Carnegie Language Breakthroughs and the Art of Communication

Chapter 40 Communication Skills for Happy Families (5)
The fashion when I was young was that if a girl didn't have a guy ask her out until the last moment, she was considered a very unattractive girl.Maybe being a hard-to-date girl would give her a good name, but she also lost a lot of fun being a girl.But what do you do if the guy asks you out after dating other girls?This gives you an excellent opportunity to prove to the boy that his second choice is the best.To learn to adapt to a man's mood, this is the best way for a woman to win a man's favor.

When a man suddenly has an idea, he likes to implement it immediately!If a woman cannot adapt to this impulse of a man, it will undoubtedly make them feel angry.Only girls who learn to adapt to men's emotions early can take a successful step on the road to getting along with men.

5. Competent yet feminine

Once in class, a female student told me that she lost a wonderful man because she was too capable.

This girl is the director of the company, always in charge of making plans, giving orders, and doing everything conscientiously.But in social situations, she has not had such smooth sailing.

"I'm often," she says, "hailing a taxi before my boyfriend has opened his umbrella; I'm always one step ahead of him to press the elevator button; and I recommend he order liver at dinner." and bacon to prevent his high blood pressure; he never had the opportunity to pull out a chair for me or take off my coat or put my shoes on. Because I was so capable and always got everything done first. I didn't just Competent -- but too competent, so I lost him, and it was all my fault."

The girls who come out to work now are really pitiful.In order to marry a husband they like, in addition to pursuing success and independence, they must always remind themselves to be a feminine girl.But men these days are spoiled. They want to marry a woman who is not only attractive but also smart enough to help him increase his family income if possible.

There is nothing difficult about getting the guy you like to see you and make him think that you are his ideal girl.Here's what you can do: Show off your talents at work to win the approval of your boss; after get off work, make the man you're dating feel like you're a woman, not an efficient machine.

Like the girl mentioned earlier, Helen learned this from a man who ran away.

Years ago, Helen met a young man who would keep her company.For at least a while, Helen developed a keen interest in the politics of her place, often engaging in this activity during her downtime.When she wasn't campaigning for someone or going to rallies, Helen and her boyfriend talked about political topics, such as what Judge X said, or what problems existed in administration, and so on.

Finally, the boyfriend couldn't take it anymore and said loudly to Helen: "You used to be a girl, but now you have become a living campaign leaflet. If I need to preach on politics or philosophy, I will write to the congressman. What I need now is a good woman who can add a pleasant atmosphere to my night." Later, the boyfriend finally left Helen and married a beautiful blonde who could keep the house in order and be a Delicate and lovely little woman.

6. Be true to yourself
The most ridiculous thing for a man is to see an old woman rampage in the street wearing a young woman's tight clothes, a wig, a pair of 3-inch high heels, and fake breasts that even a fool can't fool.Of all the things that make one sad, the refusal to accept mature women is probably the saddest.She will stubbornly believe that the charm of a woman lies in her age, as long as she works hard, no one will know that she is over 39 years old.It would be disgusting to see such a woman who is alluring and contrived, using her body that has long lost her sexiness and charm to court men.

In addition, there are some girls who look quiet and elegant, who will suddenly think that they can show their informal charm through unconventional and grotesque actions; in fact, on the contrary, men are not as stupid as she imagined , they are very clear, know how to judge a girl.

There are also many apparently intelligent women who also immaturely believe that women can make men swoon through "an occasional change of character".However, the essence is the best thing, since God has given us our current character, what is so bad about it, why cover it up?
All we have to do is strip it of its disguise and bring it back into the light.We can develop our own characteristics, overcome our unattractive shortcomings, and then we can achieve the best self-state.Anyone can do it, man or woman, as long as they work hard.

7. Happy to be a woman

Whoever makes the alarmist thesis that there will always be a war between the sexes must be a feisty man.I've always wondered why the gender differences between men and women are the reason they fight each other?It seems to me that there are many other things worth fighting for.

In any case, a woman who sees all men as enemies must be deceived and used by nature and man, so that she has little chance of being favored by a man, to whom she says, "Anyway, I hate men."

A woman who wants to establish a harmonious relationship with a man must first be willing to accept the role of a mother, acknowledge that mothers have a special role in human society, and at the same time understand the basic role of women.And those women who refuse to accept the role of mother are not limited to the so-called unmarried "old girls", but also some married women, who always complain that "being a woman is inferior", "Nature is too incompetent in creating men and women." Too eccentric", etc., which just provided evidence for the "war of the sexes".

Whether a person can accept his gender role calmly has nothing to do with whether he gets married or not. It is the natural result of a correct attitude and mature feelings.If this basic idea is not accepted, men and women will not be happy together, and the result may be war between men and women.

How to get along with men, it is difficult to sum up a set of precise formulas, because there are always various differences in personality between people.The opinions put forward here can at least guide you to deepen your understanding of men.

In our ideal world, men and women would not be like natural enemies, but a pair that go hand in hand, work and play together in friendship and love, and love forever.Therefore, if you want to have a happy marriage and family life, please remember the eighth rule:

Learn how to communicate and get along with your husband.

Don't be a "marriage illiterate"

The General Secretary of the Social Health Institute, Dr. Davis, once persuaded 1 women to answer frankly some questions concerning them.The astonishing, almost unbelievable, result was that many American adults were sexually unhappy.

After receiving the answers from these 1 women, Davis solemnly expressed her opinion, pointing out that the main cause of divorce in the United States is the error of physiological coordination.

Dr. Hamilton's research also proves that such a fact does exist.It took him 4 years to find a clear answer from the married sex lives of 100 men and 100 women.

Hamilton raised about 400 questions and asked each man and woman about their married sex life; at the same time, he also discussed in detail the various questions they raised.This research work is considered to be extremely important in sociology, so it has attracted the attention of various philanthropists, and they have donated money to support it.

If you want to know the results of this experiment, you may wish to read the book "What is the crux of marriage" by Hamilton and McGregor.

What is the crux of marriage?Dr Hamilton said:

Most conflicts in marriage are not due to sexual misfits—that is the opinion of arbitrary, negligent psychopathologists.In other words, if the sex life between the couple is very happy, many other small conflicts will naturally disappear.

Dr. Bobbino is the director of the Los Angeles Family Relations Institute. He has studied the marriages of thousands of people and is also an authority on family life in the United States.According to Dr. Bobbino, marriages generally fail for four reasons.He listed four situations:

a. Sexual disharmony.

b. Opinions differ about recreation.

c. Under economic threat.

d. Physical and emotional instability and abnormalities.

The above four points are listed one after another according to their importance, and "sex" ranks first. It is strange that "economic difficulties" only ranks third.

All experts who study the causes of divorce agree that "sex" cooperation is very important.For example, Hoffman, a family court judge, declared: "Nine out of ten divorces are due to sexual problems."

A famous psychologist Wesson said: "Sex is recognized by everyone as one of the most important issues in our lives. Most of the happy breakups between men and women are also caused by sexual issues."

Several doctors who came to my workshop to give lectures have also talked about this issue... Then, in the 20th century, when various sciences are advancing by leaps and bounds, people's happy marriages will still be broken because of ignoring the natural "sexual instinct". Not pitiful!
Reverend Butterfield, after 18 years of missionary work, abruptly quit that job to become director of New York City's Family Guidance Service, and married like any other young man.He once said:

When I was a pastor in the early years, I found from experience that those men and women who come to the church to get married, although they have long-term love and desire to get married, many of them know nothing about marriage.

He added:
We entrust the big problem of mutual adjustment in marriage to the word opportunity.As a result, the proportion of divorce reached an astonishing 16%.This kind of union is not real marriage, it is just not yet divorced, that is, to make oneself suffer.A happy union, their marriage does not depend on chance, they choose and plan carefully for themselves, just like an architect who builds a house.

Butterfield aided in this project by insisting for many years that the men and women who asked him to marry him must speak frankly with him about their future plans.From the results obtained from this discussion, he came to the conclusion that men and women eager to marry were "marriage illiterates".

Pastor Butterfield said: "Sex is just one satisfying and pleasant thing in married life. But it has to be reconciled well, otherwise, there is nothing else to talk about."

But how to make it suitable?
Let us paraphrase Butterfield again: "Emotional silence must be replaced by objective discussion and married life detachment. The most effective way to acquire this ability is to rely on a book of academic accuracy and noble purpose. ... In addition to the book "Marriage and Sexual Reconciliation" written by myself, I always have several such books around me.

A few years ago, Columbia University and the American Social Health Association jointly hired well-known scholars to discuss the issues of college students' sex life and marriage.In that seminar, Dr. Bobino said: The proportion of divorces is gradually decreasing. The reason for the decrease is that most people have read many good books about sex life and marriage.

This makes me deeply feel that in the article "How to Make Your Family Happier and Completer", I must introduce several valuable and good books on "sex", only then can this article The article is more perfect.The attitude towards seeking knowledge about sex life must be serious, just like we read a world literary masterpiece.If you have this kind of attitude and this kind of mood, you will get what you deserve.

Of all my books of this type, there are 3 that I think are worthy of general reading, and they are Married Sex Technology by Hutton, Married Sex Life by Eckner, and Married Sexual Life by Ladd. factor".

Why can't we learn this kind of knowledge from books?
So, if you want to make your family more happy and complete, the ninth rule is:
Don't be a "marriage illiterate".

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