Smart Women Should Read Men's Psychology: Secrets Men Don't Want You to Know

Chapter 31 The man in "The Besieged City" makes you happy and makes you worry (2)
Of course, there are many successful examples of the combination of Chinese and Western cultures, but there are also many losers, but most of them cover up the facts in silence for the purpose of "keeping their family ugliness in the public eye".A year or two ago, a Chinese singer published a book about how wonderful life was after she married abroad.Not long after, she published another book, telling how unfortunate this international marriage was after the two people lived together for real.

In short, if you want to marry a foreigner, you'd better consider all kinds of unfavorable factors in advance, instead of waiting to wake up after experiencing setbacks and causing deep harm to yourself.

Would rather be a "leftover woman" than marry a dead man

There are hundreds of types of men, some are good and some are bad. They cannot be killed with a single stick, nor can they all be praised to the sky.But for those girls who are waiting to marry, you must keep your eyes open. If he is one of the following categories, don't marry him.Three-legged frogs are hard to find, but there are many two-legged men, so why ask for trouble?

1. Flower heart type

The most notable feature of a man with a sweet heart is "eating what is in the bowl, looking at what is in the pot, and even looking at what is in the pot", often looking at his wife, thinking about Meimei B in his heart, and inadvertently saying "Meimei" in his mouth c.His attitude towards crushes is that he would rather be rejected a hundred times than miss one, a famous "popular lover".This kind of man is passionate, promiscuous, and not dedicated. Marrying him will make you worry all day long, and your acidity will increase greatly.

2. Nervous type
This kind of man is extremely narrow-minded, sensitive and suspicious, and he hates his wife joking with other men (except his own son).As soon as this kind of man enters the store, he goes straight to the inner wardrobe and asks: "Are there any chastity pants for sale?" Marrying this kind of man will drive you crazy even if you are not sick. If you are not mildly autistic, please Think twice!
3. Desperate for quick success

This kind of man, holding flowers in his hand, seems to propose to you devoutly, but not necessarily based on love, probably because you are "a member of a prominent family".If you happen to pay too much attention to internal cultivation and forget about visual beauty, you may "suddenly encounter" disaster someday.This man naturally wants your inheritance, including family relations, and then grandiosely hangs up the signboard of "Diamond King and Five" to remarry.

There are not many such men, but they also exist extremely "rarely".Based on this, if your family background is enough to save him from fighting for decades, be careful, the consequences of meeting a sinister man will be disastrous!

4. Different types of sweetness and bitterness
This kind of man will let his wife suffer with him, but not let his wife enjoy the happiness with him. The typical representative is Chen Shimei of the Song Dynasty. Although he has been tortured by Bao Zheng for more than 1000 years, his spirit has been "passed down from generation to generation."

This kind of man, who endured hardships and stood hard work when he was a "blue-collar", and swore to his wife, was a "potential stock" that everyone was optimistic about.However, with the full support of his wife, he finally had the opportunity to be promoted to an official position, and he couldn't wait to get rid of his poor background history. The poor wife was often the first choice.

Warning: This is an era of "Chen Shimei" flooding, women should be extra careful!Don't spend your youth on him, you must maintain your independence of self-worth.

5. Superficial type

This kind of man yells regardless of the occasion; he goes shirtless on the street when it's hot; at the dinner table, it's his turn to tell jokes, all of which are dirty jokes.For women who advocate civilized family management, they must stay away from such vulgar men resolutely, mercilessly, and without room for negotiation.

6. Excessively vain

Vain men like to slap their faces to look fat, and the most valuable thing in the family must be the outfit he wears.Although the family is struggling financially and their children are waiting to be fed, they wear famous brands (sometimes fake), pretend to be rich, and don’t bargain when they buy things. They generously refuse when they get change. Oil your lips.I will suffer at the cost of saving face!Live with this kind of man, suffer from poverty, burden, and anger!
7. Machismo type
If we respect the facts, men and women should be divided into half the sky.However, there is a self-centered man who defies the law and wants to establish an "independent kingdom" at home.Moreover, he formulated the internal rules and criminal laws of the family, and was dictatorial.When encountering a slightly rebellious wife, the machismo usually uses force to resolve it, which is commonly referred to as domestic violence.Treating this kind of man, female compatriots can't afford to provoke, hide, and never marry!
8. Boneless

Men without bones are naturally weak. When they propose to a woman, they sing under the window: "You let me rely on, let me rely on, it's no big deal... go to your arms, I want to cry, just cry , no one will know." If some women are moved by the singing, calm down first, and don't be dazzled by motherhood, after all, sympathy and love are not the same thing.

9. Start-up and end-of-life

"Perpetrators" who "start in chaos and end up abandoning" generally have a suave appearance, a sweet mouth, and more importantly, they have the aura of "power" or "money" and have the capital to "commit crimes".

One day dinner, admiration of the noble and elegant beauty A, a bouquet of red roses a day, a set of Armani for three days, a piece of exquisite jewelry for ten days, fresh for less than a month, and fell in love with the artistic beauty B in the club ; The violin used by Paganini (probably a fake), Rembrandt's self-portrait (definitely a fake), "delivered" to Beauty B every three days.At this time, Beauty A became the daylily in the refrigerator—it was completely cool.

A man of the chaotic and abandoning type, seemingly tender and affectionate, but in fact he is unfeeling and unjust.Marry this kind of man, the insurance factor is 0.

10. Fadia type

The most obvious sign is a fat man. He looks handsome and gentle, but it's best to just look at him. He speaks effeminately and is neither male nor female. Women must not provoke them.

The reason is that sex reassignment surgery is popular now, especially among men.Maybe one day when I go out in the morning, I will be a man, and when I go home at night, I will become a beauty. Although it is not a bad thing to have an extra sister, what is going on?What is the relationship between two women under the same roof!

And now that homosexuality is spreading quietly, it is said that the possibility of sissy men becoming "broken sleeves" is very high.One day, it will be such a big blow to suddenly find that your man is madly in love with another man!Even if this is not the case, couples will inevitably be regarded as "comrade" by others when they walk on the street.

To sum up, female compatriots must be cautious when choosing a man as their partner, observe and test more, and must not be fooled by the appearance of some men, otherwise, only women will suffer.

two.The inner world of a family man

Do you have the feeling that after being married for several years, it seems that you have less and less common language with him.If you say east, he always goes west; if you ask him to buy vegetables, he brings back a bag of rice.Could it be that he had an affair? NO!In fact, you don’t understand family men. You must know that a man’s mentality will change after he gets married. If you want to live with him as sweet as honey, your consciousness should change with his changes.

Men always think that "the wife is good for others"

There are not no men who are loyal to love, but there are two boats in the river of love, and even after getting love, they still "look at the height of this mountain", and men who have feelings for another woman and have sex More.The explanation for this phenomenon, in the words of a man, is: "Wife is good for others."

Generally speaking, love and marriage are no longer so sacred in the minds of men who hold the view that "the wife is good for others", or in other words, love and marriage do not necessarily have to be faithful.

Qian Zhongshu used this metaphor for marriage in his novel "Fortress Besieged": Marriage is similar to a city besieged.The people surrounded by the city were in a difficult situation and felt oppressed, and they all wanted to break out of the city; the people on the outside of the city couldn't figure out what was going on inside the city. Let's find out.

Later, someone compared marriage to a "golden lacquered bird cage". The birds locked in the cage want to fly out, and the birds outside the cage want to fly in again.For men who are already married and express dissatisfaction, it seems logical that "wife is good for others".

Of course, we can start from a moral point of view to discuss the abnormal phenomenon of "wife is good for others".There is indeed a group of men in life who base their happiness on women's pain, and blindly satisfy their low-level desires regardless of hurting women's feelings, taking pleasure in playing with and possessing women, so that "the more the better".This kind of playing and possession is hard to have any real feelings at all. They seldom think about how badly the sexual behavior without a sense of responsibility will have a bad impact on women. Morality should be condemned by public opinion and punished by law.

Bacon wrote in his "On Love": "There may be a general tendency in people's hearts to love. If it is not concentrated on a single object, it must be applied to a wider public... Love makes people multiply. The love of friends helps people. But the kind of licentious and indulgent love can only make people degenerate and destroy!" Bacon also noticed the tendency of human beings to love, and believed that love is not always simple. , sublime, exclusive, and for some, even "sensual love" exists, and it is more prevalent among men.

The love of "eachother" gave birth to the freak of "wife is the good of others". What is the reason for this phenomenon of emotional change?

The diversity of love often shows men's yearning for ideal love, the disappointment caused by the conflict with reality, and the pursuit of trying to realize their ideal image through different people.

Living in a social environment, everyone's love is different.And men always want to look for perfect qualities in women, but these qualities are almost always an abstract synthesis, and they often can only be in a scattered state, that is, they exist separately in different people.A gentle person sometimes appears weak, a strong one is almost autocratic, and no one seems to be able to find a perfect person with only advantages but no disadvantages. Therefore, it is difficult for a man to fully realize the "personal program" in the process of choosing a love partner. .If you use the "model" fixed by your own imagination to test the other party, sooner or later you will always find something unsatisfactory, which will lead to disappointment.

Men often find that their women have only one aspect of the ideal general quality, and this discovery is often only after marriage.Therefore, in some cases, they will search and choose again, and double or multiple love will appear, and they will use it to fill the gap in love.A woman is gentle and considerate, takes care of all the housework, and supports her husband’s career wholeheartedly. She is an ideal “good wife” for a man. Longing for spiritual and intellectual integration.Therefore, this man may also fall in love with another woman who can fill his gap psychologically, although this woman may not be gentle and considerate.

This kind of split love is fundamentally illusory, because men's spiritual world is too vast and rich, so they also have a lot of emptiness in their hearts. For a man who pays attention to spiritual pursuit, two, three, or even No amount of women could fill the void in his heart.However, this kind of pursuit of a man exists objectively, but this kind of pursuit and attempt will not necessarily bring him happiness. On the contrary, in this case, people will feel greater misfortune and pain.

We can often see this kind of situation. After a love breakup, a man has made unremitting efforts to achieve the goal of divorce, and then he has re-selected the partner he thinks is suitable, but his second marriage still cannot achieve all the love. Ideal, even in comparison, he still feels that his first wife is more suitable for him.However, if he was asked to go back and continue his career, he still couldn't get rid of the mentality of "wife is good for others".

In short, the degree of realization of a man's love often determines whether his love is "one yuan" or "multiple". "Wife is good to others" has various reasons, but in a marriage based on love, after marriage, the source of love must be continuously explored and love should be renewed from time to time. This can avoid the desire of "wife is good to others" , It is extremely important to enhance the earthquake resistance of marriage and family.

The double-sided tape mentality of the family man

Because of their strong role in the family, men usually bear the main responsibility for family conflicts. In Chinese-style families, other conflicts such as mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are intertwined and intensified, so as the main responsibility for conflicts The husband of the reporter also has a rather pitiful side. They have to stick to one side and then the other like double-sided tape.

A little bit of this can be learned from the following story:
When Sun Jie and her husband Wang Peng fell in love, they talked about everything, and they loved each other. In the end, "lover will eventually get married", and the two entered the palace of marriage logically.However, there is a fence between love and marriage, separating two different worlds.During the love period, it was just the communication between the two of them, and each of them acted independently. Although Sun Jie occasionally saw Wang Peng's mother, they were very polite and there was no entanglement.After they got married, they became a family, and the mother-in-law became a veritable elder. With more contacts and contacts, problems arose.

Once, after dinner at her mother-in-law's house, Sun Jie overheard her mother-in-law muttering to someone in the corridor, saying that the daughter-in-law was narrow-minded and disrespectful to the elderly.Sun Jie was very angry when she heard this, and went back to the house without saying a word, and she ignored her husband talking to her.She thought to herself, no wonder her mother-in-law drooped her face on the wedding day and didn't even look at herself.It was the same when I was eating today. She took two extra bites of food, so she said to the granddaughter next to her: "Eat less, be careful that you will spoil your stomach..."

The more Sun Jie thought about it, the more angry she became. She originally planned to live in her mother-in-law's house, but she insisted on leaving, no matter how much her husband tried to persuade her, it was useless.In desperation, her husband returned to his home with her.Faced with his wife's obvious anger, Wang Peng patiently asked his wife why she suddenly wanted to go home.Sun Jie didn't answer a word, but plunged into her husband's arms and hit him hard with her fist, which made the second monk Wang Pengzhang confused.From then on, Sun Jie announced that she would never step into her in-law's house, nor would she allow her mother-in-law to step into her own house.

In the family relationship, apart from the relationship between husband and wife, the most difficult thing is probably the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.The husband is in the "middleman" position, in a dilemma, in a dilemma.One husband said with deep emotion: "During the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, I became a red and blue pencil - both ends were chipped. It's really Zhu Bajie looking in the mirror, and he is not a person inside and out."

A man loves his wife and should be a good husband; a man also respects his mother and should be a filial son.Therefore, in the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, men do not want their wives to engage in a protracted "cold war" with their mothers, let alone lose both sides.In this conflict, if a man can't even act as a middleman and sits on the mountain to watch the battle, he will not only be unable to "profit" from it, but will also invite ridicule from both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law; if he protects one side, he will lose the other; Big board, then you will lose both sides.

Some people say: "Then you can protect the right side, everyone is equal before the truth." This may sound reasonable at first glance, but the wife says that the wife is right, and the mother-in-law says that the mother-in-law is right, and the "poor" man has no ability Find out where the truth lies.Even if they know which side the truth lies in, they cannot protect that side, because doing so will intensify the conflict between the two conflicting parties.There is a famous saying that people are often discounted in front of their feelings.The same is true for men, they don't want to see the wronged face of their beloved wife, let alone the sad tears of their loving mother.

(End of this chapter)