Xiao Shijiro

Chapter 44: This feeling can be treated as a memory (1)
The wind is very cold, so cold that the heart is completely chilled.

The withered and yellow leaves on the tree are falling in pieces with the wind.

Just like that, Xiao Shishilang stood under the tree without making a sound, expression or movement.

After an unknown amount of time, Feng Siniang finally let out a long sigh, and said with a wry smile: "I hurt you...why am I always doing wrong things and saying wrong things?"

Xiao Shishilang didn't seem to hear what she was saying at all, but after a long time, he suddenly said: "This is none of your business at all."

Feng Siniang said: "But..."

Xiao Shishilang interrupted her and said: "People who should go will always have to go sooner or later, so maybe it's better."

Feng Siniang pondered, and said: "You mean, short-term pain is worse than long-term pain?"

Xiao Shishilang said, "Yes."

Feng Siniang said: "Of course, this is also a sentence. The person who said this must be very smart, but human emotions are not so simple."

She smiled sadly, and continued slowly: "Some problems cannot be solved so easily."

Xiao Shishilang closed his eyes, bowed his head and said, "So what if we don't solve it?"

Feng Siniang was silent for a long time, and said sadly: "Maybe you are right, if you don't solve it, you have to solve it, because this is something that no one can do anything about."

Xiao Shishilang also remained silent for a long time, then suddenly raised his head and said, "Since it's been resolved, why should we bring it up again?"

He took Feng Siniang's hand, said with a smile: "Come on, today I will make an exception and ask you to invite me for a drink, let's go drink."

He laughed, and Feng Siniang also laughed.

But in the smiles of both of them, there is an indescribable pain and indescribable loneliness... "This feeling can be regarded as a memory, but it was already at a loss at that time."

Shen Bijun has read these two lines of poems a long time ago, but he has never been able to understand them.Only now did she understand that the loneliness and sorrow contained in it were too thick to melt away.

No matter who encounters such a thing, there is nothing but heartbreak.

Shen Bijun's tears have flowed down, and his heart is calling: "Xiao Shishilang, Xiao Shishilang, I didn't mean to do this, and I don't want to do this to you, but you are still young, and you still have a future. I can't drag you down any longer."

"Of course you will be very sad now, even very angry, but as time goes by, you will gradually forget about me."

Forget, forget, forget... is it so easy to forget?so easy?

Shen Bijun's heart was throbbing, she knew that she would never forget him.

In the bottom of her heart, why doesn't she hope that he will never forget her—if she knows that he has really forgotten her, she would rather die, would rather chop herself into pieces, chop into mud, and burn to ashes .

There are forests beside the road.

Shen Bijun suddenly ran into the dry forest, threw himself under the tree, and burst into tears.

All she wanted was to cry and pass out, cry to death.

Because she can no longer bear the pain of this heartbreak.

She thought it was right to do so, and thought she could bear it, but she didn't expect the pain to be so intense and deep.

After an unknown amount of time, she suddenly felt a gentle but firm hand caressing her hair.

"Xiao Shishilang? Could it be that Xiao Shishilang is back?"

If Xiao Shishilang really came, she decided to throw herself into his arms and never separate, even if she wanted her to abandon everything and escape to the ends of the earth, she would be willing.

She turned around.

Her heart sank.

The light in the woods was very dim, and the dim moonlight shone through the forest gap, illuminating a person's face, a handsome, delicate and gentle face.

The person who came was Lian Chengbi.

He is also much haggard, only those eyes are still as gentle and kind as before.

He silently stared at Shen Bijun, with so much affection expressed in silence.

Shen Bijun's throat was blocked, and so was his heart.

After a long time, Lian Chengbi finally said: "Everyone at home is waiting, let's go back!"

His voice was still so calm, as if he had forgotten everything, and it was as if these things never happened at all.

But how could Shen Bijun forget?Everything, every period of joy and pain, has been engraved into her bone marrow, engraved on her heart.

All this she will never forget until she dies.

"Spring silkworms are dead until their silk is exhausted, and the wax torches turn to ashes and tears begin to dry."

Shen Bijun's eyes suddenly became far away, and his heart also returned to the distance.

She remembered that a long time ago, on the same autumn evening, they wandered into a dry forest, looking at the setting sun leaking from the dead branches, and lamenting the shortness of life. It's time to go back.

At that time, Lian Chengbi said to her: "Everyone in the family is waiting, let's go back!"

The same sentence, almost even the tone of speech is exactly the same.

That day, she followed him back immediately.

But now, everything has changed, and her person has also changed. The time that has passed can never be restored by anyone.

Shen Bijun sighed for a long time, and said quietly: "Go back? Where are you going back?"

Lian Chengbi's smile was still so gentle, and she said softly, "Going home, of course I'm going home."

Shen Bijun said sadly: "Home? I still have a home?"

Lian Chengbi said: "You have always had a family."

Shen Bijun said: "But it's different now."

Lian Chengbi said: "There is no difference, because the matter is already in the past, as long as you go back, nothing will change."

Shen Bijun was silent for a long time, with a bleak smile on the corner of his mouth, he said slowly: "I understand now."

Lian Chengbi said: "What do you understand?"

Shen Bijun said lightly: "You don't want me, you just want me to go back."

Lian Chengbi said: "How can you say..."

Shen Bijun interrupted him, saying: "Because the reputation of the Lian family is supreme, it must not be tarnished by anything, and the daughter-in-law of the Lian family must not do anything to ruin the family style."

Lian Chengbi stopped talking.

Shen Bijun said slowly: "So, I must go back, as long as I go back, I can forgive anything, but..."

Her voice suddenly became agitated, and she continued: "Have you thought about it for me? I am also a human being, and I am not a decoration for your family."

Lian Chengbi's expression was also very gloomy, and he sighed: "Do you...do you think I did something wrong?"

Shen Bijun's head drooped, tears were already streaming down, and he said sadly: "You didn't do anything wrong, it was me who did it, I'm sorry for you."

Lian Chengbi said softly: "Everyone will do wrong things, I have completely forgotten those things."

Shen Bijun shook his head slowly, and said, "You can forget, but I can't."

Lian Chengbi said: "Why?"

Shen Bijun remained silent for a long time again, as if he had suddenly made a big decision, and said word by word: "Because my heart has changed!"

Lian Chengbi also seemed to have been whipped suddenly, and he couldn't even stand still.

Shen Bijun bit his lip, and continued slowly: "I know telling the truth can sometimes hurt people, but no matter what, it's better than lying."

Lian Chengbi held his hand tightly and said, "You...you...do you really love him?"

Shen Bijun's lips were already bleeding from the bite, and he nodded slowly.

Lian Chengbi suddenly held her shoulder with his hand, and said sharply: "Tell me, what am I not as good as him?"

His voice was also hoarse, and even his body was trembling with excitement.

He has always thought that he can keep calm no matter what he encounters, because he knows that only "calm" is the way to solve things.

Only now did he realize that he was wrong.

After all, he is also a human being, a living person, and his blood is hot after all.

Shen Bijun's shoulders seemed to have been crushed, but he reluctantly endured it, not letting any more tears flow.

She gritted her teeth and said: "He may not be as good as you, not as good as you in everything, but he can sacrifice everything for me, even die for me, you...can you?"

Lian Chengbi froze, slowly let go of his hands, and slowly stepped back.

Shen Bijun's gaze was also avoiding him, and he said: "You also said before that if a woman's heart changes, it cannot be undone no matter what. If someone wants to undo it, the pain must be even greater."

Lian Chengbi's bright eyes also became empty, staring blankly at her, and murmured: "Okay, you're fine..."

He said this sentence over and over again, and he suddenly rushed over and slapped her hard on the face.

Shen Bijun didn't move, as if he was completely numb, as if he had turned into a stone man, he just stared at him coldly, and said coldly: "You can hit me, even kill me, I won't Blame you, but you will never be able to make me change my mind..."

Lian Chengbi turned around suddenly and ran out.

Only then did Shen Bijun's eyes begin to look at him.

Watching him go away and disappear, her tears flowed down again.

"I'm sorry for you, I'm sorry for you, but I have no choice but to do this. I'm definitely not such a cruel woman as you imagined."

"I did this because I didn't want to hurt you."

"I can only repay you with death, to repay you..."

She just wished that her heart could be torn apart, and people would be torn apart, torn in half.

She can't.

Apart from death, she has no other solution, no choice!
Night has come.

Shen Bijun's tears seemed to have run out.

She stood up suddenly, straightened her clothes, and walked forward.

There is only one way for her.This road is directly to the "Doll Villa"!

She seems to have seen that vicious smiling face, and she is smiling and saying to her: "I knew you would come back, because you have no other way to go!"

Wine, not fast.

Xiao Shishilang's heart seemed to be blocked by something, and he couldn't even flow the wine.

Why is Feng Siniang not worried?Her thoughts may be more difficult to express than his.

Moreover, this is a small stall, and the wine sold is sour, bitter, and spicy.

Feng Siniang couldn't drink it at all.

She is not stingy, but how can the bride carry money?In this small town, there was no place where she could pawn her jewels.

Xiao Shishilang will always be on the verge of "empty money".

Feng Siniang laughed suddenly, and said: "The two of us seem to have only to drink at the stall forever."

Xiao Shishilang said blankly: "The stall is also very good."

Although his people are here, his heart still stays far away.

When he and Shen Bijun were together, although they would always live in disasters or misfortunes, they also had happy and sweet moments.

It's just that now all the joy and sweetness have turned into pain, and thinking of these things, he only suffers deeper.

Feng Siniang quickly poured down a glass of wine, and said with a bitter face: "Some people say that no matter how bad the wine is, as long as you drink it quickly, you won't feel it after drinking it, but this wine seems to be an exception. .”

Xiao Shishilang said lightly: "In my opinion, only wine that can make people intoxicated is good wine."

He just wanted to get drunk quickly, but his mind was sober.

Because "pain" can keep people awake, even if you are drunk, the pain in your heart still cannot be relieved.

Feng Siniang stared at him, she had used many methods to divert his mind, think about other things, and stop thinking about Shen Bijun.

Now she knew it was impossible.

No matter what she said, there was only one person in his mind.

Feng Siniang finally sighed, and said: "I think, she must have her reasons for treating you like this, and there must be other reasons. I don't think she looks like such a cruel woman."

Xiao Shishilang said slowly: "There are no truly cruel women in the world, only women who change their hearts."

The voice was so far away, as if it didn't come from his mouth at all.

Feng Siniang said: "I don't think she is that kind of woman, but..."

Xiao Shishilang suddenly interrupted her, and said, "Do you know who has the highest martial arts among the people who are still alive?"

Feng Siniang naturally didn't know why he suddenly asked this question, she pondered for a while before replying: "As far as I know, it's Xiaoyaohou."

Xiao Shishilang said: "I know you recognize him."

Feng Siniang said: "Yes."

Xiao Shishilang said: "What kind of person is he?"

Feng Siniang said: "I haven't seen him before."

Xiao Shishilang was also stunned, and said: "Not only do you recognize him, as far as I know, he even gave you two very good swords."

Feng Siniang said: "But I haven't seen anyone from him."

Xiao Shishilang smiled wryly, "You've confused me again."

Feng Siniang also smiled, and said: "Every time I go to see him, I talk to him through the curtain. Once, I couldn't help rushing into the curtain to see his true face."

Xiao Shishilang said, "Didn't you see it?"

(End of this chapter)