The Complete Works of Lu Xun's Novels

Chapter 22

"The owner's. None of them have a mother, only a grandmother."

"Is the landlord alone?"

"Yes. His wife probably died for three or four years, and she didn't remarry. ——Otherwise, he would not rent out the remaining house to a single person like me." He smiled coldly as he spoke.

I really want to ask him why he is still single, but because I don't know him very well, I can't ask him in the end.

As long as you are familiar with Lian Shuyi, you can talk with him.He talked a lot, and often quite strangely.What makes people impatient is that some of his visitors, most of whom have read "Sinking" ①, often call themselves "unfortunate youths" or "surplus people", lazy and proud like crabs piled on big chairs, While moaning and sighing, he frowned and smoked.And the house-owner's children, who were always arguing with each other, knocking over dishes, begging for snacks, and getting dizzy.But when Lian Shu saw them, he was no longer as cold as usual, and regarded them as more precious than his own life.I heard that once, Sanliang suffered from erythematous Sha, and the blackness on his face became more and more anxious. Unexpectedly, the disease was mild, so he was later passed on as a laughing stock by the children's grandmother.

"Children are always good. They are all innocent..." He also seemed to feel that I was a little impatient, so he took the opportunity to say to me one day.

"Not really." I just answered him casually.

"No. The bad temper of adults is not found in children. The later bad temper, such as the bad temper you attack on weekdays, was taught by the environment. It was not bad in the first place, naive... I thought that Chinese people can hope , only at this point."

"No. If there are no bad roots and seedlings in the child, how can there be bad flowers and fruits when they grow up? For example, a seed can produce these things when it grows up because it contains the embryos of branches, leaves, flowers and fruits. Is it for no reason... ..." Since I had nothing else to do, I was reading Buddhist scriptures just like adults and gentlemen who go out to eat vegetarian food and talk about Zen.Naturally, I don't understand the principles of Buddhism, but I don't check myself, and just say it arbitrarily.

However, Lian Shu became angry, and only glanced at me, but didn't speak anymore.I can't guess whether he has nothing to say, or whether he doesn't bother to argue.But seeing him show the cold attitude that I haven't seen for a long time, I silently smoked two cigarettes in a row; when he took the third one, I had no choice but to run away.

It took three months for this hatred to dissipate.The reason is probably half because of forgetting, and half because he himself was hated by the "innocent" child, so he felt that my blasphemy towards the child was justifiable.But that's just speculation on my part.At that time, after drinking in my apartment, he seemed to show a slight sadness, half raised his head and said:

"It's really strange to think about it. When I came to you, I saw a very small child on the street. He pointed at me with a reed leaf and said: Kill him! He can't walk very well..."

"It's a bad environment."

I immediately regretted my words.But he didn't seem to mind, just drinking hard and smoking hard in the meantime.

"I forgot, I haven't asked you yet," I said in other words, "You don't usually visit people, so why are you so interested in coming here today? We have known each other for more than a year, and you came to me. It’s the first time I’ve come here.”

"I'm about to tell you: you must not come to see me in my apartment these days. There are a lot of annoying people in my apartment, one big and one small, they don't look like human beings!"

"One big and one small? Who is this?" I was a little surprised.

"It's my cousin and his youngest son. Haha, the son is just like Lao Tzu."

"I came to the city to see you, so I took it with me for fun?"

"No. He said he came to discuss with me, so he will adopt this child to me."

"Oh! Adopted to you?" I couldn't help but exclaimed, "Aren't you still married?"

"They know I'm not going to marry. But it doesn't matter. They're actually going to give me that shabby house in Cold Stone Mountain. I don't have anything else, you know; the money is gone when I get it. Only this." A shabby house. Father and son's life's work is evicting the old maid who lives there."

The coldness of his words really terrified me.But I also consoled him by saying:

"I don't think your family is like this. They are just a little old-fashioned. For example, when you cried a lot that year, they all enthusiastically surrounded you to persuade you..."

"After my father died, they robbed me of my house and asked me to draw monograms on the notes. When I was crying, they were so enthusiastic and tried to persuade me..." He stared upwards, as if to Find out the scene at that time in the air.

"In short: the whole point is that you don't have children. Why on earth have you never been married?" I suddenly found the question of turning the steering wheel, which was also a question I had wanted to ask for a long time, and felt that this was the best opportunity.

He looked at me in surprise, and after a while, his eyes moved to his own knee condyle, so he smoked without answering.

three

However, even in this kind of boring situation, Lian Shu was not allowed to settle down.Gradually, anonymous people came to attack him in the tabloids, and there were often rumors about him in the academic world, but these were no longer just rumors like before, and probably hurt him.I know this is the result of his recent love of publishing articles, but I don't mind. People in S City are the last thing anyone wants someone to make unscrupulous comments. Whenever there is any, they must secretly attack him. This has always been the case, and even Shu himself knows it.But in the spring, I suddenly heard that he had been dismissed by the principal.This made me feel a bit abrupt; in fact, this has always been the case, but because I hope that the people I know will be spared, I just think it is abrupt, and the people of S City are not particularly evil this time.

At that time, I was busy with my own livelihood, and at the same time I was discussing the matter of going to Sanyang to become a teacher this autumn, so I didn't have time to visit him.When I had some free time, it was almost three months since he was dismissed, but there was no intention of visiting Lian Shu.One day, I passed by the street and stopped by a second-hand bookstall by chance, but I couldn't help but feel horrified, because the first printed edition of Ji Guge "Shi Ji Suo Yin" displayed there was Lian Shu's book.He likes books, but he is not a bibliophile. This kind of book is regarded as a rare and precious book to him, and he is not willing to sell it as a last resort.Could it be that he has been so poor since he was unemployed for two or three months?Although he has always dispersed as soon as he has money, he has no savings.So I decided to visit Lian Shu, and bought a bottle of soju, two packs of peanuts, and two smoked fish heads on the street.

The door of his room was closed, and he called twice, but there was no answer.I suspected that he was asleep, so I screamed louder, and reached out to pat the door.

"Go out!" Daliang's grandmother, the fat woman with triangular eyes, poked out her gray hair from the opposite window, and said loudly, as if impatient.

"Where did it go?" I asked.

"Where did he go? Who knows?—Where can he go? Just wait and see. He'll be back soon."

I opened the door and walked into his living room.It's really "not seeing each other in a day, like three autumns", the eyes are full of desolation and emptiness, not only are there not many utensils left, even the books are only a few foreign-style books that no one will want in S City.The round table in the middle of the room is still there, and it used to be surrounded by melancholy and generous young people, underappreciated talents and noisy children, but now it is very quiet, with only a thin layer of dust on its face.I put wine bottles and paper bags on the table, dragged a chair over, and sat down by the table facing the door.

Indeed, it was only "for a while", when the door opened, a person came in quietly like a shadow, it was Lian Shu.Maybe it's because of the evening, it seems darker than before, but the expression is still the same.

"Ah! Are you here? How long have you been here?" He seemed to like it a little.

"Not long," I said. "Where have you been?"

"Not going there, but just walking around."

He also drew a chair and sat down at the table; and we began to drink schnapps and talk about his unemployment.But he didn't want to talk about it; he thought it was something he expected, something that happened to him from time to time, nothing to be surprised about, and nothing to talk about.As usual, he just insisted on drinking soju, and still made some comments about society and history.For some reason, I saw the empty bookshelf at this time, and I also remembered the first printed version of "Historical Records Suoyin", and suddenly felt a kind of indifferent loneliness and sadness.

"Your living room is so desolate... Are there not many guests lately?"

"No more. They thought I was in a bad mood, so it was meaningless to come. A bad mood can really make people uncomfortable. No one goes to the park in winter..."

He drank a couple of sips of wine, thinking silently, then suddenly raised his face and looked at me and asked, "Are you still not sure about the career you are planning?...Although I knew he was a little drunk, I couldn't help feeling annoyed." , was about to speak, but when he listened carefully, he grabbed a handful of peanuts and went out. Outside the door were the voices of Daliangs laughing.

But as soon as he went out, the children's voices fell silent, and they seemed to have all gone.He still chased after him and said something, but he didn't hear an answer.He also came back quietly like a shadow, still putting a handful of peanuts in the paper bag.

"Don't even eat my food." He whispered, mockingly.

"Lian Shu," I felt very sad, but forced a smile and said, "I thought you were asking for trouble too much. You see the world too badly..."

He smiled coldly.

"I'm not finished yet. For us, who occasionally visit you, you also think that because we have nothing to do, we come to you and use you as a source of entertainment?"

"No. But sometimes. Or something to talk about."

"Then you are wrong. People are not like this. You actually made a cocoon with your own hands and wrapped yourself in it. You should see the world better." I said with a sigh.

"Perhaps so. But, you say: where did the silk come from?—Of course, there are such people in the world, for example, my grandmother. Although I didn't share her blood, I might inherit her fate. But it doesn't matter, I have already cried together in advance..."

I immediately remembered the scene of his grandmother's funeral, as if I was right in front of my eyes.

"I always don't understand your crying at that time..." So Falcon asked abruptly.

"When my grandmother was buried? Yes, you don't understand." He said calmly while lighting the lamp. "Your society with me, I think, is because of crying at that time. You don't know, This grandmother is my father's stepmother; his biological mother died when he was three years old." Thinking, he drank silently and finished a smoked fish head.

"I didn't know about those past events. It's just that I found it incomprehensible when I was a child. At that time, my father was still alive and my family was in good condition. During the first month, the statue of the ancestor must be hung and made a grand offering. Looking at these many Portraits in costumes seemed to be a rare sight for me at that time. But at that time, a female worker holding me always pointed to a portrait and said, "This is your own grandmother. Goodbye, I wish you a happy life." I grow up fast.' I really don't understand how I can have a 'own grandmother' when I have a grandmother. But I love this 'own grandmother', she is not as old as the grandmother at home; she is young, good-looking, Wearing a gold-painted red dress and a beaded crown, she is similar to my mother. When I look at her, her eyes are fixed on me, and a smile gradually grows on the corner of her mouth: I know she must also love me very much.

"However, I also love the grandmother who sits under the window all day and slowly sews. Although no matter how happy I am in front of her, I can't make her laugh. It often makes me feel cold, It's a little different from other people's grandmothers. But I still love her. But later, I gradually alienated her; it's not because I got older and knew she was not my father's biological mother. Doing needlework is like a machine, so it is inevitable to be annoying. But she is still the same as before, doing needlework; she manages me and loves me. Although she rarely smiles, she doesn't scold me. Until my father died, she was still like this; afterward , we lived almost entirely by her needlework, and of course even more so, until I entered school..."

The lamp was down and the kerosene was almost dry, so he stood up and took out a small tin pot from under the bookshelf to add kerosene.

"In this month alone, the price of kerosene has risen twice..." He turned on the lamp and said slowly. "Life will become more and more difficult every day.——She was still like this until I graduated and had something to do, and her life was more stable than before; probably until she fell ill and couldn't bear it any longer, so she had to lie down. ....

"Her old age, as far as I think, is not very hard, and her life is not too young. I don't need to cry. Besides, aren't there many people who cry? Even the people who bullied her before cried, at least It’s a miserable face. Haha!… But at that time, I somehow shrunk her life in front of my eyes, created loneliness with my own hands, and put it in my mouth to chew. And I think there are many such people. These people made me cry, but most of it was because I was too emotional at the time....

"Your opinion of me now is the same as my opinion of her before. However, my opinion at that time was actually not right. It is myself, since I knew a little about the world, I have gradually become estranged from her... .”

He was silent, holding a cigarette between his fingers, lowered his head, thinking.The lights were trembling slightly.

"Oh, it's not easy for a person to make no one cry for him after death."

He said as if talking to himself; after a short pause, he raised his face and said to me, "You can't even think about it. I also have to find something to do..."

"Do you have no trustworthy friends anymore?" I just couldn't think about it at this time, even myself.

"There are probably a few more, but their situation is similar to mine..."

When I said goodbye to Lian Shu and went out, the full moon had already risen in the middle of the sky, and it was an extremely quiet night.

four

The state of education in Sanyo is very poor.I went to school for two months and didn't get a single penny of salary, so I had to save even cigarettes.But the people in the school, even though they are small employees with a monthly salary of fifteen or sixteen yuan, are not optimistic about their fate. Relying on the copper tendons and iron bones of their success, they work sallow and emaciated from morning to night. Tall people have to stand up respectfully. In fact, they are all people who don't need to "know etiquette with enough food and clothing".Every time I see this situation, somehow I always remember the words that Lian Shu entrusted me at parting.At that time, his livelihood was even worse, embarrassment appeared from time to time, and he seemed not as deep as before. Knowing that I was about to leave and came to visit late at night, he hesitated for a long time before he said hesitatingly:

"I don't know if there is a way to think about it? — It's just banknotes, and 30 yuan on January [-] is also fine. I..."

I was very surprised, I didn't expect him to be so accommodating, and I was speechless for a while.

"I..., I still have a few days to live..."

"Go over there and have a look, and try your best."

This was the answer that I took to heart that day, and I often heard it myself later, and at the same time, Lian Shu's face appeared in front of my eyes, and he said "I still have a few days to live" hesitantly.At this point, I tried to recommend it to various places; but what effect is there, there are many people with few things, and the result is that when others send me a few words of apology, I will send him a few letters of apology.Towards the end of the semester, the situation worsened.In the "Scholarly Weekly" run by some gentlemen in that place, they started to attack me. Naturally, they never named me, but the wording was very clever, which made people feel that I was picking on the student movement at first sight, and even recommended and killed me. It can be regarded as calling friends.

I had no choice but to stay still, except when I was in class, I closed the door and hid. Sometimes even cigarette smoke slipped out of the window, for fear of being suspected of picking on students.The matter of Lian Shu is naturally impossible to talk about.And so on until deep winter.

It snowed all day, and it didn't stop until night. Everything outside the house was extremely quiet, so quiet that you could hear the sound of silence.In the light of the small lights, I closed my eyes and sat there, like seeing snowflakes falling to supplement the endless snowdrifts; my hometown is also preparing for the New Year, and people are very busy; I am still a child, in the back garden On the flat place, a group of children molded snow arhats.Xue Luohan's eyes were inlaid with two small pieces of charcoal, the color was very black, and with the flickering, his eyes changed into Lian Shu's eyes.

"I still have a few days to live!" Still the same voice.

"Why?" I asked for no reason, and immediately felt ridiculous even to myself.

This ridiculous question woke me up, I sat up straight, and lit a cigarette; when I opened the window and looked, it was snowing harder.Someone knocked on the door; after a while, a person walked in, but he heard the familiar footsteps of the house servant.He pushed open the door of my room and handed me a six-inch-long letter with very scribbled handwriting, but at a glance he recognized the word "Wei Jian" and it was from Lian Shu.

This is the first letter he wrote to me since I left S City.I know he is lazy, and I am not surprised that there is no news, but sometimes I also blame him for not giving any news.When I received the letter, I felt strange for no reason, and hurriedly opened it.The same scribbled font was also used inside, with the following words written:

"Shen Fei...

"What should I call you? I leave it blank. You can add whatever you want to call. I can do it all.

"After the farewell, I got three letters, but no reply. The reason is very simple: I don't even have the money to buy stamps.

"You may want to know something about me. Let me just tell you now: I have failed. I thought I was a failure before, but now I know that is not the case. Now I am really a failure. Before, there were people who wanted me to live for a few days. I am a failure. When I still wanted to live for a few days, I couldn't live; now, I don't need it, but I want to live....

"But live on?

"If you want me to live for a few days, you won't be able to. This man has been trapped and killed by the enemy. Who killed him? No one knows.

(End of this chapter)