my funny dad

Chapter 1 A whirlwind of "foot massage" blew up in the class (1)
1.Don't think that children don't know anything
"Take off your shoes, I promise you'll scream with comfort."

Dad stood aside, desperately urging me to take off my shoes.

I twisted my 10 toes in the shoes and said, "I'm not going to be fooled by you. After finally taking me to the park, who knows what tricks you want to play."

Dad sighed and said, "Oh, it's all my fault for letting you fall for too many tricks. Now, the side effects have appeared."

I thought to myself, why pretend to be depressed!This time, I will never be fooled.

Seeing me put on a defensive look, Dad stretched out a finger of his right hand, shook it, and said emphatically, "At least, you have to trust me this last time."

How many "last times", I can't remember.

What made me hate him the most for a hundred lifetimes was when he painted me a cat's beard, which definitely became a classic joke of my elementary school classmates for a lifetime.

Two years ago, when I was in the second grade, my mother kept nagging that I was not serious about washing my face, but my classmates all washed like this, and it was no big deal, and it was not because I was not serious about doing homework.Besides, the morning time is so precious, it can't all be spent on washing your face.

No way, my mother, who has a cleanliness and nagging habit, always comes to tell me what to do, insisting that I am worse than a cat when I wash my face.

By the way, the popular (at least popular in our class) washing method at that time was: after getting up, stumbled to the sink in a daze, unscrewed the faucet, stretched out the index finger and middle finger of the right hand, and put it under the faucet. Take some water, and then wipe around the eyes three times in the forward direction and three times in the reverse direction, then change the water again, and repeat the action again and it will be OK.

Seeing that her nagging didn't work, my mother ordered my dad to come forward, hoping that this problem could be completely resolved.

Unexpectedly, my father, who has always been too lazy to care about me, agreed. I guess he really can't stand my mother's nagging.

So, there was the later farce—a farce that made me, my elementary school teachers and classmates unforgettable for life.

The night before, while my mother was on a business trip and while I was asleep, my dad drew three upturned underworld lines on both sides of my mouth, just like a cat's whiskers.

As a result, I only washed my eye circles but not my mouth circles, so I went to school like this.When the classmates at school were laughing like hell, I realized why my rate of turning heads was so high on the way to school.

I'm sure that if you were you, you would be like me, not laughing to death, but crying to death.

Since then, I, who didn't have any eccentricities, have since then developed a "mirror addiction". Invisibly, three long beards "grow" on both sides of the mouth.

"Lin Guagua, hurry up, let you learn to enjoy life, why are you dawdling?"

Dad interrupted my painful memory and urged me.

"Hmph! Let me enjoy such a life, there is no way!"

Seeing him greedily staring at my feet, I quickly hugged a tree and prepared to "fight to the death" with him.

"You try it!"

Dad is going to squat down that bulky, handsome, tall and burly body to untie my shoelaces.

So, I kicked his hand and ran away quickly.

Unexpectedly, my father was determined to catch me.

So, I ran ahead in surprise, but he chased after me like a stupid cow.

In the end, this "stupid cow" used a trick that was not stupid, and still caught me.

Dad said proudly: "You have to know, I have been professionally trained to play the game of catching people since I was a child."

I pushed him vigorously and said, "This is not the same thing as a game of catch. Besides, the ground is so dirty, only feral children will receive such professional training! I am not a feral child, no matter how comfortable I am, I will not take off my shoes Step on that smelly mud!"

Unexpectedly, my words made my father flush with excitement.

He said angrily: "I have been barefooted since I was a child, going to the river, going to the ground, and going to school... In short, I spent my childhood walking barefoot. Am I a wild child?"

I also said excitedly: "At that time, your family was poor and you had no shoes to wear, so you were barefoot. Now, why don't you catch the morning bus with bare feet, go to work with bare feet, go shopping in parks and shopping malls with bare feet, and spend time in bare feet? Your middle age? Isn’t it because you have shoes to wear.”

"you you……"

Dad was so choked by my words that he couldn't open his mouth.

Haha, I defeated my dad in one sentence, and I was so happy that I jumped up and down.

Don't think that children are stupid and don't understand anything.

After a long time, my father rubbed his rake-like hands and said, "Lin Guagua, I just want...to let you experience...the fun I enjoyed when I was a child."

Looking at my poor dad, my heart softened, and I muttered, "If you really want me to accompany you to relive the joy of your childhood, I will go all out. But..."

"But what?" Dad asked me eagerly.

"However, you have to take it off, and you take it off first."

After hearing what I said, my father showed embarrassment. He looked around, saw that there were not many tourists, and then looked at the pair of white sneakers on his feet. After hesitating for a long time, he gritted his teeth and stomped his feet, saying: " Okay, I'll take it off first! This is indeed a fair request, and this is the only way to be persuasive and appealing."

2.Get the hell out of the door

To be honest, if it was the beach, I would have thrown the shoes aside, and I think my dad would have the same idea.

But on the muddy ground in the park, that's another matter.

Seeing that my father's big savage feet had stepped on the mud, I supported my father, slowly took off the shoe and sock on my left foot, and tentatively put my toes on the ground.

Ah, it's cool, I was frowning, but an inexplicable joy flashed in my heart.

So, I put the whole foot on the mud.

After stepping on the ground with my left foot, I took off the shoe on my right foot and stepped on the ground with both feet.

"How is it? How good nature is, it is giving you a 'foot massage'!"

Dad waited expectantly for my affirmative answer.

I tried to walk around barefoot, and my dad's eyeballs rolled around following my feet and my expression.

After a long time, I took a deep breath, half-closed my eyes and said, "This feeling goes from the soles of my feet, along my calves, thighs, to my heart, to my lungs, to my liver, and then to my brain..."

Dad asked eagerly, "What...what...feels?"

I suddenly opened my eyes wide, gritted my teeth and said, "You want me to take off my shoes... take off my shoes..."

I swallowed a mouthful of saliva, looked at my dad who was staring at me, his Adam's apple rolled, and then I said, "Mmm... a comfortable feeling."

After listening to my mysteries with great patience, my father let out a long breath and said, "I'm right."

Then, he began to talk to me about the 49 benefits of this "foot massage".

Regardless of its benefits, for me, the biggest benefit is that it is fun, cool and comfortable!

Holding shoes in both hands and stepping on the mud with bare feet, I realized that Yuyuantan Park in early summer and after the rain is not only the largest park in Beijing, but also the most beautiful park!Especially the back mountain has not been fully developed yet, and it has just rained, so there are few tourists.

Dad waved his arms, and after drawing a big circle towards the large grassland, he said to me: "There is soft mud all around, you go for a walk, try it, and see how it feels."

So, I really walked over, grinning and stepping my feet into the mud.

Seeing the delicate, slippery mud squeezed out evenly from between my toes, my eyes widened in surprise.

Dad looked at my expression and quickly explained: "This mud is not dirty, it is natural, and it is mud without any fertilizer!"

With bare feet, I walked around the green land on the hillside, along the concrete slab road, and then walked along the muddy land at the edge of the green land. I still feel that the muddy land is fun.

Whenever I walked to a place with muddy water, I would stamp my feet vigorously, which would always startle my dad.

He said angrily: "Look, my pants are all covered with mud, your mother should be nagging again."

Before he finished speaking, I puffed up my cheeks again, lifted my foot quietly, and then stomped again, haha, more mud spots were stained on my dad's pants, and one mud spot still ran away to his forehead.

Seeing Dad's funny face with a frowning face, it's my turn to laugh so hard this time.It turned out that he was also very afraid of my mother.

I have more mud spots on my body than his, though.

On the way back, my dad yelled at me: "Rub your feet on the grass quickly and put on your shoes, otherwise, the glass shards will tie your feet."

But I walked with my head down and said, "I'm not a fool, I just stepped on it! I won't be careful?"

Dad had no choice but to admit defeat: "Well, you have a reason not to take off your shoes, and you have a reason not to put them on!"

For Dad, this is not a loss. The funniest loss is the scene after going home and entering the door.Let me show you a show: Open the door, my dad and I stepped in the door covered in mud, and my mother's surprised big eyes and that big mouth came oncoming.

In this way, the two sides confronted each other for more than 20 seconds before my mother scanned us from top to bottom, and then put a bunch of smiles on her face and asked, "Is it fun?"

"Fun!"

My dad and I quickly raised our slightly ashamed faces and answered in unison.

Haha, seeing us having a good time, my mother is finally happy.

But I never expected that in an instant, my mother's face seemed to be playing magic, and the smiling face turned into an angry face again.

I saw her waving her arms, and angrily said "Super Girl": "Get out of the door, clean up and then come in!"

While my mother was not paying attention, my father gave me a wink, so my father and I rushed into our respective rooms quickly, and we didn't come out even though my mother smashed the two doors.

Unexpectedly, the father who is 1.8 meters tall can sneak away from the mother who is 1.6 meters in agility!

Alas, I wish I had brought my mother with me, let her also taste the feeling of walking barefoot, and let the mud give her a "foot massage", she will definitely not be so angry.

I thought regretfully.

3.Want to practice with us?

"The rain doesn't stop, it's annoying!"

Guoqing was so angry that she jumped from the podium to the bottom of the podium, and from under the podium to the top of the podium again, completely like a monkey losing control of her nerves.

"Using this time for extracurricular activities, you can just do a few more math problems!"

Huo Jie squinted at Guo Qing while stuffing the torn books with rolled up sides into his schoolbag.

Guoqing and I live in the same compound, he looks like the potato rolling around in the free market.But, don't underestimate him, he is the top math student in our class, the math prince who makes the girls scream!

The Prince of Mathematics is not afraid of others saying that he is not handsome, but he is most afraid of others saying that he is good at mathematics because he does a lot of questions, because he has always wanted to overthrow the saying "genius comes from hard work" with practical actions that he is not easy to learn saying.

Upon hearing Huo Jie's challenging words, as expected, Guoqing stopped jumping up and down, went straight to Huo Jie, raised her head, and said to Huo Jie, who was half a head taller than him, "I tell you, I He is a math genius, and he will never be like you, who only learns stupidly..."

Wow, look at Huo Jie, the head player of the school's football team, flushed with anger.

Everyone knows that he is very bad at mathematics, so compared with Guo Qing's "most fear", he is most afraid of others saying that he has "well-developed limbs and a simple mind".

Seeing a free "martial arts" movie start, I was so anxious that I pulled out several hairs, but I couldn't think of a good way.

I really wanted to run into the corridor, turn on the spare fire extinguisher, and extinguish the anger of both of them.

I turned my eyes out of the window and scratched my head when I realized that the rain outside had stopped.

So, in desperation, I pushed aside the crowd of onlookers, rushed to the middle of them, and shouted with all my strength, "Who wants to have a 'foot massage'?"

As soon as I finished speaking, the whole classroom immediately fell into terror.

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Then, there was the frightening frenzy of laughter, enough to knock the roof off.

Angrily, I put one hand on my hips, pointed at them with the other (this image is my mother's true biography), and said: "What are you laughing at! Don't you know what 'foot massage' is?"

Guoqing, who had calmed down a long time ago, yelled: "Lin Guagua, when did you open a foot massage parlor? Do you want to use us for practice?"

Before I could answer, this nasty black skinny guy announced loudly to the students in the class: "Line up, line up!

I am in the first place, no one is allowed to gasseer! "

Wenxin, the most beautiful woman in our class, my best friend, pushed Guoqing away, and said: "Go, you stinky foot, be careful that Lin Guagua kicks you away, she has learned Taekwondo for a long time , worrying about having no opponent!"

This group of papayas is so well thought out that it really made me laugh out loud.

But, to avoid a fight, and to share my momentous discovery, I fought desperately not to laugh.

"What I call 'foot massage' is walking around the playground with bare feet."

Wen Xin stared those beautiful eyes out of shape, and said, "Lin Gua Gua, are you crazy?"

Guo Qing said: "Hey, I thought you were the one who would massage our feet yourself. After practicing, you can earn some pocket money with this skill."

Only the restless Huo Jie raised his hands high in approval: "Okay! I like bare feet the most. Who wants to go?"

I thought everyone would rush away, but in the end, everyone retreated like a tide.

It doesn't matter, just like me, didn't my father force me to take off my shoes back then?It's just that there are so many people, I can't be too busy, and I can't hold them back.

I just cleared my throat and tried desperately to convince them of the benefits of nature's "foot massage" that my dad told me about.

I said to Wen Xin: "Didn't you only eat a little bit every meal? Let me tell you, walking with bare feet can increase your appetite..."

After listening to my words, Wen Xin waved her hands again and again: "Then... let's forget it then, I don't want to have a good appetite and become a big fat man."

I was anxious, and shouted at her: "I don't have an appetite for anything, do you think you are worthy of those delicious dishes?"

Really not enough friends, when she needs support, she is always like a broken table that fell apart in an instant.

No way, I jumped onto the corner of the table, sat down, kicked off my sneakers, pointed to my feet and said, "Let me tell you, it is said in the Chinese medicine book (actually my father said it, but my father said it from I read it in Chinese medicine books), we have 66 acupuncture points below the ankle..."

"Wow, 66!"

There were screams, although their nasal voices were very heavy.

It is understandable that no one would feel as fragrant as freshly braised pig's trotters after covering their feet for a day.However, covering his nose will not delay the exclamation at all.

4.how do you look like a charlatan
I swallowed a mouthful of saliva, and then poured out the only little knowledge I had: "Walking barefoot means massaging the acupoints on your toes and soles of your feet with the ground. This kind of massage can promote body metabolism.

Ah, by the way, sweet—”

I stretched my neck and shouted at Wen Xin who hid aside: "It can cure indigestion and prevent diarrhea!"

Guoqing, the dark and thin prince of mathematics, said, "Lin Guagua, why do you look like a charlatan?"

I turned my face, looked at him, and suddenly remembered what I wanted to say to him.

I said, "Oh, by the way, I almost forgot if you didn't mention it. Walking barefoot can also cure enuresis and constipation in children... I don't know if you still have these problems..."

Before I finished speaking, the people around me, except Guo Qing, all laughed so hard that they fell to the ground.

(End of this chapter)