Reading stories to practice eloquence

Chapter 3 The Power of Humorous Words

One sentence can make people jump, and one sentence can also make people laugh.The power of language is so magical, it can bring people frustration and trouble, but also courage and joy.The key is whether you can speak.Mastering the art of witty and humorous speaking will allow you to be fluent in all aspects of interpersonal communication and have both sides.

1.Go to the hospital first and then the court

wonderful moment

Excuse me, have you ever drank this orange juice? If you have already drank it, then we should go to the hospital first, and then go to the court later!

beautiful story
One day, the manager of a product company received a complaint call from an unexpected visitor.He angrily said to the manager: "Is this kind of orange juice drinkable? It's unreasonable. I asked for compensation, but your salesman refused. What do you say?" Surprised.But he quickly calmed down and asked the customer: "Excuse me, have you ever drank this orange juice? If you have already drank it, then we'd better go to the hospital first, and then go to the court later!" It was beyond the customer's expectation, but it made him feel so embarrassed about such a trivial matter.Immediately, half of the anger on the customer's face disappeared, and he began to raise his opinions calmly.

Eloquence
Businessmen should be more humorous, "harmony makes money"!Goods sell a mouth.

2.A long illness becomes a good doctor
wonderful moment

My daughter will definitely become a doctor in the future, there is no doubt about it, because she is weak and sick now.As the saying goes, a long illness makes a good doctor.

beautiful story
The three fathers talked about their children after dinner.The first said: "The reason why I believe that my family Ah Qiang can become a designer is because no matter what dolls I buy her, she buys a lot of new clothes for them."

A second said, "I'm so proud of my daughter. She's going to be a great teacher in the future because she's always taking care of her younger siblings now."

A third said: "My daughter will definitely become a doctor in the future, there is no doubt about it, because she is weak and sick now. As the saying goes, a long illness makes a good doctor."

Eloquence
The three fathers jumped out of the box of common sense and found a plausible and wrong explanation for these problems. The cause and effect were very disproportionate, so absurd, and there was a huge contrast between the two.Hence the sense of humor.

3.Only 8% left
wonderful moment

That's a pity, sir, because if you're Aboriginal and leave at 4am and come back early the next morning, we can give you a 30% discount, but now we're down to 8%.

beautiful story
Due to the economic crisis, the competition among airlines in the United States is fierce, and there are often news of price reductions for various air tickets in the newspapers, which is very interesting.

One day, a writer walked into the ticket office of West Air and said to the sales lady, "I want two tickets to Saraska." Which one is suitable for you?" The lady replied. "Oh, a discount?" the actor said casually: "I've heard of it a long time ago, but I don't know how to get a discount?" , there are many rules and regulations such as no smoking, no drinking, etc.) If you don’t smoke in the sky, we can give you a discount.” “I never smoke, how much discount can I give you?” “Are you a Native American?” “No, you ask What's that for?" "That's a pity, sir, because if you're an Aboriginal and leave at 4am and come back early the next morning, we can give you a 30% discount, but there's only 8 left. %." "My God! Do you have any other preferential terms?" "Yes! If you have been married for more than 50 years without divorce, and you are attending a wedding anniversary event, we will give you a 20% discount." "That doesn't work for me, any more?" "If you're a neurosurgeon, you get a 30% discount on round-trip airfare to operate on a patient." "Hmm, neurologists are all good things." , I work in the entertainment industry, do you have any discounts for people like me?" "Yes, if you are an actor stationed in a foreign embassy who is going to retire and prepare to go home for the elderly, you can give a 15% discount." "Then I missed it again, I was going on a trip with my wife." "Oh, sir, why didn't you say it sooner? Your wife is under 60 years old, right? If she is under 60 years old, and you are not traveling on weekends, then You can enjoy a 20% discount." "But we have to be free on weekends!" "Well, don't be discouraged. Is there any student between you and your wife? If you fly on Friday (although it is a weekend in the United States, it is considered an unlucky day because Jesus died on Friday), we can give you a 45% discount." "My God, it's almost half the price! It's a pity that I Finished college two years ago. Well, miss, you'll give me the 8% discount. Thank you for introducing me. You see, our conversation is really a comedy. It's full of names and humorous,' Bye bye, next time I will buy a plane ticket from you."

Eloquence
Humorous, witty and kind.

4. "Dish" has been served

wonderful moment

Yes, we were told that nothing was uploaded.As a result, the manager took the menu and pointed to the 3 lines we just ordered and said, the three dishes you ordered have been served, and all three love songs have been played for you.

beautiful story
Ah Chen: A foreign waiter handed the two of us an exquisite exotic recipe. When we opened it, it was all in Italian.I just randomly ordered the 3 cheapest dishes in the last article of the recipe.

The foreign waiter nodded politely to our husband and wife.I remember that Editor Ge also said something like "San K You" in English.

A Hong: That means thank you.

Chen: I know.

But more than an hour later, the waiter passed by our table several times back and forth, served the people on the next table and ignored our complaints.Later, I was really angry, and took my press card to go to their Chinese manager to sue the foreign guy.

The manager called the foreign guy who billed us to him and asked in French for a while.Then he smiled and said to us, what you want has been given to you.

Ah Hong: Don’t you have nothing?
Ah Chen: Yes, editor Ge also testified to me that nothing was published.As a result, the manager took the recipe and pointed to the 3 lines we just ordered and said, all the 3 love songs you ordered have been played for you.

Eloquence
Hearing this, you have to laugh, and you have to be overwhelmed by Ah Chen's "serious" self-deprecating, and you can't help but feel that he doesn't understand foreign languages ​​and pretends to understand, and his pockets are full of money, these cute little problems of kind people And send out a smile that is both understanding and sympathetic.

5.still that one

wonderful moment

The host turned to another question: "How is Madam?"

"Ah. It's still the same one, I haven't changed it." The audience laughed.

beautiful story
The gray-haired old professor Delei hobbled onto the stage with a cane, and sat down on the stage with great difficulty.

Seeing such an old man makes people naturally worry about his health, so the host asked:

"Do you still go to the doctor often?"

"Yes, go see it often."

"why?"

"Because patients have to go to the doctor often so that the doctor can live."

At this time, warm applause broke out from the audience, and people applauded the old man's optimism and witty language.The moderator then asked:
"Do you often go to the pharmacy to buy medicine?"

"Yes, I go often. This is because the pharmacy owner has to survive." There was another burst of applause from the audience.

"Do you often take medicine?"

"No, I often throw away the medicine, because I have to live."

The host turned to another question: "How is Madam?"

"Ah, it's the same one, not changed." The audience laughed.

Eloquence
In such a warm and lively atmosphere, the audience will not get tired.And the extremely witty performance of the host on the stage is really fascinating.

6.smart mosquito
wonderful moment

The mosquitoes in your land are many times smarter than the legendary ones.It actually followed me and entered my room so that it could visit me at night for a feast.

beautiful story
A rich man goes on a trip once.Before he left, he was told that the flies were particularly severe there.When he arrived in the small town, just as he was eating at the hotel, a fly hovered right in front of him.The waiter showed embarrassment and hurriedly drove away the flies.

But the businessman said to the waiter nonchalantly: "The fly in your place is much smarter than the legend. It followed me and entered the restaurant in order to patronize and have a good meal."

Everyone couldn't help laughing.As a result, he had a very comfortable meal.It turned out that the waiter at the hotel listened to the businessman, and all the staff mobilized together to try to prevent this respected businessman from being bitten by "smart flies".

Eloquence
Clever flies, wonderful anthropomorphism.How cute is the annoying little fly now!Just like Donald Duck.

7.funny opening
wonderful moment

I am a person who is easily excited when giving a report.When I get excited, I will dance with hands and feet. This vase is in the way when it is placed on the stage. Maybe it was knocked over and smashed. How can I, the deputy mayor of supply, afford to pay for it?

beautiful story
It is said that during the "Three Antis" and "Five Antis" campaigns, Chen Yi went to a restaurant to give a report. In order to "be presentable", a white tablecloth was spread on the podium, flowers were placed in vases, and expensive pastries were prepared.Seeing such a situation, Chen Yi waved his hands to move the vase off the stage, removed the cakes and the like, and then said humorously: "I'm very agitated when I give a report. When I get excited, I will dance with my hands and feet. This vase will be as good as it is on the stage." It got in the way, maybe it was knocked over and smashed, so I, the deputy mayor of supply, can’t afford to pay for it?” Before the report started, his opening remarks immediately caused everyone to burst into laughter, and the whole venue was lively.

Eloquence
The funny opening remarks not only enliven the venue, but also tactfully criticized certain abnormal phenomena in the society, which can be said to kill two birds with one stone.

8.clever use of transposition
wonderful moment

Our ducks had a meeting yesterday, and they made a decision, because thirty cents is too little, so they can't lay eggs hard!

beautiful story
On Saturday, a peddler went to the vegetable market in the morning. He asked the egg dealers in the city: "How much do you pay for a duck egg today?"

The egg dealer replied: "Sanmao."

"One is only [-] cents! This price is really too low!"

"That's right! Our egg dealers had a meeting yesterday and decided that the price of a duck egg should not be higher than [-] cents.

The peddler shook his head sadly, but had no choice but to sell and leave.

A few days later, the peddler came into the city again. It was the same egg peddler last week. He looked at the duck egg and said, "This duck egg is too small."

"Yes." The peddler said, "Our ducks had a meeting yesterday, and they made a decision, because thirty cents is too little, so they can't lay eggs!"

Eloquence
The peddler's ingenious language countered the cunning of the egg peddler, and cleverly used transposition to shift the contradiction.

9. "Sun Tzu Bing" storm

wonderful moment

Feng looked at the old padded jacket he was wearing, and said, "Let them scold you, there's nothing to be ashamed of. This is exactly the expression of their depravity and shamelessness.

beautiful story
It is said that when Feng Yuxiang was the brigade commander, he went to Sichuan to garrison, and had a conflict with a "friendly army" on the way.This "friendly army" will be arrogant and idle, and the officers will wear black damask jackets and blue damask robes, swaying on the street, like local officials.

One day, Feng Yuxiang's guards came to report: "Our soldiers were shopping on the street. They saw that we were not well dressed and called us Sun Tzu soldiers."

Feng looked at the old padded jacket he was wearing, and said, "Let them scold you, there's nothing to be angry about.

This is exactly the expression of their depravity and shamelessness. "In order to avoid causing trouble, Feng Yuxiang immediately gathered all the officers and soldiers to give a lecture: "Just now someone came to report that the soldiers of the Fourth Mixed Brigade called us "Sun Tzu Bing". That's right.

According to the historical relationship, his brigade commander once served as the coordinator of 20 towns, I came from 20 towns, and you are my students, so you are two generations younger?They said you are Sun Tzu Bing, isn't that right?Let’s talk about clothes, the son of silk is satin, and the son of satin is cloth. Now they wear silk and we wear cloth, so they say that we are Sun Tzu soldiers. Isn’t it right?But that being said, if one day it goes to the battlefield, then you will be able to see who is the grandpa and who is the real grandson! "A few words made the officers and soldiers laugh out loud, and they were no longer angry.

Eloquence
Funny is a good way to relieve anger.Brigadier Feng learns to speak ingeniously by irony, extending from the other party's words, and satirizes the enemy brilliantly while talking about the rationality of the other party.

10.Wisdom vs Landlord
wonderful moment

It took a while for Ah Chun to turn the corner. In front of everyone, it was not easy to repay the debt, so he had to take out 200 taels of bright silver and gave it to the nurse.

beautiful story
The Japanese landlord Achun is a famous mean ghost.During the World War, he also wanted to take advantage of the troubled times to deduct the wages of long-term workers.

One day, he set up several tables of banquets, called all the long-term workers and servants, and said: "Today, everyone is only for the victory of the war. Let's celebrate and celebrate." He also said: "I want to reward each of you with 200 taels of silver, but There is a condition, everyone can tell one thing that I have never heard before. If you are right, you will be rewarded, if you are wrong, you will be punished, and you will be fined a year's wages."

When everyone heard this, they thought, what kind of treat is this?It is clear that a soft knife kills people, and they want to deduct wages!One by one had to frown and think of countermeasures.

A little girl said: "Brother, my family raised a goose in the past, which laid 7 eggs a day, 3 'double yellow', 4..." Before the little girl finished speaking, Ah Chun waved his hand and said: " Don't talk about it, my goose has laid 10 eggs in Guangxia! Hahaha... erase the wages!"

A long-term worker said: "Brother, I have seen a pig with two eyes facing forward, two eyes facing back, two eyes facing left, and two eyes..."

"Oh! Don't talk about it! That's right. I've seen a pig with six eyes on one side! Hahaha, wipe out his wages!"

Ah Chun "heard" one by one, swallowing all the hard-earned money of the long-term workers.At this time, a servant who was a nanny stood up and said, "Brother, my surname is Jingtian. My grandfather said that he had eight worship acquaintances with your great-grandfather. Speaking of which, you still have to call me aunt. You must have heard of this." ?”

"Nonsense!" Ah Chun stared and roared, "Why have I never heard of it?"

The nanny laughed and said, "Brother, since you haven't heard of it, reward me with 200 taels of silver."

It took a while for Ah Chun to turn the corner. In front of everyone, it was not easy to repay the debt, so he had to take out 200 taels of bright silver and gave it to the nurse.The nanny distributed the money to everyone, and everyone counted, it was several times more than the original wages!
Eloquence
Cleverly set up organs to lure you into the urn.

11.Avanti Haircut
wonderful moment

Afanti squeaked a few times, and shaved off the beard that the owner had painstakingly cultivated, and threw it to the ground.

beautiful story
Avanti opened a barber shop on the first floor of the department store with a one-year lease.

The owner of the department store relied on his territory, and did not pay him every time he shaved his head.One day the boss came again, and Afanti shaved his head as usual, and asked while shaving:
"Boss, do you want eyebrows?"

"Nonsense, of course!"

Afanti slashed twice, shaved off both thick eyebrows of the boss, and said, "If you want, I'll give it to you."

The boss was too angry to speak, complaining that he shouldn't have said "yes".

"Hey, do you want a beard?"

"No, no!" The boss said hurriedly.

Afanti squeaked a few times, shaved off the big beard that the boss had painstakingly cultivated, and threw it to the ground.

Eloquence
Afanti made a pun, which made the boss helpless.

(End of this chapter)