Carnegie Language Breakthroughs and the Art of Communication

Chapter 2 The most popular conversation skills (1)
Genuinely take an interest in others.

Because he who doesn't give people a smile needs others to smile to him.So, if you want people to like you - smile!
You want to remember the name of everyone you come into contact with.

Be a good listener and encourage others to talk more about themselves.

Talk about other people's interests.

To make others feel important—it has to be done sincerely.

Practical Ways to Make You Popular Everywhere
Why learn how to get friends with this book?Why not learn this trick from the world's most friendly animal?Who is that?You can see it tomorrow when you walk down the street.When you come within 10 feet or so of it, it will wag its tail.If you stop and pat it gently, it will jump up for joy and show you how much it likes you.And you also know that after such an intimate expression, it has no other attempts or plans, not to sell you a piece of land, let alone marry you.

Have you ever thought that dogs are the only animals that don't have to work for their lives?A hen has to lay eggs... a cow has to give her milk... a canary has to sing...but a dog doesn't have to give anything to keep him alive, all he has is "love".

When I was 5 years old, my father bought me a yellow-haired puppy for 5 cents.It brought me the light and joy of my childhood.Every afternoon around 4:30, it sits in front of the courtyard and looks at the path in front of it with its pair of beautiful eyes. When it hears my voice or sees me turning the lunch box through the bushes, It rushed up the hill like an arrow, jumping and shouting happily to welcome me, its name is Dibe.

Dibe has been my good friend for 5 years.On one tragic night that I will never forget, Dibe was struck by lightning just 10 feet away from me.Dibe's death was a tragedy in my childhood!
Diba, you never read psychology, and you don't need to.Because of your wisdom, you know that if a person sincerely cares about others, he will make more friends in two months than if he makes others interested in you in two years.Let me say it again, if you are always caring and interested in people, you will make more friends in two months than in two years if you just want people to care about you and be interested in you I have more friends.

However, you and I both know that someone's lifelong mistake is to only want others to care about him and be interested in him.

Of course, none of this will come to fruition, people are not only not interested in you or me, they are not interested in anyone else, morning, noon, and night, all they care about is themselves.

The New York Telephone Company once conducted a survey on what is the most commonly used word on the phone. You may have guessed the answer correctly, that is "I" in personal pronouns.In 500 telephone conversations, 3 "I" words were used. "I" "I" "I"...

When you see a group photo of you, who do you look at first?

If you think people care about you and are interested in you, please answer this question, if you died tonight, how many people would attend your funeral?
Unless you care about others first, why do others become interested in you and care about you?
Take out your pen and write down the following:
We'll never have many genuine friends if we're just trying to get attention and interest.Friends, real friends, don't come that way.

Napoleon once tried this. When he and Josephine met for the last time, he said: "Josephine, I was the luckiest person in the world, but at this time, you are the only person in the world I trust. "In the eyes of historians, it is still doubtful whether Napoleon really trusted Josephine!

Adlo, a famous psychologist in Vienna, wrote a book called "The Meaning of Life to You".In that book he said: "A man who is indifferent and uninterested in others will meet great hindrances, difficulties in his life, and will at the same time cause great harm, distress, and all human failures. , all happened because of these talents.”

Maybe you have read many esoteric psychological books, but you haven’t realized that there is such an important sentence. I don’t like to repeat it again, but Adlo’s words are too meaningful, so I will repeat it below:

A person who does not care about others and is not interested in others will encounter great obstacles and difficulties in his life, and at the same time bring great harm and trouble to others. All human failures are due to these talents.

I once took a course in short story writing at New York University. During this period, I heard a speech by the editor of a famous magazine.He said that he can pick up any of the dozens of novels on the table every day, and after reading a few paragraphs, he can detect whether the author likes others.If the author doesn't like others, then others won't like his work.

The worldly editor, on two occasions, paused slightly during his speech to apologize for moving away from the subject.He said: "Now what I want to tell you is the same as what you listen to the pastor, but don't forget that if you want to be a successful novelist, you must first be interested in others."

If this is the secret of writing novels, you can be sure that it should be more so when it is applied to dealing with people.

Seston was a successful magician, and I visited him in his dressing room when he was performing on Broadway, and we sat down and talked all evening. Over the past 40 years, Seston has traveled all over the world, and his amazing magic stunts have fascinated countless audiences. More than 6 million audiences have seen his performances, making him an income of 000 million US dollars.

I asked Mr. Seston to share the secret of its success.He recounted bits and pieces of his past history, arguing that schooling had absolutely nothing to do with his immediate success.He ran away from home when he was young and became a vagabond, stole the train, slept on the haystack overnight, and begged from house to house.Looking at the advertisements on both sides of the railway through the car window, he knew a few words.

Does he have a superior knowledge of magic?No!This is what he told me himself.Hundreds of books have been published on magic.At present, in terms of magic, there are dozens of people who are as accomplished as him.But he has two things that no one else has:
He has an acting personality and understands human feelings.Every movement, posture and tone of his speech have been strictly previewed in advance, and his manners are quick, his responses are flexible, and every second is accurate.

Besides that, Seston had a genuine interest in people, and he told me that many conjurers, looking at the audience, said to himself: These idiots, bumpkins, I'm going to play tricks on them.But Seston is not like that at all. He told me that every time he takes the stage, he must first say to himself: "I would like to thank these audiences who support me, they make me have a comfortable life, and I will give my best. Do the show well."

He said that whenever he went to the stage, he would say to himself: "I love my audience, I love my audience." Is it ridiculous, unreasonable?You can think what you want, I just offer you the skills of the most famous magician in the world without comment.

Mrs. Sumen Henk told me the same thing.Her life was full of tragedies, and at one point, she even wanted to commit suicide with her child in her arms.Despite encountering such a harsh environment, she continued to sing her favorite songs and became a sensational "Gener"-style singer.She herself admits that the secret of her success is her deep interest in "people".

The old President Roosevelt had amazing achievements, he was welcomed by people, and even his servants loved him, which is one of the secrets of his success.His black squire, Emers, once wrote a book about him, titled "Heroes in the Heart of Sidall Roosevelt", in which Emers told a touching story.

Once my wife asked the President what a bob quil bird looks like.Because she had never seen a quail bird, and President Roosevelt told her in detail.Sometime later the phone rang at my house (Emers and his wife lived in a small house in President Roosevelt's Oyster Bay residence). My wife answered the phone and it was the President himself.President Roosevelt told her on the phone that there was a quail bird outside the window, and if she looked out the window, she could see it.

Such concern for a small matter is one of the characteristics of President Roosevelt.Whenever he passed outside our house... sometimes without seeing us, we could still hear "Hi! Emers!" "Hi! Annie!"

How can such a master not be loved by the servants?Who can not like him?
One day, Roosevelt went into the White House to meet President Taft, just as President Taft and his wife were out.Old Roosevelt sincerely liked those lower class people, and he could say hello to all the servants in the White House, even the maids who did chores by name.Archer Bader once wrote:
When he saw Alice, the maid in the kitchen, he asked her if she was still making corn bread.Alice told him that sometimes that kind of bread was made for the servants to eat, and they didn't eat it upstairs.

Roosevelt heard it and said loudly: "It's because they have no luck. When I see the president, I will tell him about it."

Alice took a piece of corn bread to Roosevelt, and he ate it as he walked towards the office, passing by gardeners and workmates, saying hello to each of them...

Roosevelt greeted and talked to each of them as he had done when he was president.An old servant said with tears in his eyes: "This is the happiest day I have been in the past few years. Among us, even if someone brings $100, I will not change it."

Dr. Elijah, president of Harvard University, has a deep concern and interest in other people's problems, so he will be loved by every teacher and student in the school.This is an example of how Dr. Elijah treats people.

One day, Clayton, a first-year college student, went to the principal's office to borrow $50 from a "poor student loan".Then that Clayton said:
After I got the money, I was very grateful. When I was about to leave the office, Principal Ilya stopped me and said, "Please sit down for a while. I heard that you cook and eat in the dormitory. If you eat properly and adequately, I don't think that's bad for you, I used to do that when I was in college..." I sounded surprised, and he went on: "Have you ever made meatloaf, and if you put it in If it is rotten and cooked, it is a very delicious dish, and I liked to eat this dish in the past." He also explained in detail how to make the meatloaf.

This is what I have learned from my own experience that if we genuinely care about others, we can gain the attention and cooperation of the busiest people in America!
A few years ago, I held a course on novel writing at the White Rock Linz Academy of Arts and Sciences. We hoped that famous writers at that time, Norris, Hested, Taber, Xu Shi, etc., would come to our class and tell about their novels. writing experience.So we wrote a letter to each of them, saying that we appreciate their works very much, so we hope they can spare some time, come to our class once, and talk about their writing experience and secrets of success.

Each letter is signed by 150 students.We also said this in the letter: We know that they must be very busy and have no time to speak, so we attach a question form requesting explanations to each letter, and ask them to fill in their writing methods and other items. , send us this form.They love such a letter.So they all came all the way from their homes to Berklin to help us with this problem.

Using the same method, we have invited the Secretary of the Treasury under President Roosevelt, the Attorney General under President Taft and many other celebrities to give speeches in our speech class.

All men, whether he be a butcher, a baker, or a king on his throne, like someone who honors him.Kaiser Wilhelm is such an example.After the end of the First World War, people all over the world accused William of being the culprit of the war. After he fled to the Netherlands, even the Germans refused to talk to him.There are more than millions of people who hate him, and some even threatened to arrest him and tear him into pieces.

In the midst of this burning public outrage, a young boy wrote a simple letter full of sincerity and admiration to Kaiser Wilhelm.After reading the letter, the Kaiser was greatly moved and invited the little boy to see him.The little boy did come, accompanied by his mother.Empress De came to marry the child's mother.This little boy didn't need to read a book on how to make friends and how to influence people, he just knew how to do it.

If we want to make friends, we should first come out and do something for others—something that takes time, energy, justice, compassion.When Duke Edward was the crown prince, he had plans to travel around South America. Before he set off, he spent some time studying the Spanish language in order to talk directly to people from various countries in South America.So when he arrived in South America, he was especially welcomed by the people there.

Over the years, I have seriously asked about friends' birthdays.How did this work?Of course, I don't believe in the kind of opinions in "astrology", but when I met my friends, I asked them if they believed that a person's birthday is related to his character and personality?Then I asked him to tell me his date of birth.If he said that he was born on November 11, I will firmly remember this date myself.When he turned around, I quietly wrote down my name and birthday, and wrote it in a "birthday book" when I got home.

At the beginning of each year, I write these birthdays on the calendar on my desk, and when someone's birthday comes, I send him a congratulatory letter or telegram.How happy should that person be when he receives a congratulatory letter or telegram?Apart from his relatives, I am the only friend in the world who knows his birthday.

If we want to make friends, we must welcome them with all our sincerity.When someone calls you, you should feel the same way, and add a very welcome tone: "Hello!" The New York Telephone Company once held a training class to train operators.For example, when the inquirer asks "what's the number", you should add "I'm glad to serve you".We should also keep this in mind when we receive calls in the future.

Is this philosophical application effective in business?I could cite many examples, but to save time, I will only give two.

Charles Walter worked in a highly respected bank in New York City, and he was assigned to investigate the business of a company.Walter knew that the manager of an industrial company knew the situation of the company best and could provide the information he needed, so Walter went to visit that manager.Just as Walt was ushered into the manager's office, a young woman poked her head in through the door and told the manager that she had no good stamps for him that day.

After nodding to the girl, the manager explained to Walter, "I'm collecting stamps for my 12-year-old."

Walter sat down to explain his visit, and then asked his questions.But the manager was ambiguous and dealt with him irrelevantly.Obviously, he didn't want to say it.In all his efforts Walter could not get him to talk, and the conversation was short and dry and lacked the gist.

Walter was also a student in my workshop.He said:
To be honest, I really don't know what to do.Later, I suddenly remembered what his female secretary said to him, about stamps and 12-year-old children. At the same time, I also thought that the foreign exchange department of our bank often communicates with all over the world, and there are many foreign stamps that are rarely seen at ordinary times. Come in handy.

In the afternoon of the next day, I went to visit the manager again, and at the same time sent word that I had a lot of stamps and brought them to his son.You say, am I being warmly welcomed?That was a matter of course, he squeezed my hand tightly, his face was full of joyful smile.He looked at the stamps and said again and again: "My Georgie must like this one... well, this one is better, that's rare to see."

We talked about stamps for half an hour and looked at pictures of his son... and then I didn't need to say anything more.It took him more than an hour to provide all the information I needed.After he finished what he knew, he called the staff in the company to ask, and then made several phone calls to ask his friends.Finally, various reports and letters pointing out the company's property status gave me a great harvest.

There is another example.

Knaf was a salesman in a coal factory in Philadelphia. For many years, he wanted to sell the coal in the factory to an affiliated department store, but the company never bought his coal, and still bought it from a coal merchant in the suburbs.What made it even more difficult for him to swallow this breath was that every time the coal merchant delivered coal, it happened to pass by the door of his office.For this matter, Knaf complained loudly in the workshop, scolding the affiliated department store as harmful to the country and society.

He said this, but he was still not reconciled. Why couldn't he persuade that company to buy his coal?

I advised him to try a different approach.This is what I did. I divided the students in the workshop into two groups and held a debate with the theme - "The business development of chain department stores does more harm than good to the country."

On my suggestion, Knaf joined the opposing group, and he agreed to defend the company.Then I told him to go straight to the head of the department store who wasn't buying his coal.

When Knaf saw the person in charge, he said to him: "I'm not here to ask you to buy my coal. I have one thing I want to ask you for a favor..." After he finished explaining his intention, he went on to say: "Because I can't find anyone other than you who can provide me with this information. I really want to win the debate, and I hope you can provide more relevant information."

This is what Knaf himself described about the situation at that time.

(End of this chapter)