Carnegie Language Breakthroughs and the Art of Communication

Chapter 3 The most popular conversation skills (2)
I asked the person in charge to give me a minute to talk, and he agreed to see me after passing the message.After I explained my purpose, he asked me to sit down.We ended up talking for 1 hour and 1 minutes.He called another chain executive who had written a book about department store chains.He wrote to the unions of the national chain department store chains and got me a lot of transcripts of the debates on the subject.

He feels that his company has achieved the purpose of serving the society.He takes pride in being satisfied with his work.As he talked, his eyes shone with enthusiasm.

So for me, I must admit that it opened my eyes, made me see things that I couldn't even dream of, and changed my original thinking about him.

When I was about to leave, he personally walked me to the door, put his hand on my shoulder, and wished me victory in the debate.Finally, he said to me: "At the end of spring, you come to see me again, and I am willing to order coal from your factory."

It was a miracle to me, I didn't mention it, I didn't ask him, but he wanted to buy my coal.I made more progress in less than two hours than I had in ten years because of my sincere interest in him and his problems.The reason is that I used to only care about myself and my coal, but now I care about him and his immediate problems.

What Knave discovered was not a new truth. Long before Christ, a famous Roman poet "Siros" once said: "In order for others to be interested in us, we must first be interested in us." Others are interested."

If you want a pleasing personality, personality, and a more effective interpersonal skill, I urge you to buy a copy of "Turning to Religion" by Dr. Link.

Don't be afraid or disgusted by the title of this book, it is not a didactic book.

The author of this book is a well-known psychologist who has personally met and mentored
More than 3 people who thought they were depressed and asked him to answer questions about "personality and individuality".

Dr. Link told me that his book could be renamed "How to Perfect Your Personality", because the content of the book is to discuss such issues.I'm sure you'll find this an interesting, concise, and original read.

So if you want others to like you, the first rule you must follow is:

Genuinely take an interest in others.

how to make a good impression

Recently, I was at a dinner party in New York where one of the guests was a woman who had just received an inheritance.She seemed eager to make a pleasant impression, spending a great deal of money on mink coats, diamonds, and pearls, but she did not notice the expression on her face.She looked so mean and selfish.She didn't understand that what pleased the eyes of the men was the temperament and demeanor shown in the expressions of the ladies, not her graceful and luxurious attire.

Schwab once told me that his smile is worth 100 million dollars.Perhaps it is this truth that he is implying.Schwab has achieved what he is today, which should be attributed to his personality, charisma and that special ability.The most lovable factor in his personality is his charming smile.

I once spent an afternoon visiting Chevrolet and was honestly disappointed.He was taciturn, completely different from what I imagined.It wasn't until he burst into a smile that the whole atmosphere changed completely, and he suddenly became cheerful.If it weren't for his smile, I'm afraid Chevrolet would still be his carpenter in Paris, continuing what his father and brother did.

A person's actions are more expressive than his words, and the smile on people's faces can say: "I like you, you make me happy, I am very happy to see you!"

Why do people like dogs so much?I believe it is the same reason, you see they like to be close to us so much, when they see us, they are naturally happy, which makes people like them.

What is that "insincere" smile?The smile comes from the heart, that kind of insincere smile is mechanical and perfunctory, which is what people call "smile on the surface". It can't deceive anyone, and it's what we hate.

A personnel manager at a very large New York department store told me about this.He said he would rather hire a girl with a cute smile who hadn't finished elementary school than a doctor of philosophy with a cold face.

The chairman of a large rubber company in the United States told me that according to his observation, the success of a person's career depends entirely on whether he is interested in this career, rather than hard work and study to open the door to his success .He once said: There are certain people who, when they start a career, have great hope and interest, so they can achieve some achievements in the early stage.When they were bored, dull, and lost their original interest in this work, his career gradually went downhill and eventually failed.

If you want others to receive you with a happy and joyful expression, then you must first treat others with such an expression yourself.

I have advised thousands of business people to put on a relaxed smile every day they meet.After a week like this, I came back to the workshop to share my experience and results.You see this is a letter from Mr. Stein Hardan of the New York Stock Exchange. His situation is by no means an exception, in fact it is very common.

Stein Hardin's letter reads:

I have been married for 18 years, and over the years, between the time I wake up and the time I leave the house, my wife rarely sees a smile on my face or says a few words.

Since you asked me to give a lecture on the effects of smiling experiences, I tried for a week... When I combed my hair the next morning, I saw my tense face in the mirror, and I I said to myself: "Peel, today you have to loosen your plaster-like face, and you have to show a smile, from now on." When I sat down to breakfast, my face With a lighthearted smile on my face, I said to my wife, "Good morning, honey, you visited me!"

She must have been surprised, but you underestimated her reaction.At that time, she was confused and stunned.I can imagine that it was out of her unexpected delight.This is one thing my wife wishes to achieve. Yes, our family life has completely changed over the past two months.

Now when I go to the office, I smile at the elevator man and say, "Good morning!" I smile at the driver... When I go to the counter to change money, I smile at the guy inside... I'm trading When I was in the institute, I also had a smile on my face to those people I had never met...

It didn't take long for me to find that everyone gave me a smile when they saw me.For those who came to tell me the "Sutra of Suffering", I listened to their complaints with a caring and friendly attitude, and invisibly made it easy to solve what they thought was distressing.I found that smiling brings me wealth in many ways.

I share an office with another broker.He hired a clerk, a lovely young man, who gradually took a liking to me.I was proud and proud of what I had achieved, so I naturally mentioned the new philosophy of "Human Relations" to the young man.The young man once told me that when he first came to the office he thought me a sharp, repulsive, and very bad-tempered person, and that in recent times he had completely changed his opinion of me.He said: "You are very human when you smile! I also changed the original criticism of people, and replaced the words of scolding people with praise and encouragement. I will never say what I need, but try to give Accepting other people's perspectives. The evolution of the facts in front of me has changed my original life, and now I am a completely different person than I used to be-a happier and wealthier person than I was before."

Please remember that this letter is written by a very sophisticated and intelligent stockbroker.He made a living buying and selling securities on the New York Stock Exchange, and without more expertise, 100 people try and 99 of them fail.

Maybe you feel like you can't laugh?So what to do?There is a way, might as well give it a try!That is forcing yourself to smile, if you are alone, whistling, singing, trying to cheer yourself up as if you were really happy, that will make you happy.A late Professor James of Harvard University had the following opinion:
Actions are like following one's own feelings.But in fact, actions and feelings come together.So when you need to be happy, you can force yourself to be happy.

People want to know how to find happiness, and here is a path that may take you there.That is to let yourself know that happiness comes from your own inner mood, and you don't need to seek it from the outside world.

It doesn't matter what you own, who you are, where you are, or what you do, if you want to be happy, you can be happy.For example, there is such a case: There are two people who have the same status, do the same thing, and their income is the same, but one of them is relaxed and happy, while the other is sad all day long.What is the reason?The answer is simple, the two of them have different moods.

Shakespeare once said: "There is no difference between good and bad, that is what each person thinks."

Lincoln said it too: "Most men are as happy as they think they are." He was right.Recently I found a clear confirmation.

When I was walking up the stone steps of the Long Island Station in New York, I saw thirty or forty disabled children walking in front of me. They used crutches to walk up the stone steps step by step, and some of them had to be hugged. go up.But their happiness and laughter surprised me.

Later, I found the teacher who was in charge of these children and talked about this matter. He said: "Yes, when a child realizes that he will be disabled for life, he will feel uncomfortable and uneasy. But after this discomfort and uneasiness passes , and can only resign themselves to fate and continue to seek their own happiness, they are now happier than normal children."

I really want to salute those disabled kids who gave me a revelation I will never forget.

I spent an afternoon with Pickford when she was getting ready to divorce Fairbanks.People may think that her mood was very messy at that time, but in fact it was not so, she still appeared peaceful and happy.How did she calm herself down and settle down?Her secret is, when things are already like this, don't look for troubles for yourself, but look for happiness from the bottom of your heart.

Baig used to be a third baseman on a baseball team and is now a successful insurance company in the United States. Does he have a set of secrets for success?Yes, after years of research, he believes that a smile is always welcome.When he enters the office, he always stops outside for a while, finds something that makes him happy from his memory, and puts a smile on his face from the bottom of his heart, and then enters the office.

He believes that although smiling is an insignificant thing, it has made great achievements in his insurance business.

Let's look again at Hubbard's amazing advice:
When you go outside, tuck your chin in, hold your head up, and fill your chest with fresh air.When you meet a friend and shake hands with him, you must pour your heart into the palm of your hand.Don't be afraid of misunderstandings, don't think about unpleasant things, don't let your enemies invade your consciousness, just shake hands with friends.

In your mind, determine what you like to do, and then go ahead and do it without changing the direction.When you focus on the career you love to do, in the years to come, you will find that the opportunities you desire are all within your grasp.

You must always imagine yourself as a useful person who is capable, sincere, and useful to society.After you have this kind of thinking, you will change yourself moment by moment, so that your personality will gradually become this type.You must know that a person's thinking ability can form a great force.

Be in the right state of mind—brave, honest, and optimistic.Right thinking can inspire creativity.So many things come from ideals and desires.As long as it is your sincere prayer, it will be fully fulfilled.What achievement we want to achieve, as long as we conceive this idea in our hearts, we will have such a harvest!Relax your dignified face, raise your head, we are the masters of tomorrow.

But don't forget, you have to really put it into practice, otherwise, it's useless if you just "see".

The ancient Chinese were full of wisdom. They had a saying, you should cut it out and stick it in your hat.The motto is: Never open a shop if people don't have a smile on their face - never open a shop without a smile on their face.

Just now we talked about opening a store. In the advertisement for Colin Company, there are these few words in the advertisement of Fleck Ivan, which contain enlightening philosophy.

The Value of a Christmas Smile:
It doesn't cost anything, but it has a lot to gain.

It benefits the receiver and loses the giver.

It happened in an instant, but the memory of it lasts forever.

Anyone with money, wouldn't need it.And poor people get rich because of it.

It can create a happy atmosphere in the family.In business transactions, it can create a good impression.Among friends, it is a kind greeting.It brings rest to the weary, light to the despairing, sunshine to the mournful, and relief from troubles to nature.There is nowhere to buy it, nowhere to ask for it, nowhere to borrow it, let alone steal it...it is of no use to anyone until you get it.

If in the last minute rush of Christmas, our clerk is maybe too tired to give you a smile, can you leave your smile?
Because he who doesn't give people a smile needs others to smile to him.

So, if you want people to like you, the second rule is:

Smile!

By doing this, you can avoid trouble

It was in 1898, a tragedy happened in the village of Rockley, New York.A child died there, and on the day of the burial, everyone in the village was going to attend the funeral.Hui Alei was also a member of the funeral procession. He went to the stable to pull out a horse.It was winter, and there was a thick layer of snow on the ground.The horse had been locked in the stable for many days, and when it came outside, it was very happy, spinning its body around and raising its legs high up. Hui Alei was accidentally kicked to death by the horse.So there were two funerals in Rockley Village that week.

After Hui Alei passed away, what he left to his wife and three children was only a few hundred dollars in insurance money.

Hui Alei's eldest son, Jim, is only 10 years old. In order to support his family, he went to work in a brick factory.He poured the sand into the mold, pressed it into bricks and tiles, and took them out to dry in the sun.Jim didn't have the opportunity to receive more education, but he had an Irish optimistic character, which made people naturally like him and want to get close to him.He later joined the political world, and after many years, he gradually developed a special talent for remembering people's names.

Jim did not go to middle school, but at the age of 46, four universities awarded him honorary degrees.He was elected chairman of the Democratic National Committee and served as U.S. Postmaster General.

I made a special trip to visit Mr. Jim and ask him to tell me the secret of his success.He said curtly, "Hard work!" I was certainly not satisfied with his answer.I shook my head: "Mr. Jim, don't be kidding."

He asked: "What do you think is the reason for my success?" "Mr. Jim, I know you can name 1 people." I said.

"No, you're wrong!" said Jim. "I can name about fifty thousand people."

Don't be surprised by this, Jim has this ability to help Roosevelt get into the White House.

Jim's years as a salesman for a company and as secretary of the village of Rockcree had given him the habit of remembering people's names—the way of remembering.

Jim's set of methods is not complicated.Whenever he meets a new friend, he asks the person's name, the size of the family, that person's occupation, and his views on current politics.After he asked these questions clearly, he kept them firmly in his heart.The next time he meets this person, even if it is more than a year apart, he can still pat that person on the shoulder, greet his wife and children at home, and even talk about the flowers and plants in the backyard of that person's home.

A few months before Roosevelt started running for president, Jim had to write hundreds of letters a day and distribute them to acquaintances and friends in the western and northwestern states of the United States.Then, he took a train and traveled 19 kilometers across 20 states in the United States during a 12-day journey.In addition to trains, he also used other means of transportation, such as buggies, cars, and ships.In each town Jim visited, he would meet with acquaintances for breakfast, lunch, tea, dinner, and have a very honest conversation, before rushing on to the next stop of his itinerary.

On his return to the East, he immediately wrote a letter to each of his friends in various towns, asking them to send him a list of the guests they had talked with.Those on the countless list, they all get Jim's intimate and extremely polite reply.

Jim discovered early on that the average person feels more importance and concern for their own name than all the names in the world put together.Remember a person's name and say it naturally, you already have a subtle compliment and appreciation for him.On the other hand, forgetting that person's name or calling it wrong will not only embarrass the other person, but also cause great harm to yourself.

(End of this chapter)