Carnegie Language Breakthroughs and the Art of Communication

Chapter 37 Communication Skills for Happy Families (2)
"What My Father Forgot" is a short article, but it has resonated with countless readers, and it has become a book that anyone can reprint.A few years ago, after the first publication of that article, as the author of this article, Remit, said: "It was published in hundreds of magazines, family organizations and newspapers all over the country, and it was also translated into many kinds. in foreign languages. I have promised thousands and have read this article in schools, churches, and pulpits, and in countless over-the-air broadcasts.

Surprisingly, college magazines use it, and so do high school magazines.Sometimes a short essay can have a bizarre effect, and this one does:
My son, you listen quietly: I said this when you fell asleep, your little palm was pressed under your cheek, and the golden hair was stuck to your forehead with sweat, and I came into your room quietly.That was a few minutes ago, when I was reading a book in the study, a sudden strong regret stirred my heart, made me lose my defense, and made me feel guilty to come to your bedside.

These are the things that come to my mind, boy—I think I'm being too hard on you.When you were dressing for school in the morning, I scolded you when you wiped your face lightly with a towel; I scolded you because you didn't wipe your shoes clean; , I also blame you loudly.

At breakfast I found fault with you; said you were wrong about this, and that was not... you rested your elbows on the table, you spread too much butter on your bread.When you started to go to the game and I went to catch the train, you turned around and waved to me and said, "Daddy, goodbye!" I frowned again and said, "Go home!"

In the afternoon, it all started again.When I came back from the outside, I found you kneeling on the ground playing with stones, and there were many holes in your socks. I saw those children humiliating you, so I immediately asked you to come back with me.Socks cost money, so be careful if you pay for them yourself!Just think, boy, that kind of words come from a father!
do you remember?Later, when I was reading the newspaper in the study, you walked in timidly, with a sad look in your eyes.When I looked up and saw you, I felt that you came to disturb me again, and I felt very impatient.I asked you angrily: "What do you want to do?"

You didn't say anything, but ran over suddenly, threw yourself into my arms, put your arms around my head, and kissed me... Your little hands hugged me tightly, which was full of admiration and enthusiasm.This kind of enthusiasm for admiration is planted in your heart by God, like a beautiful flower, although it is neglected by others, it will not wither.After you kissed me, you left me and ran upstairs.

Not long after you left, my child, the newspaper slipped from my hand, and suddenly a terrible pain and fear came upon me.It's the habit that dominates me, scolding you all day long, hating you, and finding fault with you.Is this a kind of reward from me to you?Son, it's not that Dad doesn't love you or like you, it's because I expect too much from you, I use my own age to measure you.

In fact, there are many advantages in your character that are lovable. Your young heart is like a ray of dawn in the morning...

This is shown by the fact that you suddenly came in to kiss me and say good night.Child, in this quiet night, I quietly came to your room and confessed to you with guilt and uneasiness. This is an ignorant father, a poor father.

If you hadn't gone to sleep, you wouldn't understand what I said to you in your childish heart.However, what I must do tomorrow is to be a really good father.When you laugh, I laugh too. When you are in pain, I am willing to accompany you to bear the pain.

When I am tempted to scold you sometimes, I bite my tongue to hold it back.I would keep saying to myself, "Yeah, he's just a little kid...he's still a little kid."

I'm afraid I think of you as an adult.I now see you sleeping soundly and wearily in your little bed, and now I understand that you are still a child.Yesterday, you were lying in your mother's arms, with your head and face on her shoulders.

Yes, you are still a little child who is nostalgic for the caress of a loving mother. I have too many demands on you...too many!

So, if you want to keep your family happy and happy, remember the third rule, which is:

Don't blame.

give sincere compliments

Bobbino, director of the "Family Relationship Research Society" in Los Angeles, said:

Most men, when they seek a wife, are not looking for an experienced and talented woman, but a beautiful woman who will flatter his vanity and satisfy his sense of superiority.So there is such a situation: when an unmarried woman of a professional manager is invited by a man to have dinner together, the female manager will naturally bring out the profound knowledge she has learned in the highest institution of learning at the table. .After the meal, the female manager would insist on paying the bill, and as a result, she was eating alone afterwards.

On the other hand, when a female typist who has never been to an institution of higher learning is invited to dinner by a man, she will look at her male companion enthusiastically and say with a look of admiration: "Really, I like it so much. Listen... tell me something about yourself..."

The results of it?This man will tell others, "She's not exactly beautiful, but I've never met a better talker."

Men are supposed to appreciate women's facial modifications and their beautiful and lovely outfits, but men forget about it.If they pay a little attention, they will know how much women attach importance to clothing.If a man and woman meet another man and woman on the street, women seem to seldom notice the man coming across, but they always seem to be used to paying attention to how the woman opposite is dressed.

Not long before my grandmother passed away at the age of 98 a few years ago, we showed her a long-ago photograph of herself.Her presbyopic eyes couldn't see very well, and the only question she asked was, "What was I wearing then?"

Let us imagine a bedridden old lady whose memory has prevented her from recognizing her own daughter, and who wants to know what she is wearing in this old photograph.When the old grandmother asked that question, I was at her bedside, which left a deep, deep impression on my mind.

When you read these lines, men, you may not remember what kind of coat or shirt you were wearing 5 years ago... In fact, men don't have the slightest intention to remember it.However, for women, it is different!

I have excerpted a story which I believe could not have actually happened, and yet there is a truth in it, so I am going to tell it again.

This is a silly and ridiculous story: There was a peasant woman who, after a tiring day at work, put down a large pile of grass in front of the male workers when she was about to eat.The male workers asked her if she was crazy?The woman replied: "Oh! How would I know that you would notice this? I have been cooking for you for more than 20 years. For such a long time, I have never heard a word that makes me know that you eat It's not grass."

In Moscow and St. Petersburg during the Tsarist Russian era, the pampered nobles paid great attention to politeness, which seems to have become a habit of those nobles.When they have eaten a table of delicious meals, they must ask the host to call the chef to the restaurant outside to accept their praise.

Why not try this same method on your wife?When she cooks a plate of chicken deliciously, you tell her how well she cooks the dish so that you eat it very well!Let her know that you appreciate it and that you're not eating grass.As Genn often said, "Give this little lady a good hug."

When you do this, don't be afraid to let your wife know how important she is to your happiness.Disraeli was a great British statesman of great reputation, but, as we have seen, he never thought it a shame that people knew about it...for he knew "I have had a lot of help from my wife. "

One day, while looking through a magazine, I came across an interview with Eddie Conte, a famous Hollywood movie star.The above is written like this:

Of all the people in the world, my wife has helped me the most.She was a childhood sweetheart of mine since I was a kid, guiding me and encouraging me to keep going.

After we got married, she saved every dollar, invested it and reinvested it, and built up a fortune for me.Now we have 5 lovely children...she has forever furnished me with a lovely sweet home and if I have achieved anything it is all due to my great mother.

In Hollywood, marriage is a risky business.Not even the Lloyd's Insurance Company of London was willing to take the bet.The Baxters were one of the few notable happy marriages... Mrs. Baxter, formerly known as Beresson, gave up a promising stage career to marry.But her sacrifice did not impair their happiness.

Baxter said this: Although she lost countless applause and praise on the stage.But now, I am by her side anytime, anywhere, and she can hear my sincere praise at any time.

If a wife wants happiness, pleasure from her husband, she can find it in his appreciation and love.If that appreciation and love is genuine, that's where his joy lies.

You get it!
So, if you want to keep your family happy and happy, one of the most important rules is:

Give sincere compliments.

Pay attention to the little things at all times

From ancient times to the present, flowers represent the language of love.In fact, it doesn't need to cost much, especially during the flower season, you can see flower sellers at street corners and intersections.However, is there a husband who never forgets to bring home a bouquet of flowers for his wife?You may think that they are as expensive as orchids, or because you regard them as fairy grasses in the fairyland, you don't need to pay such a price to bring them back to your wife.

Why did you have to wait until your wife was sick enough to enter the hospital before sending her a bouquet of flowers?Why don't you bring her some roses tomorrow afternoon when you come home from get off work?If you want, give it a try and see how it works!

Cohen was one of the busiest people on Broadway, calling his mother twice a day until she died.Do you think that every time Cohen calls his mother, he has some important news to tell the old man?No, it is not.

Pay attention to the meaning of small places: to the person you love, it means that you often miss her and you hope she is happy.And her joy and happiness will make you feel the same way.

Women attach great importance to birthdays or anniversaries!why is that?That should be a mystery of women's psychology!

Most men forget all the days that should be remembered, but there are a few days that must never be forgotten, just like the day in 19 years, it was his wife's birthday... the day in 19 years, it was his The day I married my wife.If you can't remember it all, most importantly, don't forget your wife's birthday.

A Chicago judge named Sebas has handled 4 cases arising from marital disputes and mediated 000 couples at the same time.He once said:
A small thing can become the source of unhappiness in marriage... Take a very simple thing, if a wife waves to her husband who goes to work every morning and says "goodbye", it will be You will avoid many dangers of hitting the rocks of divorce.

The life of Bronin and his wife is probably the most admirable event in the annals of history.They always pay attention to the details of each other, and the subtle consideration for each other makes their love eternal.Bronin was very considerate of his sick wife.Her wife once wrote to her sister, "I'm starting to wonder if I'm as happy as an angel."

Some men underestimate the trivial things that happen every day between husband and wife. If they go on like this for a long time, they will ignore the existence of these facts, and unfortunate consequences will happen.

Lenno is the most convenient and easy place to handle divorce cases in the United States.The court sits 6 times a week and decides a divorce case every 10 minutes on average.How many marriages do you think have really hit the rocks of divorce and almost become a tragedy?Dare I say, those are very few.

If you are interested in sitting in Lenno court every day and listening to married couples give their reasons for divorce, you will know that love is "a little thing that hurts the little things."

Now you write down these few words and stick them in your hat or on the mirror so that you can see them every day. These few words are: I can only pass this road once, so whatever I can be a human being Any good deed, any kindness, let me do it now!Do not delay, do not ignore, for I will not pass here again.

So, if you want to keep your family happy and happy, the fifth rule is:

Pay attention to the trivial and small things at all times.

Etiquette between husband and wife is worth millions

Dam Loch married Bray's daughter (Blay was a great American orator and was once a U.S. presidential candidate), and they have been living together since they met at the home of Andrew Carnegie in Scotland a few years ago. happy life.

What's the secret to their rapport?
Mrs. Damloche said: "When we choose our partners, we must be cautious and careful, and the second is to pay attention to each other's politeness after marriage...Young wives, you might as well treat your guests with gentleness and courtesy. Husband. Any husband is afraid that his wife is a cursing shrew."

Disrespectful, rude, will destroy the fruits of love.I believe everyone knows this situation, but we are always more polite to a guest than to our own family members, this is obvious.

We would never interject to a visitor and say, "My God! You're telling those old clichés again!" We would never open someone's mail without their permission.At the same time, we will not pry into other people's privacy and secrets.However, when we find the slightest mistake in our closest and closest family members, we will openly reprimand and insult them.

To quote Dix again: "That's an astonishing thing, but it's completely true. . . . The people who say those mean, insulting, hurtful things to us are pretty much our own family members."

Resnow said: "Courteousness is a quality of heart, it can teach people to ignore the broken garden gate, and concentrate on the good flowers in the garden."

Manners are to our married lives what gasoline is to a car.

Holm is considerate and considerate to the people at home, and is meticulous.Even if there are unpleasant things in his heart, he must hide his worries and not show them on his face, but let his family members know.

Holm can do that.But what about ordinary people?Ordinary people handle a matter wrongly in the office, or lose a business deal, and criticize the boss or manager a few times, and he is eager to rush home to vent the "worse spirit" he received from the office. to the family.

The Dutch have a custom of taking off their shoes outside the door before entering a house.We can learn from the Dutch habit of throwing all the unsatisfactory things of the day out of the door before going home, and then entering the house.

James wrote an article entitled "A Certain Kind of Stupidity in Man".He wrote: "What this article is about now is the blindness of human beings, which troubles and annoys us whenever we encounter animals or people who feel differently from ourselves."

We all suffer from blind stupidity!How many men, they will not speak harshly to customers or partners, but they will show their wives without thinking.

If it is for the sake of personal happiness, they should know that marriage is far more important than their career.A person who has a happy marriage is far happier and happier than a lonely genius.

The Soviet Russian novelist Tochenev is highly admired by people, but he said this: "I would rather give up my genius and my works... If there is a woman somewhere, she cares about me." Can I go home early for dinner?"

What are the chances of a happy marriage?Ms. Dix put it this way: She considers failures to be in the majority.But Bobino's opinion is not the case. He said: "A person has more chances of success in marriage than in any other career... A man who runs a grocery store has a 70% chance of failure. 70% of men and women are successful."

On the question of marriage, Ms. Dix made the following conclusion:
If compared with marriage, a person's birth is just a short scene, and as for death, it is even less important.Women have never been able to understand why men don't regard family as a business, make this business flourish, and become a sweet, happy family.

Although some men think that marrying a satisfactory wife and having a happy family is more important than getting millions of dollars.But few men in general make the thoughtful and sincere effort to succeed in their marriage.They put the most important things in their lives on opportunities.They think success or failure depends on luck!
Women never understand, why don't the guys use a little diplomacy with them?Of course, if they don't use oppressive means to treat them, but use some gentleness, it will be beneficial to them.

(End of this chapter)