concern for herself. She was naturally grateful for her kindness.
In a work environment with a large number of women like a school, the topic of childbearing is often discussed among colleagues.Everyone came to the unanimous conclusion that, for teachers, April is the most suitable month to have children. The weather is suitable for raising children. After three months of maternity leave, summer vacation will immediately follow. Minimize the impact - it's not all about professionalism and accountability to students, but also about practical issues such as bonuses, allowances and performance pay.
After Gan Lu decided to have a child last year, of course she became more interested in such discussions, and would listen carefully when encountering them, and would laugh them off when someone teased her.As a teacher, you really have to communicate with your head teacher and report to the school when you are pregnant, so as to avoid problems with the course arrangement for the entire semester or even the school year.But she is still hesitating now, so she has to procrastinate.
Jiang Xiaolin's words lingered in her ears.She thought, yes, Luo Yin is indeed very sharp, if there is no love, then everything is just a trade-off.But after thinking this way, he couldn't convince himself, let alone shake off the desolate chill in his chest.
After get off work in the afternoon, Gan Lu walked out of the school, but she didn't see Shang Xiuwen's car.She hesitated for a moment, seeing "City Weekly" displayed in a conspicuous place on the news stand next to her, her heart was moved, and she went to buy a copy first.She put the change in her bag, took out her mobile phone, and hesitated whether to call Shang Xiuwen, and felt that the hesitation was so hypocritical.
In the past few days, she went in and out with him, ate at the same table, and he even knelt down to help her tie her shoelaces in the morning—they just slept on the same bed as before.The two of them spoke very little, only because she refused to respond to the topics he raised.Now she didn't know what to say when she called—did she ask him why he was late?If she kept a distance from him so deliberately, how could she question his whereabouts in a purely wifely tone.
Once again she felt herself caught in a ridiculous farce.
A colleague walked past her and said with a smile: "Wait for your husband to pick you up?" At another intersection not far away, come right here.
Gan Lu stood by the sidewalk waiting, opened the magazine casually, intending to look for Luo Yin's column, but the purpose of entering was a full page of photos of different women, the most eye-catching one was He Jingyi, she was wearing a white shirt, A string of pearl necklaces hung around her neck, her arms were folded across her chest, her makeup was bright, her face was radiant, and there was a slight smile on the corner of her mouth.
Gan Lu was stunned, and looked down from her face, only to find that it read: Special planning of this issue of "City Weekly" - Workplace·Women.The editor's introduction is very vulgar: In modern society, more and more women are entering fields dominated by traditional men. They occupy high positions, accept challenges, and at the same time maintain a beautiful posture, becoming a beautiful scenery in the workplace. This issue specially interviews various fields The female elite in...
A hand suddenly reached out and took the magazine away.Gan Lu looked up in astonishment, and saw Shang Xiuwen standing in front of her. He casually threw the magazine into the trash can by the side of the road, and said in a stern voice, "You don't have to refuse to listen to me about her while looking for her information. Add to your troubles."
Gan Lu stared at him, so angry that she couldn't speak for a moment, she simply ignored him, turned around and left.However, Shang Xiuwen immediately held her hand. When she turned around, she saw colleagues and students coming out of the school constantly, so she had to give up struggling, let him hug her shoulders, and got into his car.
As soon as she sat down, she said coldly: "Please don't come to pick me up tomorrow."
"I do have a business trip tomorrow, but today..."
Gan Lu cut off his words: "Very good, thank you."
Shang Xiuwen looked at her in frustration: "Lulu, can we really communicate properly anymore?"
"If you have a ghost in your heart, you will inevitably see other people's behavior as sneaky, so there is no need for communication."
"If you think my confession is so cheap and hypocritical, we really need to find out what the problem is."
"The problem has always been very clear: your confession came at an untimely time, so it can only be regarded as a confession. What's the point of me asking for such a confession?"
"Lulu, do you think my past is a sin that needs to be confessed? Even if it is, I have already paid the price."
"Then what about me, why should I pay for your past?"
Shang Xiuwen pursed his lips and looked ahead.Gan Lu turned her head out of the window annoyed. She had seen her parents' harsh words to each other since she was a child, and she was deeply troubled by it.She had always imagined that if she got married, she would definitely not be able to make the same mistakes as they did.One of the important reasons for agreeing to Shang Xiuwen's marriage proposal was that she thought that with his calmness and rationality, it was impossible for them to quarrel badly.
They have been married for more than two years, and they have indeed seldom directly accused and confronted each other.Sometimes she couldn't help wondering whether other couples could get along so politely.But at this time, the quarrel came out of her mouth, and she seemed to lose control. Only then did she realize how fragile the so-called calmness and self-control turned out to be.Those hurtful words seemed to have been accumulated long ago, and they were about to be blurted out when the time was right.
After a while, Shang Xiuwen opened his mouth, his voice regained his usual composure: "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have talked to you like that."
She also calmed down: "It's nothing, I'm a little out of words, sorry. But I bought that magazine for entertainment, and I saw her by accident. I'm not curious about your past, let alone her .”
After returning home, the two finished their meal in a dull atmosphere, and then went their separate ways.After Gan Lu took a shower, she went to the study to prepare lessons as she did a few days ago.Shang Xiuwen brought a cup of hot milk, put it in her hand, hesitated for a while, but didn't go away.
"Lulu, I have to rush back to City J tomorrow. The smelter's merger negotiations have reached a critical moment, and Yixin Chairman Chen Hua has already rushed over to meet with the executive deputy mayor. There are rumors that Yixin has a few hours with Xusheng Shareholders are in contact, and even intend to acquire a part of Xusheng's shares. We must try our best to fight for it, otherwise..."
Gan Lu didn't turn her head back, and interrupted him in a nice voice: "Xiuwen, I don't understand these things, and I'm not interested in them, so don't explain to me. If you're going on a business trip in the future, just saying hello to me is enough, and just go to your business." of."
Shang Xiuwen turned her chair around so that she faced him. Gan Lu had no choice but to look up at him: "I will eat well, sleep on time, and take care of my body. I think I am a person who is responsible for others and myself." People, and have never had the habit of self-abuse, Xiuwen, you should understand me about this, don't worry."
Shang Xiuwen squatted down in front of her slowly, holding her hand with both hands: "Are you going to never forgive me again?"
Gan Lu's eyes moved down with him, and the handsome face of the man squatting in front of her was slightly thinner, and his deep eyes looked at her so intently, as if he wanted to convey all the emotions that could not be expressed in words to her. she.
"Let's all forgive ourselves first. I forgive my stupidity, and I won't compete with myself. As for you..." She smiled softly, "You don't have to ask for a verbal forgiveness from me, it's meaningless."
Shang Xiuwen opened his arms and wrapped them around her waist.She was slightly startled, and leaned back on the back of the chair, but there was no way to retreat.
She lowered her head and could only see his thick black hair shining under the light.
The house is equipped with central air-conditioning, and she has set the indoor temperature at 22°C. After taking a shower, she only wears a set of pajamas and a cashmere cardigan.Through a thin layer of fabric, his face was slowly attached to her lower abdomen, where it was still flat, and she could clearly feel the temperature from his face and the breath he exhaled.
She has calmed down in the past few days, but she still doesn't feel much about the child in her stomach.At this moment, seeing him embracing her in this posture, she suddenly and strongly realized that he was the father of the little life living in her womb, and no matter how confused she was, she was already a mother.
In such throbbing and excitement, they jointly created a child that belonged to them, and it is quietly growing in her body at this moment.
Although looking back, she only had unspeakable sadness, but that was also the past that they could not erase.
They have embraced each other countless times, and the embrace without a gap in front of her, in her opinion, is no longer close, but almost has a taste of despair.
Gan Lu thought desolately, that's the only way to go.
She raised her hand and inserted her fingers into Shang Xiuwen's hair. This long-lost touch made him lift his head. The two of them met their eyes. She smiled slightly: "Let's stop arguing and try to be a reasonable couple. Parents."
"I'll find an electrician some other day, and I'll install a floor lamp for this room." Standing on a chair, Shang Xiuwen said to Gan Lu while changing the light bulb of a wall lamp in the bedroom, "It will save you the inconvenience of waking up at night."
"No, it's best not to touch the decoration of other people's homes."
"Yi'an won't mind, I'll tell him."
"I'd better move back and live."
Shang Xiuwen was startled when he heard the words, and looked down at Gan Lu who was sitting on the bed with the quilt wrapped around her: "Why?"
"Since I have decided to keep the child and live a good life, if I live outside again, it would be like taking the opportunity to split up with my mother. It's meaningless. It's better to move back, and it will save trouble."
This kind of Gan Lu has been familiar to Shang Xiuwen for a long time. She seems to have returned to the state of a reasonable wife who fully considers other people's feelings and is willing to make compromises when appropriate. mean.He got off the chair, walked to the edge of the bed and sat down, reached out to hold Gan Lu's hand holding the book, she shrank slightly, and didn't move anymore.
"This is what I think, Lulu. I have already asked Yi'an to help me pay attention to the houses with good environment. I plan to buy two adjacent houses and move there with my mother at that time. After the child is born, we both There is an independent space, and it is convenient to take care of mother and baby.”
When it comes to the baby, Gan Lu can only stare sadly at the front.
"You see, do you like a location with more convenient transportation or a relatively quiet location? I can tell Yi'an what kind of house to look for."
"I don't have any idea about the house, so you can figure it out." Gan Lu was not interested in his plan, and said tiredly, "Actually, my mother has always given us space, and I don't have any problems getting along with her old man. I don't ask to live separately, there is no need to let my mother misunderstand."
"It's fine to go back. Mom has been a doctor after all, so it's easier to take care of you. How about this, you'll live here for a few days, and you'll move when I come back from a business trip."
Gan Lu nodded, withdrew her hand, and put the book on the bedside table: "Thank you, turn off the light for me, I want to sleep, good night."
Gan Lu lay down, Shang Xiuwen went to draw the curtains, and then turned off the wall lamp and bedside lamp.The room was plunged into darkness. He walked out of the bedroom, but stopped by the door. Looking back, Gan Lu was lying on the right side of the bed the same as when she was at home, with a thin silhouette raised by the quilt. The bed looked empty.He stood quietly for a while before gently closing the bedroom door.
He still had a lot of official business to deal with, and when he turned on his laptop, he suddenly became irritable and had a strong urge to smoke.He didn't have any addiction to cigarettes before, but he occasionally held one between his fingers when socializing, and let it ignite spontaneously.When the two were about to have a child, he quit it very happily and consciously. He didn't feel any discomfort, but now he feels a little bit addicted and has nowhere to go.
He put on his coat and hurried downstairs. It was getting late. After walking a street, he found a small shop that was about to close and bought a pack of cigarettes.When he got home, he unwrapped the pack of cigarettes, shook out one, and realized that he had made a ridiculous mistake again. There was no lighter on him or in this house.
He took the cigarette from his mouth and almost wanted to crush it for a moment, but he immediately restrained this burst of nameless anger.After a short pause, he walked into the kitchen, turned on the natural gas stove, leaned over and lit a cigarette against the blue flame that jumped out of the stove, and the scorching heat of the flame rushed over him, making him frown.
He straightened up, took a deep puff of the cigarette, then turned off the gas stove, and walked to the north balcony.This place is facing the lake next to it. Standing on the 25th floor overlooking it, the street lamps along the coast form an irregular halo, against which the lake is small and dark.
The puff of smoke he exhaled was quickly blown away by the wind, and his disordered mood gradually calmed down, but the past involuntarily surfaced before his eyes.
Seven years ago, Wu Lijun first went through the transfer procedures and came to work locally.Shang Xiuwen stood alone in front of the window on the 37th floor of an office building in the center of City W looking into the distance. Behind him was the office of the company founded by his father. To be precise, it should have been.
He just finished all the business of the company completely, dismissed all the employees, and went through the formalities of rescinding the lease contract with the property.He was the only one left in such a big company. Under the bright lights, the rows of cubicles in the open office area looked empty, and there were scattered documents scattered on the floor. Just weird.
However, he clearly remembered that only half a year ago, it was still an orderly and busy scene.
Shang Xiuwen has been working part-time in his father's company since he was 19 when he was a sophomore in college.Wu Lijun was very disapproving at first. She neither approved of her husband, who was also a civil servant, resigning to start a business, nor did she approve of her son going the same way in the future.But after she had a long talk with Shang Xiuwen and learned that he had no interest in politics, she didn't say anything more.
In the past five years, Shang Xiuwen has witnessed the rapid development of his father's company, and his mother is known as a strong woman, and her career has gone smoothly.He has demonstrated outstanding work ability, has won the trust of his father and the recognition of employees, and is now able to take charge of the company's investment business operations.More importantly, he has a beautiful girlfriend, and the two get along sweetly.
His life has been smooth enough to make most people jealous. His mother's contempt and indifference towards his girlfriend, and the little greed shown by his girlfriend's family members seem to be just small troubles in life. Unreal.
However, when he just entered the 24th year of birth, his fate took a sharp turn.The overturning of the building and the sudden and violent attack of all the devoured birds caught everyone off guard.
However, within a few months, his father passed away, he broke up with his girlfriend, his mother asked for a transfer and went to another province sadly, and the company that had been operating in a healthy manner suffered huge losses, and he ended the operation alone...
He stood in front of the window, looking at the city under his feet, which was as brilliant as usual, with thousands of lights, and once again felt that the world was vast and his heart was ashamed.
After finishing his business, he turned off his mobile phone decisively, and all the phones here have been shut down.A deathly silence enveloped him, and he almost thought that he too had disintegrated and dissipated in this silence.
Footsteps came from outside, with an empty echo, the security guard of the building property appeared at the door, hesitating, but still opened his mouth: "Mr. Shang, it's getting late."
The voice woke him up from his distracted state, and he nodded: "Understood, I'm leaving now."
While dealing with the company, he had already sold his family’s house and vehicle, and he didn’t have all the keys he always had in his pocket. He only had an air ticket, and he was going to fly to a strange city the next day. His mother had already gone there first. Been working for two months.If he didn't have this connection with the world, he thought, he would have chosen to go abroad and never come back.
He picked up his suit jacket, looked out the window, took one last look at the empty office, and walked out.
At the beginning of this year, when Shang Xiuwen once again made the decision to disband Anda, a partnership with Feng Yian, he was very calm.There was no change in the small company. Feng Yi'an had already got rid of the sluggish state of the previous period, and began to plan the business strategy after taking office in the sales company. All the employees yearned for the new job position and treatment, and stepped up to deal with the aftermath at hand. Work, there is nothing he needs to worry about.
Shang Xiuwen didn't feel any sadness in his heart, he just thought, no matter who it was, this would be a brand new beginning.
At the beginning of arriving in this city, he had no vision of his future life, let alone another start.
When he got off the plane alone, what greeted him was the notoriously hot weather here, and the rolling heat wave hit his face, making his mood even worse.
He carried the simplest luggage and took a taxi to the government hospitality hotel where his mother Wu Lijun had been temporarily staying.The mother and son haven't seen each other for nearly three months, but neither showed any emotion.Wu Lijun took him to the restaurant below the hotel for dinner. This place never solicits business from the outside world. When there are no entertainment activities in the restaurant, it is very deserted.They sat in a corner and ate a simple two dishes and one soup, but neither of them had much interest and couldn't talk about appetite.
When Shang Xiuwen looked up, he saw a few gray hairs floating on Wu Lijun's temples, which was very eye-catching.She has always paid attention to appearance, manners, and well-dressed clothes. Among leaders at her level, she has a high degree of education and is in her prime, and she is very eye-catching from her temperament to her appearance.A newspaper in the provincial capital once published an exclusive interview with her photo, which showed her elegant and capable demeanor, which impressed many people.Father kept the newspaper and was very proud of his wife.
However, the mother in front of him was already quietly showing signs of aging, and a strong sense of guilt was stuck in his throat, making him unable to eat any more.Wu Lijun said something, but he didn't hear clearly.
"Xiuwen, what's wrong?"
"fine."
"If you plan to go to England, I have no objection, but I don't like you getting involved with Shaokun."
Before his mother asked him about his plans, he had no plans at all. In order to prevaricate, he casually said that he wanted to study abroad. His mother did not object, but now he suddenly had other arrangements.
"I'm going to live here, Mom. I'll buy a house first, and then I'll get a job."
Wu Lijun was obviously a little surprised, she looked up at her son: "Xiuwen—"
"You can't let you stay in the guest house all the time, and you have to worry about me." He lowered his eyelids and said lightly.
He didn't look at his mother's expression, but after a while, Wu Lijun spoke, her voice was not calm: "Xiuwen, you have the right to live the life you want, don't blame yourself for the past. I never counted Competent wife and mother, I should take more responsibility for what has happened..."
"Let's stop talking about this, Mom." If he couldn't bear to recall at this time, he interrupted his mother, raised his head, and smiled slightly, "Just try to live a good life in this city."
Shang Xiuwen quickly invested the money in Xusheng, and then settled down.He didn't go out to look for a job as he had promised, but went out to travel from time to time, acting idle and depressed.
Wu Lijun could understand her son's mood and did not urge him to cheer up.
Sure enough, after a while, he adjusted his mood by himself, started to cooperate with Feng Yi'an, and registered a company to operate as an agent of Xusheng Steel, and his life gradually got on track.
Shang Xiuwen doesn't think he needs to make up his mind to start a new life. After experiencing everything when he was too young, for him, the next life is just something he will face calmly and rationally from now on.
Until I met Gan Lu.
For Shang Xiuwen, the initial relationship between the two of them was purely to pass the time.
At that time, he had not had any personal contact with the opposite sex for more than three years, and he had no idea of establishing an intimate relationship with anyone.
Feng Yi'an has lived in this city since he was a child, and has made a lot of friends. Among the friends, there are many beautiful women of all kinds.For girls who are not deeply involved in the world, Shang Xiuwen is a somewhat mysterious man.He was polite and indifferent to others, with a lazy demeanor and a calm demeanor. The natural charm of a mature man could more or less arouse their curiosity and desire to conquer.
However, whether it is a shy confession that wants to have a serious relationship, or a tease that does not intend to make him responsible and just wants to be happy, it is not attractive to him, and he is always treated indifferently and politely.Over time, some people even half-jokingly questioned his sexual orientation while he was away, which made Feng Yi'an laugh out loud.He told Shang Xiuwen in a mischievous manner, Shang Xiuwen also laughed, but with a hint of melancholy.
Only he himself knew that he didn't have the idea of burying himself in the past, he just couldn't bring up the interest.
Although Gan Lu's answer to her friend's reminder to let her forget her old relationship and start a new life was almost the same as his answer to his mother, but looking into Gan Lu's clear and peaceful eyes, he found that they were different. Do not deny life.
It occurred to him for the first time that it was impossible for him to live like this forever.
It would be easier, he thought, to be with a girl who seemed calm and rational, and not used to asking questions.
Watching movies, eating, and taking walks together, Qing Shui's date makes him feel relieved, and it can be regarded as an embellishment of his empty life.He acted cautiously, unwilling to rashly bring the distance between the two closer, but she seemed more cautious than him. She did not resist getting along with him, but seemed to maintain a state of saying goodbye at any time, which surprised him somewhat.
Slowly, this girl whose posture was almost as calm as his occupied his heart more and more, giving him a new idea.
Realizing that Gan Lu decided to leave, Shang Xiuwen was sitting in the bar drinking with Feng Yi'an.
He also had days of getting drunk.
In City W, he dealt with the myriad of things that the company was about to end its operations during the day. At night, he occasionally went to bars, and more often he drank at home alone. The wine was all gone.It's just that drinking too much didn't help him forget, and the next day he had a splitting headache, and he also had to face complicated and painful situations.
After settling down in the local area, he didn't want his mother to worry or worry. He neither drank at home nor went to nightclubs.After being unbearably bored, he greeted Wu Lijun and went to England to meet Shang Shaokun.
However, because of the death of their father, the two brothers have somewhat separated, and they can no longer talk about everything as before.
Finally one day, he went to the bar alone, got drunk and passed out on the streets of London.When Shang Shaokun found him, he had been ransacked by thieves, penniless and in a mess, no different from a tramp.
Shang Shaokun took him back to his house in the suburbs of London, threw him in the front yard, turned on the faucet for watering the flowers, and sprayed him fiercely.It was March at that time, and the weather was still very cold. He was instantly drenched and shivering uncontrollably, but he laughed and didn't care.
Shang Shaokun knelt down and looked at him, eyes full of pain: "If uncle is still alive, he will feel sorry for you. Don't spoil yourself like this again, Xiuwen."
It was the first time that Shaokun mentioned his father to him, he suppressed the wild laughter, nodded after a while: "Okay."
Since then, he has never been drunk again.
Listening to Feng Yi'an Xuxu's talk, he didn't take it seriously, and he didn't speak to persuade him, he just let him drink away his sorrows.At some point in life, he thought, alcohol seemed to serve as the best release.In addition, both of them are equally clear that the friendship between men is not reflected in the mutual prying of each other's hearts. Most of the time, what they want is just an understanding, and they don't need detailed comfort.
He swung the wine glass, and what appeared in front of his eyes was Gan Lu's expression when they broke up just now. She smiled slightly, with a trace of understanding and relief.He knew that no matter what his wishes were, she would definitely not want to keep such a distance from him.
Feng Yi'an's constant worry is that he can't grasp Xin Chen's heart, and he almost knows all Gan Lu's thoughts, but he doesn't think he can grasp this girl.
The only thing he was sure of was that after being far away from the old days when he was young and frivolous, his association with Gan Lu almost successfully and completely brought his life back on track.Such warmth, intimacy, and calmness that unknowingly broke through his defenses made it impossible for him to give up.
That night, after he sent Feng Yi'an home, he turned around and drove to Gan Lu's rented place, and rang her doorbell.
Two months later, he proposed to her.
Once the light blue smoke was exhaled, it quickly dispersed.He flicked off the cigarette ash hanging from the cigarette butt, and lost the irritability he felt when he wanted to smoke just now, but his mood was still gloomy.
Standing in front of a difficult situation that he had to deal with again, he didn't care.Even if the development of the situation is out of his control, he is confident that he can deal with it.What's disturbing him now is his relationship with Gan Lu.
He held on to the railing and looked down. In front of his eyes was the city he had settled down for seven years and adapted to. With the unique hustle and bustle of the downtown area, even in the middle of the night, it was still running quietly without stopping. It is impossible to be quiet.
In the bedroom not far behind him lay his wife with their child in her womb.
He knew that he had lost Gan Lu's trust, and she would keep her promise, but probably she would treat him with such a cold and rational attitude in the future.
This was his life, everything that belonged to him, and it was impossible for him to see their marriage come to an end.
As long as they're together, he still has a chance, he told himself, putting out his cigarette.
Shang Xiuwen went to City J again, and Gan Lu calmly agreed to all his instructions before leaving, but still refused to show any interest in the itinerary and purpose of his trip.
She thinks that she doesn't have the ability to make herself behave "reasonably" to that point: continue to be a virtuous and thoughtful wife, caring about everything about her husband-to behave like that now requires too much acting and hard work, she can't see She was up to the role and saw no need for it.
She was so depressed that she had to wonder if she had fallen into pregnancy depression. No matter how she analyzed it, she couldn't use her reason to persuade herself to overcome the desolation after making the decision to keep the child.
All she can do right now is to try to adjust her emotions and take care of herself and the baby in her stomach.As for where this marriage will go, it does not depend on any one person's unilateral wishes.Moreover, she didn't have the energy to do too much speculation.
(End of this chapter)
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