Smart Women Should Read Men's Psychology: Secrets Men Don't Want You to Know

Chapter 32 The man in "The Besieged City" makes you happy and makes you worry (3)
You know, for a married man, it is difficult to be a good husband, it is also difficult to be a filial son, and it is even more difficult to be a good husband and a filial son.What a pity for the hearts of "husbands" in the world!Therefore, to "pity" him, you'd better take the initiative to handle the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. In this way, not only will you be less angry, but you can also strengthen the relationship between husband and wife.

To handle the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law well, the key lies in the joint efforts of both parties.As a daughter-in-law, try to do the following three things:
1. Often perform "nasty plays" in front of her mother-in-law

This is not to say that you and your husband should be too intimate in front of your mother-in-law, on the contrary, this is the most taboo thing for a daughter-in-law!The "nasty show" mentioned here refers to showing your love and care for your husband in front of your mother-in-law.For example, if you don't live with your mother-in-law, you can play some scenes with your husband in front of your mother-in-law to let your mother-in-law know that you have devoted your heart and soul to her precious son. Don't compete with him; you rush to do everything at home and outside the house.At this time, it doesn't matter if it's a little numb or exaggerated.The important thing is to let the mother-in-law be satisfied psychologically.

Once the mother-in-law understands this, she will immediately feel sorry for your malnutrition and hard work. She will buy you dozens of chocolates and help you with housework.One day, your mother-in-law will pull you aside and say, "You, don't spoil him, let him do it himself!" Although she said that, she was sweet in her heart, she must be extremely satisfied with you .

2. Always fight in the same trench as mother-in-law
Generally speaking, it is easy for a mother-in-law to regard her daughter-in-law as a "non-staff" and create a estrangement in her heart. Therefore, in order to make her accept you as soon as possible, you must instill some "ecstasy soup" into her "higher, faster, and stronger" , make her feel that you are even more towards her than her own son.This is an important trick for mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to get along with, and it never fails!

Of course, this requires some high IQ and a little big heart.You have to be firm that your mother-in-law is right for any innocuous issues, for example, firmly support your mother-in-law's nutrition plan, and resolutely not let your rich mother-in-law take weight-loss pills.As a result, a close and harmonious atmosphere will be created, making the mother-in-law feel that you are one of them.

3. Sometimes it may be appropriate to show weakness
In the old society, daughters-in-law were mostly bullied by their mother-in-law, but now it is different, you are young and independent, her precious son finally chased you, and your status in his mind is as high as the sky.In comparison, the mother-in-law is just the opposite, that's why she regards you as a "competitor" and subconsciously resists your "invasion".And these are just the manifestations of her guilty conscience and sensitivity, which is why she haggles over every detail with you and refuses to show weakness.

At this time, you might as well take care of your mother-in-law's bad mood. When you encounter something that is obviously a bad thing for your mother-in-law, you can also try your best to be magnanimous, lower your high head, and show that you have surrendered, and wait until your mother-in-law is happy , Presumably she won't really have endless sex with you.

Psychological fears of married men

Before getting married, men’s sense of “family” is very weak. When they think about problems, they always focus on themselves. They may surf the Internet all night, and may eat, drink and have fun with their buddies without restraint.But once they get married, most of them will undergo a qualitative change. They will suddenly realize that they need to take responsibility, not only for their wives, children, but even for their parents who have been neglected in the past.Because of this, many parents in the past always forced the so-called "prodigal sons" to marry early in order to "chain" them.

However, it is this sense of responsibility of "home" that brings them tremendous pressure, which in turn causes them great psychological fear.For the average man, of all fears, the fear of losing his job is the worst.

As a wife, you may not fully understand the fear your husband has about work.Every day when he comes home, he always looks strong and fearless, as if he always knows how to walk the road ahead.Unfortunately, this is only a superficial phenomenon, deep in his heart, he is under tremendous pressure.For a man, his job represents his value, and losing his job is tantamount to losing his value.

If you asked a single man, "What would you do if you lost your job?" he might answer without thinking, "Find something else." However, for a married man, the question is not so simple.

For a married man, unhappiness at work or fear of losing his job can affect his physical and emotional health, such as ulcers, high blood pressure, colitis, impotence, or emotional breakdown.So while a man is dissatisfied with his job or fears losing it, losing his job is what really kills him.

Once a man loses his job, he also loses his salary and benefits - medical care, pension, paid vacation, sick leave, company subsidies, etc., and he also loses the opportunity to reimburse expenses in the company.Not only that, but he has a more serious loss than loss of wages or benefits - loss of self.He felt as if he had suddenly become "zero", and it became an embarrassment to interact with people, because most people's conversations centered around "what do you do", and seemed to regard what you do as "who are you?" ” proof of identity.The man thus avoids and withdraws, and ends up in a dark place of fear and isolation.

Therefore, if your husband is in a bad mood, he may be facing work pressure, and you'd better find a suitable way to help him share some; if your husband is facing unemployment, you should encourage him and let him cheer up, otherwise once He completely collapsed due to the huge psychological pressure, and the whole family may be destroyed.

When a Man Becomes a "Father"

Marriage is at best a turning point in a man's life. Only when a man becomes the "baby's father" can he be truly mature.After the birth of a child, in various relationships within the family, a man may see his new image as the father and use this new image to transform his life.

A father is a man who interacts with the family on a daily basis.To accomplish this, the family (not the community or the workplace) becomes the man's primary concern, and even when he is away from it, his awareness is with the children.In the home a man's activity is the rearing of children, and if he gets involved in external activities it is more to help the family than to the end of the activity itself.

Thousands of fathers come home from get off work to play with their children, or kiss them to bed, tell them the occasional story, take them to a ball game, or take the family to a picnic on the weekend.These make men feel that they are maintaining a close relationship with their children.Their primary activity and awareness is outside the home, and the few hours each week that are equally valuable to them and their children are not central to their lives.

These fathers also often confessed to feeling guilty that they hadn't done better.They brag about how they walk their kids to school every day, only to realize the walk was only 10 minutes; or talk about how often they go to Little League games, only to admit they missed a game.Yet fathers often command high marks from their children, and may even feel that hours of undivided attention from mothers are less important than 10 minutes of fatherhood.When this contact is brief and intense, the father becomes a kind of family-wide celebrity, a special figure, almost a hero to the children.

Generally speaking, the father image has the most profound influence on boys.This is perhaps the hardest image to imagine for a man to truly feel enriched.This imagery represents the most basic level of a parent raising a child.Unwilling to be a hero, a force to enforce discipline and a bridge to the outside world or to be defeated, the father takes on the job of providing his children with the basic trust and inner security so that they can grow up and leave the family Move toward independence and earn your own separate identity.

The father is like the sun god in Greek mythology who brings the light of consciousness into the kingdom formerly dominated by the mother.However, he is seldom aware of the extent to which mother and child are separated by his intermittent presence in the family.As soon as he hands over responsibility for the upbringing of his children to the mother, he is simply playing the role a man sometimes has to play.Someone has to help the child leave the family nest and live on his own, and the father is the best person to do that.

As the child grows older, the father continually provides the most effective model for the child's eventual separation from the family.As puberty approached, he became increasingly aware of their need to be guided out of their mother's sphere of influence and into the wider world.Because of this divisive role, the father often provokes the child to rebel.They resented his intrusion into their lives and resented his role in depriving them of their motherly dependence.However, he was strong enough to meet their resistance, and so shaped their development during this critical period.

Generally speaking, the father's involvement in the family is often reflected in his concern for his children's employment.He may worry about his children's grades and honors in high school or college. He may worry about his children's athletic talents or the sports organizations they join.His concern with their development was their status as little men or women, not as children; and he looked forward to the day when the children would join him in the work of his field.

In short, once men become fathers, they will quickly mature in all aspects, give themselves a reasonable position, and transform their children according to their own ideals.However, no matter how hard they try, they generally have no more influence over their children than the mother.

three.Don't be a wounded soldier on the battlefield of marriage
The couple lived their lives without a spoon and without touching the edge of the pot.However, it is okay for husband and wife to fight at the head of the bed and at the end of the bed, and it is okay to bicker at ordinary times, but it is not worth it to get into a divorce over a trivial matter.As a smart woman, you should grasp a "degree" and adjust the conflict between husband and wife just right, otherwise you may lose both and become a wounded soldier on the battlefield of marriage.

Men Are Afraid of Women's "Love of Possession"

Men naturally need freedom, even in love life, they also long for a certain amount of independent space.When a woman tries to restrain a man and longs to "own" everything, she often forces the man away or leads him to a dead end.

Zhao Lin is very beautiful and has a gentle and pleasant personality. Her husband Fang Yong is also very handsome and has a deep affection for her.These two people can be said to be a match made in heaven, which makes many people envious.However, with the passage of time, a strange idea came to Zhao Lin's mind: "Why is Fang Yong always so kind to me? Did he do something to be sorry for me, and use these as psychological compensation?" So, She began to pay attention to Fang Yong, not letting him leave her control.

Fang Yong is a salesman of a foreign trade company, and he has a lot of business entertainment. Zhao Lin has doubts. Does he really have so many entertainment?So, she started to "check the post". After following up several times, she felt even more worried when she saw Fang Yong going in and out of restaurants, bowling alleys, and coffee houses with men and women.As a result, she came up with a countermeasure. Whenever Fang Yong said that there was an entertainment, she would keep her face, but as soon as Fang Yong went out, she would make a phone call. Today she suddenly fell ill; tomorrow her precious son disappeared; The keys were locked at home, and I was standing in the stairwell wearing only a set of pajamas... What's even more bizarre: my parents were in a car accident, my home was burglarized, and I was molested by several men...

Fang Yong loves his wife very much, and every time he goes home after being cheated, he smiles helplessly every time, and then gets angry, angry, and quarrels, but Zhao Lin is determined and insists on his own way.As a result, Fang Yong repeatedly missed appointments with customers, or left halfway, and lost business orders one after another. Finally, after losing a big business, he was fired by his boss.The helpless Fang Yong finally chose to jump off the high iron bridge.

The grief-stricken Zhao Lin never imagined that she was the chief director of this tragedy. She wanted to take Fang Yong completely as her own, but she didn't expect to lose him forever instead.

In fact, many men are reluctant to be fully owned by women, even if at first they feel that it is just concern for them; gradually, they will feel that this is a kind of regular personality harassment; It was blocked to death.Then, like being imprisoned in any kind of prison, they have only one thought—to escape.

The most obvious example of a man being "possessed" is that he is only allowed to answer calls from women all day long, and is often questioned by women about his whereabouts. Every decision must be based on the woman's wishes, just like the old lady at home.However, "possession" often becomes the main factor that ends a romance.If a woman "attacks" them, men will quickly recognize the seriousness of the situation and start to feel the need for reassurance. In the long run, men will lose their passion for women and feel that "she can't understand me so much".

Also, men start to feel guilty about every little thing for no reason because of women's infinitely increased "possessive love".For example, when his girlfriend was out with him, he suddenly said, "Why aren't you wearing that shirt?" Seeing her frustrated look, he couldn't bear it, so he immediately apologized and even went back to change it.If you asked her if she wanted sugar in her coffee, she immediately became sad again, as if she knew him so well, and he was so indifferent to her that he didn't even notice whether there was sugar in his coffee.

Sometimes, women not only count men's actions, but more importantly, they also count their emotions. That kind of "love" is so boring that men feel it is a sin to say good things about other women. Only the two of us."However, once being "possessed" to an unbearable level, a man will run away desperately.

Give the marriage a little space and let it breathe
Husband and wife are like two pigs in a world of ice and snow. Because the weather is too cold, they want to get close to each other for warmth, but when one thorn pricks the other's body, they feel unbearable pain and have to separate.But the weather was getting colder and colder. In order to keep warm, the two porcupines tried to get closer and then separated more than once. After repeating this many times, they finally found an appropriate distance that would not stab each other but also keep warm.

This metaphor tells us that the distance between husband and wife must be well grasped: if you are too close, you will easily hurt each other, if you are too far away, you will not feel the care of the other party.However, in real life, this distance is not so easy to grasp, and there will be deviations if you don't pay attention.

Aiming at the conflicts between husband and wife, someone devised a plan called "Open Marriage".However, marriage is nothing more than setting up a gate for freedom. In real life, it may or may not be tightly closed, but it must be there anyway.Without this gate, fully open, it would not be a marriage.Marriage is essentially impossible to admit that the parties have the freedom to go beyond the gate, and extramarital sex and extramarital relationships must be regarded as foul behavior.

Compared with "openness", "broadness" may be an appropriate measure of marital relationship.The so-called "wideness" means that two people should not be tied too tightly or too tightly, so as to leave room for love to breathe freely. It only focuses on the freedom within the gate, including the freedom to be alone, to write letters behind closed doors, The freedom to write a diary, the freedom to communicate with the opposite sex normally, etc.As for the freedom beyond the gate, it is wise to keep silent, knowing that this is not something that can be controlled by itself.

(End of this chapter)