late night story

Chapter 1

If you regard someone's heart as the sun, you are doomed to suffer dazzling pain, and you will definitely experience tears.

But having the sun is a good thing after all, it sounds magnificent enough to be destroyed by chasing like Kuafu.

1
"Everyone seems very lonely. They try their best to relieve their loneliness in their own way. In fact, they still perpetuate their own loneliness. Loneliness is the curse of nature on people who live in groups. Loneliness is the only outlet for loneliness." - Marquez "One Hundred Years of Solitude"

How do people describe loneliness?There must have been a pool of stagnant water in your mind, a withered potted plant, a goldfish floating on the water with its white belly turned upside down... Loneliness seems to have an ugly face as it should be, and it makes people very reluctant when looking in the mirror to face.

What is the state of loneliness?Usually alone, seems to have nothing to do, or is alone with few friends.I often see such images in novels. For example, when reading Haruki Murakami's "1Q84", the hero and heroine experience the huge loneliness brought about by the parallel world.Sometimes we seem to feel that we are also in a parallel world. In another world, there is the life you want, and the people you love live there, a utopia that you can never intersect with in your consciousness, so You feel boundless loneliness.

I think loneliness is the first sign of loneliness.The silent residence with no sound is almost a perfect match with a lonely back.But we have many ways to deal with this feeling.Meet up with friends to go out for fun, or immerse yourself in one thing, maybe it's your hobby, maybe it's your job.But even if you're a socialite, a workaholic, or even a talented artist, you still don't feel comfortable when you're doing nothing, or you're simply escaping from the fact that it's so easy to be lonely— —The utility of those diversions is very short-lived.

As a human being, when our periodic enthusiasm for things wears off, we start to wonder if the various things we are doing make sense.The purpose of work and life is superficial. If you don’t rely on these things, what can really bring comfort and fill you?When life gradually has holes like a sponge, emptiness arises along the way.It is a higher expression of loneliness.People will satisfy their desires and fill the feeling of emptiness by eating, drinking and shopping spree, but the pleasure is very short-lived.Then people use the relationship, the more expansive desire of sex, to try to resolve this contradiction.Sex is the fastest way to heaven, and it seems the most reasonable way to fill the emptiness with sex, but the emptiness in the human heart is not a large area, it is a dry crack, it is some indescribable itching.This kind of emptiness is formed by the accumulation of small loneliness. The irresistible temptation brought by carnal desire is as violent as a flood, breaking through the inner pass and breaking the emptiness.

Those who have tried it will eventually know that it is physically and emotionally exhausting.A momentary emptiness cannot fill a long-lasting emptiness.

In these appearances of loneliness, we consume our body and spirit, and slowly empty ourselves out.what is the reason?It is habitually rejecting loneliness and thinking about it too negatively, instead of recognizing its essence.Who is not experiencing loneliness?Loneliness is what accompanied us the most every day from childhood to adulthood.Existence is reasonable. Since God has rooted this emotion in our hearts, it must be a generous gift.

Have you ever tried dark chocolate?Dark chocolate has a firm texture and a bitter taste.When the taste buds send this taste signal to the brain, it may be difficult to produce a pleasant sensation.And some people have eaten alcohol, but find it unbearable to make a fuss.In fact, no matter if you give up tasting at any stage, you will have no chance to savor it again. The taste is not only sour and bitter, but long-lasting sweet and mellow, which makes people intoxicated.Like loneliness, surrounded by the outer taste of our established impressions of loneliness and emptiness.But through them you can taste the aftertaste of loneliness.We feel bitter all day long because of the appearance of emotions, but we never let our hearts settle down for a while.

2
Even good performers have crowd phobias.

I originally thought it was a type of intermittent psychosis.

I have never been afraid to sing on stage since I was a child, and I am not afraid to recite poems in front of everyone.Because those are things I am good at, and I am naturally expressive, and I want to show it to others at any time.In fact, I have always believed that people without the desire to express do not exist.Everyone wants to get positive attention, unless it leaves a shadow of being ridiculed in some occasions that require self-expression.Performing is just to determine whether you are good at something or whether the effect of performing will liven up the atmosphere.

But there is a situation that contradicts it.When you walk on the street alone or go to a restaurant to eat alone, it seems common, but don't deny it, the feeling must be like sitting on pins and needles.Because at this time you seem to have no reason to show some of your own personality, you have nothing to say to strangers, and temporarily lose your concrete connection with the world.But your appearance still has to be judged by every gaze. At this time, performers who have no performance task will also be afraid of being watched, have no position, and be watched naked.The truth is that you are afraid to see yourself in the eyes of others, flawed and pale.From this point of view, being able to fully display yourself on the right occasion, although a little nervous, is a practical thing.

Contradictions exist in anyone.This uneasy contradiction will always exist.There is no absolute peace of mind and anxiety.Lacking and having exist at the same time, they exist in a community, maybe not on the same level.Just as the life of a comedic genius is often lonely and humorless, a millionaire is likely to find no friends for afternoon tea.

3
I fell in love with Lisa Ono's songs for a while in middle school.Her music style is almost always Bossa Nova, which is not only fresh, but also empathetic and sweet, and also has passion in it, which is a kind of Latin music.Every time you hear it, you can wash away your bad mood.So every time a friend asks me what kind of music I like the most, I will say without hesitation that I like Bossa Nova the most.

Suddenly one day, when I heard Lisa Ono playing the guitar and singing in a certain cafe, I looked through the songs stored in my mobile phone, and none of them belonged to her.

I definitely don't mean to belittle her songs.Her songs are, as always, sweet and meaningful, pleasant to the ear.It's just that for me personally, I don't like it that much.

It turns out that what was once called my favorite will become very strange one day, and I need someone to remind me to remember it.

This subtle feeling touched me very much, as if I was lost, but it was very light and light.I still listen to Bossa Nova occasionally, but it's hard to list it as a favorite or even within daily reach.

Time finally dilutes the love.

4
I don't know when it started, the mobile phone is easy to run out of power, and I found that everyone's is the same.

Technology is moving forward in big strides, but it is also lazy in small places.So it is logical to have such a clever invention as a portable power supply.

I bought about three or four before and after, and zero came in handy.I don't even know where they are sleeping in the house now.

I am still used to being startled and yelling at the mobile phone that is about to be out of battery when I go out.Then ask a friend who has a portable power source for help.

Later, I seriously summed up my own situation.

For the first time, I bought an expensive, black, very thin power supply of a certain brand that is said to be extremely convenient to use.But then I felt completely cheated, because it was a headache to use, I am a mild electronic idiot, but it is so difficult to use that I still think it is difficult for ordinary people to solve.

The second time, it was a white, small and round power supply.I took it out a total of three times, and forgot to bring the connected data cable for a total of three times.Later, I gave up decisively and didn't pay attention to it.

The third time, I still don’t know the specific touch of the power supply I bought, because I don’t think I can open its packaging with bare hands, at least it looks very difficult, so it hasn’t been unpacked until now.Every time I tell myself that I must take off the belt next time I go out, but every time I go out, I am in such a hurry that I don’t even have time to glance at it.

Then every time my phone runs out of battery when I’m out and about, I lie to my friends, complaining that the portable power supply is too easy to break.Put the blame squarely on the portable power source.

I couldn't stand myself, and went right to the bottom of the puzzle: laziness, self-doubt, timidity, procrastination, anger...it all came from me.Portable power is innocent!

These problems spread like cancer cells in my body. At one time, I thought these small things were nothing wrong, but when they gradually reflected in more and more things in my life, I began to realize the seriousness of the problem.Because once these problems are involved in matters related to others, the consequences will become serious.It's so serious that people regret why they didn't get rid of these problems earlier.

Feel lucky to realize my problem with something as tiny as not always carrying a portable power supply!Let's start from the smallest place, from the shallower to the deeper, subtle and subtle, and it will surely cure all kinds of difficult and miscellaneous diseases of the personality.

5
Trench coats are a favorite of private investigators and secret agents.

In my world, the impression left by watching movies endows the windbreaker with a kind of mystery and coldness.

Big lapel, long swing, neat and elegant.

In high school, I was too obsessed with trench coats.When autumn is approaching (autumn is the most suitable season for wearing trench coats), I have saved hundreds of dollars, but I can't find the style I like the most in my mind.Autumn is over, and finally when the new year is approaching, I bought a very weird lavender, yes, lavender, windbreaker-style cotton coat.I happily stripped off all my clothes and stood in front of the fitting room mirror, still looking bloated with only it on.It is always a cotton coat, and it does not protect against the cold at all.Because the channels for buying clothes were too limited at that time, I still gritted my teeth and bought this windbreaker-style cotton coat.

I went through it twice, once when I was walking on the school's boulevard, imagining that there was a breeze blowing on my face, and the hem would float up when the wind blew over.But there has been no wind, not at all.And because the color is really special, it has been discussed all the way.The second time I wore it to a barbecue restaurant party. After the end, it was covered with oil stains and I never wore it again.

I haven't bought a decent windbreaker that really fits me so far.

But I will always like it, like seeing people in movies, wearing trench coats, walking with wind.

Like being free.

6
We may fall in love countless times in this life, and we may also have feelings for several people. Hormones will be secreted according to the needs of different times and states.But I have to admit that most love is a kind of self-need, a dry heart that needs to be watered.What is different from this need is that there must be such an image, which comes from the excited neurons on your cerebral cortex, and is a synthesis of your perception, impression and aesthetic concepts of the opposite sex (or the same sex, depending on your sexual orientation) A unique, perfect product that you think is produced after the action.It must have certain characteristics that you are obsessed with, such as the shape of the nostrils should be slender, the hair should be soft, the figure should be tall and thin, and so on.These feelings are latent and subtle, like a fish in the deep sea that emerges from its pressure layer from time to time, and then dives back.But most people have verified that the consciousness you generate comes from the real world, so such a person formed in your consciousness must be able to find a corresponding living body in the world!You must think that your imagination is false and just idealistic, but when you see or meet such a person, you will know that there is someone who corresponds to the person formed in your subconscious mind.

How exciting and amazing!At this time, we began to lament fate.

Someone just happens to fit the perfect image in your mind, which can be easily explained in probability.But in this case, you and the other party are generally strangers, and you don’t know whether the other party is willing to know you, and whether the other party is willing to understand you after getting to know you.

Falling in love with the lover of your dreams seems to be a difficult problem.

Cupid's arrows have not pierced you.

We ourselves are unilaterally driven by inner forces, ignoring part of the objective reality and the current state of others, and enjoying ourselves in our own world.Thousands of people are separated between people and their hearts, so Cupid's arrows may not always hit the target.You find that even if you can get in touch with the lover of your dreams, you can't get into his heart.You will taste disappointment and feel apathy.The pain caused by this indifference will torture you until you bleed.The more you try to get closer, to get, the easier it is to tear yourself apart.It turns out that the God of Cupid at this time, with a sharp knife in his hand, cut through your dream.

In fact, some people can only stay in their dreams.Let him live in your heart, live forever as a kind of sustenance, without causing harm, is the most perfect choice.

7
I have always felt that it is extremely absurd for lovers to live together. For the sake of the momentary quickness of the vows made by each other, both of them are in a cocoon.Cohabitation, unlike a marriage relationship, has no obligations as a contract and can break down dramatically at any time.After being together for five or ten years, I have seen many vivid examples of the relationship being destroyed because of some trivial things.A marriage contract can be torn up, not to mention oral vows.It would be a big mistake to think that cohabitation will make the relationship closer.Confusing love with the trivialities of life and letting the other party see their own ugliness will only accelerate boredom and replace love.If the distance is too close, love will also become a burden. Reserve some space for each other to breathe fresh air.Everyone has his own world, you cannot become the oxygen in his life.

8
Life moves too fast, and it's too easy to feel exhausted.Apple's plan to abolish the system makes users keep changing their mobile phones, and various social software updates are overwhelmed, so people have adjusted their pace too much in order to match the rhythm of the times.The explosion of information makes the brain tired, and we use the mental load as the price for enjoying the convenience: people become impetuous, and people's friendship becomes very light.I will still miss the paper fragrance of letter paper and postcards.If you can calm down and write a letter to a friend to talk about what is in your heart, the other party will be very pleasantly surprised.If you eat fast food for a long time, you will become obese. If your inner needs for emotions become more and more fast food, your heart will also become bloated.Loads are heavy but lack density.

(End of this chapter)