Meet you in the most beautiful years

Chapter 17 Lu Xiaoman: When I write that the lake and mountains are always lonely (1)
the joy of snowflakes

Regarding Lu Xiaoman, what Liang Qichao said was really thorough.At the wedding of Xu Zhimo and Lu Xiaoman, he reprimanded them for the first time, and then wrote to Liang Sicheng, Lin Huiyin and Liang Sizhong about the matter, saying: "I watched him find such a person as a partner again, and I was afraid that he would marry him." In the future, the pain will be even more infinite, so I will give that person a blow, hoping that she will come to her senses (but it may be difficult), so as not to kill Zhimo in the future."

Mr. Liang's worries are by no means superfluous. In fact, his slap in the face did not prevent the development of the situation-Xu Lu's marriage not only became the grave of their love, but also brought Xu Zhimo infinite pain, and even eventually led to Yingcai's early death tragedy.

Liang Qichao's impression of Lu Xiaoman was so bad that it couldn't be worse.I can't blame the old man for being rigid and strict. With all due respect, among the three women around Xu Zhimo, the one I don't want to write about is Lu Xiaoman.

It is true that she can be regarded as a peerless woman, intellectually charming, graceful, and has a sensitive artistic heart. She was born in Shanghai in November 1903. She has been a scholar for generations. Her father, Lu Ding, is the Taxation Director of the Beiyang Government. She has been familiar with classics since she was a child, and is proficient in English and French.

Like Lin Huiyin, she is an amazing flower in the upper class social circle, but Lin Huiyin has the introverted and reserved beauty of a lady, who can be as noble as the bright moon or as low-key as a mustard.What Lu Xiaoman lacks is a calmness and reservedness, and the tenacity to persevere.

She likes to be lively, can't stand loneliness, and likes a life full of stars and flowers.Lin Huiyin went through hardships and hardships when inspecting buildings in various places. If it were Lu Xiaoman, it would be hard to imagine that she could last for a few days.She was born for communication. To put it bluntly, she is actually a social flower. At that time, there was a comment: "Shanghai ladies are famous for their communication, starting from Lu Xiaoman and Tang Ying", which is the so-called "Southern Tang and Beilu" who are famous for their beauty.Even her encounter with Xu Zhimo in Beiping began with a lively dance.

Therefore, the encounter between Xu Zhimo and her at the end of 1924 should have been a wrong encounter.At that time, Xu Zhimo, who was broken in love, met Lu Xiaoman, who couldn't bear the loneliness. Only God knows how solid the foundation of their love will be.

She has been married for more than two years, and her husband is Wang Geng, a military talent at that time.Wang Geng, courtesy name Shouqing, studied at the University of Michigan, Columbia University, and Princeton University in the United States. After graduating from West Point Military Academy in 1918, he returned to China to serve in the Beiyang Army Department and became a student of Liang Qichao. In 1922, Lu Xiaoman married Wang Geng at the order of his parents.

It should be said that marrying Wang Geng was actually a good choice for Lu Xiaoman.Later, her extramarital affair with Xu Zhimo was full of turmoil, until she divorced and married Xu Zhimo, Wang Geng showed a gentleman's demeanor of tolerance, tolerance and adult beauty.

She is obviously different from Wang Geng in terms of personality, aspirations, temperament and attitude.Wang Geng is a promising young man who is obsessed with his career and lacks love for his children; Lu Xiaoman is on the contrary. She is indulging in romantic and fanatical love and pursuing sweet and poetic happiness in life.Xu Zhimo's appearance coincided with her.But life, how can every second be soaked in a honeypot.

Also studied under Liang Qichao, Wang Geng and Xu Zhimo can be regarded as brothers in the same school.When he met Lu Xiaoman, Xu Zhimo had been back to China for more than a year.Liang Sicheng took Lin Huiyin to study abroad, and what his favorite woman left him was a back that never turned around.He was lonely and miserable, and he was single, so he often went to Lu's house to look for Wang Geng.

Wang Geng is always very busy, so he said to Xu Zhimo: "I'm busy today, let Xiaoman accompany you!" Whenever Lu Xiaoman asked him to accompany him to go out, Wang Geng always said: "I'm not free, let Zhimo Let's go with you!" This Wang Geng is really a lump of elm wood.He couldn't see through Xu Zhimo's loneliness, nor could he understand Lu Xiaoman's loneliness, so the failure of his marriage with Lu Xiaoman, who was right and who was wrong, couldn't be said to be absolute.

Lu Xiaoman later recalled his love with Xu Zhimo, emphasizing the positive and sunny spiritual power of Zhimo at that time, and the care and attraction he had for him.

I met Zhimo by accident, let his shining eyes shine through my heart, recognize my hidden pain, and persuade me with sincere feelings not to steal a life from deceiving others and deceiving myself, and not to ruin my future by myself , His kind of heart-to-heart love made my life change direction, and at the same time I fell into love.

——(Lu Xiaoman's "Love Eyebrow Notes Preface")
In 1925, Wang Geng was transferred to be the director of the Harbin Police Department, and left home to go north to take up his post.The free space he left behind after he left, like a wilderness stirred by the south wind, quickly gave birth to the love affair between Xu Zhimo and Lu Xiaoman.For Xu Zhimo, the emotions he had been wandering for a long time finally had an attachment and was released in the most perfect way.

If I were a snowflake floating lightly in mid-air, I would definitely know my direction—fly, fly, fly,—the ground has my direction.

I don't go to that cold and lonely valley, I don't go to that desolate foothill, and I don't go to the deserted street to feel melancholy—fly, fly, fly——look, I have my direction!

Juanjuan danced in the mid-air, recognized the quiet residence, and waited for her to come to visit in the garden—Fei Yang, Fei Yang, Fei Yang,—ah, she has the fragrance of cinnabar plums on her body!
At that time, relying on my lightness, I clung to her skirt gently, and clung to her gentle, wave-like breast——Melting, melting, melting—melting into her gentle, rippling breast!
——(Xu Zhimo "The Happiness of Snow Flower")
"The Happiness of Snow Flower" is a relatively pure poem written by Xu Zhimo when he was in love with Lu Xiaoman.Perhaps, Lu Xiaoman is the one who caters to his passion the most among all the women he has ever met.Zhang Youyi was the woman he married back home to carry on the family line under the feudal marriage, and his romantic heart had never been opened to her; while Lin Huiyin, the confidante who could resonate with his soul the most, was like a snow lotus on a high mountain, always keeping away from him; Only Lu Xiaoman, like a ball of fire, charmingly accepts his enthusiasm, from soul to body.Therefore, the love between them made him understand "what love is all about", and filled him with joy of gratitude.

Yu Dafu once commented on their love affair: "Loyal and gentle like Xiaoman, warm and sincere like Zhimo, when they are together by chance, sparks will naturally be emitted and they will be burned together. Where can we still care about Gangchang, Lunjiao, and patriarchal family traditions?" ?” A flamboyant single man and a married woman who had an affair, their relationship was not blessed from the very beginning.

Around that time, Lu Xiaoman's reputation in the public was not very good, and when the rumors spread around, it was particularly unsightly.Couples in love can't control these things. Xu Zhimo thinks that no one really understands his "Little Dragon". As long as she works hard, then she will have to obtain artistic achievements, and all the rumors will be nothing but mediocrity.

From the very beginning when he fell in love with Lu Xiaoman, he wanted to encourage her.She is beautiful, gentle and talented, which is why he fell in love with her.He believes that the power of love will make her wake up. Over time, they will each make progress, so this extramarital affair, which has been criticized by others, will have positive meaning.

The earliest surviving letter written by Xu Zhimo to Lu Xiaoman is about February 1925, 2.In his letter he said:

Dragon!You don't know how deeply I expect you to advance bravely, how I believe that you really have the ability to develop potential talents, and how I secretly pray for the day when this superficial, vulgar, snobby (ordinary person) will open his eyes in surprise and close his eyes to shame ——When that day comes true, it will not only be your victory, but also my glory!Clever Xiaoman, you must fight for this breath!

——(Xu Zhimo to Lu Xiaoman)
"A night of emerald green jade" should be their first moment of love.Many years later, they were emotionally at odds. Xu Zhimo wrote to her sadly and asked her: "Don't you remember when our 'Fei Leng Cui Yi Ye' kissed each other in the corner of Pine Tree No. [-]? Have to go to Shuli?" At that time, No. [-] Songshu Hutong was also the activity place of the New Moon Society.Their "farewell kiss" in the corner that night was the strongest liquor, even if it was poisonous, they tasted it, and after tasting it, they never wanted to throw it away.

Paper can't hold fire, and Wang Geng finally knows the truth.For Wang Geng, a knowledgeable, young and promising police chief, this is naturally a great shame.No matter how self-cultivated Wang Geng is, quarrels are always inevitable, and this extramarital affair was completely exposed. In the Beijing cultural circle in the 20s, it was simply the number one news.Xu Zhimo set off for Europe on March 3 in order to avoid the limelight and also to fulfill his invitation with Tagore, starting a trip abroad that lasted several months.

Missing Xu Zhimo makes Lu Xiaoman's days feel like years.During the separation during these days, Xu Zhimo and Lu Xiaoman have suffered from lovesickness, and the letters between them have become more and more sad and lingering.

Really Longlong, you have excited my infatuation.Don’t be afraid when I say it, sometimes I really want to drag you to die with sympathy, to realize perfect love in the solitude of absolute death, to seek the only light in the universal darkness—well, if tonight You have a cup of poison nearby, and at this time you and I may already be in the world of bliss.It's strange to say, I really don't love this form of life, I just want a companion, and I'd like to rest in peace when I have a companion; Longlong, haven't you promised to be my permanent companion?I can't relax you anymore, my heart, you are mine, you are the only achievement in my life, you are my life, my poem; you are completely mine, every cell is mine - you If you want to say half a word, Tianlei will kill me and finish the job.

——(Xu Zhimo to Lu Xiaoman on March 1925, 3)

This annoying spring scene made me miss your sincerity even more, and made me feel sad. I couldn't help but sleep on the vines, closed my eyes and called your name softly (do you hear it?).I don’t know how long I fell asleep like a dream but not a dream. I just thought of you——suddenly I seemed to hear your lively laughter rolling in my ears like beads, “Man, I’m coming,” and felt Your great hand tightly held my hand and sent it to your mouth, and it seemed like your naughty smiling face snuggled up to my cheek secretly and sent a kiss.This time I was so scared that I didn't even dare to breathe. Are you really back?I hurriedly opened my eyes and took a look, how can I see you in the slightest?There was nothing beside me, and I looked down again, only to realize that my right hand held my left hand at some point, and there were a few fallen flowers on my body, and the petals were floating on my cheeks, as if you were stealing a kiss .

——(Lu Xiaoman’s diary on May 1925, 5)
— Cough, as soon as I think of you, my only treasure, all my bones and flesh turn into water-like tenderness, flowing towards you.I really wish I could cut open my chest and nest my love in the warmest part of my heart, so that you won't be exposed to the slightest wind and frost, and won't let you be contaminated by the slightest dust.Man, I hold you and kiss you, what do you think?

——(Xu Zhimo to Lu Xiaoman on March 1925, 6)

However, at this time, a new change occurred in the situation.Wang Geng, who has been transferred to Shanghai, sent a "Love Meedon Letter", claiming that if Xiaoman refuses to go to Shanghai for a reunion, he will never go!He loves Lu Xiaoman, but the way of love is different from Xu Zhimo, so after making a painful choice, he gives Lu Xiaoman an ultimatum, hoping that she will reunite with him as soon as possible, and that everything in the past can be forgotten.

Faced with the urging of her parents, she decided to force her to die, but her parents had already prepared for it, and they just said, "Okay, if you want to die, we all die together!" They completely broke her will.In desperation, she could only give in to her parents, and wrote a farewell letter to Xu Zhimo with tears in her eyes: "The relationship between you and me has to end here, and you don't ask me about my behavior from now on, and don't inquire about it. You just remember that it is a soulless man who follows others."

At the end of July 1925, Xu Zhimo finally returned to Beijing.After weighing again and again, he asked Liu Haisu to come forward as a lobbyist and fight for Xiaoman's freedom from Lu's parents and Wang Geng on his behalf.

In early September, not long after Lu Xiaoman's family went south, Xu Zhimo also went to Shanghai.On the third day in Shanghai, Liu Haisu set up a large table in Gongdelin restaurant, entertaining Xiaoman's mother and daughter, Wang Geng, Zhimo, Tang Ying, Li Zufa, Yang Xingfo and others.This banquet had a special meaning. At that time, Tang Ying, Yang Xingfo, and Li Zufa, like Lu Xiaoman, Wang Geng, and Zhimo, were the protagonists of a love triangle. It was obvious at a glance that this was a pair that had to be persuaded to break up. emotional drama.

Liu Haisu was very measured, cleverly and tactfully asked everyone to discuss whether a marriage without love is moral or not.This topic was put on the table, and although everyone had different thoughts, they all acquiesced to Liu Haisu's statement, and the emotional stalemate between each other also tended to ease.

In October, Xu Zhimo returned to Beijing to edit the "Morning News Supplement".One morning, Lu Xiaoman suddenly appeared in his office, and the first thing he said out of breath was: "Zhimo, Wang Geng and I are divorced!"

At that moment, it seemed as if the heaven and the earth were revolving, and no kind of happiness in the world could compare to this couple's hard work and fulfillment of their wishes.

But happiness is often the most profound only on the road leading to happiness.When things come to fruition, all the hard work finally blooms the most beautiful flower, and the rest of the time is withering and aging.

In 1926, the Xu family in Xiashi Town divided the family property because of Xu Zhimo's marriage, and finally agreed to the marriage between Xu Zhimo and Lu Xiaoman.When reporting the good news to Lu Xiaoman in Beijing, Xu Zhimo couldn't restrain his excitement and attached a poem to the letter:

I have added a piece of meat to my heart, and I have a home in this life!
See the white clouds flying in the sky, and listen to the sparrows singing on the branches.

I couldn't help the tears of gratitude, I shouted, I am content from now on!

Do not wish for a higher heaven!

——(Xu Zhimo "Don't Want to Look at the High Heaven")
As one of the parties involved, Zhang Youyi also went to Xu's house at that time.Later she recalled that she saw Xu Zhimo wearing a striking emerald ring, which was given to him by Lu Xiaoman as a token of love.When Xu Shenru asked her if she objected to Xu Lu's marriage, she was silent for a moment and said, "I have no objection." Xu Zhimo stood up excitedly, walked to the window and stretched out his arms as if to embrace the whole world.At that moment, the emerald ring in his hand flew out of the window. He hurried downstairs to look for it, but he couldn't find it again.

In any case, this little episode always had ominous hints about this new relationship.A hint of foreboding creeps up in Zhang Youyi's heart like a vine, she feels in a trance that the marriage between Xu Zhimo and Lu Xiaoman may not be able to live happily ever after.

Love is driven to the grave by marriage

Marriage is the watershed in the emotional life of Xu Zhimo and Lu Xiaoman.

Before, they climbed a mountain with difficulty, so high and so far away that they could not see the peak, but they were willing to hold hands tightly and never leave each other; now that they have climbed over the mountain and enjoyed all the beautiful scenery, it is time to go down the mountain up.

Marriage is the tomb of love - this saying applies to them, sadly, it is so appropriate.

On October 1926, 10, they held a brilliant wedding at the Beijing Beihai Board of Directors.The existing group photo of Xu Zhimo and Lu Xiaoman at their wedding has been mottled with light and shadow, and the new couple in the old days is still the eye-catching protagonist.Lu Xiaoman sat bowed with flowers in her hands, her long veil gently brushing the floor; beside her stood Xu Zhimo in a long robe and mandarin jacket, with a faint smile on her lips.

There is no doubt about the happiness at that moment, but before the wedding, no one expected that the witness Liang Qichao would reprimand the two of them with such a particularly severe testimony.

Liang Qichao must be very reluctant to be the witness of the couple.He doesn't like Lu Xiaoman.Although Xu Zhimo was his favorite student, he pursued his prospective daughter-in-law Lin Huiyin back then, so it cannot be said that he didn't mind at all.However, Xu Shenru's marriage condition at the time was that Hu Shiwei's introducer and Liang Qichao must be their witnesses. Therefore, although Liang Qichao did not approve of their marriage, in the end he couldn't get rid of his affection and became their witnesses.

But there were some words that made him feel uncomfortable. As Liang Qichao's mentor, he also felt that it was necessary to say the heartfelt truth to his students.

Liang Qichao said: "Xu Zhimo, you have an impetuous temperament, so you have no achievements in learning. You are not dedicated to love, so you divorce and remarry... Both of you are people who have been divorced and remarried. You are not dedicated to love. In the future, you will repent and be a new person! May this be the last time you get married!"

This is an unparalleled marriage testimony. The reactions of the guests at that time, as Liang Qichao wrote in a letter to his family, "the newcomers and all the guests in the house are all eclipsed." Liang Qichao must have been extremely dissatisfied with Xu Lu's marriage, so he wrote When I wrote home, I regretted that my worries and indignation had not subsided:
Xu Zhimo is actually a smart person, and I love him, but this time I saw him fall into ruin and wanted to rescue him, I also had a lot of painstaking efforts.His old friends hated him for this behavior.I think that if he saw that he was cast out of society, he would of course suffer on his own and had nothing to complain about, but he felt that this person was too pity, or he might even commit suicide.I also watched him find such a person as a partner, fearing that he would suffer even more in the future, so I gave that person a blow, hoping that she would come to her senses (but I'm afraid it will be difficult), so as not to kill Zhimo in the future.But I'm afraid it's just my crazy heart. . . . It is dreadful that character has not been strictly trained.

——(Liang Qichao to his son and daughter-in-law)

He reprimanded Xu Zhimo, but actually he wanted to scold Lu Xiaoman more.He disdains and loathes a woman who circles around social occasions like a butterfly.At this moment, I want to say that the old man has a unique vision.Later facts proved that almost all the endings he feared were confirmed.

(End of this chapter)