Carnegie Language Breakthroughs and the Art of Communication

Chapter 38 Communication Skills for Happy Families (3)
Every man knows that he can send his wife to do anything, not with a certain purpose... If he knows how to praise his wife a few words, saying that she is a capable housewife, she will be more happy. Willing to do her part to make this more perfect.If a husband admires the beauty of the suit his wife made last year, she will never plan to order a new Parisian fashion this year.

Every man knows that they can kiss their wife's eyes shut until she's blind as a bat; just one passionate kiss on her lips can make her dumb as an oyster.

And every wife knows that her husband knows all this because she has prepared a complete chart for him to follow.However, she didn't know whether she should love him or hate him.Because he would rather spend some money after quarreling with his wife to buy her new clothes, new cars, jewelry, etc., than to flatter her a little.He is unwilling to satisfy her and treat her according to her desire.

So, if you want to keep your family happy and happy, the sixth rule is:

The etiquette between husband and wife is worth millions.

Learn how to communicate and get along with your wife
Loving a woman is not only enough to have passionate feelings, but also covers many things, such as understanding, attentiveness, sensitivity and respect.But those men who don't know how to manage love always like to find excuses, saying that "no one can really understand women".

If you really want to know your wife, it's best to start by loving her and letting her know your love.Otherwise, marriage is not a good thing for both parties.

"Once a man marries a wife and has children, he loses his wealth and opportunities." This is Francis Bacon's view on marriage.He disapproves of men getting married and having children, and bearing the burden of the family, and thinks it is a very stupid behavior for them to bear the danger of the god of fate taking the lives of their families at any time.

This shows Bacon's pessimistic attitude towards married people, but it also implies a truth from the negative side, that is, it takes courage for a man to get married.The old belief that single men are bolder and more fearless, while those who are married are reserved, seems to need to be corrected.

In fact, single men are more rigid than married men.This can be seen in the fact that they dare not venture to the marriage registry to avoid ruining their prim plans.They are cautious and unpredictable, just like what unmarried women describe to you: they dare not jump into the ocean of marriage, just walk on the beach, occasionally try the sea water with their feet, once they encounter big waves, they immediately retreat to a safe place.As for the married man, he has the courage of a lone warrior, the courage of a wounded rhinoceros, and the temperament of a gambler.Those who go bankrupt from gambling are nothing compared to this gambler-like disposition, because they bet their lives, their futures, their money, etc. on one woman and promised to keep her happy forever .His opponent is the God of Destiny. He bet everything on the God of Destiny, and then made a strange face at the God of Destiny.

We do not want to criticize these married men here, but to offer them some small suggestions to increase the happiness of their married life and pay tribute to these adventurous men.

Dr. Leodor S. Currier, dean of the College of Arts and Sciences at Cornell University, once designed a blueprint for a good marriage: "Happy marriages only belong to those who are spiritually mature, understand themselves, and are good at establishing good relationships with others. And a responsible person who thinks about other people's happiness in everything."

Dr. Currier also said: "A family is united through intrinsic values, such as the satisfaction of love and companionship, which cannot be forced." It can be developed, cared for and strengthened through a number of means.Here are a few tips we've gleaned about how "wife intelligence" can be used by husbands to relate to their wives.

1. Constantly thank and praise her

If you must save money to maintain your life, you must not begrudge your wife with "honey on her mouth".If you always praise her and how virtuous she is, then she will be loyal to you, whether you are unemployed or old and fat, she will insist on staying by your side, even if you always wear an old dress all year round. The coat will not have any complaints either.It's a pity that among those smart men, there are not a few who don't understand this characteristic of women.They thought that being able to marry her would be her lifelong blessing.Little did these men know that wives never tire of their husbands complimenting them.It is easy for men to know their status in various aspects. For example, if there is a mistake at work, there will be a boss to remind him; .But what about the wife who stays at home all day?They have no idea how they are doing if their husbands don't tell her.Therefore, her husband's praise is the best reward for her.

A friend of mine is Rob N. Prall, a columnist for the New York World Telegraph and the author of The Great Bribe, a heroic expose of urban corruption.The enviable thing about Rob is that he has an ideal wife that almost all men want; and his wife Jenny also thinks that he is the greatest man in the world, and she praises her husband every time.

Rob has plenty of ways to keep his wife feeling good.For example, when the publisher gave Rob a special gift book with a handcrafted cover, Rob would inscribe a message on the book on the spot: "To Jenny—my dear wife and my life." It's easier to get a woman's heart to glow than to sign a check because it's a sincere and heartfelt compliment to her successful housekeeping.

2. Be generous and considerate to your wife
Many men mistakenly believe that generosity means that a woman should pay her bills without thinking about it when she needs it, and give her some pocket money often.Now what I'm telling you is that money and generosity that women value is affiliation, and they care more when you say to her, "Okay honey, pick your mom up and have a good time with us. "The generosity shown in this way may be more effective.They hope that their husbands will be more caring and considerate of themselves in public places, just like he cares and respects himself for a strange and beautiful girl.

Like love, thoughtfulness, kindness, and kindness should start with your own family.

3. Keep neatly dressed
Many men believe that only women should be attractive and presentable.Women, for example, are always warned not to wear cold cream, not to go to bed with full curls, and not to have body odor, rough fingers, excess weight and slouching.The reason why women care so much about being young and slim is because they are afraid that if they lose their youth, they will lose their husbands.

But what about those men?Maybe he was a fashion model, but at home, he looked like an uncleaned bed.On weekends, he would be content to wear a shirt and bury his head in the newspaper, walk around in stinky slippers, neither bathed nor shaved, and thought himself very pretty, and it was his wife who married him Blessed.

Look at it from the wife's point of view: she doesn't care if her husband wears dungarees or a smart suit, and she loves him no matter what.However, even when her husband is idle at home, she would like to see him take a shower, shave, and wear clothes that are in harmony with home life.

Although appearance does not determine a man's status, it can change the image of a man in the eyes of women.Here's a list of questions that men trying to impress girls (including their wives) should be aware of:

Get a haircut in time without delay.

Don't go unshaven in broad daylight, unless you're going fishing on a lake with the kids.

Be sure to keep your appearance neat and tidy, and know that soap dish deodorants are not made specifically for women.

Keep your trousers straight, only a despondent man would tolerate crumpled trousers.

Always keep your leather shoes shiny, keep your socks straight, and always wear a smile on your face.

4. Know your wife's work

Nowadays, many women have personal experience in earning money and arranging their lives. With more and more professional women, they also have a certain understanding of the pressure and requirements of work before and after marriage. .

Therefore, men must be considerate of their wives, knowing that she is more constrained by circumstances than he is, that she has a difficult life, and that she has to take care of the daily needs of the family.

As a husband, you should at least understand how boring it is to do those routine housework every day.In addition, the wife has to take care of the children, and if someone in the family is sick, she can't do without her; sometimes she also arranges entertainment for the whole family.The wife is often overworked all year round, and the greatest motivation and reward is nothing but the happiness and praise of the family.

The wife needs a lot of contact with the outside world to increase her stimulation and eliminate the boredom caused by boring work.Husbands should also take their wives out to communicate with other housewives.A man has the opportunity to participate in various social activities because of his work relationship, so he hopes to obtain peace through leisure.At this time, the husband is required to coordinate his own needs with the stimulating social activities his wife needs, and handle the two in a relatively balanced manner.To do this well depends entirely on how he arranges it reasonably.

5. Support your wife as her back

A friend of mine once told me about a little crisis she had when her dearest aunt came to her home for the first time:

No sooner had my friend arrived at her house than her child became bedridden with bronchitis and all plans for entertaining guests were ruined.

"If it wasn't for Tom," she told me, "I really don't know what I would do. He takes my Aunt Grace out for a walk every night and makes her feel good. On the weekends, they go out together. Looking at the scenery. My aunt had a good time, which relieved my psychological pressure. Although Tom has some shortcomings, if it comes to an emergency, because he is by my side, I feel that I have something to rely on."

When we are in trouble, it is a hundred times better to have a husband we can rely on wholeheartedly than the hero of a romance novel to save the beauty.Therefore, the husband should not only stand up for his wife when she encounters a major crisis, but also support and help her in small daily matters.For example:
Wives need support and encouragement from their husbands when participating in parent-teacher conferences and women's club activities.

The same need arises from wives when they attend church choir or sewing classes.

A wife needs her husband's help in educating her children.

In social situations, a wife wants her husband to be her pride; she wants to see him having a good time, not making a fool of himself.

She needs to know that no matter what emergency arises, no matter what happens, he will always be there for her to give her a sense of security.

6. Share your wife's hobbies

The success of a marriage depends on the "sharing" and "cooperation" of both husband and wife.When two people are dealing with family issues, they must try to transform "you" and "me" into "we".For example, where do we go on vacation?Do we have to replace our chair covers and TV with new ones?and so on and so forth.Once the husband and wife understand each other's role in life, all problems can be solved easily.

Men may think that it would be demeaning for them to participate in things like buying gifts, doing housework, and so on.However, if he wants to keep his family warm and harmonious, he should first put aside stock market analysis and try to help his wife with some housework.Since he wants his wife to be happy about his promotion to sales manager, why can't he pay attention to some of the chores his wife said today, and be interested in a great deal she picked up at the flea market?

André Moross, a worldly writer who advises men on how to relate to women, said: "Be interested in what women think is important, what they wear, what they do for their families, what they do. In-depth and meticulous analysis of feelings and characters. When he is free, he might as well go shopping with his wife, buy something, advise her on certain things, be interested in small things in life, and communicate with her more, such as joining clubs, Etc. If she knows music and art, try to understand her hobbies. I believe that after a while, you will be surprised to find that you are also interested in her hobbies."

7. Show your love to your wife
Author Vicki Baum once said: "A woman who is loved is more likely to be successful." A husband must promise to love his wife. It is not as simple as putting a wedding ring on her finger, and it must be done as long as she Happy, he should put the wedding ring on her finger every day. "A man likes to feel he is loved," Metoud wrote, "but a woman likes a man to say he loves her."

For some reason, many husbands are embarrassed to say "I love you" to their wives right after their honeymoon.In fact, you can relax, even if you don't have to be as attentive as European men, you can still impress your wife.As a woman, you always have a unique perception, you can feel your love through countless silent hints, for example, you can find her among the people in the room; hold her little hand tightly in the movie theater, Unexpected hugs, tenderness, and more.

However, many women don't understand why a man pursues her so passionately before marriage, but refuses to show his love to her after marriage.I have a letter sitting on my desk from a young man in Toronto, Ontario, named Jack F. Tammon, in which he admits that he has made this mistake:
My wife is the ideal and perfect woman I handpicked out.After we got married, I was preoccupied with work, and my wife took care of the entirety of our lives.

However, this model of life obviously doesn't work.5 years of our marriage were unlucky and unsuccessful.Finally one day my wife and I had an argument and my 4 year old son asked me, "Dad, don't you like Mom? I believe she is a good mom."

I suddenly realized that I was a complete idiot.I actually love the mother of my child with all my heart.I love her for who she is and for what she has done for me.It is because of her meticulous care that our son grows up so healthy and lovely, but I have never taken on the responsibility of being a father and husband.

I deserved to be punished, but I decided to do my best to make amends.I went to my wife and asked her to help me become a good husband and father.

Thank God, it worked.Now we have lived a real married life again, a life based on mutual respect and love.She gave birth to another daughter for me, and our happiness is worth a thousand dollars.

Now, my kids never ask me why I don't like their mom!

Loving a woman is not only enough to have passionate feelings, it should also cover many contents, such as understanding, attentiveness, sensitivity and respect.But those men who don't know how to manage love always like to find excuses, saying that "no one can really understand women".They stubbornly believe that men are direct currents and women are alternating currents, and there is no possibility of communication between the two parties, so they can save a lot of trouble trying.

We're just here to tell these gentlemen that women don't come from space, don't work on another wavelength, and they're not monsters.Women are not a mystery, and many men have learned about women, and have done so since they were married.

If you really want to understand a woman, start by loving her, and let her know your love.Otherwise, marriage will not be good for both of you.

American women don't mind whatever faults you accuse them of, but you can't call them arrogant or complacent.Their strong desire to improve themselves has created a vast consulting market.For example, they will be taught how to attract men, how to choose a husband, what to do after marriage, how to raise children, how to keep housework in order, and if they really have 10 minutes to spare, they will consult What to do in your spare time.Not only do they go to lectures, but they also subscribe to various publications to provide meaningful guidance for their lives, and participate in various self-improvement courses... Besides, 90% of advertising products are aimed at people like them.

Let's take a look at their husbands again: These men will also actively study, but usually they are limited to how to make more money, so that they can surpass others at work and become an outstanding person.As for how to deal with the relationship with the family, I only hope to maintain the status quo.They seldom read the newspapers, they seldom attended lectures, and they cared little about attracting their wife or keeping their relationship with her fresh.In their view, it is the job of those little women to enhance the relationship between husband and wife.As for how to adapt to each other's personality, these men will always say: "We should let women adapt to us."

(End of this chapter)