Carnegie Language Breakthroughs and the Art of Communication

Chapter 39 Communication Skills for Happy Families (4)
A man might explain it this way: they have to support their families, they have to go out to make money, and they have to put all their thoughts and energy on improving their jobs, rather than how to better play the role of husband.However, whether it is a man or a woman, marriage cannot be sustained only by money.Affordable food and clothing are only the beginning of male responsibilities, not the whole, and things are not entirely limited to this.

A few years ago, Lean White, president of Mills College, wrote an excellent book, "Educating Our Daughters," in which he criticized schooling for educating women and men exactly the same It's not right.He argues that there should be something in the curriculum that fits what women actually need—that is, education that cannot be divorced from the reality that most women are going to be wives and mothers anyway.

His proposal worked well, but it didn't provide a model for a happy marriage.What is the use of educating our daughters to be good wives and good mothers when they marry husbands and fathers who only know how to provide for their families?Why not marry our daughter to a man who has experience and knows how to be a good husband and father?

The great French novelist Balzac once wrote: "Most married men remind me of those gorillas who want to play the violin'." If we think of marriage as something that both men and women need to know, then we can Understand marriage, and those married men should stop being like gorillas and be like Ferris Kreisler, the famous violinist.

The "home" has been the basic unit of human beings since ancient times. It not only allows people to maintain hope for the future and maintains the present reality, but also protects, nourishes and teaches human beings.Home is actually a sacred castle.

Why is it that only men can shoulder the burden of protecting the family?Although women spend more time at home than men, this does not mean that men do not need a home.Home is not just a material concept, it also includes many spiritual meanings such as warmth, sharing, laughter, tears, happiness and sadness, and it is these spiritual meanings that add rich meaning and value to home.Obviously, all this cannot be created by women alone, it is the result of the joint efforts of both men and women.Therefore, I sincerely warn men to give women a chance to think carefully about how they should play the special dual roles of "husband" and "father", and properly distribute their talents and energy in creating a successful career to their family members.

Therefore, if you want to have a happy marriage and family life, please remember the seventh rule:
Learn how to communicate and get along with your wife.

Learn how to communicate and get along with your husband
One of my favorite moderns is Ogden Natchull, who in "Ode to the Father of a Baby Girl" expresses a sentiment that somewhere in the world there was a baby boy Growing up to be the man who married his lovely daughter.Since most fathers of adorable baby girls feel the same way as Natchur, we might as well face it.But for a woman, what is more tragic than tolerating a man's willfulness all her life is that there is no man she can tolerate.

Why do I say that?You know, half of the people in this world are men, so how to get along with men has become a problem that every woman has to face.In a woman's life there are countless men, husbands, fathers, sons, and sons-in-law, or bosses, clients, friends, suitors, and satyrs, or doctors, lawyers, soldiers, and clerks, or butchers, bakers, and laborers.

Since there are differences between men and women, and we have to accept this fact, as a woman, it should not be a bad thing to think more about how to get along with men.

What does a man want a woman to do for him?
Comfort of course!You'd think I got my answer from a bunch of champagne-weary, old-fashioned dudes, right?Wrong, let me tell you a fact:

At the end of World War II, men who continued to serve in the military were given a questionnaire in which one question was asked: "What do you want married life to bring you?" Almost all The same answer was given - neither heart-shattering femininity, nor stimulation, nor excitement, but comfort in the ordinary sense!
This answer may disappoint those ladies who blindly believe in cosmetics and perfume advertisements.But since men just need comfort, why not give it to them?Apparently, an ounce of comfort is worth more than a pound of sexiness to a man.But what exactly is a man's ideal comfort?Is it some woman who puts all his senses at ease, or a virtuous woman with knowledge and understanding, or a sexy woman like Marilyn Monroe?
Some women who participated in a certain course, based on their experience with men, after discussion, summed up the following effective rules, which can be used as effective rules for how women get along with men.

1. Have a good temper
Tao Lesi Dix, an expert on family issues, once said: "The first requirement for a man to choose a woman is that the woman has a good temperament." If any woman wants to get along happily with a man, then no matter whether the man is her Husband, boss, plumber, or her 3-month-old son, she should pay more attention to her temperament than to her faults, because men prefer to eat canned green beans in a pleasant atmosphere Wouldn't be happy eating steak in front of a sad-faced, nagging woman.

A bachelor once said frankly that if he had the chance to choose between a happy, gentle, mild-tempered woman and a sad, dull, irascible one, he would choose the former!
I once hired a female clerk who is a shorthand typewriter. If only from the perspective of professional skills, she cannot be counted.

Greg - She spells poorly and types slowly and often makes mistakes.But she was able to keep her job, even into marriage and retirement, thanks to her happy, angelic disposition.

She is not afraid of other people's complaints, complaints and criticisms, just like the sunshine in the office is as warm as the sun.As long as she's around, even if she's not doing anything, you feel like paying her a salary.I don't know if she's a better cook than a shorthand typewriter, but I've often seen her with her husband; I don't care if she can cook a good meal.

2. Be a good companion

U.S. Open champion Jack Flick wrote for The World Telegraph about how he overcame odds to win two municipal golf course franchises in Davenport, Iowa.

At the time, it was a daunting task for Jack to keep the franchise without letting up on game training.As luck would have it, he married Lee Burnstead of Chicago, who brought him good luck.Li became Jack's career helper, which allowed him to concentrate on practicing his skills.

Later, in 1952, the Jack family began to travel across the country.Leigh is taking care of her 13-month-old son Crillo, while Jack is on the Open Tour.Jack said, "I never let Li and me into the arena. You haven't seen the postman take his wife to deliver the mail?"

Although this wife was not actively involved in Jack Flick's beloved ball game, she always kept him close and kept him at ease.A woman like Li is a real good partner for a man.

Florence Maynard lives in a small town in upstate New York, she is an ordinary housewife.In the past 16 years of marriage, she only did some housework, so she always felt that something was missing in her life.Later, she finally knew that it was the affection of her partner.However, there are so few common interests and hobbies for the Maynards, and Mrs. Maynard sets out to take action to change that.

"One of my husband's main passions is professional hockey," said Mrs. Maynard, "so I started by cultivating my own interest in it. Once I became proficient in hockey, I also developed a passion for the game." Great interest. My husband and I went to watch hockey games with the same passion and kept track of the time when they were televised. Since then, I have not only loved this interesting sport, but also found that, I have something to do. What I get out of it is not only the joy of enjoying the sport with my husband, but also a fulfilling life-I will never sit at home alone with nothing to do …I now have some new interests besides hockey, and I can share more fun with my husband again.”

3. Good at listening
Almost all men think that women talk too much, which means that women take away their chance to talk.

Many women make the mistake of thinking that to listen to a man is to sit in silence and listen patiently to what he has to say.In fact, you should also show a positive attitude when listening to people. If you are a good listener, you will join the conversation at the right moment.

To listen to someone else's conversation, you must first concentrate.Eyes should not wander or look tense or fidgety.If you can really focus your mind, you may still learn a lot.

When listening to someone else's conversation, try to relax your expression and change it according to what the other person is saying.A deadpan audience is the most disappointing thing for a speaker.For the stage director, the most difficult job is to train the actors how to act and listen to the image of other actors.If you want to be a satisfying listener, work on training yourself.

Successful listening also requires concentration and active cooperation.It was once joked that if a girl wants to win a man's heart, she only needs to look at him intently when he introduces a successful business of her own, and insert a sentence at the right time, "You are so good! God , you're a genius!" would suffice.The clumsier she is, the more he likes her.However, this situation has changed a little bit: many girls are also successful in life, and they find it difficult to make the transition from the smart strong woman to the stupid little girl role; and the men are much smarter than before , They can tell who is the girl who really knows how to listen, and who is the girl who is deliberately flattering and flattering him.So remember this: When a guy really needs a girl to listen to him, and you want to win his heart and influence him, stop playing the old "pretend to listen" trick.

At this time, the best way to communicate is to ask him a question from time to time to show that you are listening to him and want to know more details; sometimes, you can occasionally put forward your different opinions.If you support his statement and are quite experienced in a certain area, you may wish to raise it between his stops, but be careful to be concise, and then give him the right to lead the conversation.

Listening like this is not a monotonous monologue, but an active two-way communication.However, most people are not ideal listeners because they don't understand the rules of communication.But these can be improved with practice.

Once a woman masters the art of listening, she will get along more happily with men, and get along better with other people, and this will also promote women's maturity-this is one of the ways to achieve maturity.

4. Learn to adapt to men
Perhaps we have seen this scene before:

"Let's have Jimmy and Mabel over tonight, we haven't seen Jimmy in a long time," said the husband, who is the head of the family.

"Very well," replied the wife, "but it would be better to have Helen and Tom too, as we have been to their house twice lately."

Then--

"Oh my God - Helen's sister is staying with her and we've got to get another guy to keep her company. You go to the deli and get some more beer and croissants. I'll do the phone and make up and dress, Then tidy up the room. You better vacuum the carpet while I get changed."

At this time, the husband really wished he hadn't spoken.Originally, he just wanted to chat quietly with one or two friends, but he unexpectedly attracted a room full of guests.

For some reason, women don't generally do things on a whim, except to buy themselves a hat-something men can't figure out anyway.He also didn't understand why a woman would spend weeks preparing to go to a play, or why, when he impromptuly suggested a weekend in the country, she would say there were no suitable clothes and wait until the next weekend. Besides, to give her a chance to inform the milkman...

Yes, a man's whim can sometimes be annoying for women who like to stick to a plan, but it doesn't hurt to respond with an occasional "yes, we..." instead of "yes, but..."I know one very happy wife who is married to a husband who likes to take short vacations.The husband often calls his wife after seeing a travel ad and says, "Pack your bags, honey! We're leaving for Los Angeles tomorrow morning." At this time, the wife, who is already used to it, will quickly pack and put away the swimsuit Suitcase, ask a neighbor to help with her little parrot, then push off all appointments and wait to get on the boat the next morning.She would also say, "It's no big deal. Any woman, with a little practice, can do it."

(End of this chapter)