Smart Women Should Read Men's Psychology: Secrets Men Don't Want You to Know

Chapter 18 Women, win the war with the world of men (4)
(8) People who sit on a chair and shake or shake their legs or slap the floor with their toes: such people are restless, restless, impatient, or do it to get rid of some tension.

(9) The person who sits with you and moves his body consciously: It means that he wants to keep a certain distance from you psychologically.

(10) A person who sits upright: it may express respect to the other party, or it may indicate that the other party's speech has aroused a strong interest, or that he wants to express a psychological advantage to the other party.

See through men's negotiating lies from facial expressions
A psychologist in the United States pointed out after a long-term study that men are animals that love to tell lies, and they tell more than he realizes, with an average of at least 25 lies a day.Feldman, a social psychologist at the University of Massachusetts, believes that men lie at different levels, and the motivations for lying can be classified into three categories.The first category is "positive lies", which refer to some lies that have a beneficial impact on life. Feldman explained to this type of lies: "Knowing when to lie or distort the facts at the right time is a skill in dealing with people." The second category is "neutral lies". Many of these lies are not controlled by consciousness, or if they are told, they will not cause disadvantages to themselves or others.The third category is "negative lies", which are detrimental to oneself or others.

In business contacts and negotiations, the frequency of men's lies is extremely high.When meeting for the first time, they often say "I have known you for a long time, it is like thunder", "This dress of yours is so beautiful" may just be a "positive lie" or a "neutral lie".

Of course, there is no need to care about these things that will not affect the substance of the negotiation.However, when it comes to the topic at the negotiating table, how to judge which sentence is true and which sentence is false?Psychologists can lend you a pair of insight.

Psychologists have found that men generally have the following symptoms when they lie: dilated pupils; sudden changes in voice volume and tone; less smiles; excessive blinking; frequent shrugging (mainly referring to Westerners); There are many pauses, pretending to clear the throat, interspersed with "um" and other modal particles; often touching the nose; frequent swallowing, etc.A raised voice and a tendency to touch yourself when speaking are likely clues that the person is lying.The men who lied used less arm gestures than usual to make a point.

Psychologists point out that a key clue to spotting a man's lies is his facial expression.The facial expressions of men who are lying seldom show real emotion, but more to conceal their inner emotional world.A man's facial expressions and higher pitch of speech are the strongest evidence for debunking a lie, research shows.

Men tend to smirk when they lie, and the smirk is due to a lack of emotion.From a purely formal standpoint, it doesn't even count as cheating.Lack of emotion, smiling with a dazed look, with the corners of the mouth turned up, a sickly semblance of pleasure, as if to say, "That's not how I really feel."

The recognition of fake smiles may be more difficult than other facial expressions, which may be distinguished from the following angles.

1. Smile
When laughing, only the muscles of the large cheekbones are used, and only the mouth moves.The orbicularis muscles around the eyes and cheeks elongate, which is a fake smile.Therefore, the muscles of the cheeks are relaxed during a fake smile, and the eyes will not squint.The cunning liar compensates for these imperfections by scrunching the muscles around the large cheekbones, an action that affects the orbicularis muscle and flabby cheeks, and causes the eyes to squint, making the fake smile look more real letter.

2. Laughing time
The fake smile lasts a very long time.A real smile lasts only between 2/3 second and 4 seconds, depending mainly on the intensity of the emotion.A smirk, on the other hand, is as awkward as a guest who refuses to leave after a party.This is mainly because fake smiles lack the intrinsic motivation of real emotion, so we don't know when to end them.In fact, if any kind of expression lasts for more than 10 seconds or 5 seconds, most of them may be fake.The only exceptions were displays of intense emotion, such as anger, ecstasy, and depression, which were often more brief in duration.

3. Smiling Symmetry

When smirking, there is often a slight asymmetry between the expressions on the sides of the face.For right-handed people, the left corner of the mouth is raised higher when smirking, and for left-handed people, the right corner of the mouth is raised higher.

4. Timeliness of laughter

A smile that comes too early or too late can indicate a deceiving look.For example, if a person says, "Didn't I already tell you about this?" before throwing a fit, it's probably fake, his expression is artificial.Facial expressions and body gestures should happen at the same time, not after them.In another example, a person who shows anger only after he has dropped something is actually putting on airs and acting.

In negotiation, we must pay attention to observe the facial expression of the man, because his expression will tell you whether he is lying or not.In addition to fake smiles, we can also tell whether they are lying by looking at expressions of surprise and distress.

For most expressions, the sudden start and end indicate that the expression is being used consciously.The only exception is surprise, which passes in a flash, and the total time from start to stop will not exceed 1 second. If it lasts for a long time, his surprise is just pretending.Many people can imitate the facial expressions of surprise—a raised eyebrow and a wide open mouth—but few can imitate the sudden start and end of surprise.

When one is distressed, miserable and guilty, the inner corners of the eyebrows are raised and the forehead is furrowed inward.Fewer than 15 percent of people can fake this look.It's even harder to put on the looks of fear and distress: eyebrows raised, brows drawn together.It is extremely easy to reveal the secret, and only 10% of people can put on this expression.As long as you observe carefully, it is easy to distinguish between true and false.

Beware of Men's Psychological Tactics in Negotiations
In business contacts and negotiations, men like to use psychological warfare very much.The purpose of psychological warfare is to torture the opponent's psychology, which is similar to "surrender without fighting".They use psychological warfare to make you feel uncomfortable, so as to break you down, and make you subconsciously hope to complete the negotiation agreement as soon as possible, and thus make concessions.

To get rid of this bondage, you must do the following:
1.Choose your negotiation environment carefully
You must have heard a lot of situations where the location of the negotiation caused psychological stress.For some very mundane issues, such as whether negotiations are held at yours or the other party's or at a neutral place, you should be alert.Negotiating in the other party's territory or sphere of influence is sometimes beneficial to the other party, and they are easier to deal with you; You can also easily walk away from the negotiating table if necessary.If you have allowed the other party to choose the location and environment of the negotiation, then you must be aware of the psychological impact on yourself and be prepared for it.

First, ask yourself if you are nervous, and if so, explore why.If the room is too noisy, too hot or too cold, and there is no place to negotiate privately with your party, then you have to realize that this is an environment designed to prompt you to give in and make quick decisions.

If you find that the negotiating environment is not working for you, don't hesitate to speak up as soon as possible.You can suggest switching seats, taking a short break, or simply adjourning the meeting and discussing it at a different time and place.In any case, you have to identify the problem and bring it up, and then negotiate with the other party to arrange a new negotiation environment based on objectivity and principles.

2.Be alert to the confusion of black and white faces
One way to exert psychological pressure is to play the "bad and white game".This method often appears in Hong Kong and Taiwan police and robber films.The first constable threatened to charge the suspect with many crimes, and put him under a bright light to question him viciously.When the rough officer left, another "nice guy" came in, turned off the bright lights, offered the suspect a cigarette, and apologized for the behavior of the rough officer in front, saying he I really want to stop the rough behavior of the police officer just now, but unless the suspect cooperates with him, there is nothing I can do.As a result, the suspect revealed everything.

In negotiations, the same deception can occur.Two people on the same side will also play different roles.One of them had a tough attitude: "This computer is worth 5800 yuan, and I won't do anything less!" His companion was a little sad and embarrassed, and finally interjected: "Xiao Wang, you seem a little unreasonable." , Although this computer is not very useful and looks quite new, but after all, it was bought a year ago, and the configuration is no longer the mainstream configuration." Then, he would turn his head and ask the other party very kindly: "Would you like to pay 5400 yuan?" Yuan?" It wasn't a huge concession, but it sounded like he was doing you a favour.

The "trick of whiteface and blackface" is a ploy of psychological manipulation.As long as you can see through it, you won't be fooled.When the "good guy" fawns over you and speaks for you, just ask him the same question you asked the "bad guy": "I appreciate your kindness, but I'd like to know why you think that's a fair price? What principles are you based on? If you can convince me that 5400 yuan is a fair price, I am willing to buy it at this price."

3.Be wary of your opponent's personal attacks
In addition to manipulating the situation, the other person can use verbal or nonverbal means to make you feel uncomfortable.They may make comments about your clothing or appearance, such as "You look like you haven't slept all night, are things not going well in the office?" They may keep you waiting for a long time, or suspend negotiations to talk about things with others , to belittle your status; they may imply your ignorance, they may deliberately ignore what you say, and then make you repeat it; Tricks can make them ineffective; and clearly pointing out their tricks can prevent them from "repetition of old tricks".

4.don't be intimidated by threats

Threats are one of the often abused tactics in negotiation.Threats seem easy, much easier than making suggestions.Threats require only a few words, and if it works, no real action is required.Threats, however, can also lead to counter-threats from the other side, which can disrupt the negotiation process and even jeopardize the relationship.

Threats are often delivered through pressure, and pressure often backfires.It doesn't make the other person's decision easier, it makes it harder.Threats bring a union, a committee, a company, or a government closer together against outside pressure.Moderates and hawks will stand hand in hand, heart to heart, against those who try to threaten them.At this point, the question shifts from "Should we make this decision" to "Should we bow to outside pressure?"

Smart negotiators rarely resort to threats, and they don't need to, because there are other ways to get the same message across.It seems more appropriate to list the consequences of what the other party will do.You should list those consequences that are beyond your will, not those that you can influence. "Warning" is more reasonable than "threat", and will not invite threats from the other party.For example, "If we can't come to an agreement, the press will insist on publishing the dirty story of the whole thing. At this point, I don't know how to legally suppress the news. What's your opinion on that?"

In order to neutralize the opponent's threat, sometimes you can interfere with the process of communicating the threat.You can deliberately dismiss a threat from the other person, simply viewing it as unauthorized, rushed, or irrelevant information.You can also explain to the other party that his threats carry risks.

The way to deal with psychological warfare is first of all to make yourself have a good psychological quality. Only in this way can you be more frustrated and courageous in psychological warfare!
Four.With ease, deal with the smelly man in the office

As a professional woman, you may encounter three kinds of men in the office, namely bosses, colleagues, and subordinates.Men of different levels have different thoughts, so we have to use different methods to deal with it.As long as you deal with the men in the office, your career will be smooth sailing.

Training "obedient" male bosses

In any case, women are always at a disadvantage in the workplace. For the same success, women must at least put in twice as much effort as men.However, as a subordinate, if your boss is a man, you can indeed use some strategies to make your goals easier to achieve.Because compared to women, men have more weaknesses in character, as long as you grasp these weaknesses, you can train an "obedient" boss.

When we make requests to our superiors, we should pay attention to two points: one is not to make excessive or unrealistic demands; Office in your room", "I ask you to do it for me", otherwise you will make people feel that you are not making a request, but giving an order, and the result will often backfire.Instead, you should state your main reasons calmly and with a smile on your face, and then make your request tactfully, as much as possible, in a consultative tone.

Liu Miao is an accountant of a real estate company. She sits in the office all day dealing with numbers. She finds it boring and wants to change her environment.So, one morning, she saw that the manager was reading a newspaper in the office alone, so she knocked on the door and walked in.

"Manager Zhang, I have a small request. I wonder if you will agree." Liu Miao looked at the manager with a smile, and slowly said her request.

"What request? Tell me!"

"I...I want to change the environment and want to run outside."

"But you are not familiar with the business, what are you doing?" The manager looked embarrassed.

"I can gradually get familiar with the business. If the manager can give me this opportunity, I will cherish it and will not let you down."

Hearing what Liu Miao said, the manager's face softened a lot, and he asked, "Which department do you want to go to specifically?"

"Do you think it's inappropriate for me to go to the building materials department? Some of my friends have been doing steel and cement business abroad for a long time. Through them, I may be able to buy the best quality building materials at the lowest price."

The manager thought for a while and said, "Then you should try it first, Xiao Liu, I want to see your results."

"Thank you manager for giving me this opportunity, I will do my best!" Liu Miao replied loudly.

Liu Miao got his wish and was transferred to the building materials department, and he did a great job.

A successful career means a raise in salary and a promotion, but these two aspects are troublesome and thorny issues.Many women aren't bad performers or incompetent, they're just bad at presenting themselves.Today's business owners are busy with official duties, so it is impossible to pay attention to your performance all the time. As an employee, it is necessary to express yourself proactively and in a timely manner. Only in this way can you achieve your expected goals.

A salary increase is something Yuehua has been longing for for a long time.In terms of qualifications, she has worked in the factory for four years, and she thinks her work attitude is okay and she has not made any mistakes, but the boss has no intention of giving her a raise at all.Yue Hua felt that her own value was not reflected, and she was very upset. She also hinted at the boss many times in the work summary meeting, but the boss did not respond at all.If she explicitly made this request to her boss, Yue Hua felt embarrassed and afraid of being rejected, but she was unwilling to say so. In the end, she mustered up her courage and explained her intentions to her boss tactfully.Unexpectedly, after observing her for a few weeks, the boss really gave her a raise.Yue Hua believes that as long as it belongs to his legitimate rights and interests, he should work hard to fight for them.

Of course, asking your boss for a raise requires skill.If you state your intentions to the boss in a discussing and confiding tone, the boss will pay attention to listening, and may eventually increase your salary for you who have always performed well.

(End of this chapter)